Too Cold For Recess? Pussification of America Continues

USAToday - When is it too cold for schoolchildren to go outside for recess? The answer varies widely based on where a school is located and what the kids are used to. Consider: One northern Minnesota school says it has to be 15 below zero before kids are kept inside. But in areas along the East Coast, temperatures below 35 to 40 degrees could keep kids inside.

And the article goes on to support more facts regarding the pussification of America.  I take serious issue with this because I can't once recall being held inside due to it being "too cold outside" I remember a few recesses that were held in the gym or auditorium because the playground was buried in snow up to our waists but never because of temperatures.  Suck it up east coast kids, you're frigen embarrassing us.  

You don't think we were freezing our asses off out there playing touch football in the 5 degree winter?  Struggling to catch the ball in our stretchy gloves?  Shit was cold, but we were fine because we stayed active.  I'm guessing the problem with this generation of softies is that recess consists of a bunch of frigen nerds standing around in a circle playing Donkey Kong on their Nintendo DS or some shit.  I don't think I've ever seen anyone over the age of 12 playing with one of those things but they seem to  be wildly popular with the "educational but fun" parenting crowd that seems to be the trend these days.  Well guess what parents, your kids are going to grow up to be soft non-competitive basement dwellers who are crippled when they face any kind of adverse conditions in life.  

If I'm a teacher I'm throwing these puss-bags outside and letting them fend for themselves.  Recess was like 15 minutes back in my day, what is the worst that can happen in 15 minutes? You're not getting frost bite that's for sure.  Make sure your class doesn't have that one show-off moron that decides he's going to stick his tongue to something and you're all set.

Indoor Soccer Wrap Up: The Finale

Surprise! Admit it, you thought these columns were done when it went missing last week, didn’t you?

Actually so did I, but I figured I’d complete the season, which is exactly what b8 did last night, ending their season with the W.  The game was won in fairly convincing fashion with a mid second half surge that put the game out of reach. Over all B8 finished 4-0-1 down the stretch and two games above .500 for the season, congrats guys and gals.

Goal scoring was spread around, with the most notable tally coming on a left footed strike to the far post from this blogs very own Maestro (the most success he’s seen all week if you’ve been following his picks).  

Other highlights included your very own CW taking what I believe was the first and only shot to the baby makers this season for the team,  as well as CW trampling his own teammate in pursuit of the ball (sorry Kathryn). 

I’ve grown tired of giving out game balls this year and I haven’t take one for myself so I’m taking this one, despite not scoring or really contributing anything at all of substance last night. 

Quite frankly I’m probably as excited as all of you are that these columns are coming to an end.   There are only so many different ways you can write what is essentially the same wrap up each week.  I now understand why the local tee-ball leagues never get the sports media attention I’ve thought they long deserved.  It’s boring as shit.

Australian Couple Saved From Flood By Sex Doll

Fox News - A bizarre decision to ride an inflatable doll down a flood-swollen Yarra River in Australia blew up in a woman’s face yesterday when she lost her latex playmate in a rough patch. The incident prompted a warning from police that blow-up sex toys are "not recognized flotation devices’’.  Police and a State Emergency Services crew were called to the rescue when the woman and a man, both 19, struck trouble at Warrandyte North about 4.30 p.m. Tuesday. They were floating down the river on two inflatable dolls and had just passed the Pound Bend Tunnel when the woman lost her toy in turbulent water. She clung to a floating tree, calling for help while the man stayed with her. Fortunately for the pair, a passer-by called triple zero while while a kayaker took life jackets to the pair. Police and the SES crew hauled the water-logged thrillseekers to safety.

Laugh all you want people, fact is if a Biblical style flood swept through the Boston area right now all the sexually enlightened folks who spend there days at adult play shops would be high and dry and the rest of us washed down the river.  Seriously, how many people happen to have potential flotation devices hanging around in their house other than sex dolls?  These things need to be recognized for what they truly are...Life Savers.  

Love how the chic had her own doll, didn't expect that at all. How does that work? She started dating this guy and he happened to have two blow up dolls and that didn't scare her away? She just kinda asked him to share one like a normal girlfriend asks you to share your favorite pair of sweatpants?

PS: Frigen Australia. Triple 0 for emergency calls?  I figured their emergency number would be 119, like the whole reverse flushing of the toilet thing they got going on down there.

A Word of Advice to College Seniors Before Job Hunting Season Begins

Actual Chinese Job Fair: If you think America's college grads think its tough, just imagine what it would be like in China, competing against literally a billion other people who look and sound just like you. Daunting

It's second semester for you seniors out there, and for everyone not fortunate enough to have mommy and daddy pay for a few more years of grad school it means shits about to get real. 

