Boston is the Safest City for Pedestrian Walkers? What?

Navigating the streets with these double length bus/trolley transvestite combos isn't safe by anyone's standards

Boston Globe - America's safest city for pedestrians? Boston? Tell that to anyone who has ever hopped from island to island at Kenmore, forded four lanes of traffic and two lanes of trolleys on Huntington Avenue, or slammed on the brakes to avoid the legions crossing against the light.  And yet, the Hub came out best today on a ranking from a national advocacy coalition. Among the 52 metropolitan areas with at least 1 million residents, Florida claimed four of the five worst spots in the "Dangerous by Design 2011" report from Transportation for America, which advocates for more transportation spending, emphasizing walking, biking, and mass transit. The Sun Belt proved most dangerous, reflecting the hazards of setting out on foot in sprawling cities built up in an era when planners focused on making roads wider and faster for cars -- and where drivers are less accustomed to pedestrians. "Everybody calls Boston America's most European city, and so it's no coincidence that we've got a relatively low fatality rate," said Furth, who is not affiliated with the report. "In German cities, Dutch cities, Swedish cities, the pedestrian fatality rates are still three times less than ours, so we still have lessons to learn."

Listen, I love Boston as much as the next guy, but in all fairness here, I think Florida is just getting a bad rap.  I mean you can’t tell me that a state with some of the top universities in the world doesn’t have an inherent advantage over a state where Dade Community college is considered one of the better higher learning institutions. 

If you’re from florida and having a hard time following me here, I’m saying you’re just a bit dumber than the rest of us up here. It’s not you fault, you’re a product of your education system, but facts are facts.  I mean we have above ground trains, the silver line, double length busses, illegal immigrants, a city where people actually work (sorry there Disney world doesn’t count) with people commuting in and out by car all day long.  It’s not safer, we just remember things like, look both ways, and if the light is green there’s probably a car coming.  And the whole having jobs thing doesn’t hurt, not as many people looking for a quick cash infusion via personal injury law suits.

PS: I've never heard anyone call Boston "America's most European city." That's not a thing, you just made that up. 

Even the Drunk Parrots in Australia have more Rights than Fun Loving Americans

Metro UK - The birds are thought to get into their inebriated state by eating a particular plant that makes them exhibit all the tendencies of having overdone it on the sauce.  According to Ark Animal Hospital vet Dr Stephen Cutter, the birds act in a drunken manner and then fall over: ‘It's probably a plant with alcohol, or toxins in a plant making it worse’. The birds typically start out by making a lot of racket on a Friday night at the Palmerston Markets, followed by more loud drunken behaviour before they eventually fall over. The morning after is said to be very bad for the seriously hungover parrots, who can be sick for up to three days.

 I think this pretty clearly illustrates the difference between us and Australians.  Australians are content to laugh and drink along side the birds, and all in all are down for a good time.  Americans would criticize, impose bird age and substance limits and all in all look to ban the bird population from making their own decisions and having a good time.  Pretty glaring difference.

On the other hand, we'd also be on the hunt to find out what the fuck it is these Wine-o birds are eating and bottle that shit up for college kids consumption.  Sounds like a potential gold mine, until the inevitable college kid passes out while trying to fornicate a drunk pigeon he lured into his dorm with his Tropic Juice (TM pending) and the resulting pictures go viral on Facebook.

By the way, the actual headline for this article: "Drunk Parrots Acting Up and Falling Out of the Sky in Australia (Again)." 

How to Write an Epic Cover Letter...This Guy Definitely Got the Job

Here's a free tip to college seniors looking for a job from a hiring middle manager sifting through countless boring and redundant cover letters and resumes....I'd much rather see an original, creative, funny as shit cover letter like this, than one more touting your involvement int eh student tutor center, president of some made up club with like 3 people in it, or some whole paragraph dedicated to your senior business project.  

Sorry, I know you have to put that shit on there, it's not like you have any real world relevant experience, but you're all the same. Really, you are.  

I get it, you went to college, you took part in classes, and in senior year you figured you should get invovled in some clubs because it would look good on your resume.  Guess what, I don't give a shit.  This isn't your college application, your extra curriculars don't mean anything to me.  You could have slept and drank your way through your free time or read to the blind and walked little old ladies across the street, doesn't make a difference to me.  

And for the love of God, do not refer back to your resume during the interview with me. I hate that.  I've read the thing, you've made it to the interview, that's as far as that piece of paper is going to take you.  From here on out its up you you, your charm, and your ability to speak like an adult.  No amount of embellished accomplishments, or big fancily worded action words that you found while googling "how to write a resume" , or fake references are going to help you now....that is unless you've put together an A+ hysterical cover letter like my man above. He'd be hired.  

What I'm saying is, yes, bullshit your way through your resume, it'll get you in the door, but once you're in the door, it's on you.  That resume isn't worth the piece of paper you printed it on at that point.  Be real, answer a few questions in a straight forward manner, and prove to me that you're not still a child. That's all I'm looking for.

Couple Floods House After Assault Rifle Target Practice in the Bedroom Punctures the Washing Machine

Standard AR-15 Assault Rifle, Common Household Gun

Officials are investigating a weekend incident during which a man indicated his wife fired an AR-15 rifle at a target inside a master bedroom closet, missing the target and blasting holes in a washing machine. When deputies on Sunday entered the home in the 5700 block of Spanish River Road, they found "a lot of water on the floor covering most of the residence," according to recently released St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office records.  They had a "good evening," but started arguing on Sunday about reconciling. She said she told her husband she didn't want to get back together because she has a new boyfriend. She said her husband "went crazy" and started shooting indoors. She said he was firing close to her and thought he was trying to scare her. She said blood on her legs came from "the bullets hitting the washing machine and the metal shards hitting her." The woman, however, said she also was shooting with her husband. Asked to write a sworn statement, she said, "I'll try my best but I'm drunk."  "Both parties were advised to stay away from each other," the report states. It wasn't immediately clear what the husband was grilling.

You have to wonder why these two crazy kids can't just work this out.  I mean they obviously share common interests, such as setting up targets in the master bedroom closet and firing military grade machine guns into it, and grilling food, and I'm sure there are others.  I mean if that's not love, then what else is it?  And as the song says, "all you need is love." 

So what if hubby missed and the errant bullet sprayed a little shrapnel from the washing machine into your leg.  Stitches can fix that.  But there aren't any stitches that I know of that will fill the hole in your heart after your one shot at true love walks out that door in handcuffs for felony firing an assault rifle inside a domicile after you've reported him.  That tends to be a deal breaker.

PS: I was wondering what he was grilling, seems like shoddy reporting not to have that info.

Hardcore Xbox Trash Talking Caught on Video (Bonus, liberal use of the N-word!)

DAMN! Xbox is hard as fuck!.  My unit got the 3 red lights of death like 3 years ago, never felt compelled to get it fixed, until just now.

Shit has apparently gotten real serious since  I left the Xbox community.  First of all, I didn't even know you could send voice mails, never mind thought out the possibilities rants and trash talking laden with racial profanities that you could send smug gamer nerds.  I would have been all about that.  

Half the reason I haven't bothered to get the Xbox fixed is because of those nerds, CW couldn't even play a simple session of Halo with out getting his ass blown up every 3.5 seconds, that wasn't fun.  Just once I would have liked to enter a session with people like me, normal folk who have other priorities than getting their gamer rank up.  

If I'd known I could have gone around offending people throwing out "good games" and leaving hardcore profanity laced voicemails I would have been much more on board.