Does this Look like Face of the Lakers GM Watching His Team Crumble in OKC?

H/T for the Gif

Yep, actually that's exactly what the face of the Lakers GM looks like while watching his team crumble in OKC. Nailed it... I mean that tight zoom was like something out of a horror movie. Just a lone suicidal man standing out like a sore thumb in an otherwise ecstatic crowd.

PS: Did this loser buy a single? What is he doing down there and why is no one with him? Don't opposing GM's get box seats somewhere up behind glass? This looks like poor old Mitch was scrambling outside trying to find a solo tick from Oklahoma scalpers. 

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Break Up the Sox!

Bat Flips and Hand Gestures to God, That's What Cody Ross Does

Honestly, I've been hesitant to write this in the past week. It seems like every time I strike and opinion one way or the other and hit publish the team decides to swing wildly back the other way. I write they suck, they start winning, I write they're cruising right along, they start going down in flames, I write how their pitching staff sucks, their starting pitchers rip off 5 straight wins and 6 of their last 7. It's like I'm the key to this whole crazy thing (don't believe me? click the tag below for Red Sox Fans Pulse check and check the published date against the sox schedule and results on espn, its been uncanny). 

And part of me just wanted to keep my mouth shut this time, but I couldn't. I'm your leader. You guys depend on me. It's not like there's an over abundance of Red Sox related analysis and opinions out there on the internet, its basically me and a bunch of other hacks, so here we go...

The pitching is back, baby! Over a 5 game span Buch (a minor miracle), Doubront, Bard, Lester, and Beckett  all picked up W's.  And none of them have been cheap either, Lester and Beckett combining for 16 innings of one run ball at one point. All the while the bullpen has been its usual dependable self (honestly, two weeks into the season, who would have imagined that sentence making any sense at all?) 

It's squelched the ridiculous Aaron Freaking Cook talks, and it's kept the Daisuke buzz at a manageable level (for the few out there asking about him...you remember how much he sucked, right? the 120 pitch 5 inning starts? The silly 6 walks, 3 hits lines he threw out there? Lets not let revisionist history prevail here). 

Things are kind of rolling right along right now, its pretty nice actually. I'm just deathly afraid of rocking the boat and causing yet another turn around with one of my blogs, so a few things I'm concerned about:

The pitching staff, still.  Yes they've been great as of late, but it's going to take a few more turns through the rotation before I buy into it. Seeing Lester step up like an Ace was fantastic. Watching Beckett bounce back and throw the defiant game that I was looking for (albeit a start to late to salvage his reputation) was excellent...but it's got to continue. It starts with those two guys, if you're getting consistent efforts from them, everyone else falls into line. You can eat a bad start here or there from the young guys at the back of the rotation, and if Buch continues to falter, you can take him out back and shoot him. It'll be ok. 

The lineup worries me long term. Yes they're second or third in the league in runs...they've been fantastic so far. No knocks there. My only concern is how long the smoke and mirrors show can go on. Look at that lineup...Outside the catcher, which was going to be a platoon anyway, out of the remaining 8, there are three guys that you would have penciled in as starters at the end of last year. Pedroia, Gonzalez, and Papi. That's it. Yes, Aviles is a regular, but he won his job in the middle of spring training, if you want to count him, go ahead, but its on a technicality. 

That means you have 4-5 guys playing significant time due to injuries, who otherwise wouldn't have seen much time, or in some cases, wouldn't have even been in the majors. That's concerning long term. How long can these guys keep producing above expectations? How long can they do a reasonable job replacing Youk, Crawford, and Ellsbury? Right now, things look great...but I'm still knocking on wood and crossing my fingers and toes that they can keep this up. 

It's still very much a team of question marks until some of injured guys get back into the swing of the lineup. When you look at it that way, two games under .500 isn't so bad. Or at least that's what I tell myself, they're just treading water till these guys come back, so far, they haven't drowned.

Lebron Misses Not One, But Two Free Throws in the Clutch, My Reaction:

And CW's Reaction:

Anyone tells you Lebron choking can't make you happy? Look at Fucking smile on my face, ear to ear baby!

Good to see Bron-Bron up to his usual tricks.

Celtics Lose Game 2, Blame the Play Calling

Video of the Dunk...The Most Degrading Highlight of All Time

That's right, blame the play calling.  Doc's handling of the team has beennnn...suspect, to say the least as of late, and last night was really no different. 

Now, let me say this by prefacing that I understand the C's aren't the deepest team in the league, we're playing Ryan Hollins and Greg Stiemsma regular minutes, so it's understood that our bench is in shambles...that said, Doc has used it HORRIBLY these past three games. 

Make no mistake, the Celts had been lucky, very lucky, to win the previous two games. Doc is experimenting with lineups for 4, 5, 6 minutes at a time, that I only saw play together in garbage time. Take for instance Keyon Dooling...This team has an all-world point guard in Rondo, and a very suitable backup in Avery Bradley, yet inexplicably Keyon "Wouldn't Know an Assist if it Hit him in the Face" Dooling is running the for 5 or so minutes a night, mostly in the 4th quarter. It's inexcusable...and that'd be bad enough if that was the only egregious substituion, but it's not.   You know who Keyon's running mates are? Ryan Hollins, Mickael Pietrus, Marquis Daniels, and one of Pierce or Ray Allen...or as I like to call it, 4 guys that are lucky not to be in the D-League, plus an all-star. 

