Hugh Hefner in Desperate Need of a PR Twitter Professional

(NewsCore) - Octogenarian Hugh Hefner defended his libido after his ex-fiancee said sex with the Playboy founder lasted a mere "two seconds," Us Weekly reported Wednesday. Former Playboy Playmate Crystal Harris, who dumped Hefner just days before they planned to wed in June, dropped the bombshell about Hefner's sexual performance on Howard Stern's radio show Tuesday. "He doesn't really take off his clothes. I've never seen Hef naked. I don't know if I want to," she told Stern, adding she only had sex with Hefner once during their relationship and it "lasted like two seconds." Hefner then took to Twitter to dispute Harris' remarks. "Crystal lied about our relationship on Howard Stern, but I don't know why. Maybe a new boyfriend?" Hefner, 85, wrote on Twitter -- in a post he has since deleted. "I feel sorry for Crystal. She seems lost," he added. Harris, 25, has attributed her break-up with Hefner to his extravagant lifestyle -- complete with numerous girlfriends and non-stop partying. "Hef's lifestyle isn't the most normal lifestyle," Harris has said, adding "This isn't the lifestyle for me, multiple girls around all the time, the Playboy lifestyle. I don't know. I just wanted to be true to myself."

Hate to say I told you so, but I totally did. Hugh Hefner, as we all knew and loved him, really is dead. Would classy, banging a different broad every night Hugh, have even dignified this money grubbing whore's comments on the Howard Stern Show?  Hell no. Why would he? He's got a gaggle of girls living in his house on any given night, there's no need to defend yourself against these ridiculous accusations. 

I mean look, on the one hand she's calling him a two pump-chump, and then on the other she's saying she coudln't keep up with his swinging lifestyle. Well which one is it hunny? Ever think he might have been a two pump chump because he was just dipping in to your BFF two seconds before? You just happened to be the lucky girl who won the prize?

That's the kind of response Hugh should have came with if he was going to come at all. And that's the kind of response he'd get if he hired a mid 20's self-made thousandaire blogger from Boston to handle his social media communications.  Come on Hugh, 80 year olds can't be Twittering, it's a young man's game, by the time you've found the # symbol the topic probably isn't even trending anymore.

Most Un-American Billboard Ever? Comparing Hotdogs to Cigarettes

Fox News - Race fans who attend the Indianapolis Motor Speedway – and residents who live near the track – are being warned of a possible link between hot dogs and cancer, Fox 59 reported. A billboard on West 16th Street shows hot dogs inside of a cigarette pack. “Hot dogs can wreck your health,” it reads. The cigarette package has a picture of a skull and crossbones. The American Institute for Cancer research says one, 50-gram piece of processed meat – such as a hot dog – can increase the risk of colorectal cancer by 21 percent. Colorectal cancer is the third most common cancer in the U.S., according to the American Cancer Society.

Wait, what?...I'm pretty sure someone at the American Cancer Society needs to check their math, because by those figures I should have had colorectal cancer, like, 1000x over by now.  Just this past weekend I had three absolutely delicious hotdogs, as an appetizer for burgers later in the cookout.  Are you telling me that on just one Sunday afternoon I caused myself a 63% chance of colon cancer?  Someone better warn Joey Chestnut, guy's probably walking around with tumor the size of a beachball in his colon right now. 

And what is this shit with comparing Hotdogs to Cigarettes? Never before have I seen such an un-American billboard. This country has gone straight to hell.  I don't want to be picked on for enjoying a glorified rolled up piece of bologna from time to time.  I'm not some gross and disgusting smelling person spreading the risk of cancer to others, I don't need to be treated like those degenerates (Though it would be awesome if you could buy packs of hotdogs like that at ball games, they might have just revolutionized the hotdog game without even knowing it).

