Keira Knightley a "Good Sport" About being Spanked Naked in New Movie

Michael Fassbender got more than he anticipated when he signed on to play Dr. Carl Jung in David Cronenberg’s “A Dangerous Method.” Not only did he get to take Keira Knightley’s incredibly crazed character Sabina Spielrein under his wing for some severe psychoanalysis, but he got to spank her naked – several times over. It seems that part of the filming experience was anything but a turn on. “(Those scenes) are always awkward, but Keira is a good sport! She’s got a good sense of humor, but I had to make sure I hit the mark and not her ass,” Fassbender told FOX411’s Pop Tarts column. “But they are always awkward those kind of things, but you just have to get on with it.”

I'll  take "Keira is a good sport," to mean that she was cool with this guy undoubtedly poking her naval with his boner while he had her bent over naked and was spanking her...that's what that means, right? 

Love how this guy tried to play it off like it was all awkward for him and what not...How fast do you think this guy called his agent to get him this part after he read the scenes where he was spanking a naked Keira Knightley bent over his lap? .3 Seconds? Probably the first time in history someone used speed dial on their cell phone, screw the two seconds it takes to find someone in your contacts app, this guy hit *1 and was on his way to the studio to audition immediately.

Call Center Employees Riot after Mall Sells out of Blackberry's

Fox - Thousands of people in Indonesia reportedly lined up Friday morning to try and get their hands on the first batch of BlackBerry Bold 9790 smartphones to hit store shelves around the world. Hundreds of police were deployed to the Indonesian mall as fears mounted that a riot could ensue, according to a report by the Associated Press. By Friday morning, people outside of the mall started to get impatient and even started rattling the gates, the Associated Press said. When rumors hit that the smartphones were sold out, the crowd of 3,000 went nuts. While the Associated Press notes several people fainted in the mob, it did not report whether there were any injuries or deaths.

DO NOT get between a call center employee and their cell phone...That's the lesson here.  And imagine if this was an Iphone we were talking about? If this is how they react to Blackberry's, I shudder the thought. Might be better off not releasing the Iphone there ever if this is the case, because that shit will sell out and people will be murdered...Guys relax, its just a Blackberry, they're all the same, an awesome keyboard and outdated technology. You can buy the model from 2 years ago and won't miss a thing, I swear.

Top 10 Things I Did at Work on Black Friday

CW at about 6 PM Friday

So if you're following me on Twitter (and let's be honest, I know you're not, but you should) you had front row seats as I live Tweeted my way through the official 4th least productive work day of the year (1. Day after Christmas, 2 and 3. first Thursday and Friday of March Madness 4. Black Friday), just a blow by blow stream of tweets detailing a procrastinator at the top of his game...But since most of you aren't following me on Twitter, here's a brief summary of the Top 10 Things I did at Work on Black Friday:

1. Cleared My E-Mail box out - this took all of 10 minutes, it was easily the most "work friendly" task I completed all day.

2. E-mailed the Maestro on the plight of our working conditions and checked up on our daily levels of antipathy towards our respective jobs, good news, all time highs!

3. Twittered...A LOT. - So much so that my battery ran down to empty before lunch. Had to go ask a co-worker if I could borrow his charger just so I could get through the day, made up some story about forgetting to plug in the phone last night and streaming music on Pandora, because lets be honest, you can't just walk around the office telling people you've been working so hard on your twitter game that your phone's battery died at 11:30 AM

4. TGI-Fridays for an extra long lunch consisting of a burger, a couple beers, and a good chunk of the LSU-Arkansas game. I think if my work knew they had the choice of either paying me for overtime, or extended lunches watching college football, they'd probably defer to overtime. But they don't know, and don't have the choice.

those two spikes? Weds and Fri.

5. Checked out my Klout score - My Klout score went through the roof Wednesday and Friday, and I can't help but notice that it directly correlates to my lack of actual productivity at work...I like that if HR ever calls me about the fact that I contributed exactly 0 to the company over those two days, I'll at least have evidence that I really was doing something, it just wasn't an employer friendly something, that's all.

6. The Wikipedia "Random Article" Button - Which was fun for like 45 minutes until it brought me to this: Dyke March. Maybe its time for Wikipedia to get two different random article buttons, one safe for work and one NSFW (note, its ok if you're at work and click it, just don't scroll down beneath the opening shot like I did). Kind of put damper on the Random Article button for me.

7. Watched the Hockey game streaming on NBC.com - My company blocks every streaming service you can think of, somehow all 12 or so males in the office on Friday figured out we could stream the Bruins game live, though...It was a Black Friday Miracle!

8. Regretted those beers from lunch - I spent the hour of 3 PM - 4 PM debating whether I could get away with sleeping under my cube, George Costanza style. Ultimately I decided not to...I was the highest ranking member of my group in the office that day, it just wouldn't set a good precedent...Twitter all day and watching live sports on my computer is one thing, but I draw the line at actually sleeping in the office.

