Hillary Clinton's Former Intern is Now Adult Film Actress...Just How Many Careers in Porn Has Bill Launched?

I always heard Buffalo was Bill's Favorite Office of Hillary's

Fox News - Adult film actress Sammie Spades, not to be confused with the “Rock of Love” contestant of the same name, had an unusual career path—she got her start as an intern for Hillary Clinton! The XXX star was attending community college in Buffalo, NY when she met then-Senator, now Secretary of State Clinton at a banquet and inquired about job opportunities. Spades impressed Clinton and spent the summer of 2006 interning at her Buffalo office, where she did “miscellaneous office work.” “I was planning on becoming an attorney and then going into public office,” Spades told TMZ.com of her career before she changed plans and went on to star in “Bomb Ass White Booty 13,” among other NSFW titles. “I don’t think Hillary would be too happy, but I have nothing but respect for Mrs. Clinton,” said Spades.

“General office” responsibilities presumably including sharpening Bill Clinton’s pencil? 

I’m guessing she got her start in porn in the feature film, “Cummander in Chief”?  You don’t just spring to doing notable films like Bomb Ass White Booty 13 out of nowhere.  You’ve got to have connections, and what better and more respected name in the adult industry to drop than Bill Clinton’s? Shrewd move interning for Hillary, this might be the first pornstar who isn’t blatantly lying out their ass when they claim to have tested their IQ at the genius level.

Time Wants to Remind Everyone of How Miserable Your Life Really Is, Just In Case You'd Gotten Your Mind Off of It

Time - Like the wind chill factor, the Misery Index takes unpleasant objective conditions and tries to gauge just how bad they make people feel. But the two factors that go into the Misery Index – unemployment and inflation – affect various subgroups within the U.S. population quite differently. Not surprisingly, people feel kind of crummy nowadays. Indeed, the Misery Index has reached 12.6, its highest level in 28 years. It last peaked at the end of the Carter Administration when lax Federal Reserve policies combined with soaring oil prices to create the combination of economic stagnation and inflation known as stagflation.

Umm, pretty miserable, hey thanks guys, thanks for pointing that out.  What I really wanted to do today was read a think-piece that forced me to take stalk of exactly how much more miserable I’ve been this year compared to last year.

Instead of distracting me for a few minutes of my mundane, repetitive, underpaid life, please remind me of things like, the job market sucks, there's no upward movement anywhere, things cost more than they did a year ago, yearly raises aren’t even covering cost of living adjustments, the fluorescent lights at work are probably giving us all cancer, etc, etc…

A real cheery piece of work, brightened the hell out of my day. Let me just go share that with my team, make sure we’re all as un-productive as I’m going to be this afternoon, contemplating our miserable lots in life.

Hugh Hefner Might As Well Be Dead, I Want the Old Hef Back

RIP...this Hef died a long time ago apparently

LOS ANGELES - Just days after calling off her wedding to Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner, his former fiancee told entertainment news website RadarOnline on Monday that the 85-year-old let her keep the $90,000, three-carat diamond engagement ring. Crystal Harris, 25, said she tried to return the ring after she canceled the wedding -- just five days before the big event -- because "it was the right thing to do." However, Hefner reportedly told her she could keep the piece of jewelry, along with the Bentley he had given her. RadarOnline reported Harris visited the Playboy Mansion on Sunday to return a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel dog named Charlie. Hefner appears to be dealing well with the breakup, posting a message on Twitter on Monday which read, "It's the start of a new day, and a new week, and I'm happy to be single." Playmate twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon, who Hefner was dating when he met Harris, have moved back in to the mansion to help the publisher get over the split, TMZ reported at the weekend. Hefner wrote on Twitter that the twins were staying for a few weeks until they got their own apartment -- and on Sunday said he was happy to have Charlie back. "Crystal brought Charlie back because she thinks he's happier here & I appreciate it, because I really missed him."

Remember when Hef was someone everyone looked up to? That time is long gone.

Now he’s just an old senile man in a dog shit infested mansion, bird flu running amok on the grounds, long time girlfriends leaving him for cheap magic street performers in rouge, and now this, fiances’ ditching him at the alter and letting her keep the ring and Bentley he gave her like some poor old sap. Shit, the guy was happier that his pet frigen cocker spaniel was returned than the fact that two blonde twin playmates just moved back in. What the hell happened to you, man?

FUCK THAT, enough is enough. You’re Hugh Fucking Hefner, have some god damn respect for yourself.  You haven’t got a natural hard-on since Nam, but that hasn’t stopped these young, dumb, big breasted girls from throwing slumber parties and naked pillow fights in your house. You’re the Hugh Hefner who’s somehow maintained a nudy magazine business in the face on instant online porn. You’re Hugh Hefner who cuckolded JFK with Marylyn Monroe for god sakes! (Might have made that part up, but it seems true enough).

So if this is how you’re going to go about the rest of your days then why don’t you just go ahead and die already. Because this isn’t the Hugh I want to remember. I want the Hugh that wouldn’t have dreamed of marrying this broad. I want the Hugh who would have kicked this girl out the day she turned 21, you don’t need that girl around once she’s drinking all those empty calories, time to move on.  I want the old Hugh Hefner who had more borderline child brides than your average Mormon Pastor.

