1000's of Jellyfish Attack Florida... I think I'll Stick to Hampton Beach.

This Photo Isn't Featured in Florida's Tourism Campaign

(CNN) -- Hundreds of people trying to enjoy the Memorial Day weekend on Atlantic beaches in central Florida encountered an unwelcome surprise: swarms of purplish, stinging jellyfish.  Although none of the stings was believed to be serious, officials said two people who were stung were taken to hospitals after suffering from respiratory distress. It was unclear whether the distress was directly caused by the sting or came from a pre-existing medical condition. "Most of the stings are being reported on the ankles, but others have been getting it on the chest, arms, you name it," Witcher said. He said victims were being treated by a vinegar solution stocked at the various lifeguard stations. "We have that solution there at all times, but we knew that we were going to have a lot of people out here this weekend," Witcher said. "These jellyfish are not a major threat, but they are annoying."

See, this is what people down south don't get.  They come up here bragging about their warm ocean, their pristine beaches, the sun, yada, yada, yada. No one ever mentions the inhospitable sea creatures murking about in their waters that you have to dodge just to enjoy a swim in the bath water.

Say what you want about the freezing cold water at Hampton Beach but I know that I'll never have to navigate a mine field of jelly fish stinging your ankles, or god forbid your average sting ray or shark looking to throw down with some tourists in the shallows.

And this isn't to say that I don't enjoy the beach on vacations down south, it's just to say that I'm a bit more leery and watchful, it's a bit hard to relax wading out into the water once you've been stung by an amorphous blob a few times, that will haunt you for life.  

PS: Jellyfish totally get a bad rap though.  A jellyfish never attacked anyone, they can't help that shit, it's just their nature.  They're really chill as hell.  Just bobbing along, eating through osmosis or something.  Living the dream until they wash up on shore to die.  Its actually quite the life.

Canadian Politican Twit Pic's His Penis to the World

TORONTO - Rookie PC candidate George Lepp says he's embarrassed that a photo of his family jewels was posted on his campaign Twitter account for about 20 minutes before it was quickly unzipped. "He is pretty upset and embarrassed," Sakach said of a photo that was posted on Lepp's account Sunday. "It was removed as soon as it came to his attention." The pictures - too graphic to reproduce - are of a man naked from the waist down, showing a close up of his penis and his crossed legs. Sakach said the device was operating on camera mode in his front pant pocket when it went missing. He added that Lepp suspects it was taken as he was jostled by protestors outside the Dixon Rd. convention centre where the Tories met for the party's weekend convention. "It was an unfortunate circumstance," Sakach said Sunday. "This is pretty low and juvenile, and we don't believe it is politically motivated." Lepp, who couldn't be reached for comment, had been filing daily dispatches from the Tory convention to his more than 80 Twitter followers. The photo of a penis on Lepp's Twitter account surfaced as Ontario Conservatives vowed in Toronto to force high-risk sex offenders and other dangerous criminals to wear GPS monitoring bracelets.

Ahh, the old "my phone accidentally took a picture of my dick while in my pocket, and then was conveniently stolen and said picture was twittered to the world" excuse.  Yea buddy, people will believe that one.

For one thing, you're Canadian.  This by law means that you're wearing flannel underwear at all times. So you certainly weren't free balling it, and there's no cell phone camera on earth that has a flash powerful enough to penetrate a pocket and flannel shorts. Your Blackberry isn't an x-ray machine. So addmittedly you were taking candid home photos of your dick, and possibly sexting.

And the whole  "taken by protesters" thing isn't exactly believable either. Again, you're Canadian.  You guys don't protest. And you don't maliciously post incriminating dick shots to twitter of your political rivals.  That game is strictly for American Republicans.  

Plus, why would a thief use your twitter account? You've only got 80 followers. Newsflash buddy, he'd have been much better off emailing said pic to a blog or quasi news website than twittering it to your meager followers.  I mean you're running for election and you have 80 followers! That's the most pathetic part of this whole story.  At least lie and say you had 1,000.  How do you expect to get elected with 80 followers, at least 50 of which are just spammers.

My advice, just own up to it and hope for the Canadian pervert vote...it's your only chance.

So Tupac Isn't Living in a Small Hamlet in New Zealand? Weird.

(CNN) -- Online hackers have pirated the PBS website and posted a false story claiming the rapper Tupac Shakur -- who has been dead for almost 15 years -- is alive and living in New Zealand. The Lulz Boat claims it was "less than impressed" after watching the network's program "WikiSecrets" and "decided to sail our Lulz Boat over the PBS servers for further... perusing." The fake Tupac story claims the rapper was "alive and well in a small resort in New Zealand," citing "locals." It goes on to say a small town there -- unnamed due to security risks -- also housed the late rapper Biggie Smalls for years.

