Chris Brown In Trouble for Smashing Window After Good Morning America

Fox News - Chris Brown could be in trouble with the law once again following an alleged violent outburst at ABC’s “Good Morning America” studios. Brown, 21, reportedly became enraged Tuesday and smashed a huge plate glass window after being asked questions about his 2009 domestic violence conviction following the brutal assault of his former girlfriend, pop singer Rihanna.


 Chris Brown seems like a perfectly stable individual, no? Not crazy at all. That is, if you ignore the fact that he recently dyed his hair in an attempt to either look like Sisquo or one of the Golden Locks gang members from Meteor Man, beat his ex-girlfriend, and then broke a plate glass window after being asked about beating his ex-girlfriend.  But once you get by all that, he's really a nice guy.


In all honesty though, I don't blame him.  I'd want to break a plate glass window after being on Good Morning America as well.  Something about those artificially cheer personas so early in the morning.  "Bitch, I ain't even had my coffee yet, you woke my ass up at 6 AM, and now you want to talk to me about beating my girlfriend, all the while making a phony collagen assisted smile, F-U."  I figure that's what was running through Chris Browns head anyway. 

Just once I'd like to flick on the tele in the morning and see some people hosting shows as grumpy as I am, just miserable that they had to wake up for the 6,547 week day in a row to go to the same old job, present the same old traffic and weather updates and talk about the same old puff-pieces of news.  Like come on people, no one is that goddamn cheery after waking up at 4 am.  Phyically impossible. 

I guess for now I'll just have to stick with my man VB on the Fox 25 morning news show.  Sure he's not ideal, but every now and then he gets a snarky streak going that makes CW grin pre-coffee, if only for a moment. 

10 Year Old Kid Narc'd By His Friends for Slangin Cocaine

Washington (CNN) -- Four elementary students who were given cocaine by one of their classmates last week were back in school on Monday according to District of Columbia Public Schools spokeswoman Safiya Simmons. Each of the four children had either ingested cocaine orally or inhaled the substance after their classmate allegedly brought an undetermined amount to Thomson Elementary School. The students were evaluated by the school nurse and taken to the hospital as a precaution. The child accused of bringing the illegal substance to school was not back at Thomson Elementary on Monday. He was charged with possession of a controlled substance last week. A source familiar with the case said the boy who allegedly brought the cocaine to school is 10 years old.

Damn, it's frigen tough in elementary school these days huh? Shit is real.  Can't even do the decent thing and offer your friends a  piece of the party without those backstabbing bastards turning around and narc-ing you first chance they get.  You can't handle your high? Fine, but don't rat your friends out bro. 

What's a little G to do to make money these days? Carton of chocolate milk probably costs $1.25 these days.  That was a standard .35 cents for like 12 years when I was in school.  Inflation is a bitch, these kids gotta make up the extra expense somewhere, and sometimes banging and slanging rocks are just the easiest ways out.  

I mean, what better product for a few 3rd and 4th graders than a little booger sugar? Kids are amped up enough as it is, who would even know if they were on the nose candy? It should be the perfect crime, if kids could keep their mouths shut and stop snitchin', sheeeeaaaatttt. 

Hugo Chavez Believes Capitalism Ended Life on Mars, And America is Invading the Middle East for Their Water Reserves

Chavez; Dictator? Or Pirate?

CARACAS (Reuters) – Capitalism may be to blame for the lack of life on the planet Mars, Venezuela's socialist President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday. "I have always said, heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars, but maybe capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived and finished off the planet," Chavez said in speech to mark World Water Day. Chavez, who also holds capitalism responsible for many of the world's problems, warned that water supplies on Earth were drying up... "Careful! Here on planet Earth where hundreds of years ago or less there were great forests, now there are deserts. Where there were rivers, there are deserts," Chavez said, sipping from a glass of water. He added that the West's attacks on Libya were about water and oil reserves.

Wow, talk about a nut job.  I was with you on the whole Capitalism ending life on Mars theory, seemed plausible enough.  And yea we're definitely attacking Libya for their oil, that's obvious enough, there's nothing else there we'd want.  But water? Come on.

