Airlines Selling Plane Crash Survival Classes To Stupid Rich People

Fox News - Frequent flyers with British Airways will soon be able to cash in their air miles for lessons on how to survive plane crashes. The airline is offering members of its Executive Club places in its new four-hour air safety course from next year for roughly the same price return flight from London to Rome -- about $195, The Independent reported Monday. Andy Clubb, who is running the course, said, "It makes passengers safer when traveling by giving additional skills and information, it dispels all those internet theories about the brace position, and it just gives people so much more confidence in flying."

Just another case of rich people being dumb as bricks. I have no idea how they manage to get rich and hold on to their money, it’s astounding.

Plane crash survival classes? That’s almost as crafty an idea as upscale luxury port a pottys. Newsflash, if that plane crashes you’re one dead Wasp. Maybe a prepared dead wasp, but dead all the same.

Like ya, your body will be the one they discover in the proper impact position, probably clutching the seat like a flotation device, oxygen mask on and working (even though it doesn’t inflate oxygen is flowing) while your neighbors just dangles there because you paid attention and administered yours before helping your neighbors like you're instructed…only when it came time to administer your neighbors your plane was already fried to a crisp after smashing into the ground.

But hey, it aint my money. Spend it how you see fit I guess.

Shocking Study: Most American's Lie About How Healthy Their Diet Is.

NEW YORK (AP) - Americans talk skinny but eat fat. No matter that First Lady Michelle Obama has been on a crusade for a year and a half to slim down the country. Never mind that some restaurants have started listing calories on their menus. Forget even that we keep saying we want to eat healthy. When Americans eat out, we order burgers and fries anyway. "If I wanted something healthy, I would not even stop in at McDonald's," says Jonathan Ryfiak, 24, a New York trapeze instructor who watches his diet at home but orders comfort foods like chicken nuggets and fries when he hits a fast-food joint.

Of course we lie about what we eat, who's going to admit to pounding a small McDonalds #10 as an appetizer when you're driving to someones house for dinner? No one. And I'm going to tell you I had a healthy chicken and veggies dinner, not going to mention that I had such a healthy dinner to leave room for a brownie and two cookies after dinner, just going to ignore that completely.

I lie on annonymous surveys at work. Seriously. Every year we have this health survey at work to gauge just how quickly everyones fat asses are expanding, and every year I lie on it. How many servings of fruit do you have a week? Without a doubt I'll answer 3-6...I haven't had 3 servings of fruit this month unless you count the couple off bowls of raisin bran I've had. On average how much physical activity do you get a day? No question I'm answering 30 minutes, which is only true if you add up all the walks back and forth to the printer and my car in the parking lot, but I'm pretty sure that's not what they're looking for.

I signed up for a second gym membership (that's right two!) this past week, just so I can casually toss that into conversation and save some face about my health. Nevermind that I haven't been to the first gym in probably 5 months.  I walked to that gym last night, got on the treadmill and did 15 minutes of cardio and was legit exhausted. 15 minutes. I rationalized it because I'd walked a quarter of a mile to get there. 

I got home and had every intention of eating healthy, was going to get steamed chinese chicken and brown rice, but when I got on the phone it was like I was autoprogrammed: Teriyaki chicken, white rice and a side of fried crab rangoon.

I'll probably do it all over again today.

A Few Thoughts on Occupy Boston

As a "dried up old geezer" who cares about random social and economic things, I figured I'd share my thoughts (read: sarcastic and snarky comments) on Occupy Boston. God knows Seanny isn't going to, still busy living in the fantasy land that is college, preoccupied with making it through a day without coffee, completely unaware that shortly after graduation day he'll in all likelihood be living in a tent-town himself...hope they have Wifi, Sean, I'm still going to expect a few blogs out of you.

- How come every "liberal" gathering or rally ends up looking like a hemp-fest/earth day celebration? I'm a young and liberal leaning voter. I don't have mutton chops, I've never had dreads, don't wear drug rugs or crochet caps. I have a job, a decent apartment, and don't steal cable or internet from my neighbors. I really wish these people would stop going out and pretending they represent me or my fellow young working class professionals (or yuppies, yea, I'm a yuppie). You're making us look bad.

- Not for nothing, but it doesn't exactly look like these guys are roughing it, in fact, it looks like most of them spent a day or two stocking up at REI or Dicks Sporting Goods before heading down there...I see a few tents that probably cost half a months rent in that crowd. It borderline looks like a base camp for Mt. Everest. What I don't see is any truly poor people with make shift tents made out of newspapers and blankets strewn over a piece of rope like the tent towns of yesteryear.

