Foxnews.com: Horny Hypocrites

Not the kind of banner you'd expect on the front page of a website that countless far-right conservatives call home, is it?  But there it is, every single day.  I've been meaning to point it out for a few days now.  Its not always the same pics or stories but its always tittilating.  What gives Fox? 

I thought Fox News were the keepers of middle American conservative values peppered with the not so occasional spiteful remarks towards liberals, minorities, and gays. I certainly didn't think they were purveyors of provocative teens sucking on lolly-pops with come hither looks, Tiger's Whore of the Week Features, or 4-inch Brett Favres embarrasing booty call rejection.  Slam them for their moral infidelities, but don't forget to use their salcious stories to your benefit ,weeks and months after the stories left the news. 

Looks like I'm going to have to change my opinion of them though, maybe they're not that out of touch (aside from Bill O'reilly, in fact most of my snide remarks about Fox stem from the fact that they employ such a hateful, degenerative and simply evil human being. CNN has their annoying liberal slant but at least they don't employ anyone who's propogandist views could be construed as actually dangerous to society). 

And if this is some ploy to reach a new and younger audience then consider it a success, but why stop there?  How about a weekly column from a uniquely open-minded, yet cynical young blogger? No? Ok...worth a shot.  I'm not really looking to work with smut distributors anyway. 

When Do You Make the Decision to Call Out Sick?

Just another work day facing the question as old as time, do I call out sick from work today?  Full disclosure, the man in the picture could be my identical twin (if I had comically sized hands), I've hacked up just about every major vital organ in the past week or so.  Probably  bronchitis, but I won't go to the docs to find out for sure.  Know why?  Because they can't do anything for bronchitis, just give you some cough syrup and say good luck.  People with the HIV have more options than I do with bronchitis.

But back to the original question.  How do you know when you should call out?  Personally I'm not one to call out under faking conditions.  This might surprise some of you given that I slack off all day and blog from work, but I'm old fashioned.  I tend to think if I'm healthy enough so browse the internet at home, I'm healthy enough to browse the internet at work.  That's usually my barometer. Trouble with this case is I don't feel sick. I just have this annoying as fuck cough that I have to release every 3.4 seconds or I feel like the world will end and my lungs will implode (think of it like that button that Desmond was pushing in Lost to keep the world safe).  I don't have a head cold, I'm not contagious, but I'm still not sure I should go in.  I don't want to be that person in the office just annoying the shit out of their co-workers with the incessant coughing.  I hate that person, I mutter shit under my breath all day when that person comes to work, and bad mouth them to co-workers, now I'm that person.  Not to mention that I took enough Nyquil last night that my bed (where I'm currently blogging) still feels like I'm lying in the clouds even after a gigantic cup of coffee.

But you know what? I'm still going in.  I'm not even friends with most of my co-workers and I openly loathe the person on the other side of my cube, this will be good punishment for all the times she's annoyed me (I live to stick it to people).  Besides, I find my best blog topics while at work.  Too many distractions at home, sleep, sportscenter repeats, Gilligans Island, paternity tests on Maury.  All things I'd rather do than entertain my readers.   So be thankful I'm working today, its for your benefit, maybe leave a comment on one of the blogs today, break the ice. 

No Nonsense Weatherman

Bravo to this guy, a more professional weatherman these eyes have never seen.

He had to know he was being set up right?  I don't care if you're a life long A-sexual virgin, when you see a dick the size of Texas you notice it.  And did this guy let the juvenile defenders win? Did he crack up and roll on the ground laughing and attempt to play up the joke (like I would have). No. He just did his job with a straight face and collected his paycheck at the end of the week.  

And honestly, he completely sucked the inappropriateness out of the video, which is hard to do with a gigantic red dong on screen.  He so anihilated this prank that I'm willing to bet the station didn't even get in trouble for broadcasting this.  Probably had the guys down at the FCC calling their loved ones to make sure they survived the storm, didn't even notice that a cock and balls silhouette was ravaging the mid-west states on television right in front of their eyes.

So bravo indeed, Mr. Weatherman.

Birds in Hawaii Shockingly Dumb

KAPAA, Hawaii — The tradition of Friday night football on the island of Kauai has been disrupted by an unusual culprit: Young seabirds migrating to the ocean are mistaking stadium lights for the moon and stars, causing them to become disoriented, fall from the sky, and be eaten by cats. School officials canceled Friday night football for almost all of the season on Kauai and moved the games to Saturday afternoon, angering residents who are upset that their beloved fall tradition has been thwarted because of birds...These fledglings, some still with down feathers, are prone to mistaking the bright lights at sports fields, hotels, parking lots, and other places for the moon and stars, leading them to repeatedly fly around in circles. They become exhausted and eventually drop to the ground, where they’re often attacked by cats or hit by cars unless they are rescued by volunteers. The species is also threatened by pigs and goats that trample on their nests.

Schools in Hawaii must not teach evolution right? Just hardcore  lunatics creationists running the show?  Because this is as clear a case of Darwinism as I've ever seen. Screw the birds, I'm all for preserving nature but if the fucking animals aren't even attempting to help themselves out then its probably not meant to be.  I mean, they know they're birds right? When you see the predator coming you can just fly away.  I've been trying to run over pigeons since I first got my license and I've never been successful.  Know why? Because they're not retarded.  And you're in Hawaii, how hard can it be to find the Ocean, they really need the moon to guide them?   You can literally fly in any direction and these birds can't even handle that.  Yep, their destiny has been written.  We'll be seeing them in history books soon enough, right next to the Do-Do Bird.

Thanks to Ross for the link.