Dr. Jack: And the new boss is....

  

Hey remember when I said Steve Carell’s replacement on “The Office” would be someone who was a successful movie star in the 80’s but whose career had quieted down? Boom, nailed it.

Ok, so the announcement yesterday that James Spader will become the new head of Sabre put an end to my Matthew Broderick fantasy. But I still maintain that would have been a good choice, despite the protests of several Alt Tab commenters.

So where do we go from here? “The Office” writers chose the guest star I felt gave the strongest performance in last season’s finale. Even his character’s name, Robert California, was funnier than anything Jim Carrey or Ray Romano said. The rumors now are saying with Spader becoming the CEO of Sabre in the season premiere that someone will be promoted from within to take over in Scranton, most likely Jim. This should work because Spader is said to have a much larger presence on the show than Kathy Bates ever did. (Although I am sad to think my ex-roommate Zach Woods who played Gabe might now be off the show. Yeah, I know famous people. Deal with it.) Spader’s addition will add a much needed jolt to the show, while promoting Jim will still allow for continuity within how Scranton runs on a daily basis.

I complained in my previous post about how depressing it can be to think about Jim’s life. How it was a guy who never wanted to be there, who seemed to have the creativity and panache (French!) to be doing something more than working in a dying industry. When he got married and started a family his pranks began to seem less than humorous rebellion and more like a cry for help from someone who’s become stuck in their lot in life. I’m not saying the character doesn’t love his family, I’m more so pointing out the “hero” of the show has had one promotion in six years and is in virtually the same job as he was when the show started.

Now, I have no inside information about whether it will be Jim who gets the main gig in Scranton. It could still be Andy, Dwight or Darryl, but I feel the finale was setting it up to be Jim. I actually thought he was just going to take it out of frustration with his coworkers during the process, sort of like a, “You can’t take this seriously? Fine, I’m the boss now!” I’m excited for the chance to root for Jim again, as I think having Spader as the boss will put Jim back in the sympathetic role he was in until he won Pam. I was ready to give up on the show once Michael left, but adding Spader and hopefully promoting Jim will definitely keep me tuned in for at least another season.

I’ll close with some highlights off Spader’s resume to hold you all over until the season premiere in the fall.

• Born in Boston. Always popular with most locals, which is why there are several people who see no issue telling the news they’d like to see Whitey Bulger beat the rap.
• Has won 3 Emmy awards for Lead Actor in a Drama Series
• Played the bad guy in “Pretty in Pink” which is one of those movies I’ve never seen but I feel like I could tell you everything that happens in it
• Was in a movie called “Crash” (not the Oscar winner) about people who get in car crashes and use the adrenaline rush for crazy sex. Yeah.
• Turned out Iron Man as a gay prostitute for cocaine money in “Less Than Zero” 

-Dr. Jack

Indiana Teen Facing 8 Years in Prison for Highs School Prank Involving Blow Up Sex Doll

Daily  Mail - A student who put a blow-up sex doll in the toilets at his high school faces a potential eight years in jail for the end of year prank. Tyell Morton, 18, from Rushville, Indiana, could miss out on his chance to go to college after he was charged with institutional criminal mischief. Now the senior prank gone wrong has raised questions of race, prosecutorial zeal and the post-Columbine, post-9/11 mindset in small-town America. Dressed in a hooded sweatshirt and latex gloves, Morton had crept into Rushville Consolidated High to hide the inflatable sex toy as a prank to mark the last day of school. But, after Morton had secreted the doll in a cubicle in the school toilets, a janitor spotted the suspiciously dressed youngster fleeing the scene. When CCTV tapes showed someone entering the site with a package and leaving five minutes later without it, staff panicked. Fearing explosives, school administrators locked down the campus in north Rushville for three hours and called in the police.  K9 dog units and a bomb squad scoured the building until they found the inflatable sex doll.  Morton was arrested and, despite apparently immediately owning up to the charges, he was charged institutional criminal mischief, a class C felony offence that is punishable by a potential two to eight years behind bars.