Now, that's a problem that Doc directly affects and should take all the blame for, but wasn't the real problem last night...the real problem last night was game plan and execution. Bottom line is there are players that are performing right now, and there are players that aren't, and that needs to be recognized by the team, and it needs to be the head coach to lays it all out for them. 

Paul Pierce has negative lift on his shots right now. They're not flat, they're hardly reaching the front rim. I love that he's out there trying, and frankly he's still better than Sasha Pavlovic and Mickael Pietrus, but still, he can't be the focal point in the early, middle, or late stages of the game.  Brandon Bass is a black hole in the truest sense of the word. The ball goes to him, and it immediately goes back to the other team. He doesn't pass, he doesn't hit shots, and his defense has been non-existant. Frankly, it might be time to bench him. He's shooting a horrendous 40% for the playoffs, which would be bad enough on it's own, till you consider that last night, he took 15 shots. KG, who's been the teams best scorer, took 12...and only had 4 coming into the 4th quarter. That's a crime against good basketball.

If I'm Doc right now, I'm pulling Rondo into a Rondo only meeting today and showing him highlights of Pierce and Bass tossing up brick after brick with subliminal messages flashing "Give KG the Rock." It needs to be drilled into the team right now that KG needs 5-6 shots per quarter for this team to win. Ray has more or less been Ray, Rondo has been his usual brilliant self, but with the lack of any production from Pierce and Bass, the only reason they've won at all in the last week has been KG's ridiculous playoff performance thus far, that needs to continue. We saw it again in the 4th quarter, he can dominate the game when he's the focal point, and that's exactly what this team needs going forward. 

That's on you Doc. Make the team see it, make Rondo see it, make someone take Brandon Bass hostage before Wednesdays game, and most of all, make Pierce accept it.

Mark Cuban Paid $1000 To Draw Cats Online

Not a misprint guys, Mark Cuban, a billionaire a few times owner, is now being paid $1,000 per cat sketch...I don't even know what else to say, talk about a kick in the nuts.

TMZ - Mark Cuban just raked in a $1,000 check for drawing a picture of two stick-figure cats kissing each other ... seriously. It's not as random as it seems -- Mark is an "investor" on the reality show "Shark Tank" ... and recently sunk $25k into a company called, "I Want to Draw a Cat for You" -- a website that sells personalized cartoon cats for $9.95 a piece. After he bankrolled the company, IWTDACFY jokingly posted an offer on the website that Cuban would personally sketch some cat art for $1,000 ... not thinking anyone would actually bite. But they were wrong ... 'cause a short time later, a 24-year-old dude named David Switzer put up the cash ... and requested a kitty pic featuring himself and his girlfriend. Mark tells TMZ ... although he has no prior cat-drawing experience, he's taking the job seriously ... and even reached out to the regular cat artist to get an idea of what he the pic should look like.

I mean, DAMNIT. I'm not even so mad that someone as rich as him is being paid $1000 per doodle on the side, as much as I am that I didn't think of this before. 

People really love cats. There are dog people, who love their dogs, and are perfectly rational and sane people, and then, there are cat people. People who love their cats, and are bat shit crazy about cat culture. LolCats, cats playing the piano, cats attacking acting a fool on youtube, and now, childish sketches of cats on the internet. 

I have no idea how I missed this...Like, I've long realized that half the internet was porn but I kinda just assumed the other half was made up of some mix of news, sports, goofy videos, twitter, and facebook. WRONG. The other half of the internet is cats and crazy cat people...it's basically the lifeblood of the modern world wide web as we know it. You think Youtube gets that multi billion dollar valuation when they sold without cat videos? Hell no. I mean, yea, watching russian kids maim themselves in incredibly stupid stunts is fun and all, but it gets old. Cat people never grow old of posting and watching cat videos. 

That's why I'm so pissed. I completely missed the cat demographic. It's not like I ever expected much out of this blog, but a few bucks here and there for my time wouldn't have been turned down or anything. Turns out if it'd just dawned on me how crazy people are for cats I could have been appearing on prime-time TV shows, selling my MS Paint cat sketches for $10 a piece and hanging out with Mark Cuban, eating caviar on planes and shit. 

My whole internet experience to date has just been a miserable failure after reading this shit.

KG Destroys the Hawks, Kicks The Owners Dick In During Presser

In the words of Marc Jackson: "Mama, There Goes That Man."

Honestly, I never knew quite what the hell Marc was talking about when he said that, until last night, because after KG's ridiculous (nay, RIDICULOUS) performance, and then just absolutely eviscerating the Hawks owner,  well there's really not much else that can describe it.