That’s the Hugh America needs right now, that’s the Hugh America deserves.

How Many Days in a Row Have We Bombed Gaddafi's Compound?

Fox News - Hours after NATO airstrikes pounded the area near Libyan leader Muammar al-Qaddafi's compound again before dawn Thursday, Russia's envoy to Libya turned up at a bombing site while on a visit to Tripoli for talks on ending the civil war.  The latest NATO strike on Qaddafi's compound rattled windows across the heart of the capital, producing thunderous concussions and smoke billowing into the air. It was not clear what was hit, and there was no word on casualties. Government officials did not immediately comment on the strike. NATO warplanes have repeatedly targeted the area in and around the Bab al-Aziziya compound.

So I haven’t been following this Gaddafi story too much lately, but basically we’ve bombed his compound for 183 straight days? Is that correct? What kind of compound are we talking about here? How isn’t he dead yet?  Someone did check that he was home right? Or are we just missing him everytime? Having the misfortune for calling for air raids every time he runs out to pick the family up some pizza or Chinese food.  

Gotta be it, right? Gaddafi’s just the master of coincidental timing.  Like two friends playing telephone tag, only with an oppressive murdering dictator and a military force and their smart bombs.

Are 5 Guys Burger and Fries for Real or Just a Big Elaborate Hoax?

Allright 5 Guys, I’ve had just about enough of this tomfoolery at this point. Shit or get off the pot. Either open up a goddamn location or end this ridiculous grass roots marketing campaign that everyone I meet seems to be in on except me. 

Legit for about 6 months now the only topic of discussion anyone ever wants to talk about is how there’s a 5 guys opening down the street from them.  Every single person. Doesn’t matter where you live, chances are there’s a 5 guys scheduled to be built 3 doors down.  I feel like one of these days I’m going to wake up and all the Dunks are going to have been switched out for a 5 guys burgers and fries.

To make matters more annoying, all these clowns just rave on and on about “how good it’s supposed to be” blah, blah, their burgers are the best, I nearly came when I ate their fries, yada yada, yada, foodgasm.  Which is all well and good except whenever you ask one of these blabbering idiots if they’ve actually ate a 5 Guys they invariably answer with the following response:  "no but I have a friend that’s tried it and they told me it was the best."  It’s like a huge fucking conspiracy. It’s the most hyped restaurant of all time and no one’s eaten there.

Hey thanks for the review that I didn’t ask for guy, I think I'll stick to Fudruckers, their burgers are delicious and they have actual physical location, which is helpful when trying to eat food. I’m sick of the 5 guys already with out them ever even opening a location.

Strippers Using Hypnosis To Make Men Spend More on Lap Dances

Loooook at my asssss...You're getting sleepy, sleeeeepy

My Fox Boston - A hypnotist is helping lap dancers lure men into spending more money on their sexy shows, The Sun reported Monday. Entertainer Grant Saunders was called in by club boss Jason Armitage as takings slumped in the recession. Girls at Cleopatra's Lounge in Huddersfield, northern England, hope to keep spellbound punters forking out for 10 ($16) dances. Saunders, 34, said, "They will use a technique called anchoring. The man's subconscious mind becomes open to suggestion as a dancer speaks to him and gives him a little touch on the shoulder or the knee." But no one will be put in a trance, Saunders added. Saunders said, "It's just about making them better saleswomen." Armitage added, "My girls could earn 5,000 a week a few years ago. Now they're lucky to make 500." Dancer Sabrina, 25, said, "I never say never to learning anything."

Umm, question, exactly how Fugly are these broads that they need hypnosis to convince men to drop an extra $20 on a lap dance?

Yea, hypnosis, that's why guys are dropping their cash at the strip club, it's not the exposed boobs, ass grinding, and girls dead behind the eyes...That man was subconsciously anchored as soon as you let him motorboat you. You don't need to shell out so fancy hypnotists hourly rate to put your customers in a trance. You just need a few decent looking girls who don't show signs of recently having a c-section.

Someone should probably arrest this hypnotist for scamming and preying on society's weak.  Making up stories like this to tell to strippers is just as bad as taking donations for fake charities from senior citizens.  They're just as gullible and easy to rip-off, I fail to see the distinction.

Wake Up With: Old Man Throwing Shit Fit Over Missing Pecan Twirls (hilarious video)

Angry Grandpa Destroys Kitchen Over Pecan Twirls - Watch more Funny Videos

"God damn mother fucking pin wheels!" - For someone so upset you'd think he'd know they're called Pecan Twirls

"God Damn I Aint Got No Teeth, I Can't Eat No Reese's No More!" - If you have no teeth how do you eat the pecans old man? And has anyone suggested eating something that doesn't come in individual wrapped sizes? You look like  you're one more pinwheel away from losing your foot to diabetes.

"I Think You Ate Them, You Goddamn, Two Bit, Goddamn Pinwheel Eating Bitch!" - Easily the greatest rant and string of profanities I've heard this year...the old Angry Tourettes Guy would have been proud.