Alt-Tabs

Just a few Alt-Tab Links today, it's been an exhausting week, and honestly I think I've already posted every relevant news story the world has offered this week, but for traditions sake, I couldn't resist.  See you all Monday, Go PACK!

George Bush's Reaction When told his daughter supports gays and calls her self a New Yorker

Barbara Bush Speaks Out on Behalf of Gay Marriage - Former President George W. Bush's daughter Barbara is appearing in a new web video in support of gay marriage. "I'm Barbara Bush and I'm a New Yorker for marriage equality," Bush says. 

What outraged George more, Barbara being a fan of the gays, or claiming to be a New Yorker. My guess? "Don't Mess With Texas."

Snow Rage Takes Hold in Boston - A dispute over thrown snow escalated into a case of "snow rage" on a Back Bay street, with one man accused of brandishing knives, police said.  The suspect began throwing snow and the other man told him to stop.

Normally I'd say this guy overreacted, but honestly, we've gotten something over 5 feet of snow this winter. My back frigen kills, I'm exhausted, the weather report now gives me anxiety, and I'm pretty sure I have bunions from wearing my boots so often (never thought I'd share a physical characteristic with my grandma this early in life). If some rando is out there throwing snow at me while I shovel my drive way after a long day at work I wouldn't even stop to go get the knives, just assault him right then and there with my shovel.

Apple, 10 Billion Apps Sold -  Apple's countdown to 10 billion downloads in its App Store hit its long-awaited milestone this weekend. The lucky customer, who gets $10,000 worth of virtual cash for the download, responded to the news by hanging up the phone on Apple when the company called to congratulate her. "I thought it was a prank call."

Apple joins McDonalds in taunting their competition with their mind boggling sales figures. We get it guys, you're really good at what you do.  Seems fitting to link these two companies together, 99% of all McDonalds kajillion burgers sold made their customers crap, 99% of Apples sales were Fart noise apps. See the relation?

Until 2012...

I don't know if you've heard, but its been snowing in Dallas this week. I can't wait to hear about all these sportswriters complaining about it in 2014. Anyways, read on for my game pick.

Squares – 0-9, 0-9: You’re going to want to shoot for 7/3 (or 3/7), 0/7 (7/0), or 3/7 (7/3) here…basically the numbers that are the most common. Even a 4 or 1 would be nice to have paired with one of those. Stay away from any squares that contain 2s, 9s, and to a lesser degree, 5s…you don’t want those. The Picks: 7s, 3s, 0s

Total Points Scored – Between 71 and 75 (100/1), between 76 and 80 (150/1): I’ll be honest, this probably isn’t going to happen. These props have been getting some pub since Simmons talked him up on his podcast, and I think he made some valid points. Like we did yesterday, ask yourself this: if the game is played 100 times, do you think it ends up something like 37-34 once? How bout 41-35? Sure the total has only gone over 70 once in Super Bowl history, but that was once in 44 games, which is better than 1 in 100. Like I said, this probably won’t happen, but its fun to root for and has great value…two things you don’t often see together. Put 10 bucks on each, and theres a shot you’ll be buying the office lunch on Monday, or at least me a few man-sodas next time you see me. The Picks: 71-75 (100/1), 76-80 (150/1)

MVP: Always a fun (frustrating) one. People say It usually ends up being the quarterback, but that’s not really true. It has only been the QB 6 times in the past 11 Super Bowls. Also, I wont watch the Super Bowl with you if you bet the QB to win MVP…you’re just being boring and unoriginal (but if you’ve got a problem with that, we can step outside ). Plus, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that these crusty sportswriters may not want to continue the Big Ben Reclamation Tour by voting him MVP. I’ve got an eye on Mendenhall at +750, Greg Jennings at +1200, and Mike Wallace at +1600. A defensive player might be an interesting choice with bigtime playmakers on both sides. I may take 2 of those offensive guys and a defensive guy. The Pick: 2 offensive guys and a defensive guy