Remember that old knock on KG, back when he came over from Minny? That he couldn't be the man when the team needed a win, he was too deferential, and a slew of other cliches? While I'm pretty sure those were dismissed a few years go, just in case there was any lingering doubt, KG just went out there and put up on a vintage performance. Actually, vintage doesn't really do it justice, it implies that he's had games of that magnitude before, and I don't think that's the case. 28 Points, 14 Rebs, 5 Blocks!, 3 Steals...just an all around masterpiece, all in a close out game.  

 I'm not saying through out his career he hasn't had games like that, hell he had seasons where he averaged close to those numbers, but to throw that out there in a close out game, where you're getting nothing from Ray Allen, where Paul Pierce is valiantly battling but clearly doesn't have it, where the team absolutely crumbled whenever you left the floor...That's special. Even with a championship in the bag and the fact that this was just a first round game, that's still special. 

And another thing, we're all wondering about what will happen with Ray and KG next year, and who really knows what will end up happening. But I'll tell you this, KG's old man game won't quit. He's got skills on top of skills, as they say. That shake and bake turn around? I'm pretty sure he'll be able to get that shot off until the day he dies. That 18 footer? Butter. Those occasional glimpses of his young kid hops, when he skies for a lob or comes out of no where for a block? Still there despite several knee issues. And that sheer tenacity on defense...not his usual spectacular defense, but those minutes at a time where he really digs in and decides he's going to defend whoever has the ball, regardless of position...Body'ing centers, bullying undersized forwards, limbs dangling and draping all over point guards, those are some of my favorite moments to watch. I don't think its a ridiculous argument to say KG is the defender of his generation, and even if his game slips a little in the next couple years, he'll still be at an elite level compared to most NBA big men. 

What I'm saying is, I'd probably pay him. A couple years, convince him to go a little short on the money and retire a Celtic, they'll need to retool, but if he takes a discount they'll have the cash to do it and the roster to take a couple more runs. 

But for now, lets enjoy this one...Bring on the Sixers.

Cris Carter Casually Talking Bounties is About the Last thing the NFL Needs

ESPN - Former Minnesota Vikings All-Pro receiver Cris Carter says he put "bounties" on opposing players as a form of protection during his 16-year NFL career. Carter, currently an ESPN NFL analyst, said Tuesday night on "Hill and Schlereth" on ESPN Radio that he would offer money to teammates to take out players he thought were trying to take him out. "I'm guilty of (bounties) -- I mean, first time I've ever admitted it -- but I put a bounty on guys before," Carter told show hosts Mike Hill and Mark Schlereth. "I put bounties on guys. If a guy tries to take me out, a guy takes a cheap shot on me? I put a bounty on him right now!" When asked whether the bounties carried financial incentive, Carter said: "Absolutely." Carter clarified his comments Wednesday morning in an appearance on ESPN's "SportsCenter," emphasizing that there was no intent to injure an opponent -- as the NFL alleges was the case in the Saints' "pay for pain" system. Carter acknowledged that using the term "bounty" may have been a poor choice of words on his part. "The difference is people going out of their way to hurt a player," Carter said Wednesday, "hitting a spot that we as players know is off limits, like his knees. You're not telling them to go out and get someone, you're telling them to protect you, run down the field to protect their skill guys." The 46-year-old spoke of former Pro Bowl linebacker Bill Romanowski, then with the Denver Broncos, threatening to hurt him in pregame warm-ups. "Bill Romanowski -- he told me he was going to take me out before the game, warm-ups. No problem. (He said,) 'I'm gonna end your career, Carter.' No problem. "I put a little change on his head before the game. Protect myself. Protect my family. That's the league that I grew up in," Carter said.

Cut to Roger Goodell Shaking his Damn Head (or SMH'ing as weird internet people say). 

This is about the last thing he needs right now. The admittance from a former player, a prominent player at that, that this was a much more common and casual practice than the league would like to admit. 

The thing with the Saints is, it was a institutionalized system. That's easy to penalize, that's easy for the league to point to, come up with rules and punishments, and say they've erradicated it, that there's no place for it in football. 

This is a lot more difficult. This is a player saying, game to game, play to play, players place bounties, or as Cris is now saying, buy protection, for themselves against opposing players by paying for big hits. Unless you're mic'ing up all 22 players on the field and have the sidelines completely wired for sound, you're not solving that problem. 

And this is where the contrarian points out that the players already pay fines for violent or illegal hits...big whoop. James Harrison, who I'm pretty sure was the most fined player in football last year, was only fined a total of  $125,000...Cole Hamels, punk move aside, only plunked a 19 year old with a baseball and was just suspended five games which amounts to roughly $460,000 in game checks...So, you tell me which league is serious about protecting its players?

Big hits, violent plays, it's all a part of football, and apparently, if you believe Cris Carter, paying your teammates for protection like it's La Cosa Nostra is too. You're not going to be able to police that unless you see some blatantly illegal hits, and even then the league has proven they just don't have the power to give those penalties any real bite. 

At the end of the day Goodell and the rest of the Commish's office would have loved to have brought the iron fist down on the Saints, pointed to their effort to clean up the game, and swept the rest of this shit under the rug...doesn't look like that's going to happen. 

