What's With Sports Personalities Picking All the 1 Seeds for March Madness?

Way to go out on a limb Mr. President.

Like the rest of you, I've spent the last few days feverishly scowering the depths of the net for any edge I could find in filling out my March Madness bracket. Yes, odds are a random girl who doesn't follow sports will end up winning despite all this research, and yes, I could have just taken my in house gambling experts advice, but honestly I don't trust the Maestro.  How do I know he wasn't just floating those picks out there to throw me off his scent so he can take down the pool?

During my research I noticed a disturbing trend amongst so-called college basketball analysts and sports personalities.  Everyone is playing it safe and taking the favorites.  I couldn't even keep count with how many loud mouth personalities, who express their opinion on anything and everything daily, were taking the easy road and taking all four No. 1's to the Final Four. Hell, even the Commander in Chief, the most powerful man in the free world, President Obama, whose decisions affect millions of lives every single day couldn't stomach the risk of selecting anything other than chalk for the Final Four. 

What is the fun in that people? That's boring as hell.  Any idiot with a pen could minimize risk and pick all favorites throughout the bracket, but what would be the point?  If I'm searching for expert opinions I'm not looking for the safe play.  I'm looking for the guy with some insider information or some stats I've never heard of thats going to enlighten me about the 7 seed that may have what it takes to march it's way through the bracket.  Or how about a tip on which favorite is most likely to get their dicks stomped on first?  This isn't a frigen accounting lesson, loosen up and pick an upset or two for godsakes.  When did all these talking heads grow vaginas?

So what does all this mean? It means CW winged it.  Picked some schools based on personal biases, dated information from when I followed College Basketball more closely a few years ago (Gonzaga's still a top team right?), and conciously picked a few  upsets for fun. 

The results? A Final Four of OSU, Texas, Pitt, and Notre Dame, with OSU over Pitt in the finals.  What's that sound? Oh yea, just CW...#Winning.

3 Things I Hate Most About Calling Your Customer Service Number

The mere fact that you're calling a customer service number probably means you're already in terrible mood. No one has ever called up customer support to tell them how wonderful their product is operating, so they're behind the 8 ball from the get go.  Add in these three factors, and well, now you've got CW's blood pressure elevated to the point of homicidal rage, which is exactly the predicament he found himself in while he was stuck working late at the office last night on hold waiting for tech support.  Without further ado, the 3 Things I Hate Most about Calling Your Customer Service Number


First off, there is no phrase in the English language that gets my blood boiling quicker than the dreaded automation of: "Please Hold, Your Call is Important to Us." Bull shit. I would rather listen to 20 minutes straight of that garbage Kenny G's greatest hits elevator music than have some annoyingly cheery operator interrupt every minute and a half to lie straight to my ear.  No, my call isn't imporant to you, I know that, I accept that, If I'm sticking on the line for 30 straight minutes on hold, I think its safe to say that this call is wayyyy more fucking important to me than it is to your incompetent, slow asses. 


Secondly, I know you're not experiencing "higher than normal call volumes." Higher call volumes compared to what exactly? 0 calls? That trick stopped working 3 years ago when companies just decided to leave that disclaimer on full time. Oh I'm wrong? Then how come when I've called at 9 am, 2pm and 8:30 pm I've received the same god damned message? At least be honest with me and just tell me you've all gone home for the night at 8:30, don't make me sit here with my thumbs up my ass listening to your recorded message over and over again on speaker phone while I mindlessly attempt to set the all time record on minesweeper.  Have some decency.

And Finally, the inevitably frustrating conversation you end up having with some guy in a call center 4,500 miles on the other side of the earth.  Look, it's not the fact that the guy barely speaks acceptable english and I have to have him repeat everything 4 times before I understand it, I accept that at this point.  It's the fact that the asshole on the other end of the line decides he's going to give me an attitude because I can't understand him. Oh, you don't like when I have to say "what?" or "can you repeat that?" 15 times? Well I don't like talking to someone who can't enunciate their frigen vowels.  What kind of crazy world are we living in where companies farm out their work to employees who lack a basic 2nd grade understanding of the English language and then in turn get upset at their customers because we can understand the jumbled garble of consonants their mouth just vomited up.  Maybe if your employees could speak proper English, they'd get their calls done faster and I wouldn't have just been on hold for 45 freaking minutes.