Green Bay Packers (-2.5) vs Pittsburgh Steelers: CW is going to hate this, but I don’t really have a strong opinion on this game. I know I’m paid to have one, but to be honest, I don’t really. My recommendation would be Green Bay, partially because I don’t want any part of Ben and the Steelers having a 3rd ring in the past few years. I just think Green Bay is the better team…there are no angles or situations in play here, and you’ve heard all the analysis. I don’t even know who I’m picking for my pool where I go head to head with some chick with 500 bucks on the line. I know that Green Bay has been much more impressive in their playoff run than the Steelers, and when they were in their only dome game of that stretch, they put up points like an arena league team. If it turns into one of those games, I don’t think the Steelers can keep pace. Lets just hope it’s a good game because chances are we won’t have another one for at least a year. The Pick: Packers 30 Steelers 24

This Guy Clearly Doesn't Understand How BJ's Wholesale Works

So I'm reading this story in the Boston Globe about how BJ's wholesale is up for sale and had my blog all ready to go about how the buyer first has to go to the counter up front and purchase a day pass, and as a bonus BJ's is kicking in a 5 lb bag of popcorn and 88 rolls of toilet paper.  Standard wholesale club jokes type stuff. Been done to death. But just as I'm about to click publish post I catch this gem in the comment section:

How Un-American do you have to be to make such ignorant comments about a classic American institution. Dude if they did away with the membership it wouldn't be a club, it would be a Giant Sized Proportions Stop n' Shop.  

And portions are too large? I don't know what country you're from, but here in America bigger is better. I'm not shopping at BJ's for a normal sized box of Frosted Flakes.  I'm shopping at BJ's for the "It's supposed to be economy sized but I'm eating 3 bows before my brother and sister get to have any" sized Frosted Flakes.

Any other American institutions you feel like griping on bro? Store 24 open too many hours? Wendy's dollar menu too economical?

Best of the Blogs

Bad Vacation or Bad Tattoo?- So, was "never again" added to the tattoo, or was the vacation far worse than I care to imagine?

Parkinson's Disease Drug May Cause Gay Sex Addiction -Somehow I doubt that's going to be in the commercial disclaimer. Can't imagine even the most desparate of actors would want to be in that commercial. I'd do 10 Hemroid Prescription ads before I do one involving a Gay Sex Addition side effect.  Maybe that's just me though.

Dad Tells Cop 14 Year Old Stole Weed From Son, They All Get Arrested -  Gotta blame the 16 year old here, how do you get beat by a kid 2 years younger than you?  Kid is barely out of middle school and he's running circles around these Father-Son drug traffickers? The Cartel's are probably already scouting him, Mel Kiper's got him going in the mid-early first round of the draft once he turns 18.  Bright future indeed.

Yellow Pages Phone Book May Finally Come To An End - Why don't they just start selling the book instead? There are plenty of grandparents and technologically un-savvy people who need this, just not the majority of us.  Toughest choice I make each year is whether or not to store another one of these in the cabinet over the fridge or just toss it in the recycling bin... and I don't think that cabinet can support much more weight. Oh, and before anyone complains about me suggesting the phone book take advantage of senior citizens on a fixed income, do you honestly believe the government wouldn't volunteer to pay for these for people over the age of 65?

Vikings Player Arrested and Tased Twice in Three Days - I haven't heard of an NFL player going on a crime spree this prolific since Ray Lewis killed those people and then went out and won a Super Bowl...By the way, has Ray apologized or been punished for that yet? Or is the sentence suspended until he retires?

Reader Submission: TV Doctor Returns

CW Highly reccommends everyone read the Do's and Dont's Section.

The Doctor Returns

Hello there! Your good doctor has come back! While I can’t say I’m pleased I have not gotten my own featured page like some of the other contributing bloggers to The Alt Tab, I will assume it’s just an oversight. For without me, what would the loyal Alt Tabbers watch at night? College basketball to see what game The Maesto picked wrong? CNBC to see how far down Pennypacker’s stock tips are? I think not. Don’t fear though Alt Tabbers, I’m here with more prescriptions to stave off nighttime boredom.

