Get a Load of these Absolute Dorks

Fucking geeks, right? Oh wait, that's Taylor Swift hanging out with Arnold Schwarzeneggers son? For real?

Well that just killed the Taylor swift allure. She looks like a gangly 11th grader with braces who couldn't be bothered to do her hair before showing up for first period math because she was too tired from studying geometry equations late into the night because she's worried about getting into Harvard even though she's never gotten anything lower than an A in her life...Dork.

And that's not to mention the fact that Patrick Schwarzenegger looks...simple.

FCC Ends Long National Nightmare: No More Loud Commercials!

Sun Times - The Federal Communications Commission announced Tuesday it has adopted regulations requiring broadcasters and cable and satellite TV systems to maintain constant volume levels. The order, which goes into effect in one year, “says commercials must have the same average volume as the programs they accompany,” says FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski...“It is a problem that thousands of viewers have complained about, and we are doing something about it,” Genachowski says...“Slowly but surely, consumers are going to get something they have been wanting,” says David Butler of the Consumers Union. “I never characterized this as saving the Union,” says Rep. Anna Eshoo, D-Calif., the original sponsor of the bill. “But consumers have been asking for it. We may not have peace in the world, but we may have more peaceful homes.”

There are Senators and Representatives who work on things like the Budget Committee, the Armed Services Committee, The Appropriations and Finance committee, The Waste Everyones Time Holding Various Steroid Hearings Committee, etc... Very important sounding committees on paper, but ultimately useless wastes of times because no one can ever agree on anything and everything just gets deadlocked and goes no where.

Then there are true American political heroes, ones like Rep. Anna Eshoo of California, who saw a problem, cut through the red tape, and got shit done. Overly loud commercials have plagued my TV viewing experience basically ever since Continental Cablevision placed their first cable box in my household like 20 years ago. It's annoying, it's intrusive, and it's presumably led to countless divorces with husbands and wives yelling at each other to turn the TV down, with the other one yelling back that, "IT'S JUST THE COMMERCIALS, I DON'T WANT TO TURN IT DOWN NOW JUST TO TURN IT BACK UP AGAIN IN TWO MINUTES WHEN MY SHOW COMES BACK ON!" (am I right?).

Well no more. David Butler doesn't want to characterize this bill as saving the Union, so I'll do it for him. This was one of the biggest perturbances in modern America, and soon, it'll be history, thanks to the actions of a brave handful of Americans willing to stand up against the seedy National Loud Commercials Consortium. A great day for America, A great day for Americans.

Massachusetts Man's Homemade Cannon Misfires, Blasts Holes in Neighbors House

Boston News, Weather, Sports | FOX 25 | MyFoxBoston

GARDNER (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) – A Gardner couple who recently moved into their new home on Cleveland Road is thankful that their holiday plans took them out-of-state after their neighbor's homemade cannon malfunctioned and sent bits of shrapnel through their home...Williams' neighbor reportedly had a homemade cannon in his backyard. The cannon which was made out of an old cast iron pipe and some gunpowder malfunctioned and exploded on July 3 sending bits of shrapnel into both his neighbors' homes. "It came with so much force, it went straight through and made a massive hold on the inside," Williams said. "Within inches, it easily could have taken out the electrical and caused a fire."

Simply put there are neighbors who are gun nuts, and there are neighbors who build their own homemade cannons...You can guess which one I'd rather live next to.

All offense to the gun nuts, I'm taking the homemade cannon guy every day of the week. Instead of having to listen to some guy with an army locker and a militia sized cache of weapons in his bedroom ramble on about the Second Amendment, the impending British invasion, and the principles of the NRA, I'd much rather hang out with these dudes who were presumably shit-housed when they decided to load an old metal pipe that had been kicking around in their garage, with various household objects to see how far they could launch them...those guys sound like fun.

PS: I love that this cannon has wheels and is mobile...take note all you Second Amendment enthusiasts, you guys can preach on all day, store as many hand guns and rifles as you want...when the Red Coats show up at my door with muskets and bayonets demanding I quarter them, I'll be sitting pretty with my cannon.

Japanese Create First Robo-Ass

The thing about the Japanese is, I'm pretty sure they could have solved world hunger, AIDS, various forms of cancer, and even gingivitis if that's what they were interested in...Instead they continue to just churn out digital cameras and progressively more life-like sex toys.

And make no mistake about it, that's exactly what that is. I know the reporter tried to sell it as "an important step in developing a fully functional robot, but honestly, she's not fooling anyone. You're creating a robot you're starting with the arms and legs, everyone knows that...in fact I'm not even sure what a robot would need a life like butt for besides kinky man on robot loving. That butt has one purpose, and one purpose only, and it's got nothing to do with recreating Rosie from the Jetsons.

I did always wish Rosie had a more life like bubble butt though...