This blogs not about the kid, he's obviously getting the shaft, and it's obviously because he's black and living in Indiana, he'll get off, Jesse Jackson will make a stink and everything will be fine in a few weeks, no big deal. If kids in my high school got away with bringing livestock into the school he'll get off just fine.

No, this blog isn't about the kid, it's about the state of blow up dolls in this day and age.  Look at that thing. What the hell is it? With all the tools available through modern technology we really can't produce a better looking sex doll at this point?  This thing looks like it belongs in a backyard swimming pool more than it does under some overweight loner just trying to get his rocks off. 

For all our politicians talks about needing to invest more in science, explore space, yada, yada, yada, how about we take care of a few of the simple things we've neglected for apparently decades first, starting with these blow up dolls.  Investing in infrastructure and education, and clean coal technology is all well and good, but you've got to keep your people happy, and I can't imagine their are many socially awkward hermits that are happy with the state of their sex dolls at this present time.

Fox News - The first “flying car” of the 21st century is ready for the road. The U.S. Department of Transportation has granted a three-year hardship exemption that will allow the Terrafugia Transition to be driven on public roads, according to its designers. The Transition, which the company often describes as a “roadable aircraft” rather than a flying car, is a two-seat prop plane that can be transformed into a wheeled vehicle capable of being driven at highway speeds. The unique craft was designed with road use in mind, and incorporates a number of automotive safety features, such as crumple zones and airbags. However, the main hurdles to DOT approval were the use of motorcycle tires that aren’t approved for multi-purpose vehicles and a polycarbonate windshield, both of which the company says needed to keep the weight of the 970-pound Transition as low as possible for efficient flight. The Transition, which has completed several successful test flights, is expected to enter production in late 2012.

Don't get me wrong, I'm wicked excited that flying cars are finally here, seeing as how NASA and Ted Turner Networks have been promising these things since the Jetsons was a popular TV show, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind.

Look at that thing, looks like something straight out of Bob the Builder or some other cheap computer animated children's show, not to mention completely impractical.  Wouldn't you have just made a civic with wings? Do I need a trailer hitch license plate for that thing? Will it fit in a parking spot?   No thanks bro, I think I'll just wait until the cool flying cars come out, this one somehow managed to make the Prius look cool, which is something I would have never dreamed of saying up until today.

PS: I can't wait to see how the Vato's pimp these things out. It's a plane, it's already got a wing, so that's out, and I can't imagine a heavy set of dub's would work, too much weight. 

These Rich Guys Didn't Go to College, Do You Have To? Umm, Yes, You still Should

Fox News - What do Michael Dell, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and Mark Cuban have in common? They're all college dropouts. Richard Branson, Simon Cowell and Peter Jennings have in common? They never went to college at all. But today all kids are told: To succeed, you must go to college. That's why I say: For many people, college is a scam. I explored the scam on my Fox Business show with Richard Vedder, author of "Going Broke by Degree: Why College Costs Too Much," and Naomi Schafer Riley, who just published "Faculty Lounges and Other Reasons Why You Won't Get the College Education You Paid For."

Hmm, you know who else didn't go to college? The guy pumping my gas, the 4 guys hanging out playing Keno all day at Tedeschi's, the bums at the subway station, the guy washing my car window with yesterdays Boston Globe, the night manager at Target, and the single mother who works 3 waitressing jobs just to keep her cupboards full with Spam.

And I'm not saying college is a must, it isn't, I'm just saying college isn't the problem here, we shouldn't be knocking people for going, even if it isn't necessary for everyone in what they want to do in life it's still a valuable experience.  The issue is with the cost of college.

Even kids who went to a 2nd tier state school are still likely to come out of college with a degree, a difficult job search in front of them, and anywhere between $20-40k in debt if Mom and Pops couldn't help with tuition. Nevermind the kid who decided to challenge his or herself at the more prestigious private institution, might as well declare bankruptcy right at graduation, spend the next 7 years with shitty credit and be done with it.  That's honestly got to be the easier route than trying to service debt that could be anywhere from 50-120k just for a 4 year college.