Investment Advice from Two NBA Draft Lottery Hopefuls

So...Good luck to whoever drafts Thomas Robinson...I'm sure he won't be asking for advances on his contract after a couple of months, seems like a real fiscally sound young man. 

Look, I'm not gonna hate on him too much, he's a kid about to come into a LOT of money. But when you got one guy saying he's gonna buy his mom a house, right after you just told the fellas at TMZ that you're gonna buy an ice'd out rolex, maybe you wanna come back with something a little different than "gonna buy my sister some gucci's." Not good looks homie. 

Maybe consider hiring a financial planner...like a real one. Someone with proper licenses, who wears a suit and tie to work, drives to a  real office and has real co-workers...What I'm saying is not one of your childhood friends. Just a thought.

Josh Hamilton Clubs Four Home Runs, I Contemplate Sports "Imagine If's?

You know what's so fun and captivating about Josh Hamilton? He's an active, living answer to one of those great "imagine if's..." sports discussions. He's a walking testament to what we missed out on as baseball fans early in his career. Yes, you still wonder what it would have been like to see 20-25 year old Josh come up, the stats he'd have, highlights we missed...but I think what makes him pretty cool is that he by and large answered all the questions about what his career would have been like, what his potential was...simply put, when healthy, he's one of the 2 or 3 best hitters in baseball in any given season. 

He's absolutely amazing. It sucks that we missed out on those early years, and it sucks that he's going to consistently miss more games than others year in year out because of all the wear and tear he put on his body, but you can't help but marvel at the things he's able to do. He's easily one of the most exciting players on the field today. And it's cool, as a sports fan, to have that answer. I think about other "imagine if's...," and it's usually a case of a career being cut down early, or a trajectory changing injury, basically something that derails a career...A Len Bias type thing, or what would have happened if Nomar's body never broke down, where would Griffey's stats have ended up if he didn't have so many injury plagued years in the middle of his career...They're questions you usually can't answer, but that's not the case with Josh. He's the reverse case of all those guys. He's a guy who got derailed before he ever started, and then somehow hopped back on the track. He's basically the Benjamin Button of sports "imagine if's." 

It's not really a video, its just bad ass picture

All that's left now is figuring out where he'll fit in historically. Obviously his counting numbers, the rbi's, the runs, the home runs, they're never going to properly display his talent level due to his delayed start and lingering injury issues that'll presumably plague him as long as he plays. But lets say he plays at a high level for the rest of this season and the next 3 (bringing him to age 34)...He's at 132 HR's right now...lets pencil him in for 30 more this year, and a conservative 30 more each of the next 3 seasons...Now we're up to 252. Now pencil in 3 more years of moderate-to-All-Star production, say 25 hr's each. Put's us in the range of 325 home runs, and I think we're being conservative. Is he a Hall of Famer at that point? He's got a career avg over .300 right now, I wouldn't expect that to dip too much, based on my projections, his 6-7 year peak would make him one of the most dominant players of his generation...I like to think he'd get the benefit of the doubt if that's the case. 

For now though, I just enjoy every highlight this guy gives us, it would have been a tremendous shame if his talent was never properly displayed, players of his caliber that can do the things he can do just don't come along that often. For once an "imagine if" has been answered, and as a fan, I'm thankful.

Just Me, Or is Will Middlebrooks Brining Back Memories of #5?

Boston - Three swings, three extra-base hits and five RBIs. A day after their longest game in six years, the Red Sox needed some energy and the 23-year-old Middlebrooks provided it in an 11-5 victory against the Royals...He swung the bat great,’’ Pedroia said. “Those are professional at-bats and at that age, it’s huge for our team. Very impressive.’’ Middlebrooks has at least one extra-base hit in four straight games to start his career, one of four players to accomplish that since 1918. Oakland’s Yoenis Cespedes did it earlier this season. Enos Slaughter (1938) and Coco Laboy (1969) are the others. Middlebrooks is 8 for 21 (.381) with three doubles, three home runs, and nine RBIs since being called up last Wednesday when Kevin Youkilis went on the disabled list.

I'll say this, I'd give anything to be a 10-12 year old Sox fan right now. Sure the team is just so-so, is coming off a disaster of a year, and the leadership is a mess. Doesn't matter. 

They've got Will Middlebrooks, and it's beginning to feel a lot like 1996-97 all over again. 

That might seem ridiculous, and it's really early, maybe I'll look back in a week, a month, a year, and realize what a jackass I made out of myself, comparing Middlebrooks, a kid with one week of big league activity, to Nomar, one of the most beloved Sox of all time.  Or maybe I'm just grasping at straws, aside from the day to day drama and wondering if this team will ever get above .500 there's been very little in the compelling storylines department this season. But I don't think that's it. 

I see a young, homegrown kid, hitting lasers all over the place. I see a manager with a very uncomfortable decision forthcoming if he keeps it up, and I see myself as a 12 year old, absolutely enthralled with this new all-star in the making, begging my parents to get me his jersey. 