Menino: Boston to See Catastrophe if US Defaults...Way to Keep the Calm Mr. Mayor

Typical Menino, Riding Bikes instead of Tackling Big Issues

BOSTON (AP) - Boston Mayor Thomas Menino says the city would suffer "a catastrophe" if the nation defaults on its debt. Menino said Wednesday that the city's various grant programs and its financial businesses would take a big hit and a default would put more strain on a city still trying to come out the economic slowdown. Attending an opening event of the National Urban League, in town for its annual national convention, the Boston Democrat put the blame for a Congressional impasse in GOP House Speaker John Boehner's lap. He said there needs to a "revolution" in Washington to get to the sides to iron out a deal. Menino said he hasn't discussed plans with his financial team about what the city should do if the nation defaults.

Hey Menino, instead of practically trying to incite mass hysteria how about you meet with your financial team on what the city will do if the nation defaults? What do you mean you haven't done that yet? Look I know you're all jazzed about this Hubway Bike Sharing program that's kicking off soon, I just happen to think taking care of the fiscal solvency of the most important city in our state, and region, may trump a leisurely bike ride along the Greenway.  

It's not like this is some off in the distance, no need to hurry event. This is days away now.  And yea, hopefully those kids down in Washington put aside their little pissing match, stop arguing about who's Dad would win in a fight, and figure this thing out...but just in case, you might want to get together with some of your "experts" on this just so you're prepared.  This isn't something you're just going to walk into your office Monday morning and get briefed on, ya know? Like you can't just open your Outlook email box and flag the "US in default" email you receive from the Federal Government for follow up later. 

Come on Menino, get your shit together. 

Post Office Closings Announced, People of Twitter Oddly Upset

Boston - The Postal Service is considering closing more than 1 in 10 of its retail outlets. The financially troubled agency announced Tuesday that it will study 3,653 local offices, branches and stations for possible closing. But many of those may be replaced by what the service is calling Village Post Offices in which postal services are offered in local stores, libraries or government offices. "It's no secret that the Postal Service is looking to change the way we do a lot of things," Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe said at a briefing. "We do feel that we are still relevant to the American public and the economy, but we have to make some tough choices." Currently the post office operates 31,871 retail outlets across the country, down from 38,000 a decade ago, but in recent years business has declined sharply as first-class mail moved to the Internet. In addition, the recession resulted in a decline in advertising mail, and the agency lost $8 billion last year.

You’d think after seeing the outpouring of grief and lament on twitter after these closures were announced that the City had just announced the closing of 10% of its Dunks locations…At least then the whining would have made sense, I mean everyone uses dunks, no one (or no one that has a handle on twitter) uses the post office more than 2-3 times per year, max. But you’d think from reading all the commentary that business is booming and they should be opening locations, not closing them.

I’m willing to bet when the average person thinks of the mail, they think of three things: Junk mail/credit card offers, cards from grandma’s, and Bed Bath & Beyond coupons…That’s it.  Sure some people still get bills via mail, but really if you’re under the age of 50 and not paying bills online you’re just wasting time.

What exactly are we supposed to be sad about here? A failing business shuttering its doors? Sure I could see maybe feeling sad if that business had been a big part of the community, or defined a neighborhood in some way…but this is the post office. No one has sentimental feelings for the post office, in fact, most people hate their post office experience.  Furthermore, this is a business that has cost tax payers literally billions of dollars over the past few years. Frankly, you should be glad to have these offices off your payroll.

Golf Cart Planking Prank Makes Me Re-Think My Stance on Planking

Well, this video has done the impossible, its made me respect planking, even if just the tiniest bit.  And it's not because planking is all of a sudden a cool thing to do, or an actual "prank." This is solely about the golf cart.

I think most guys have been in this bro's position at least once in their life, I don't know what it is about golf carts, but they just make us want to do dumb things.  I'd wager that more dumb shit injuries occur each summer involving golf carts than in any other leisure activity, its just too compelling to do something stupid.  It's not like most of us don't drive around in cars just about every day of our lives, but there is just something so novel about the golf cart that you just can't contain yourself, you have to try and pull a stunt of some sort...if planking is your stunt, then I guess I respect that.