It's the desert bro.  No one invades the desert for water.  We have the Great Lakes, the Mississippi River, and the Quabbin Reservoir.  What the hell would we need with a few puddles and oasis'?  I mean if you can make that big of a mistake in logic I think I seriously have to question whether you're right about the whole capitalism on Mars theory.  I've gotta go do some thinking, Chavez.

Pole Dancing For Jesus? Yep.

CNN - In the quaint turn-of-the-century community called Old Town Spring, Texas, where Victorian style shops line the streets, one business stands out - pole fitness for Jesus. There's no preaching, just teaching. Set to Christian music, church-going women spin and slither around poles. But the instructor and the students say it's not about sex.  For them, this is about getting closer to God. "God gives us these bodies and they are suppose to be our temples and we are suppose to take care of them and that's what we are doing," instructor Crystal Dean said Booth was raised in church. Now, the pole is her temple.

Look, you can call it what you want, and I'm not judging you, but this is totally for sexual reason, don't lie to me. Whatever, maybe you're not doing this for the strip club, maybe you just want to get down and party with Jesus, I can dig that, seems like a really cool dude. That's fine, I have no problem with that. But just don't insult me with this mumbo-jumbo spiritual dance crap.  Spiritual dancers do that interpretational dance shit, girls who are DTF dance on the pole. End of story. 

PS: I love the fact that there actually are Bible Thumpers down South. Like the guy was actually thumping his Bible on their door.  The mental image just cracks me up.

Double PS: Good luck in life, teenage kid. Teenager who isn't amused and interested in girls pole dancing huh? Bet he's Mr. Popularity at school.

Bill Maher Calls Sarah Palin A Derogatory Word For Women, Bet You Can't Guess Which One!

Fox News - “Did you hear this – Sarah Palin finally heard what happened in Japan and she’s demanding that we invade ‘Tsunami,’” Maher said. “I mean she said, ‘These ‘Tsunamians’ will not get away with this.’ Oh speaking of dumb tw**s, did you...”Maher was offering an imagined Palin response in an apparent attempt at humor, as Palin had made no such statement. The National Organization for Women (NOW) refused to comment on Maher’s use of the derogatory term.

Twats, he said Twats, congrats to those of you who guessed it ahead of time.  This also means everyone can calm down a bit, it's not like he used the big one, he didn't go nuclear on her ass and say cunt, so lets all agree to just put this in perspective.  

And hallelujah, NOW didn't release a statement. You mean feminists may have a sense of humor after all? Or are they just in agreement that she really is a twat? I mean, bottom line is there is nothing wrong with calling a spade a spade.  Even feminists should agree with that.  And for those who don't agree, calling Sarah Palin a twat isn't offensive to all woman, it's offensive to Sarah Palin. And that's ok, because frankly, she's annoying, dangerous, and exceedingly dumb, yet continues to stay in the spotlight.   

I can completely understand why NOW wouldn't rush to her side.  Would you really want a shotgun toting extremist with ignorant views on life associated with you, being a representative of  your values? Unless you're the tea party or share Sarahs extremely narrow minded and dim view of the world chances are no, you wouldn't.  

Was the joke in bad taste? Perhaps, but it's on a late night pay channel (HBO), it's hardly the most shocking thing that's been uttered in that arena.

Toss Up: Eastern Europe Now? Or Eastern Europe 1983?

Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure this is present day.  One, I see modern cars driving by, which is kind of a dead give away, And two, I'm pretty sure Eastern Europe/Russia didn't get hand held cameras until about a year ago.  So this woudln't even be possible in the 80's. 

Truly funny thing is, this is exactly how I picture life in Eastern Europe. Always snowing and miserable, seemingly everday tasks taking forever due to a lack of current technology (in this case a towing rope and winch, real hi-tech), and cars all shaped like boxes that look like they were designed by 4th graders.  If there was a guy sitting on a street bench sipping vodka shots it would be complete, but alas.