The home grown star, the MVP candidate you've followed since his big league debut, they don't come around often. It's different than a guy you traded for or signed one off-season, no matter how great they may be...they don't really belong to you. They belong to the fan base they just left behind. You take them in as your own, but you weren't there since the beginning...No matter how many great things you witness them do, there's always that missing chapter. You didn't see them realize and learn to harness their potential. It's a ready made product. 

That was part of what was so special about Nomar. He was ours. We watched him come up, suddenly there was this slick fielding shortstop hitting everything in sight, and no one else had a claim on him. He was truly Boston's. Kids learned his pre-batters box routine, his stance, and his sidearm throws from short and mimicked them at little league. 

With any luck we're witnessing the start of the same thing right now. 5th, 6th, 7th graders watching his every move, taking in his game, buying his jerseys (wait til next year kids, he'll have a permanent number then), and copying everything he does. You'll look back in 15 years in realize how fun that was, and how lucky you were to be that age when that type of player came up. 

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Something is Seriously Wrong

The Lone Bright Spot for the Sox in the past week, Will Middlebrooks, Professional Boss.

You guys, I don't even know where to start. The team just wrapped up such a pathetic week, that I'm honestly almost indifferent, like a victim of a crime who just goes into a catatonic state rather than dealing with the realities of what just happened. I spent 45 minutes yesterday rocking back and forth while sitting in my shower, trying to wrap my head around what the hell was going on. I mean, they're 4-10 at home this year, they've lost 5 in a row again, and have now lost 8 of 10 to the Baltimore Orioles dating back to last year...So clearly there are a number of things going wrong to go over.

I guess I'll start here:

Boston - Yesterday was probably the worst game of Gonzalez's career, an epic 0-8 afternoon with a pair of strikeouts in Boston's 9-6, 17-inning loss to the surprising Baltimore Orioles. After the game, the stand-up Gonzalez defended his performance by slinking away, refusing to answer any questions from reporters, just what you want from a $154 million franchise cornerstone, and supposed leader.

For the second time in a week, Gonzalez's failure to come through in the clutch spoke volumes about the man's charisma. Think about it. Gonzalez struck out against Orioles DH Chris Davis on three pitches.

And that's really not all that harsh. It could be a lot worse. By any measurement Adrian has been a disaster this season. Now, I'm not a believer in the whole, he sucked last year, he can't hit in the clutch, yada, yada, yada...the numbers just don't back that up. Nor am I blind to the fact that it's only been one month this season, it's hardly statistically relevant...but relevant or not the guy has flat out SUCKED. Striking out on 3 pitches to the other team's DH was just the icing on the cake yesterday...the man was 0-8...was that God's plan for you yesterday? To go 0-8? What the fuck man.

Of course, that wasn't the last out of the game, no, that belonged to Darnell McDonald...you know Darnell, hitting A Buck-Eighty Four on the season...Batting cleanup for half the game because pinch running for the best hitter in the American League with the worst hitter in all of professional baseball (I'm including the minor leagues too) is a brilliant fucking idea. HOW IS THIS GUY ON THE TEAM STILL? He had a nice April two seasons ago. He's building a career off of two walk off's back in April 2010. He hit .236 last year and barely cracked .300 OBP...Pick a stat, any stat, and I'll guarantee he sucks in it. He should've had his bags packed and shipped out to Worcester to join whatever barnstorming team Jose Canseco just joined by now. There's just nothing that he does on the field that justifies his spot in the big leagues. Nothing. And it certainly doesn't make sense for him to be pinch running for David Ortiz...Ortiz could be crawling from first to third and I'd still leave him in over Darnell... I'm completely serious. I commend you for taking the mount yesterday and taking one for the team, but good god man I hope that's the last I see of you.

And then there's Buchholz. Oh MY DEAR GOD. What the hell happened to this guy? He went from an up and coming ace in the making, to an injury plagued year, to the living embodiment of John Lackey's 2011 spirit. Jesus H, kid. I mean he's on a record breaking start, right? Has anyone ever given up 5 runs per start over the course of an entire season?  I don't see how they have a choice not to send him back to the minors for a while, this clearly isn't working out. His effectiveness is at a 0 right now.

On the positives, the bullpen has actually been phenomenal for the better part of a week now, and frankly, they had to be...pretty sure they've pitched more innings than the starters over the last week.

Also, there's Will Middlebrooks just mashing grand slams like a boss. Might give my Bryce Harper man-crush a run for its money.

Former Patriot Larry Izzo Once Pooped on the Sideline, Later Received Game Ball

Fast forward to the 3:15 mark, that's where this gets good.

NESN - Professional football players usually earn game balls for spectacular plays. One time, Larry Izzo earned one from Bill Belichick by taking a poop on the sideline without anybody noticing. "I guarantee that game ball is probably a more prized item for him than his Super Bowl rings," Wes Welker told ESPN's Dan LeBatard on a recent episode of Dan LeBatard Is Highly Questionable. "It's Izzo, it's what the guy does!" Welker declares. "I'm telling you, the guy is phenomenal." 

Welp, that helps explain these Wes Welker wears adult diapers advertisements in recent weeks. 

There's this whole other side to Belichick that I wish we knew more about. I mean he's clearly from the Michael Scott school of comedy, right? What other coach in the league would recognize the comedic value of a guy shitting on the sideline mid-game with a game ball? I'm sure TB threw for 350 yards and 3 TD's that game, and I'm sure there wasn't one ounce of jealousy when Izzo got the game ball. Coach Belichick recognizes greatness in all forms and everyone just accepts that. 

PS: There is an absolutely legendary story from my high school days along these lines (Some of the supporting details may be myth, but its been confirmed enough to know that this actually happened). There was this one kid, a bit of a spazz, clearly had something off with him, not an ounce of athleticism, but since it was high school football no one got cut, the kid got to suit up and sit on the sideline every game, and he loved every minute of it.  This is the kind of kid who would race students to the lunch line...like everyone else was just joking around but his day depended on winning that kind of trivial competition. During gym he'd not only compete like a mad-man, but he'd provide his own play by play...He was the color man and the straight man. He'd also cry and froth at the mouth after losing in gym class. Like I said, there was just something off about him. Anyway...now that you have an idea of what I'm talking about here...

The kid shit his pants during a game.  Not shit on the sideline, not ripped ass and everyone smelled it. Full on shit his pants. Dropped a deuce. Now from here on out the details are hazy as to exactly how the exchange went with the coach, but the most common story is that once back in the lockerroom the coach not only acknowledged the fact that he had shat his pants, but just chuckled and said "we're going to make sure we make it to the bathroom next time, right?" To which the kid enthusiastically replied (hell, it was probably the only time coach spoke to him, he had to be excited), Yes Coach!

Cracks me up every time I think about it, but no, to my knowledge he did not receive a game ball for his bowel movements.

Your Daily Bryce Harper Video

Just your average 19 year old kid stealing home like he's still playing summer Legion ball. NBD. Griffey ever do that? 

The Mayweather Money Team Captures the Single Douchies Moment in History

You've got to be frigen kidding me. There it is folks. The Single Douchiest Moment in History, captured on camera...It's a little known fact that for every ounce of swag, there is an equal and opposite amount of douche bag...And oh, by the way, out of frame is Triple H...as in the wrestler who was really famous like, a decade ago, but is now just a bloated caricature of himself. 

And if that wasn't enough, Biebs gave us a strong contender for most ironic photo of all time...

Bro, you're Canadian, not to mention that a stiff breeze would put you on your back. Come on, know your limitations.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Mark Prior in the House

Deadspin - It's hard to believe that despite all the comeback attempts from former Cubs pitcher Mark Prior, he hasn't actually pitched in the Major Leagues since the summer of 2006. Since then, he's tried to latch on with the Padres, Yankees, and Rangers, never once making it to The Show. Now the Red Sox are the 31-year-old's next stop on the comeback trail.

Wicked Pissah...You thought fans were fucking psyched for Aaron Freaking Cook, just wait till Mark Prior tosses out a 2 inning, 4k's, 0 hit performance against a bunch of 20 year olds for the Lowell Spinners in a few weeks.  There might be a million man march down Landsdowne to bring this guy up. 

I can hear the radio calls now: "Whatta you's guys think about moving Bahd back to the bullpen, and giving Mahk Priah a shot? This kid has talent. I'm gonna hang up and let you's discuss."

Can't wait. 

In all seriousness, hope it works out, the guy deserves a break. Maybe the Sox can call up Dr. Frankenstein or whoever kept patching up Ramon Martinez and Brett Saberhagen for their annual July-September push year after year. Worked miracles for them.

Gatorade's New Soccer Commercial?

Guessing this won't make the cut as the next "Is It In You?" Comercial for Gatorate. Though it definitely was in him, and now it's very much out of him...and it was already colored yellow, so no need for the CGI effects, it'd be a budget commercial. 

PS: Who pukes inwards at themselves? Is that the most polite thing ever seen. I always puke forward, always. Inside, outside, at a popular casino in Las Vegas after having a chugging contest with some bro from Texas that you just met who asked you try dip for the first time and you promptly swallowed some of it by accident...Always puke outward. If someone's foolish enough to be 3 inches from my face when I'm clearly about to yak then that's their problem.

Watch This Umpire Botch Bryce Harper's Would Be Legendary Throw

That's about three hundred feet folks...And make no mistake about it, Baseball Tonight had a better angle, he NAILED him. Had him out by a foot. Ump blew it. Just completely blew it. This should have been just another story in the legend of Bryce Harper, a story I'd tell years from now to my Grandkids, or just strangers kids on the playground because I'm old and have nothing better to do, only it'd be exaggerated...he'd have scaled the wall first and thrown it from approximately 440 feet. But nope. The Ump shit all over that dream. 

Nonetheless, god damnit am I infatuated with this kid. Most exciting rookie since Ichrio, in fact, it wouldn't surprise me at all if hoards of Japanese baseball crazed fans were over there making goofy Hello-Kitty style fan videos dedicated to Harper. Kid's got cross-over appeal like you read about. 

