Young New Hires at the Office Are So Damn Annoying

How I Look At Work After A Couple of Glasses of Wine At Dinner

So I was walking out of the office last night behind a couple of new hires, they were swapping stories about what they did the previous night, who they were out with, how much they drank, where they woke up, yada, yada, yada, and I couldn't help but feel an irrational tinge of disgust for the two kids...and it's not something new, its something that's been growing within me for a while now. I'm becoming less and less tolerant of new hires at our office and more and more resentful of their youth...and I'm only 27. 

Now, I work at a huge company, entry level really is entry level, these are kids fresh out of college, so we generate a lot of turnover and there are a lot of new faces all the time. I was one of those new faces once. I was one of the kids swapping tales about going out the night before, waking up hungover and still plowing through the work day and then going out to do it again the next night. That was me. And now, I Hate those kids. 

Now if I have three beers while watching a sox game during the week I have to make damn sure I hydrate with like, a half gallon of water before bed, otherwise I'm useless the next morning. Back then? I specifically remember one Tuesday morning (that's right Tuesday) where I woke up puking my brains out. I was still living at home at the time and I specifically remembered my dad walking by and shaking his head, asked if I was going to make it in to work, I said yes, and that was that. I wasn't sure if he was bewildered as to how I was actually managing to go in, or disgusted that his oldest son was singing to the toilet on a Tuesday morning...I always assumed it was disgusted, but now I think that was wrong. I look back now with bewilderment as to how my friends and I did it, just a few short years ago and wonder what happened.

It's not that I'm particularly proud of my exploits during that time, it's just more of a bizarre fond memory that I now resent seeing play out in the lives of younger people in the office. I do laugh though, knowing that a few years will go by lightning fast on these kids and then they'll be the ones in my chair making the depressed realization that they are just not that young anymore...of course by then I'll be 30, and fuck, then I'll really hate those kids.  You really just can't win when it comes to aging, can you?

Alabama BCS Trophy Shatters after Bubba's Father Bumps Trips Near Podium

CNN - The University of Alabama's crystal prize for winning last season's college football championship had a pretty short shelf life – and somewhere, a player's parent is blushing crimson. The roughly $30,000 Waterford crystal football that tops the trophy from the American Football Coaches Association fell and shattered on Saturday when the father of an Alabama player caught his foot on a rug where the trophy stood at Alabama's Mal Moore Athletic Facility, according to CNN affiliate WIAT and ESPN's Alex Scarborough.

I'm not even kidding when I say this, that family has to move. Not out of town, not clear cross Greenbow County, just right out of state...Actually they'd probably be safer if they made sure they crossed the Mason-Dixon line on the way North. Maybe settle in a  small  town in Maine that doesn't give a damn about big time NCAA football. 

We've all seen what has since happened to that guy who claimed he poisoned the trees at Toomers Corner, guy has basically been public enemy number one in 'Bama since Osama was taken out last year. In fact, he's probably the happiest man in the state right now with this happening. Finally take some attention away from himself. 

Of course all this could have been avoided with like a $20 plastic case on top of the podium, no? Who leaves this thing out in the open getting fingerprint smudges all over the place. The fact that this hasn't happened previously is actually pretty shocking. Its a crystal football just lying around in the open, who does that shit?

Secret Service Scandal is All Over a $50 Eiffel Tower? Is that Right?

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MSNBC - The Colombian prostitute who triggered the scandal that has rocked the Secret Service got angry with two agents who refused to pay her full price for servicing the two of them, leading to a financial dispute over between $40 and $60, according to a government source who has been briefed on the investigation. Two agents from the service's elite Counter Assault Team, in Cartagena, Colombia, in advance of President Barack Obama's arrival for the Summit of the Americas over the weekend, had procured the women's services at a local strip club called the Pley Club on the evening of April 11. All the Secret Service agents and officers implicated in the scandal are believed to have gone to the club that evening and brought back women, a U.S. official told NBC News...The controversy arose after one of the women went back to a hotel room with two agents. The woman wanted to be paid for serving both agents, the source who has been briefed on the probe told NBC News. Instead, the agents would only agree to split her price, prompting the woman to complain to local police who were stationed in the lobby of the Hotel Caribe, the source said.

So I hadn't really been following this all that closely until yesterday, just didn't really care, still don't actually, but it's pretty much unavoidable at this point. 

So lets just say this, $50 guys! $50 bucks, that's what this is all about, that's why I can't open the internet without having to read a story about a bunch of secret service guys philandering around in 3rd world countries. Now, I'm not sure exactly what $50 buys here in the US, nevermind Cartagena, but given the exchange rate, I'd assume $50 will get you some weird, wild, shit down in Columbia. I'd say just sack up and pay it...

As a matter of fact I'd say that should be general policy when you're working Presidential detail and are involved in any seedy activities; prostitutes, donkey shows, drug trade, etc...You just pay the money. I mean, wouldn't you rather get ripped off by some whore than have the leader of the free world mad at you? That seems worse to me. 

Barry does the fatherly "I'm dissapointed in you,"
look with the best of them.

What's more astounding here is there was two of them, and neither came to that conclusion. I figured one was probably playing the role of the alpha male, just shoving the whore out the door after they were done, half dressed and everything, probably said something like "Here's your money, get the fuck out." But you'd have to think one of them would be like "wait a minute, what if she runs to her pimp (apparently the cops are the pimps in Columbia? that's fairly enlightened, actually.) and then Barry get's involved. He'll be so disappointed in us." But no, no one thought of that. Both of them played the role of alpha male and look what happened, the whole world now knows you got your dick wet with some hooker you picked up at a third world strip club. So kudos on that.

Sox Fans Pulse Check: Abandon All Hope

Someone should tell Bobby the Rangers got 14 more runs to go.

For Chrissakes guys, pull your shit together huh? When I decided to do Sox Fans Pulse Checks this season I figured I'd have one, maybe two per week to write, not an every day emotional roller coaster...I mean, what the hell was that last night? 18-3? What are we the fucking Kansas City Royals? Shit.

Was Jon Lester serious last night? You're the ace, you were staked a 2-0 lead in the first inning, come on man! And don't even get me started on Melancon...Christ that guy sucks, he doesn't even belong in AAA, nevermind the bigs....Check out this stat line from last night:

0 Innings Pitched Folks...Melancon officially pitched as many innings as myself and all my readers combined last night, the difference? All six batters he faced ended up scoring. This guy has been the definition of terrible thus far. Bobby V, if you're taking notes, this is the guy you should be thrashing in the media. The guy that doesn't look like he's given two shits about how his performances pan out whatsoever since getting here, the guy flat out sucks.

I don't know what to make of this team now, they start out 1-5, rip off 3 straight against the D-Rays, and now drop two in a row. There's absolutely no continuity here and it's weighing heavily on my blood pressure.

Not that the Celtics and Rondo were helping me out in the coronary department last night either:

In some bizarre twist of irony I shit my pants at the exact moment I thought I was watchign the Celts season go down the shitter. Doc, please just sit Rondo these next few games, seeding be damned. Rondo going out with any kind of lingering back pains is worst case scenario for this team.

So yea, great night for the Boston sports scene.