That's the final straw for CW.  That's when I snap from cordial and understanding to "put your goddamn supervisor on the phone now before I buy a one way plane ticket to come visit your hell hole and strangle your ass."  Lie to me about how important I am to you, Lie to me about how busy you are, and make it nearly impossible to communicate with you, fine. But the second you start throwing attitude back at me is the second I'm going to jump through the receiver of that phone and ram it home up your ass. Good Day Sir, Thank you for calling.

Is Today The Worst Day In History To be At Work?

This has to be the single worst day in modern history to be stuck in the office, right?  What the hell was I thinking not taking today off? It's probably only the biggest triple threat in Greater Boston history.  You've got March Madness kicking off as I type this, St. Patricks day in full gear, just a bunch of micks and pretend micks polishing off pints for brunch, and on top of that today is absolutely the most beautiful day of the year so far, 50+ degrees and sunny. God Damnit.

To make matters worse this is the first time since senior year in high school that I've been in work or in class on St. Pattys day.  I haven't missed one of the National Drinking Holiday (Marh 17th, May 5th, July 4th, and The Day Before Thanksgiving) in years.  I'm usually half in the bag, swindling beers from tourists in downtown Boston by now, not anxiously looking over my shoulder hoping the boss doesn't walk by while I'm in the middle of this bitchfest of a blog.

Yet here I am blogging away and pretending to work, trying to not think about what a collossal blunder of a decision I've made today.  Rival bloggers at home eating pizza and watching sports, friends and family out and about drinking enough green beer to fill a kiddie pool, people rocking shorts and tank tops for the first time this year, and good old CW, frying under fluorescent lights and dying inside with each score update on ESPN.  I thought I'd feel mature and better about myself, not chugging beer at 10:30 am with a side of Corned Beef, turns out having a beer for breakfast is far less depressing than coming to work and twiddling your thumbs while you pretend to look at excell sheets. Shit is lame as hell around here today.

So Happy St. Patricks Day and March Madness kick off for whatever its worth to the rest of you schmucks stuck inside your office and home today.  The mere fact that I know some of you are reading this brings me some hope, at least I'm not the  biggest loser in the crowd today...

Chinese Stores Selling Out of Salt, China Believes Salt Protects You From Radiation

BEIJING — Worried shoppers stripped stores of salt in Beijing, Shanghai and other parts of China on Thursday in the false belief it can guard against radiation exposure, even though any fallout from a crippled Japanese nuclear power plant is unlikely to reach the country...The panic shopping was triggered by rumours that iodized salt can help ward off radiation poisoning -- part of the swirl of misinformation crisscrossing the region in the wake of Japan's nuclear emergency. The rumours have flown widely. Text messages on mobile phones have circulated about nuclear plumes spreading from Japan throughout Asia. Rumours also spread that salt was adequate protection for radiation sickness. Supermarkets in the capital of Beijing and many cities across the country have run out of salt in the last several days as a wave of panic buying spread across provinces from eastern Zhejiang to southern Guangdong to western Sichuan. Prices of salt jumped five or 10-fold in southern Guangdong, the Internet portal sina.com reported.


I guess I can stop worrying about China's impending global dominance for a while, huh? Every time I really start to fear the day where I'm forced to bow and kiss the feet of some Chinese world ruler, something like this comes a long and I realize I'm just being ridiculous.


Like I totally forgot how absolutely nuts Chinese citizens area about health fears.  Chugging Green Tea and Ginsing by the swimming pool, spurning western medicine and it's scientific basis. 

 Just look at those people above with the face masks, thats a regular occurence on the morning and evening commutes on the Boston subway.  These guys are just out of their mind, still fearing the bird and swine flu's years after the fact. Remember SARS? Everyone freaking out wearing those purple sterilized gloves because the world was going to end if you came in contact with another human being?  I found some Chinese woman at a check out counter last week, still wearing those same gloves, SARS was like 10 years ago at this point, time to move on.

So yes, we can table the fears of China's global dominance for now until they get over their crippling fear of breathing fresh air.  Worst case scenario we just cut off their supply of Tea, Salt and medical masks and watch them self destruct.