Meet Ivan Johnson: Atlanta Hawk and the most Frightening Man in the NBA

Meet Ivan Johnson. 28 year old Rookie Forward for the Atlanta Hawks. Scariest man I've ever seen in an NBA uniform. Guy makes Deebo from the Friday franchise look soft. A couple of the C's got into a little verbal tussle with this guy after a chippy foul last night and I legitimately feared for their lives. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if this guy was holding a shiv in his rectal cavity during games. He just looks ruthless, and that was before I realized that he legitimately rocks a diamond grill (seen above) on his teeth during games! It's like Cash Money Records infiltrated the NBA, might as well be Lil Wayne, or Birdman himself balling out there.

And there's this, perhaps the single greatest wikipedia page belonging to an NBA player I've ever seen:

"Ivan Johnson (born April 10, 1984) is an American professional basketball player who plays for the Atlanta Hawks of the National Basketball Association (NBA).[1] He is notable for being "banned forever" from the Korean Basketball League (KBL) after making an obscene gesture at a referee.[2]" 

That's it. That's all that's on his wiki page. His birthdate, his profession, and the fact that he was permanently kicked out of Korea.  There's two references, one to his NBA.com page and one to the story about him being banned from Korea, which is obviously written in Korean. 

It couldn't be more blunt. The man plays basketball and he's a bad dude. That's all it has to say. 

Safe to say he's now my most interesting man in the NBA and I'm dying for details in English about what went down over there in Korea.  

May 1st, 2012 - The Day Paul Pierce Finally Won Me Over

What a freaking game by the C's, huh? First of all, I'm shocked this whole highlight wasn't just Pierce replays, apparently between dominating the 1st quarter and absolutely owning the 4th quarter the other 9 guys on the court played around for a bit. Could have fooled me. 

In what was an absolute snoozer of a game Pierce might have finally attained a very, very rare accomplishment for Boston athletes...he unconditionally won CW over. There's very few athletes in my time as a Boston sports fan that I can say that about. It's certainly not in the double digits.

Believe me, that's a huge deal. 14 or so seasons, a championship, a slew of all-star appearances, that fantastic series against Lebron and Cleveland a few seasons ago...didn't do it. I know, that's wicked odd, almost sacrilege, but its true. I've written about it before, most notably here, but growing up I was an Antoine guy. I know that's indefensible now, I won't get into it again, this is about Pierce today. 

For years Pierce was just a guy with a sour-puss on his face, the ugliest set of basketball skills I've ever seen, and the guy who owns the patent on the worst crunch time offensive set of all time (elbow extended fades with the clock running down)...He hasn't always been the easiest guy to root for, there's just not much for a fan to latch onto and say "that's why I love Paul Pierce." Today, he's still very much that guy. The crunch time offense still flows through his aesthetically unpleasing offensive selections, he's a flopper, his best offensive move is the pump fake, he never appears to run at more than a 7.2 on the treadmill, and the scowl is still there when things aren't going his way...and yet, he produces. 

He's softened me the past few years and last night finally cemented it. I finally believe that he actually gives a shit about what it means to be a Celtic.  That's an odd, maybe unfair, and completely selfish thing to say as a fan, but its The Truth (pun completely intended). 

The C's could have flopped last night, Pierce could have just given his usual effort, KG would have attempted to pick up the slack, but it wouldn't have been enough in the absence of Rondo. The Celts would have been down 0-2 and we'd have spent the today and the next two days wondering if the current Big 4's run was up. If the warriors had finally run out of fight. 

Nope. Pierce wouldn't let it happen, he put in a game for the ages from the opening tip til the final buzzer. He turned back the clock at least 4 years. That was an aging start with too much pride to let his team go out like that. He may not be able to do that every night, but he still has enough left in the tank to turn it up when the team needs him, when the fans need him, when the Celtic franchise needs him. He gets it.

When he talks about loving being a Celtic in his usual monotone, I'll buy into it now. I won't think it's lip service, I won't foolishly hold on to his early career surly demeanor as his true feelings toward the team, the franchise, the fans, and the game. 

I may be the last one on, but I'm now full on the Pierce bandwagon. Sorry it took me so long.

50 Things I Would Rather Be Doing Than Watching the 2011-2012 Celtics (As Well as a Piece Defending Danny Ainge)

I make that face alot when watching the Celtics play these days




Well, the day of reckoning has finally arrived for the guys in green and white. The proverbial “ three year window” that Danny Ainge said he could keep open at the beginning of the Big Three Era is, in my humble opinion, finally coming to a close. Now, despite the increasing popularity of second guessing/excoriating Danny Ainge as our GM, people should realize we got 4 years of strongly competing for a title when the Celtics, when back in 2003, were stuck in Salary Cap/Basketball HELL due to the impossible mess that dumbass…I mean former GM Chris Wallace left. Ainge got rid of Antoine Walker, an overpaid inefficient volume scorer, Mark Blount who possessed a personality so toxic reporters needed haz mat suits to even speak to him, and jettisoning Raef Lafrentz when it was apparent he was beyond worthless.

As far as I am concerned, Ainge has only missed on 2 significant draft picks in his time as GM, using a first round pick on Gerald Green and J.R Giddens. Green was somewhat defensible at the time, as taking high school kids was becoming more trendy and their #1 target, Danny Granger, had just come off the boards. Additionally, despite David Lee being picked 30th overall, there was no one else of significance in that draft. The Giddens pick hurt a good deal, because Mario Chalmers (hero of the Kansas Jayhawks title run that year) was available to shore up the revolving door we have had at back up point guard as well as DeAndre Jordan, which every fan of college basketball or the Celtics believed we were going to take to complement Kendrick Perkins.

Despite these two screw ups, Ainge at least has the balls to make things happen for this team. He’s not afraid to spend money or trade players for the right deal. Wallace, Pitino, and M.L Carr were HORRENDOUS at drafting, free agency, or making sensible trades. Hell, Wallace was LUCKY Pierce fell to the Celtics at the 10th pick in the 98 draft, because if he wasn’t there, word is we would have drafted *Keith Van (false: as CW pointed out to me, Van Horn was drafted a year prior to Pierce. From what I remember, Michael Doleac was who the C's were going to take if they didn't get Pierce. I could be making that up as well, whatever. Point is 90's front office didn't do much right.) I shudder to think of what would have happened if we didn’t dodge that bullet.
The point of the matter is this: Every GM in the NBA makes great moves and horrible ones, that’s the nature of dealing with professional sports. Some make nothing but terrible moves (Otis Smith for example) while others seemingly can’t miss (Sam Presti recently) But over time, every GM gets hot and cold, much as players do. Mitch Kupchak, apparently a genius for drafting Bynum and trade raping the idiotic Grizzlies for Pau Gasol, now has Metta World Peace, Steve Blake, and Luke Walton tying up $15 million in cap space, completely handicapping the Lakers at the tradeline. So whatever failings Danny may have had (The Kendrick Perkins trade sticks out like a sore thumb,) he’s also the man that turned a bottom 5 team into a champion in one season and that, I’ll forever be grateful to him.

Now to the fun part of the piece. Despite the fact I still watch every game of the Celtics season, it’s coming to feel like watching the Titanic right after the ship has smashed into the iceberg: a slow, tortuous sink to the bottom. Here are 50 things I’d rather do that would probably be less painful

1. Get a colonoscopy from Edward Scissor Hands
2. Watch an episode of Chloe and Kim take New York
3. Try to out eat Takeru Kobayashi
4. Lick a heated waffle iron
5. Watch the Fourth Kind again (I can’t stress how much this movie sucks)
6. Smash my face into a windshield so I can FINALLY call 1-800-54GIANT
7. Get into a fight with Bruce Banner
8. Play Chess against Spock
9. Listen to any of the nonsensical garbage spewing from the sound holes of the dumb broads on “The View”
10. Play “Guitar Hero: Avril Lavigne Edition”
11. Go to a modern art museum
12. Be the donkey in a “Pin the tail on the Donkey” Competition
13. Read anything written by Frederick Nietzsche
14. Go skinny dipping in the Atlantic Ocean right now.
15. Discuss politics with Michael Moore
16. Play a game of dodgeball with wrenches instead of balls
17. Wax all the hair off of my body
18. Have a private work out session with Richard Simmons
19. Talk religion with Rick Santorum
20. Work as Chucky Cheese as a child’s birthday party
21. Be a window washer for the Empire State building
22. Sled down Mount Everest
23. Eat anything on the menu at America’s source of E-coli, Denny’s
24. Hold in my puke from #23
25. Be a security guard at a heavy metal concert
26. Try to convince people Tom Cruise isn’t secretly gay
27. Get in a sword fight with Aragorn, son of Arathorn
28. Listen nothing to but Rihanna, Katy Perry, and Pitbull (god that would suck)
29. Get in a jello wrestling match with Hillary Clinton
30. Ride to the west coast on a plastic big wheel
31. Take a dump in a hot girls house and clog the toilet (ala Harry in Dumb and Dumber)
32. Survive on a diet of hot pockets, egg nog, and hungry man tv dinners
33. Wear a Lebron James Heat Jersey in downtown Cleveland
34. Pick up a chick at a Wal Mart
35. Do the laundry at a retirement home
36. Watch any member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour do standup
37. Write a dissertation defending the merits of “The Jersey Shore” and its social effect on modern day society
38. Challenge an Irishman to a drinking contest
39. Try to do more coke than Charlie Sheen
40. Only watch The Phantom Menace and The Clone Wars
41. Drive a mini-van as my primary method of transportation
42. Try to ride a REAL bull…in the wild
43. Listen to the story of how I was created
44. Use dial-up internet connection speed for a week
45. Fit John Goodman for assless leather chaps
46. Get some sort of piercing, not on the wiener though.
47. Try to argue that bowling is a sport
48. Attend a WNBA game wearing a team’s respective apparel
49. Eat a bag of puke flavored jelly beans only
50. Meet Ron Burgundy (This one is actually awesome, I want to do this very much)