Sleeping in on Fridays because of that awesome schedule you made for yourself? Gone. Afternoon naps because you're exhausted from touring Call of Duty till 4 Am? See ya. Frigen plates of french fries, pizza and ice cream for lunch and dinner? Well, technically you can still do that but it aint gonna be free on that sweet meal plan.  Drunk girls partying in your dorm room because your buddies pooled together enough cash for a few 30's?  Please, welcome to the world of $10 dollar cover charges and $8 Captain n' cokes.  

Overwhelmed yet? You've still got to find a job.  Most of you will be thrilled just to get a job offer better than flipping burgers or smoking doobies out back of your liquor store stock room job.  Job market sucks. You're going to be tempted to take that first $35K + offer even if its got nothing to do with what you thought you'd be doing right out of college.  I'm telling you now, don't.  Live in your parents basement for a few more months if that's what it takes.  Eat more frozen food and ramen than you did in the dorms if that's what it takes.  Play so much xbox in a dark room between interviews that anytime you step outside and see your 65 year old neighbor walking her dog it gets you a little excited because its the first girl you've seen in days, if that's what it takes. Live the life of a vagabond until you find the job you actually wanted. If you have to, go greet old people at Wal-Mart, just don't take anything that could turn into a career that you never wanted.

Trust me, if you don't, 4 years later you're going to end up dead inside at a job you took for a quick pay check , starting a blogging Fiefdom, begging a few friends and strangers on twitter to read it and dreaming of an advertising deal(not that I'm talking from personal experience or anything).

You're thinking, no I won't, it'll only be temporary.  Bullshit. Temporary turns into a year and you get a small promotion (aka bait).  Maybe 6-12 months later you get a bonus or another raise.  You know what just happened? You just priced yourself right out of the job market.  Your dream is gone.

That temporary job now pays you more than any job you're qualified for anywhere else.  And I'm telling you first hand it is too hard to go back to lesser money to get on a different career path.  You're not going to go from that $1,500 a month apartment back to your parents basement.  You've tasted freedom, you've  been to the promised land, you've opened credit cards, gone on vacations and benders, and bought big screen tv's that would look ridiculous in your childhood bedroom, there is no going back.

Oh, and one more thing. If you always joked around telling people you wanted to be a professional lottery winner, give that shit up. Even if it does exist my application has been on file much longer than yours.  

Burglars Snort Man's Ashes, Thought it was Cocaine

MIAMI (Reuters) - Burglars snorted the cremated remains of a man and two dogs in the mistaken belief that they had stolen illegal drugs, Florida sheriff's deputies said on Wednesday. The ashes were taken from a woman's home in the central Florida town of Silver Springs Shores on December 15. The thieves took an urn containing the ashes of her father and another container with the ashes of her two Great Danes, along with electronic equipment and jewelry, the Marion County Sheriff's Office said. Investigators learned what happened to the ashes after they arrested five teens in connection with another burglary attempt at a nearby home last week. "The suspects mistook the ashes for either cocaine or heroin. It was soon discovered that the suspects snorted some of the ashes believing they were snorting cocaine," the sheriff's report said. Once they realized their error, the suspects discussed returning the remaining ashes but threw them in a lake instead because they thought their fingerprints were on the containers, sheriff's spokesman Judge Cochran said. Police divers were trying to recover the ashes. The suspects were jailed on numerous burglary and other charges.

  

These must be the dumbest fucking teen criminals in the history of earth?  How retarded do you have to be to mistake an Urn full of ashes for a stash of coke?  Is that a common hiding place these days that I'm not aware of?  Or when you popped the top and saw the powder was all ashy and gray wouldn't that be a give away?  

I'm no druggie but I've seen enough movies and National Geographic specials to know what coke is supposed to look like.  Certainly shouldn't resemble burnt up dog carcass.  I'm seriously concerned with the level of education this countries teenagers are getting these days. I took DARE in the 5th grade, I could identify Dust, PCP, Meth, Coke, Heroin and Crack before I'd even had my first kiss.  You'd think in a drug intense area like Miami these kids would have been doing drug flash cards since they were toddlers.  Could have avoided this whole mix up.

On the other hand they'll probably luck out in their sentencing.  I have to believe the penalty for stealing an Urn of ashes is less than stealing an Urn of narcotics.  I don't think there are any federal laws against possessing a dead dog's remains.

X-Ray Pin-Up Porn - TSA Must Love This Stuff

OH THE HORROR!  Every time I hear about another person having concerns over privacy about these TSA screeners (and its pretty much a nightly occurrence if you watch the news, still) I can't help but think what is the concern here?  Like, what do you think they're going to do with the pictures?

Take the person above, she went out of her way to make a whole Pin-Up calendar spread with similar photos.  About as provocative as you can get with a body imaging machine.  The end result? A translucent, skeletal image, in no way sexy or arousing.  Also she's been cleared for contraband.

People seriously choose being molested and letting that entry level TSA worker get to third base with you while you wait to board a plane for the family trip to Disney land, over having a milky, ghost like silhouette photo of your insides be taken?  Yea, that seems reasonable.