Rush Limbaugh Seems Like A Nice Human Being, Mocking Japan on his Radio Show

Huffington Post - Rush Limbaugh laughed about Japanese refugees recycling after the earthquake that struck the country on his Tuesday show. A caller asked Limbaugh, "If these are the people that invented the Prius, have mastered public transportation, recycling, why did Mother Earth, Gaia if you will, hit them with this disaster?" Limbaugh called this an "interesting question," and played a clip of ABC's Diane Sawyer reporting from a shelter in Japan. In the clip, Sawyer is surprised that the refugees in the shelter have maintained a recycling program. Limbaugh first mocked Sawyer, doing an impression of her and saying that "she sounds like she saw her husband for the first time in six months." He then turned to his caller's question. "He's right," Limbaugh said. "They've given us the Prius. Even now, refugees are recycling their garbage." Here, he began to laugh, continuing, "and yet, Gaia levels them! Just wipes them out!"

Looks like Rush was a little upset about Glen Beck stealing all his thunder and ass hole attention over the Japanese Earthquake and Tsunami.  Had to put out his own little response.

Well here's a response, you're an asshole Rush. There is absolutley nothing redeeming about your cold, black, lifeless soul.  The world will be a much, MUCH, better place when you're dead and gone.  Just an absolute dick head which a legion of dick head followers.

What the hell do you want the people of Japan to do? Of course they should be commended for maintaining order and preserving their way of life as best they can during this horrible catastrophe.  Would you rather they be looting, murdering, and raping and pillaging like Americans did during Katrina and every other natural disaster that strikes our country?  We act like a bunch of savages any time anything goes wrong here, the Japanese get hit with what is in all likelihood the most costly disaster of all time that's still on going, and all they've done is put on a brave face, maintain order, and work to lift themselves out of this mess.  

Only the worlds biggest pricks would mock them for the way their citizens have handled this situation so far.

So This Human Unicorn Guy is Pretty Cool...(video below)

Honestly, these are the kind of people that keep me up at night, this freak and the 70,000+ that have viewed this nonsensical video since yesterday (which apparently now includes myself as well as all of you).  The mere fact that this exists is what makes me still think this whole internet thing may just be a passing fad, we'll look back in 30 years or so and wonder what the hell went wrong during the 90's and early 2000's.

People understand that you're looking at the next real life Buffalo Bill here right?  Like right after this you know this guy tucked his sack back while looking in the mirror and saying "I'd fuck me."   Scary as shit right.  You thought you were just watching some innocent guy act out some repressed unicorn fantasy, more like the opening salvo of a guy who is destined to become one of America's most famous serial killers...

Retired Cop Tells Officer "Get Your Fat Ass Back In Your Car"

FORT WALTON BEACH — Officers were dispatched to the VFW Post on Carol Avenue after a drunk man refused to leave the area. When Fort Walton Beach Police officers arrived the man was sitting alone in a silver truck. As the officer approached, the 65-year-old man turned the engine to the truck off and rolled down his window. According to a Fort Walton Beach Police report, the man identified himself as Jerreld Salter and when he was asked if everything was OK, he answered, "It's none of your (expletive) business."

The officer smelled alcohol on Salter's breath and when he told the Fort Walton Beach man that he would need to investigate, Salter said, "Just get your fat (expletive) back in your car and leave. I'm a retired police officer." When a second officer arrived, according to the report, "Salter's tirade turned to him (by) calling him a multitude of four-letter (expletives)." When the officers told Salter to get out of his truck he rolled up his window, locked his door and laid his seat back. One of the officers opened the vehicle with keys Salter had dropped while talking to them.

So? Aside from being a bit rude I'm not sure what exactly Mr. Salter did here? I mean was he drunk, almost assuredly.  Was he driving? No. So what law was he breaking? Since when are people not allowed to just chill or nap in their truck in a parking lot? Dude is a law abiding citizen, a drunk one, but law abiding. So what was he arrested for again?

I could understand if you could make the argument that he had probably just been driving, but I don't think that's the case here.  I don't think it's going too far out on a ledge to assume this guy just tied one on at the VFW, realized he was too drunk to drive but just blew all his money on $2 beers and an endless amount of lotto scratchers so he has no money left for a cab.  What's a drunk to do? What any sensible drunk would do, sleep it off in the parking lot until he sobers up.  

Mr. Salter should be getting an award as the poster boy for anti-drunk driving campaigns. Do you know how hard it is to sit in your car and not just turn those keys and drive off? This guy has an iron will and he should be celebrated for that, not arrested.

For shame Fort Walton Beach Police, for shame.