South African Man Wakes Up After 21 Hour Nap...In The Morgue

JOHANNESBURG – A South African health official says a man awoke to find himself in a morgue fridge -- nearly a day after his family thought he had died. Health department spokesman Sizwe Kupelo said Monday that the man awoke Sunday afternoon, 21 hours after his family called in an undertaker who sent him to the morgue after an asthma attack. Kupelo says the man started yelling, prompting morgue workers to run away in fear. They eventually returned and removed him from the fridge. He was then taken to a nearby hospital and later discharged by doctors who deemed him stable. The mortuary owner says his family is very happy to have him home. Kupelo urged South Africans to call on health officials to confirm that their relatives are really dead.

Guy lives in South Africa, he was probably just trying to beat the heat for a few hours, no? Probably the best nap he got in years, no messing with mosquito nets, no humidity, just the ice cool comforts of the morgue, and knowing that hundreds of corpses have laid where you're resting.

All seriousness, this guy is not nearly angry enough at his family or the morgue...urging them to confirm relatives are dead? Come on bro, your family got rid of you the first chance they could once you passed out, couldn't have cared less. If I were you I wouldn't plan on any drinking binges anytime soon, your ass will wind up in the exact same spot.

Scientists Proclaim Time Travel Impossible, Finally Catch Up to Us Non-Dorks

Fox News - By proving that even a single photon must obey Einstein's theory that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light, Hong Kong physicists believe they have debunked the idea of time travel once and for all. A Hong Kong University of Science and Technology research team led by Du Shengwang said they had proved that a single photon, or unit of light, "obeys the traffic law of the universe." "Einstein claimed that the speed of light was the traffic law of the universe or in simple language, nothing can travel faster than light," the university said on its website. "Professor Du's study demonstrates that a single photon, the fundamental quanta of light, also obeys the traffic law of the universe just like classical EM (electromagnetic) waves." The possibility of time travel was raised 10 years ago when scientists discovered superluminal -- or faster-than-light -- propagation of optical pulses in some specific medium, the team said. If Shengwang and his team are correct, that possibility is now no more than ancient history.

As a general rule of thumb I tend to believe anything portrayed by "mad scientists" in sci-fi movies is just fictional.  Which is why I'd strongly encourage this team of "scientists" to not waste their time proving to me that Frankenstein's monster is an impossibility...It's ok, I already understand that's not real, go work on a real problem like Aids, or see if their is a scientific solution to this debt ceiling debacle.  

Here's the thing, these guys might be geniuses, far smarter than I can ever imagine, but I'd rather be of slightly above average intelligence (yea, I'm confident) with common sense, than a genius that's dumb as a brick when it comes to normal real life shit.   I just feel like these brainiacs spend an inordinate amount of time proving out or dispelling ridiculous theories that, quite frankly, none of us regular people give a shit about...mostly because they're not important at all.  

For example, I'm not contributing shit to society via this blog, but then again, even if I wasn't doing this, I'd really have nothing extra to offer, just a couple of extra free hours a day.  But for you're average super nerd that's not the case.  These guys are directly harming our existence by not putting their talents to actual work that could be of some good to all of us.

And if that makes me greedy or selfish, well, that's nothing new.

Study Finds Internet As Addictive as Drugs...I'm Certain Crack Addicts Disagree

Fairly Certain Tyrone Wasn't Itching to Check his Twitter Feed

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - The Internet may have become just as addictive as smoking and drinking. A new study by consumer research firm Intersperience found that 53 percent of those surveyed were upset when they were denied Web access, while 40 percent were lonely, even if the time away from the Internet was short. Intersperience surveyed more than 1,000 people. One person surveyed even said being deprived of the Internet was "like having my hand chopped off."

First off, the internet is absolutely addictive, I'm not going to argue otherwise...Pretty sure it drives my girlfriend crazy that anytime I'm bored for 2.5 seconds I'm picking up my Xoom to see what the internet has been up to.

That said, I've never once contemplated sucking dick for highs speed broadband access, never once robbed my grandma's change purse to access an internet cafe, and so far, long weekends away from the world wide web haven't resulted in myself frothing at the mouth and other withdrawal symptoms.

What I'm saying is, that as a blogger, I don't really appreciate being lumped in with your average neighborhood wine-o and junky, and I'm sure they're not exactly thrilled to be compared to me either.

Kid Rock Disappointed by the Quality of Strippers that Washed Up Rock Stars Attract

Does this look like a guy who can afford to be picky?

StarPulse - Kid Rock is considering vetting the strippers promoters hire to join him onstage at shows because some of them are a little "shaky" close-up. The rap-rocker invites venue bosses to find the best local talent in strip bars and ask them to perform alongside him - but he's often shocked by the ladies gyrating and dancing around him. He tells Rolling Stone magazine, "We actually need to devise a better system, because night to night it's pretty f**king shaky. "There are certain nights when I'm like, 'Wow, what the f**k?'"

Hate to be the one to break it to you Mr. Rock, but those strippers you enjoyed for those few years at the peak? They're not coming back.  Welcome back to the real world,  the land of everyman strippers, C-sections, stretchmarks, pockmarks, just all around grossness. That's just what happens when you go from headlining big time venues in big time cities, to headlining second and third class venues in second and third class cities.  You just can't expect the same quality of stripper.

It's time to face facts, you're not Kid and you're hardly rock these days, last I knew, the good strippers aren't lining up to parade around for a kind of washed up, 40+ year old dude with ratty hair, a wife beater, and a semi beer belly.  The good ones are all flocking to Joe Jonas now. Sorry Kid.

Dude Getting Laid in a Dodge Caravan, As Filmed By Saul Rosenberg

EMBED-Caught On Camera: Couple In Minivan - Watch more free videos

Yea, it's a couple days old, it's been seen everywhere, but I just watched it. And frankly I haven't seen anyone commenting on the fact that Saul Rosenberg from the Jerky Boys was the guy filming the couple. The guy is so goddamned neurotic. My two favorite quotes.

"I'm not looking, I'm just going to watch the video"...umm Saul, they're fucking in the middle of the freeway, windows open, guy waving at you, girl eye banging the shit out of you...its cool if you look, they want it.

"So what, I don't care I'm just holding a fucking phone" ...Saul, that trick hasn't worked since '02. Everyone knows what it means when a stranger is just idly holding up a cell phone pointed directly at them...Not saying I don't try to pull this move off when shooting odd balls on the subway, just saying I'm pretty sure they all know what I'm doing, When's the last time anyone texted someone while holding their phone out with one hand at arms length? Never.

Mort Goldman/Saul Rosenberg...Same person.