Best of the Blogs

Man's Best Friend - This is what cat people never understand.  Right after the dog did this they probably laughed their asses off after he helped him get up. Just typical clowning around with your best friend.  A cat would have done this and clawed your face up and then walked away.  Probably wouldn't see him again until it was time to get fed.


6 Kids I Tutor Who Will Never Be President - I remember schools using the job of the President as the big carrot & stick back in my day. "Study hard children and do your homework, one day you could become president." Not only is that a lie, these kids don't stand a chance, but who would want it anyway? Tabloids spying on me to see if I take cigarette breaks (its the most stressful job on earth, I don't even smoke but I can guarantee you I would if I was in that office), news outlets just ripping your every move regardless, 40% approval ratings considered doing a good job (meaning 60% of your country hates your guts any given day), plus the obligation to be politically correct 24/7 while you're in office.  Like how bad do you think Obama wants to just come out and call Gaddafi the terrorist that he is? Can't do it. I'll do it for you. You're a terrorist Gaddafi...a little off topic rant there, just click the link.


Meet Dom Mazzetti - Don't know how I haven't heard of him before but he's hysterical. Video Blogs count for this section right? I'm saying they do, check him out (that's him on our sidebar's video of the day today).  If you click just one link today click Dom Mazzetti, he deserves it.

Study Finds Ecstasy Doesn't Cause Brain Damage

At least now we know the brain damage was pre-existing.

Huffington Post - Contrary to long-held opinion, ecstasy, the popular rave-culture drug, may not harm your brain. Though former studies have concluded quite the opposite about the drug (technical name 3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, or MDMA) there's been concern that these conclusions were overstated and reached through faulty methods. The latest research, a $1.8 million study funded by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), set out to correct these methods by eliminating all other factors that could possibly contribute to mental impairment: 1) sleep deprivation and dehydration commonplace in rave culture, 2) previous habitual drug or alcohol use, or 3) former cognitive damage for any reason.

Well thank god for that.  For a while there I was really concerned about losing this generation of ravers to mental deffects.  It takes a truly special person to live in their parents basement well into their 30's, sleeping till 5 PM despite constant nagging from the parentals about getting a "job."  

Without this group of individuals the glow stick business would be kaput, Ed Hardy wouldn't exist, home turntable system sales would be virtually 0, and we'd have never known the franchise that is the Jersey Shore. 

That's a world I wouldn't want to live in. I need to know that my life is better that someone's and the recreational drug raver is my go-to, so color me thankful for this news.

Cleaning Crews Language Barrier Causing Confusion at the Office

This sign was literally put up 2 minutes after our cleaning crew steam cleaned the rug (And yes the fact that I was there while they were steam cleaning gives you a great idea of how shitty my hours are).  

Is this a cultural difference thing? High rate of Federali's filing personal injury lawsuits down in Mexico after slipping on wet rugs?  That's the only possible explanation right?

 I get that you have to expect some level of a language barrier when you're dealing with your offices cleaning crew, that's a given.  But I don't think it's too much to ask that they understand the difference between a wet tile or linoleum floor and a wet carpet. 

Say what you want about the creepy middle aged white guys I remember being janitors during my time in public schools, they leered at the girls too much, drove suspicious vans, had creepy mustaches, etc...At least they understood the function of the wet floor sign, and really, that's all you need to be qualified.

Hulk Hogan and PumMagic the next Billy Mays?

H & H Imports, Inc. (OTCQB: HNHI) (PINKSHEETS: HNHI), the parent company of TV Goods Holding Corporation, which previously announced that it was testing a single pumice-based cleaning product endorsed by Hulk Hogan, today announced that the Company has developed a complete line of the cleaning products, and has rebranded the line as "PumMagic™." After receiving feedback from key big box retailers that they would like to see more than a single product marketed under the brand, the Company expanded the product line to include not only cleaners, but brushes, wipes and sponges; some of the most popular line extensions presently in the market. In addition, the Company improved and reformulated the product and product packaging.

Gotta hand it to Hogan here. Wrestling career over, wife left him, son just ruining lives one car accident at a time, and a transgendered daughter to top it off, enough to make any man give up on life, but then again the Hulk isn't just any man.

What does he do in the face of all that adversity? Guy goes out and creates the single greatest cleaning product line of all time, PumMagic.  Wake up Billy Mays for all he cares.  Oxyclean aint got shit on PumMagic.  It's literally powered by volcano's.  Volcanoes people (TV commercial)!

