Two NFL Related Observations

While I could spend 500 or so words agonizing over the Patriots heart palpitations inducing loss yesterday, while simultaneously ripping the fans who played a real life game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Fleeing their seats for the parking lot when it looked like it was over, then sprinting back when there was a sign of life, then fleeing once more...I've decided that would be far to depressing. Instead I've decided to repress that horrid, horrid loss, the Aaron Hernandez injury, and everything else from that game, deep, deep down, where I'm sure it won't cause any sports related emotional issues. It's the healthier way.

Instead I'd like to point out two NFL related observations:

1. These new jerseys with faux-collars, they have the ghey:

There's really no two ways about it, at no point in time should I be able to tune into a Sunday afternoon football game and briefly think I'm watching Hogwarts Academy in a spirited game of quidditch.

2. I would have never drafted Matt Stafford if I knew how doughy and round his face was:

It may be weird (it's 100% weird) but I just don't can't feel confident in my quarterback if he doesn't have squared jaw lines. Huge oversight on my part. I checked out his stats, his bye week, projected stats, waded my way through countless egomaniacal Matthew Berry columns, all of it checked out... But I forgot to check the headshot. Now I'm stuck with this. A guy who's face looks like he just enjoyed a nice cold-cut platter full of salt cured meats. Fuck.

So The Topless Kate Middleton Story Isn't Going Away, Huh?

Click Here for More Stinky Pinky and Royal Funbag Photo's...Obviously NSFW

I honestly, honestly thought this story would be gone by this morning. Though I missed the ship on Friday for free gratuitious page views by using blog titles like "topless Kate Middleton," and tags like "Princess Kates tits"...Guess I'm in luck.

Call me naive but...these pictures suck. They're grainy, she looks flat/pancake-y, I just couldn't see how this story had legs...but then the Royal Family decided to take legal action, and then, the real kicker, veritable bastion of free speech and the First Amendment, Youporn, basically wrote a blank check to the photographer, who claims he has 100's more photos of the couple, sexual in nature. 

Well then. Usually I'm against people making a big deal and taking legal action against stories that should just go away on their own in a matter of days, but this I can understand. I mean, I don't know all the rules involved in becoming the queen, but I'm fairly certain somewhere on the list is don't get caught with your husband tossing you the shocker, and I think there's a clause that says something about if you're ever photographed getting stuffed on a balcony by the prince you're ineligible...Again, I'm no Royal expert, but I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere.