Friday, January 13, 2012

The World's Most Expensive Business Card


Shortlist - Think you’ve got this life thing cracked? Think again. Have you received the magical invitation from Black Astrum asking you to sign up for its diamond encrusted business cards? No, no you haven’t. Come on, work harder...Due to each design’s unique specifications costs will fluctuate, but the average selling price is around £1,000 ($1,534) for each card (yes, you read that correctly) and a set of 30 cards will contain around 30 carats.

Jesus H, I need one of those. Just instant credibility, I'd no longer feel embarrassed and only bring up the blog when I'm like 7 beers deep in liquid courage, probably would have sponsorship offers left and right, and I'd be the envy of one Patrick Bateman:


-"Good Coloring"

-"That's Bone"


Reader Asks: What is Swag?


Below is an actual e-mail chain between myself and the blogger formerly known as Pennypacker (what a horrible name, every time I type it out I cringe). For those of you who know him, this is just par for the course, for those of you who don't, a brief explanation. This is a man who doesn't have a Facebook page, who reported the Bill O'brien to Penn State news 72 hours after the actual press announcement, and who I'm fairly certain has never gotten a single one of my Chilean miner jokes because I'm not even sure he knows what happened yet. Simply put this is a man who, by and large, ignores the comings and goings of the world as the rest of us know it. Without further ado:


From:        Penny
To:        
CW
Date:        
01/12/2012 12:36 PM
Subject:        


Can u give me a quick run down on the word swag? Or shwag or schwag or something? 


ME: On Jan 12, 2012 12:39 PM, <CW> wrote:  Ha, sure. Swag is short for swagger, its become a very versatile word in 2011, but mainly it describes someone's coolness in how they carry or present themselves. If you're trying to measure swag its mainly about confidence, style and demeanor.

 
From:        Penny
To:      CW
Date:        01/12/2012 01:52 PM
Subject:        
Re:

  What about when ppl are giving away shwag? 


ME: Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 1:49 PM, <CW> wrote:
Well that's different...S.W.A.G the acronym is Stuff We All Get...that's been around for a long time...the swag more commonly heard now is swag' short for swagger


Two different things.

 
From:      Penny
To:       
CW
Date:        01/12/2012 01:52 PM
Subject:        
Re:


ok i gotcha ive seen the s.w.a.g. one spelled shwag which confused me cuz it's wrong


ME: On Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 1:53 PM, <CW> wrote:
Yea that doesn't make sense, sounds like more of an ironic spelling of s.w.a.g, which incidentally would raise the s.w.a.g giver's actual swag, since irony and hipster cool are so prevalent these days. 

 

An Observation: There is Ample Evidence That Peyton Manning Cannot...Grow A Beard


I'm dead serious, guy doesn't even look like he can grow a 5 o'clock shadow. Aside from that picture right there with the glued on pedo-stache you will not find a single photo on google images of Manning with as much as a rough patch of stubble.

Do I know what this means? Not really, other than the fact that my original theory, that playoff victories are strongly correlated to a quarterbacks scruff, is out the window. Which is actually good news for me as a Patriots fan (Tebow out does Brady in the scruff beard category by a mile, I'm guessing Giselle finds more than a 5 o'clock shadow irritating), but horrible news for me as a blogger, because my whole idea for this mornings blog is now ruined and I'm absolutely scrambling...and so that's how we ended up here...with this steaming pile of blog turd and a photo of what Peyton would look like if he went to Penn State.

PS: there was going to be a hilarious joke about how Drew Brees doesn't need scruff, you know, on account of that mole thing...but now you're not getting that either...

Double PS: the funniest thing when google imaging "pedo-stache" is this. Is there anything Bieber can't pull off?