- Did you really have to pick the Greenway? I want to like what you're doing here but you're making it awfully hard when you've literally picked my favorite spot in Boston to turn into a smelly campground. Can't you move this to Boston Common? All the decision makers live over by Beacon Hill anyway, just go camp out on that side of the common. The only people you're hassling there are hard working financial district people walking to work. I'm sure 23 year olds just out of college making 35k a year as entry level fund accountants aren't exactly sympathetic to a bunch of people who have enough time to camp out in tents and roast marshmallows and sing koombayah all day long. 

- Speaking of...what is your message? Like I hate to say this, goes against every bone in my body, but at least the Tea Party organized and formed a few general messages early on, what are you guys doing? You're embarrasing the democratic base. Get.Your.Shit.Together. And fast. Pick a few leaders who will stay on message, preferably ones that look like they've showered and don't smoke pot out of 5 foot bongs in their tent, and have them get the message out. No one's reading your card board signs.

- Speaking of cardboard signs, what happened to the homeless people that used to hangout there? That was one of the primo-high rent spots for pan handlers, hitting up every yuppie leaving their job from the financial district after work, and every car spilling out from the highway to their apartments in Southie. I know you're trying to help the lower and middle class, but you've just put those people right out of business.

-Hold actual, scheduled events, and hold them on the weekends too. I'd love to show my support at a rally...but I'm not coming down on a Tuesday afternoon for a walk through a park. Again, get a few speakers, get a podium and a megaphone, announce a Saturday rally, and get your message out. And yes, it has to be Saturday. Pick a time when the majority of working middle class Bostonians can actually show up without having to take time off from work. And no, you can't pick Sunday. You know what your average young middle-lower class working stiff is doing on Sunday? Tracking his Yahoo! Fantasy Football team, not attending rallies with loose agendas.

Father Arrested After Refusing to Take Son to Dentist So he Yanked Out his Own Teeth

EASTON, Pa. – A Pennsylvania man has pleaded guilty to reckless endangerment after his teenage son tried to pull out his own teeth because he hadn't been taken to a dentist. The Express-Times of Easton reports that 40-year-old Francisco Torres told a Northampton County judge Monday that he "procrastinated" about get the boy dental care. Police say the boy tried to pull out his teeth after complaining of pain for several months. He broke two teeth and needed emergency surgery to have the fragments removed. He is now 14. The Express-Times report says Torres told the court he had insurance problems that contributed to the delay.

 

Arrest the kid, and throw away the key. Your dad doesn’t take you to the dentist and you pay him back buy ripping your own teeth out? Are you fucking insane. You know how many kids would kill for this? Nobody wants to go to the dentist, your dad was giving you a get out of jail free card (which, ironically, he could use right about now).

My dentist died a few years ago, legit died, and I haven’t been back to a dentists office since. I just figure the dentist/patient relationship is one of those mating for life things, like the penguins or something.  You don’t just mourn and move on, pick out some schmuck from the yellow pages and let him start hammering away at your gums with that miniature pitchfork. You go without, you honor your dentist with daily brushings, a mouth wash here and there, and the occasional flossing/paper plate picking to get lunch out from between your teeth.

What you don’t do is pull your teeth out because they were hurting a little bit. You know what hurts, kid? Bloody sockets and teeth ripped in half because someone tried to yank their upper incisor out with a pair of channel locks, that hurts. Know what else is gonna hurt? Living in a foster family because your Dad got locked up for not taking you for regular fluoride treatments, so good luck with that.

Nikki Minaj and Her Pink Fried Chicken Necklace...Am I Allowed to Comment on This?

HuffPo - Nicki Minaj has done it again...This time, the look consisted of a pink fried chicken necklace.

Yea, its friend chicken and its dyed pink. Fucking crazy, right?

Is it cool if I make fun of this? I just don’t know where I stand, I mean on the one hand, I’m white, so I’m constantly afraid of saying something that’ll vilify me to the black community by accident. On the other hand, Nicki is wearing fried chicken around her neck. The hard hitting investigative blogger inside of me tells me to hammer away, but my gut just says let it go, there’ll be other jokes to tell.

In other discussions, what the hell is Nicki Minaj’s game? It’s not enough that you’ve stolen Lil Kim’s fire as the best female rapper alive, you’ve got to encroach Katy Perry/Lady Gaga territory with bizarro fucking outfits as well? That’s just selfish, and frankly, a little disorienting. Like, I know white people like a little bit of zany “artistic-ness” to their artists, so maybe she’s playing to that crowd, but do black people? I just can’t see this being something going over well at Big Momma’s dinner table, and I can't remember the last time I was by the Berkley School of Music area of Boston and saw any minorities looking like this...this kind of crazy is usually strictly reserved for white people with nothing better to do o r worry about. I'm just so confused.

Borderine going to draft an e-mail to my guy Dub J to get a proper scoop on this.