This isn't some chemically based mishmash concocted in some nerds lab.  This is mother nature harnessed. Can you imagine the lengths Hulk must have gone through to bottle the awesome power of volcanoes for retail sale? This wasn't some panzy-ass granola eater bottling Poland Spring water as it bubbles from the earth.  Bottling up molten earth takes the resolve  that could only be earned through a life time of steel cage matches, and the fearlessness that one attains from staring into the steely eyes of death and taming the Undertaker. Hulk was born to be in the domestic products retail game, and the game will never be the same.

PS: if HNHI sounds familiar to you, it should.  My financial adviser first hyped the stock back in January when it was at a measly $.10.  It's sitting at $1.05 now. Don't sleep on 50 Cent. Dude is a financial genius.

Soldier Drops Fake Grenade

How hard did he get his ass beat by the old bar of soap stuffed in a sock method? 


Funniest part of the video?  The prankster raising his hand for a Hi-5 and coming up completely empty. Nice try bro. Did I appreciate the video? Sure, from 5,000 miles away safe in my living room I did.  But I'm not sure that plays well with people who legitimately have to fear getting blown up on an every day basis.  Just seems in bad taste. 

Old Sofia Vergara Commercial Puts Kim Kardashians Super Bowl Ad to Shame (vid inside)

Best Week Ever - Sofia Vergara has shot to American mega-fame as the sultry Gloria on Modern Family. And as a result of her newfound fame, all the former gigantic-boobed skeletons are slowly spilling out of her closet. Like this. An ad for Bally’s from 1998 that features a bikini-clad blond Vergara, dipped in Crisco, shilling for Bally’s Total Fitness. Only in the 90s could you cut from a shot of the woman’s entire ass to a clip of her hugging her son while she tells you that she’s “a mother.”

This really makes me miss late 90's TV. That was like the Wild West time period for pushing and testing the FCC's limits.  Pre-Janet Jacksons boob, before everyone could get together and figure out how to sanitize TV the way it is now. Parents are all up in arms over MTV's Skin's.  I remember coming home from school as an 8th grader and watching Sweet Valley High and La Femme Nikita after school, not to mention MTV's Singled Out, just 25 hoochies all giving it their sultry best to win a date with some brah.

And that's without even touching upon the TV commercials.  This spot below with Sofia was just your average gym commercial back in the 90's, hell it was prudish compared to the old Bowflex commercials, those things were like mainstream male-on-male porn shots in the late 90's.  Even now, think about how big of a deal Kim Kardashian's Super Bowl commercial was, a one time, very edgy spot that made news headlines for a couple of days.  Doesn't hold a candle to Sofia's shower scene, and that sure as hell wasn't made for any special occasion.  Probably ran that spot at the end of every month hoping to drag in a few fatties for the price of $5 a month initially. 

Hacienda Restaurant Pulls Billboard for Being "Offensive"

SOUTH BEND, Ind.—A northern Indiana restaurant that erected billboards referring to the 1978 Jonestown cult massacre in which more than 900 people died has removed the signs following complaints that the signs were offensive. The billboards included the statement, "We're like a cult with better Kool-Aid," over a glass containing a mixed drink, as well as the phrase "To die for!" In November 1978, more than 900 members of Jim Jones' People's Temple drank cyanide-laced, grape-flavored punch in a mass murder and suicide in the group's compound in Guyana...."We have a responsibility to (advertise) with care, and that's why we're pulling this ad. We made a mistake and don't want to have a negative image in the community."

You don't owe an apology for jack shit.  I hate, hate politically correct assholes in America.  Calm down people, life would be so much better without these tightwads with nothing better to do but crusade around trying to decide what is and isn't appropriate for the rest of us to see. These guys made a joke, an edgy joke, but a joke. Just let it be what it was meant to be.  They obviously aren't condoning mass-suicide. Use some common sense. No need to apologize every time someone is put-off by an advertisement, opinion, or statement, it was funny as all hell and any non-jackass would get a quick chuckle out of it, and maybe a good buzz if they stopped in for a margarita.

If not, bite your tongue and drive on.  This is still America, right? They're aware they could just choose to ignore it and not eat at Hacienda, right? If the advertisement did bad enough and didn't produce results it would have disappeared anyway.  But no, Susie-Loudmouth-Housewife had to get all righteous and spoil everyone's fun. I hate Susie-Loudmouth.

Relationship Advice from the Jersey Shore, Brought to you By The Situation

Say what you want about The Situation, but the guy stays loyal to his brand. When searching for dating/love advice for Ronny he stuck with what he knows best and just started quoting slogans straight off the back of his Ed Hardy designer T-shirts.  This is the epitome of what it means to be a Guido. 

The Sitch puttin all other Guidos to shame.