Are people really this dumb? God I hope not.  I mean Tupac, in New Zealand? Do you see this man above? Does he look Kiwi to you? Does he look like he'd fit in amongst the Kiwi's? Didn't think so.

Like yea, haha, it was a good prank, hats off to the hackers, please don't come get me (seriously, please don't). I appreciated the prank, but I'm also severely concerned about the stupidity level of people around the globe. 

I mean people out there were already skeptical that he was dead, as if some mid 20's millionaire gangster rapper could just disappear and blend in somewhere for over a decade, but now you give the conspiracy theorists more fuel? That's just wrong.  High school CW would have been furious. This would bring up a whole new set of theories from the gullible and just plain dumb that I'd have to refute.

And god help the first moron that stumbles over to my cube today to talk about this.  If there's one thing I can't stand (there's millions of things I can't stand) its retarded conspiracy theorists who are willing to believe anything.  Idiots.

Health Study Finds Shocking Results: Kids Don't Need Energy Drinks

CNN - Most children and adolescents do not need sports drinks according to a clinical report published in the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). The report also finds that energy drinks are never appropriate for children or teenagers– water should be the primary beverage choice "Some kids are drinking energy drinks – containing large amounts of caffeine – when their goal is simply to rehydrate after exercise,” she said. “This means they are ingesting large amounts of caffeine and other stimulants, which can be dangerous.”

Shocking, you mean kids, with enough energy to power a small metropolitan city, don't need additional energy via energy drinks?  And parents should indulge their children with energy drinks containing 14x the amount of caffeine in your average coca-cola? Just astounding. 

What I find really weird is that the average parent would be taken a-back if I offered their kid a cup of coffee for breakfast, but so many are willing to keep a case of energy drinks readily available in the fridge.  It's the same frigen thing.  Yea little Timmy won't scald his throat with that can of redbull, but he'll still keep you up until 3 watching Dora the Explorer all the same.

The fact that it took a medical study to come to this determination is appalling.  I'd ask the researchers one question: Have you ever observed your average 3-10 year old? Kids can't sit still if you pay them.  Kids literally jump up and down and run in circles for entertainment because they don't know what to do with themselves. No shit they don't need energy drinks, and up until today I was fairly certain the blood of young children was a main ingredient in energy drinks.  I mean how else do these things work?

The Purest Competition in Sport: England's 2011 Cheese Rolling Race is in the Books

Small World News Service -  The world-famous spectacle was abandoned earlier this year after organisers proposed a £20 entrance fee to fund the rising cost of insurance and medical cover. But a large number of dedicated spectators ignored the miserable weather to watch the hardcore cheese rollers stage their own version of the wacky event on Cooper’s Hill, Gloucestershire. Three of this year’s races were won by Chris Anderson, 23, taking the local thrill seeker’s career tally to NINE. And the female race was won by 14-year-old Joanna Guest, from Wolverhampton.

Frigen Brits, sometimes they're so awesome I can't stand it.  Like I was shocked a few months back when I heard this years Cheese Roll even had been canceled due to lack of insurance of all things.  Why was I so taken a-back by the cancellation of a small cultural sport/tradition? Because without a doubt this is the number 1 pseudo sport/tradition in the world that I dream of taking part in some day (Japanese log riding coming in a close second, but the whole fear of being run over by a 1 ton log can't compete with winning a free wheel of cheese).  

 How can it be topped? I mean look at the smile on that girls face to the left? Broken collar bone, grade 3 level sprained ankle, and dirt everywhere.  All worth it for a blood spattered wheel of cheese.  

It's as pure a sport as there is in this world, here's hoping the Tab's popularity picks up and CW can make it over to the otherside of the pond on advertising dollars for 2012.  It's a poor bloggers dream.

Your Drunk Eastern European Harmful Prank of the Week

WTF? Is calling it a prank even technically correct? I mean the guy who just got a door knob impression made on his forehead is laughing.

That's how fucked up Eastern Europe is.  This guy hung upside down from that pull-up bar, full well knowing what was about to happen, and then he thought that shit was hilarious.  Probably wasn't even the first time they've done this either.  They probably have to flip coins or shoot rocks, paper, scissors to determine who gets to have their face smashed in next.  I'd go as far to say that the pull-up bar has never been used for one chin up.  

We're over here playing Mario Kart and Call of Duty and these guy are just playing your average round of Upside Down Face Smash.