9. Walked Around with an Especially Hurried and Important Gate To Fill Up My Water Bottle - A specialty of mine, I'll just storm out of my cube with a ridiculously serious face on and a walking pace that could only be described as "faking being annoyed and overworked." It's so over the top its obvious, yet somehow it works...as long as my team members see the appearance of me working hard, they'll work harder...Which of course allows me to slack off, because they're doing all the work.

10. Took 5-6 bathroom breaks throughout the day...Just posted up in the handicap stall and browsed Facebook updates of people I haven't talked to since highschool...A large majority of you are freaking nuts, battling the Black Friday crowds...Sure I'm saying this as a guy that was hiding in a bathroom stall playing with my phone, but still.  Also, twice my breaks were interrupted by people just puking their brains out in the stalls next to me. Are people getting shitfaced at family Thanksgiving now? Is that a thing?

Fran Drescher's Ex-Husband of 21 Years Claims He's Got the Gay

Fox News - ‘Being Wendy’ is a delightful children’s book all about a little girl named Wendy who doesn’t fit in with everyone else in her hometown. It’s written by Fran Drescher, who said she based the fable on her childhood growing up in Flushing, Queens. The sitcom star also has a new show on TV Land called ‘Happily Divorced’ that's also based on Drescher’s personal life. In it she plays a florist named (what else?) Fran, who juggles the dating scene after finding out that her husband of 18 years is gay. The show is co-produced by Peter Marc Jacobson, Drescher’s ex-husband of 21 years, who is also gay.

Hate to break it to Frannie here, but the dude was never gay. Like you’re Fran Drescher, after 21 years he just had to get out…It’s nothing personal, its just your voice is annoying as fuck. Its more likely he was deaf the last 21 years than into cock and balls, but he just needed an amicable excuse to part ways with you. 

You actually seem like a pretty cool person, its too bad about your voice and all, and that’s probably all this guy was thinking…Wouldn’t shock me in the least after he got over all the honey moon sex and what not if he was thinking of ways to let you down easy from the start. Guy’s probably been mulling potential outs for 20 years without breaking your heart…I’d wager he’s debated coming out as gay at least once a month for the last 20 years. Just weighing whether it was worth it or not, until one day, probably made you laugh over brunch and he just lost it. Finally nutted up and just told you he’s gay. Like George on Seinfeld (not that there's anything wrong with that). Just came right out with it in some desperate attempt to put an end to his misery.

If there really were two Fran Drescher's, the world would cease to exist.

Rule No. 1 When Sleeping With Strippers: Don't Let them Steal Your Sprem and Make Babies With It

Fox News - A New York man was stunned to find out that his four-year-old twins were not an accidental pregnancy after all -- but that his desperate girlfriend secretly stashed away his sperm and used it for an in-vitro procedure, he charges in a lawsuit. Joseph Pressil, 36, was not planning on having children with Anetria Burnett, with whom he was in a relationship for six months in 2007, he said. So she took matters into her own hands, he told the New York Post, in order to remain in his Texas house and make a legal bid for half of his possessions. "A gold digger is an understatement. She was trying to get community property and alimony. She's ruthless," he said. "We always used condoms," he said. But when a DNA test proved him to be the father, Pressil said he began paying $800 a month in child support. "She was taking [the semen in condoms] after the fact and running down to the clinic with it," said Jason Gibson, who is representing Pressil in his suit. He now has joint custody. The fertility clinic's manager simply assumed he and his ex were married when she got the successful in-vitro fertilization procedure that resulted in the birth of the twins, his suit says. Pressil then said he confronted Burnett, an exotic dancer, who allegedly told him, "Oh you're not stupid. I thought you knew."

I think there's a couple lessons in all this...1) A 6 month relationship with a stripper that you're banging isn't a relationship, its called a long-con. I bet this guy thinks waitresses and customer service girls are hitting on him too...what an idiot.  The day you start hanging out with a stripper you have to have your guard up. That girl is strictly after your cash, you really think after being like the 10,000th guy to hit on her she decided that you seemed like a nice enough guy to fuck for free? Putting aside the fact that you apparently regularly hang out at the strip club for dinner? Yea, no buddy. 

And 2) IF you're going to engage a stripper in coitous, most definitely use a spermicidal condom. Frankly, I didn't even know they made non-spermicidal ones, or why such a device would exist, it just seems counterintuitive, but its something you have to look out for I guess...Although I still say you should have known something was up when, instead of throwing your used rubber in the trash she was skedaddling out to her car and  burning rubber in her 1988 Monte Carlo SS to the clinic...that didn't throw you at all? A stripper speeding down the street with her arm out the window, used condom and fresh spunk flapping in the wind?