Prescription #1: “Lights Out” on FX has aired four episodes so far and I sadly must admit it’s on ratings life support(It’s a medical theme blog). The ratings did increase by 10% in Adults 18-49 in the last two episodes though. Holt McCallany, who starred in one of my favorite underrated movies, portrays Patrick “Lights” Leary and really does an amazing job making “Lights” one of the most likeable characters I’ve ever seen. You’re expecting this guy to have the sordid personal life you so often read about when it comes to pro athletes in the media, but so far it hasn’t appeared with “Lights”. He’s a devoted husband/father who walked away from the sport for his health and to spend more time with his family. However, the lifestyle he’s tried to provide for them has caused him to teeter on bankruptcy and force him to consider a return to the ring. The show also brings up the current issues facing boxing, such as the fall of boxing popularity coupled with the rise in MMA interest. I’m not even that big of a boxing fan and I really enjoy this show, so a lack of interest in the sport should not keep anyone from tuning in. You didn’t take my advice on “Terriers” and that got euthanized. Please listen to me on this one, I wouldn’t steer you wrong. (Tuesdays 10pm, FX)

Prescription #2: “Parks and Recreation” Finally, and I mean FINALLY, it’s in the slot where it should always have been, right after “The Office”. The show was created by writers from “The Office”, one of whom played Cousin Mose and fun fact is married to Regis Philbin's daughter. It really should have been built as a companion show to the group in Scranton and NBC not doing so from the beginning has caused it to struggle in the ratings. Now clearly “The Office” is nowhere near the same quality it used to be (I’d even currently rank it 5^th among the Thursday night NBC comedies) but it still remains the highest rated comedy NBC has and having it as a lead in has done wonders for “Parks”. The show is just very, very funny. We all know what the best medicine is, but even if you’re not fighting a cold or healing a broken limb I still couldn’t recommend this show any higher. Now please enjoy Ron Swanson's Pyramid of Greatness. (Thursdays 9:30pm, NBC)

Now for a new part of the prescription, Do’s and Don’ts. Or as I like to call them, Watch’s and Don’t Watch’s.

Thursday 10pm

Don’t Watch: “Private Practice” ABC

Watch: “Archer” FX

“Archer” is one of the smartest, funniest shows on TV right now and it just started its second season. It also has one of the hottest cartoon characters ever and I’m not even into that sort of thing. “Private Practice” is a spin off of “Grey’s Anatomy”, so unless you recently visited my office for a vaginaplasty, you should be watching “Archer”.

Monday 8pm

Don’t Watch: “House” FOX

Watch: “Chuck” NBC

“Chuck” is the Dr.’s favorite show on TV. I love it and want you to love it too. Do you wanna know what happened on “House” this week? Someone was sick with some rare illness and in the last 10 minutes “House” figured it out. Oh, you missed it? Don’t worry, it happens next week too. On “Chuck” this week, a baby was born, a proposal was made, bad guys were caught, it was epic. All I am saying is give “Chuck” a chance. Also, this is the second show your doctor has advised you watching over a medical show. That should tell you all you need to know.

Monday 9pm

Don’t Watch: “Two and A Half Men” CBS

Watch: A wall of paint dry

If you watch “Two and a Half Men” then you’re an asshole. But, there’s still time to correct it. Simply turn off the TV and turn to your right and stare blankly at the wall for 30 minutes. Or talk to your partner about their day. Or jog. Pretty much do anything besides watching “Two and A Half Men” and you’ll start on the road to becoming someone I don’t deeply pity.

