Are We Really Considering Not Drilling for Oil in Texas Because of a Frigen Lizard?

Fox News - The push for federal protection of the dunes sagebrush lizard -- a tiny 3-inch reptile -- is causing big headaches for oil drillers and ranchers who say doing so will kill their livelihood. Oil company owners say they support conservation, but fear what will happen to the economy if the brakes are put on local oil production. Environmental groups say that oil production has destroyed much of its shinnery oak, which has led to a dramatic decline in the lizard’s population. Lininger said the lizards are at great risk. “The science is clear that the species require protection now.”

Umm, no buddy, the science is not clear that they demand protection now.  Look I like reptiles as much as the next guy, love going to the pet store to check them out in their terrariums. But here’s the thing, they’re fucking lizards.  You know what I like more than lizards? Not paying $4.00 a gallon to fill up my SUV.  Guys, simple solution, round up all the lizards you can find, put them into the pet stores, everyone wins.

We’re talking about not only gas/oil here, but real jobs.  It’s not the least bit strange that we wouldn't maybe favor human preservation and lively hoods over that of a few cold blooded newts and gecko’s?  It’s not like we’re talking about Dogs, or polar bears or anything of social and cultural worth here.  It’s a lizard. There are lots of them. Get over it.  Drill baby, Drill.

US Post Office On Pace to Lose $7 Billion...Maybe It's time the Mail Goes Out of Business?

Maybe you're losing money because your customers spend half the day in line?

Washington Post - The U.S. Postal Service reported $2.2 billion in losses during its second quarter, continuing several quarters of historic losses amid declining mail volume and financial obligations to prefund worker retirement benefits.Postal officials said Tuesday that the mail agency is still on course to lose about $7 billion when its fiscal year ends in September...Postmaster General Patrick R. Donahoe renewed his hope that Congress will act soon to give him more flexibility to set delivery routes and repeal a law requiring USPS to pay about $5.4 billion to prefund future retiree benefits. “The Postal Service may return to financial stability only through significant changes to the laws that limit flexibility and impose undue financial burdens,” Donahoe said Tuesday in a statement. Postal officials have long argued that without that law, its losses would be much less significant.

Maybe it's time we scrap that whole mail delivery post office thing?  $7 Billion loss!?!?! Think of the things you could do with $7 Billion dollars of tax funds not propping up a failing government business.  You could, say, mail all of your things UPS or Fedex.  American's could stop wasting money in Hallmark Shops because it would seem pointless and trivial to have to make a Fedex drop off just to say hi (plus the E-card business would boom, something I've been arguing in favor of for years).  

You could get back 45 minutes every time you would have made a trip to the post office only to be stuck waiting in line with a bunch of cretins (by far my biggest complaint at the post office. How come when I go down to Fedex or UPS I'm not stuck standing behind Pablo the Guatemalan who can't figure out the correct postage to mail something to Central America? Plus it's always dingy and horribly lit with fluorescent lights.  Fedex feels like a spa compared to that).  

Or we could just agree not to flush 7 BILLION DOLLARS down the toilet during the biggest economic down turn in like 80 years on a failing business that has been failing for years.

But what do I know, right? I never took the civil service exam.

TSA To Consider 2 Line Security System, One for Terrorists, One for You and Me

Terrorists on the left please!

Wall Street Journal - In what would be a major shift in procedures, the Transportation Security Administration is working on a concept that could let "trusted travelers" keep their shoes on, leave laptops in bags and avoid body scanners altogether—one of the biggest improvements at the airport since 2001...Drawing data from airline frequent-flier programs, the TSA plans to identify trusted travelers and indicate their status with a bar code on their boarding passes, said the agency's administrator, John Pistole. When the boarding pass and valid identification are presented at the security checkpoint, a trusted flier will be directed to the expedited screening line..."Let's get away from one size fits all,'' said Mr. Pistole, who took over the TSA last year. "We think we can improve the process and focus more on people we know nothing about.''

Thank God.  It's about time the TSA instituted new rules targeting the terrorists and leaving us normal folk alone.  It only makes sense, one line for potential terrorists and one for non-terrorists.  

But I don't agree with their planned method for sorting everyone out, under that plan CW would be designated a potential terrorist, and frankly, that's not something he wants on his record (end third person).  I haven't been flying long enough to be a frequent flier (or frequently enough), but I'm certainly no threat to blow shit up mid flight.  I did poorly in chemistry in high school and have no proper knife fighting training.  I'm harmless.

So let's base the two lines on one simple premise: If you've been anywhere in the Middle East (specifically, Yemen, Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, Libya, Afgahn...You know what, its simpler to just leave it all of the middle east) in the last 7 years you have to go through the terrorist line.  Why 7 years? Because that's how long shit sticks to your credit and driving histories in this country, lets just keep it uniform across the board.  In addition, first generation immigrants of families from the afforementioned middle east region will also have to go through the line (sorry, it's not profiling, it's statistics, we just don't trust your region of the world). 

Boom, CW solving problems with common sense once again.

Man Sets World Record for Highest Suicide Jump in Dubai

(NewsCore) - The first person to commit suicide from the Dubai building that boasts the world's tallest tower died Tuesday after jumping from the 147th floor, police said. The man, believed to be an employee in his 30s who worked at a company based in the Burj Khalifa, landed on a 108th-floor terrace after he leaped from an air vent. It was thought that he asked for time off before jumping but was refused. "The police operations room received a call about a suicide at the Burj Khalifa [Tuesday], and ... investigation teams were immediately dispatched," Dubai Police said in a statement. Some of the building's metal barriers were damaged as the man hit them during his fall, officials added. The Burj Khalifa, which is 2,716.5 feet tall and has over 160 floors, holds several world records, including the highest occupied floor and the elevator with the longest travel distance.

Seems like a bit of overkill, eh buddy?  I mean, I understand that you wanted to make a point, you were sick of your job, they wouldn't approve your vacation, yada, yada, yada. I get it.  But how about a little consideration for the people who have to clean you up? Can you imagine the poor bastards cleaning your bits off the ledges of the 108th Floor? I'd flat out quit. Get some extreme sports nut with a parachute to clean up your remains, I'll stick to plunging toilets.

Not to mention the fact that the statement this makes seems a bit contradictory.  On the one hand you're feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless that you have to kill yourself, but simultaneously striving for achievement with the highest ever suicide jump?  So which is it guy? Zest for life or life ending depression?  Just make up your mind.

Eastern European Pranksters Teach Motorcycle Rider A Lesson

Frigen Eastern Europeans, gotta love them.  Their lives may suck but man do they know how to have fun.  

Kind of put our Blue Man Group to shame, huh? Just a few friends hanging out in pink masks, singing traditional folk songs and pulling ultra-creative pranks.