Soccer Fail, Week 5

CW's guest goalie appearance last night went about as well as this guys.

Another week, another dissapointing result for B8, losing by 1 goal in another crushing defeat.  I'll be honest, if I didn't relish antagonizing my readership once a week I'd find it pretty hard to summon the inspiration to continue with these wrap ups. 

B8 was undermanned and as a result underperformed, losing to the previously winless B7 (our natural rivals).  The team put forth a spirited effort, no lack of hustle, but missing our keeper and leading striker was just to much to over come.  Everyone put forth a pretty good effort last night, but team Captain Ross will take home game ball honors in defeat.  A one man wrecking crew leading the way scoring wise. 

The few highlights from the match included cohabitating teammates Kathryn and Ross hooking up (see what I did there) on a nifty set piece, CW scoring a goalie goal on a full field kick, Mazz taking a headbut to the chest that some how resulted in the other guy going down for the count, Mazz mixing it up with the opposing goalie and subsequently his entire team (he's a feisty one), and Dan continually sassing the ref and nearly drawing our first card of the year.  Safe to say we're gaining a rep as one America's edgier Division B Coed-Mixed Adult Indoor Soccer Teams, now if we could only get a win...

Pizza Hut Calls Woman A Bitch, A Spades a Spade

She can cut the shit with the whole playing innocent routine, there is no way she just called up and made a simple complaint.  I've complained to various food chains before and it takes a lot for them to credit you free stuff, being called a bitch is just collateral damage.  And the thing is, the 16 year old working the phone and register probably just wrote that so they made sure the order was correct this time. Its not his fault he was too dumb to realize his message gets printed on the receipt.  Kid doesn't even have his GED yet, give him a break.  

And most people drop it there, maybe call in one more complaint and never order again.  What did she do? She invited the news station over to publicize the whole thing.  You know who would do that? A bitch.  You know who would express fears of taunts and retaliations from Pizza deliverymen and minimum wage cashiers? A bitch.  You know who would dramatically play up this whole event into some kind of anti-motherhood/starving children story (You seriously went there? Did you scavenge for the ingredients yourself? No, you picked up the phone and dialed 10 numbers.  Time to dial back the hyperbole) That's right, a bitch.  Looks like the verdict is in.

PS: The news reporter could hardly contain his excitement huh? Take it easy buddy, not need to let your emotions get out of control. 

Most Feared Weapon on Earth Strikes Again

MSNBC - It looks like the machete is now the tool of choice for employees at Bridgeton, N.J., delis. A man wearing a black ski mask entered Primo’s Deli on North Laurel Street around 7 p.m. on Saturday. The robber allegedly claimed that he was armed with a gun and demanded money, according to police. Andres Garcia was behind the counter and instead of cooperating with the would-be robber he turned the tables. He reached under the register and pulled out a machete, scaring off the robber. No one was injured, and nothing was taken from the store. The suspect is described as a heaThe incident occurred exactly one week after an armed robbery at the Lincoln Deli and Grocery in Bridgeton in which an employee who grabbed a machete from behind the counter chased off three robbers.vy-set 5-foot-8 white male. He was last seen wearing a black coat and blue jeans.

 Whats with these idiots in Jersey lately?  Never bring a gun to a machete fight.  That's a battle you'll lose every time (at least the times where you don't pull the trigger).  I say this with absolutely no personal experience but I'm pretty sure I'd be infinitely more scared of a guy wielding a legit machete over the guy with your standard run of the mill 9mm (not hoping to test this just in case anyone gets an ideas).  

You know the guy with the 9 mm.  He's just your average unoriginal robber/criminal.  Forced unwillingly into the life of crime, probably wants to be in the situation as little as the people he's criminalizing.  Just go about the standard play set, handover what he's asking for and it'll be over with.  Its as normal a routine as going to the bank at this point (and only slighty more of a hassle)

The guy with the machete though? Forget about it.  I'd wet myself at first sight.  This guy is not here to mess around, and he's certainly not come to rob a drawer of cash.  The machete is for one thing and one thing only, settling scores.

Screw silent alarms lets just arm every bank teller and cashier with one of these babies.

First Ever Non-Dork Star Trek Fan

I need this Star Trek Door.  

And just like that, everything I've ever known about Star Trek geeks goes right out the window.  If this is the type of shit they're up to in their spare time they I've drastically underestimated their coolness.  Sure he and his friends probably constructed this while dressed like Klingons or humans in tight fitting mock turtlenecks but the end result is the same, The Greatest Door On Earth.  Besides this guy seems pretty normal, I'm sure he only spends half his time learning non-existent languages and fantasizing about alien sodomy. 

Can Someone Translate this Sign?

 

Look, its time for all my random Eastern Asian readers to help me out.  I know you come to my site every day in hopes of hacking it in some way, I'm not so disillusioned to think that you're fans of my writings, but now its time to give me something back.  I won't collect your IP addresses and ban them so long as you leave a comment translating this sign, because I need to know what lies beyond this door.  I assume just the antithesis of joy, but that's far too broad. 

On the other hand it could be some kind of Asian food restaurant?  Just letting their customers know they don't serve dog or ice cream? Is the eating of ice cream looked down upon in Asia, like some kind of white man taboo?