-Dr. Jack Shepard

Why Woman Will Never Rule the World, Reason No. 43: Tampon Shortages

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) -- Women nationwide are searching high and low for a special kind of tampon that has been missing from shelves since the fall...no explanation as to why the tampons -- which have a cult-like following thanks to their small profile and lack of an applicator -- were off the shelves in the first place..."I've spent about 3 hours driving between 6 different stores today and yesterday, in heavy traffic, looking for OB tampons," one discouraged o.b. fan wrote in an online forum. "I couldn't find any at all, in any size!"Because the product is so unique, the shortage has led to a black market. While a box of o.b. tampons costs $7.49 at Rite Aid, eBay users have posted starting bids of as much as $130 for four boxes, taking advantage of the limited supply.

It's things like this that keep men in the majority of the power positions in America.  No one is going to follow a leader who's spending their afternoons frantically speeding between drug stores looking for tampons and pads, shits insane.  Can you even imagine rushing into your CEO's office only to find that she's too busy to comment on your company's upcoming merger because she's in a bidding war with some 15 year old high schooler over the last box of tampons on Ebay?  Sorry, that just can't be taken seriously.

And Tampon fan forums? I've tried for about two hours but cannot think of anything that remotely fits the male equivalent to that level of bat shit crazy.  I can confirm however that the thought of searching for a toilet paper message board or beard trimmer online support group has never entered my mind.  Meanwhile Jane Doe is out there in cyberspace twittering people about her favorite female products that fit her lifestyle best.

And for the record, I do not want to meet the bitch that is willing to pay $130.00 for tampons.  She must be an absolute brute each month.

At What Length Does A Hug Become Awkward

Awkward...and down right creepy.

The Atlantic Wire- In hugging, as in Olympic sports, a second or two can make all the difference. If you embrace someone and hastily retreat, you're cold. But linger too long and you're downright creepy. So it makes all the sense in the world that British psychologist Emese Nagy decided to investigate how long hugs should last by studying 128 spontaneous embraces among athletes at the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games. She concluded that humans, regardless of gender, hug for an average of three seconds, with an additional two seconds devoted to prepping for the hug and releasing the partner. Athletes embraced longer when their relationship was "supportive" rather than "competitive."

Well that settled nothing.  Unfortunately the appropriate time span for a hug doesn't have a cut and dry standard. It varies depending on the situation and the people involved.  For a more definitive answer I took the time that the author wasn't willing to to break down the list of possibilities:

1. Man on Man - 2 seconds tops. Anymore and I'll assume that you're trying to start a relationship, I'm not interested. This goes for all situations. I don't care if your dog just died or our favorite team just won the superbowl. 2 seconds.

2. Man on Woman (sympathy) - 4-5 seconds with a gentle rub of the upper back.  Don't venture too far south down the back, you'll risk exposing your true intentions if she's a friend. If she's a relative, well thats just downright awkward.

3. Man on Woman (Greeting, Attractive) - 5 seconds. The longest of our acceptable hugs. Arms should be firmly centered around lower back, let her know you're the captain of the ship, but still allow her to be comfortable at the same time.

4. Man on Woman (Greeting, Ugly) - 2 seconds. She's ugly, why linger and make it any more painful than it has to be.  Plus you risk the chance of somone else seeing you embracing an uggo. Never good for appearances.

5. Man on Family - 3 seconds with a polite smile and two pats on the back. The standard "good to see you" classic. This is the tuxedo of hugs. Works well for anyone.

6. Man on Friends Sister - 2-3 seconds max. Always ass-out style, don't be an asshole.

Man Who Robbed Bellagio Casino Finally Caught (video of robbery inside)

This video can't be serious, can it? Is it that easy to get rob a major Vegas casino? The guy is on a leisurely jog through the main lobby of The Bellagio with millions in chips and no one is around.  

Is the economic situation in Vegas right now really this bad? Where are all the people? The guests, the degenerates, the Mexican's handing out Upper Deck trading cards with Hooker's pictures and stats, the security guards, dudes in Ed Hardy shirts, and collagen filled women.  Where is everyone?