And that's the real problem. It's not people bettering their education, that's always a good thing. It's that the degree which should be liberating and valuable is actually a gigantic ball and chain to most grads.  Instead of taking the time to find a job and career path that fits what your plan for life and your educational background you're forced to take the first half decent offer to begin servicing your debt, you can worry about your career prospects later...or so you think, in reality that ball and chain is going to be with you for probably well over a decade, that's 10 years where one of your primary, if not your absolute primary goals is servicing a debt that allowed you to take your crummy job to begin with.  It's almost similar to human traffickers extorting hardworking families after smuggling them into the country (less the human rights violations, relax people, I understand the difference).  They were just looking for a better opportunity and a promise of a better future and are left saddled with a crushing debt, just like your average college grad (except sallie mae generally won't dig a shallow grave if you fail to pay). 

You want things to change? Working on capping the tuition amounts in state schools can charge.  Give private schools some actual competition via a price point they'll have to work to match.  As long as prices are allowed to continue to soar to unreasonable levels you're going to continue to have grads taking menial work just to service their debt, instead of reaching into new, potentially riskier fields, but with potentially greater rewards for not only themselves, but our economy as well.

Ok, I'll get off my soap box, now back to your regularly scheduled nonsense.

You're So 2000 & Late: Out of Date Prankster Streaks in Homage to Old School

Smoking Gun - In a misguided homage to the movie “Old School,” a Nebraska man channeled his inner Frank “The Tank” Ricard early Monday morning and ran naked through the streets of Lincoln until he was corralled by police. “I’m re-enacting a scene from ‘Old School,’” Khalaf Mourad explained when confronted by a cop. When he spotted the officer, the 23-year-old Mourad “covered his genitals and began walking casually southbound,” according to a Lincoln Police Department report. Mourad, pictured above, “was asked to take a seat in the rear of the cruiser, where he clothed himself,” police noted. At this point, Mourad’s brother approached the cop car and asked if his brother was inside. When told that he was, the sibling replied, “He’s an idiot. He was doing it from 'Old School.'” After being cited for indecent exposure, Mourad remarked, “It’s stupid, I know.” According to his Facebook page, Mourad lists “Old School” among his favorite films. The 2003 movie starred Will Ferrell as beer-guzzling Frank “The Tank” Ricard, who memorably goes streaking one night, only to be discovered jogging in the middle of the street by his wife and her friends.

Hey guy, how about updating your Facebook page once every half a decade or so and we'll avoid this whole situation.  Don't get me wrong, Oldschool is still a favorite in the comedy genre, but that was 8 fucking years ago! 8 Years ago! Do you know how many summer frat-comedies have come out since then? 

Shit, if you'd pulled this little stunt in 2003 you'd probably have gotten away with it, at least then the officers could have been like, "oh well that's  relevant I guess," and then released you to your parents...but now? Now you're just an adult registered sex offender that's held on to their favorite summer comedy for wayyyy too long. 15 year old kid immitating a movie in cinemas? Boys will be Boys. 23 year old creepy guy exposing himself to neighbors and children while he jogs his cul-de-sac? Jail Material.

Now, back when I could understand how my Facebook page was laid out I was notorious for not updating stuff for years at a time, so I get that, but the one thing I always made time for was to update the comedy flavor of the month at least every few months.  These aren't cinematic classics like Forest Gump, Goodwill Hunting, The Shawkshank Redemption, timeless movies that you can leave on your page for decades. We're talking about a Will Ferrell movie. This has a shelf life of 9 months tops. Not saying its not a fun watch after that, just saying you're not going to score with any movie-buff chics if you keep listing out of date

Homemade Russian Bungee Jumping...It's Safer Than It Looks

The really scary thing? These are in all likelihood the smartest minds in Russia. Look at that rig, is that a double pulley system with a safety zip line? 

This is the second video I've seen from the Ruskies, first time I was horrified, this time didn't feel a thing, just admired their engineering. Like she's legit safer than your average bridge bungee jumper in America (assuming the buildings she's tethered to don't crumble). I'll take a Mad Russian Physicist rigging up my gear over some American Stoner/Adrenaline junky any day.