Making Popcorn Like A Boss (Vid)

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This guy just straight revolutionized the popcorn business with his Medieval Age popcorn machine.  I may be the biggest consumer of popping corn this side of an Indian reservation but I've never seen anyone cook an entire pot quicker.  Like what the hell just happened?  Magic? Sorcery?  Guy tapped his kettle twice opened up a wind chute and BOOM, popcorn in your face. 

You know what? I don't care if I can't understand how it works, I need this and I need it now.  The nightly time saved would offset any health or personal injury concerns associated with having controlled explosions going off in my kitchen.  I waste a solid 2:30-3:00 minutes a night standing by the microwave, nervously awaiting that instant when I open the bag and discover a perfectly cooked golden yellow bag or the immediate disappointment of realizing the bag is burnt.   That's 3 minutes more a night I could be blogging.

Burglar Caught By Clothes Hamper

(NewsCore) - MESA, Ariz. -- An Arizona man got stuck in a clothes hamper that was under a window he had crawled through during an alleged burglary attempt, the East Valley Tribune reported late Friday. The intruder, Michael Trias, was discovered when the home's owner heard a commotion in another room -- that ended up being Trias getting tangled in the clothes hamper.


I'm sorry, was the robber a childrens cartoon character villain from the early 1990's? Did an ACME anvil fall on his head once he got free of the hamper?  Because the only people I've ever seen getting trapped in nets (or in this case a hamper, very similar) are devious childrens characters doomed from the start. 


You're a grown man, pick up your legs and step out of the hamper.  I challenge anyone to trap me in a cartoon styled net. I'll break free of that shit in under 10 seconds, gauranteed.  You don't even have to warn me its coming, just spring it on me sneak attack style while I'm walking to lunch or on my way to my car, no big deal, I can handle it.  Even as a child I used to sit there wondering if the fact that I knew I could escape those cargo nets made me an evil genius or if the cartoons I was watching were really just that dumb. 

George Michael Sexy Sax Impressionist, Playing Public Places Near You

Honestly, if you really could hire him as a sax-o-gram I'd 100% order this guy for myself at least once a week.  I have no idea why but watching this guy do his thing on the sax in public places just brightens my day.  I've watched this roughly 60 times since I found it Saturday, I can't get enough. I need fake George Michael in my  life. Anyone looking for a gift for this blogger take note. And I say all that with a staunch record of heterosexuality.

UVA Freshman Chugs Soy Sauce, Hospitalized like a Wuss, Freshman...

Washington Post - A University of Virginia first-year student was hospitalized for several days this month after chugging a bottle of soy sauce at the Zeta Psi fraternity house, according to court documents. The 19-year-old was pledging to join the fraternity and drank the soy sauce on a dare, according to an affidavit posted online by NBC 29 in Charlottesville. Later that night, the pledge began seizing and foaming at the mouth, and a third-year student drove him to the emergency room early on the morning of March 1. The pledge was transferred to an intensive care ward and hospitalized for four days to treat an electrolyte imbalance caused by consuming large amounts of sodium, The Daily Progress newspaper reported. Police are also investigating a strange meal Zeta Psi pledges ate that night. The Daily Progress reported that the dish -- made of dog food, matzo balls, gefilte fish and soy sauce -- is a pledges-only tradition at the fraternity.


Not for nothing kid, but I did the same thing on a dare as either a freshman or sophmore in high school at a chinese restaurant and you didn't see me acting out for attention, having seizures and shit.  Yea I spent a good portion of the rest of the night in the bathroom stall shitting my brains out, but I sure as hell didn't complain enough to get admitted to the ICU, getting all my friends in trouble because my stomach couldn't handle a little extra salt.  Get out there and flush your system with water and take the consequences of the dare like a man. 


By the way, that's some wild and crazy frat huh? Chugging nips of soy sauce. Watch out for those guys.  Fathers warning their daughters not to hang out with the crazy bastards of Zeta Psi.  How about just chugging beers and gold fish and having midget tossing contests like the rest of the frats?

Cookie Monster Busted

AOL - On March 3, workers at a Circle K convenience store alerted police that a shoplifter had just made off with a $1.19 package of "Pink White" cookies...The suspect, identified as 18-year-old Sebastian Esteban, was "chewing and licking as crumbs fell from his lips," according to an affidavit obtained by WPTV.com. When the deputy confronted Esteban, the suspect allegedly offered an explanation straight out "Sesame Street." "Ya, I stole the cookies, I'm the cookie monster," he reportedly stated. Esteban has been charged with misdemeanor petty theft and resisting arrest without violence.


This sort of relates to the story about the guy downloading frog porn, presumably from all the tales of the Princess and the Toad he heard as a child.  If we continue to teach our children about these screwed up characters we shouldn't be so shocked when they emulate them later in life. 

Kids are very impressionable, teaching a kid that a character named "the cookie monster" who goes around thieving and eating everyone's cookies without permission is a loveable character is obviously going to lead to this.  Frigen guy was a petty thief and everyone just turned a blind eye towards it on Sesame Street, like "Oh, that's just cookie monster again, raiding my panty drawers looking for cookies to munch, isn't he funny."  No! That's a pervert rummaging through your underwear, get your head out of your ass.

By the way who calls the cops over a $1.19 pack of cookies? Don't convenience stores just write that off? I thought they put out those cookies expecting them to be stolen but to lure me in for bigger ticket items. Is this wrong?

Google Trends Freaks Out Over Day Light Savings Time

Really people? Enough American's struggle figuring out the time on day light savings day to make it the top 4 Google trends on Sunday morning? This is just an embarrasing endictment on American intelligence.

Guys, cell phones, cable boxes, and computers have updated on their own for over a decade at this point.  I could understand it if you were living in some kind of stone age anti-technology lifestyle where the only clocks you use are attached to your stove and plug in alarm clock, but that's clearly not the case here.  You frigen google searched it.  This implies you've been on a computer or cellular device.  Preschoolers can turn on a computer and tell you what time it is, what the hell is wrong with you.  What did google even tell you when you searched that? If they have any sense of irony they would have told you an hour back instead of an hour forward, just to punish you for your stupidity.

Start Your Week With Crack Head Tossing (vid)

This was really over from the start, the first guy showed no poise or form in subduing his crackhead, and it was reflected in his throw.  Rule number 1 for Crack Head Tossing is get your crack head a quick fix before the competition.  That way he's not shaking and squirming, and his mind is more at ease about the fact that he's being tossed around like a rag doll for entertainment.  This is a rule our second contestant clearly understood, just look at the tape.  The crack head is so at ease that I'm pretty sure he's pretending to be an airplane for the second toss, wings out, feet together and straight back...perfect form. 

This is the kind of stuff I really feel like I missed out on in childhood not growing up in the projects.  My suburban, white upbringing certainly has served me well in life, but I can't help but wonder how far I would have gone if I'd been exposed to such revolutionary olympic sports such as; Crack Head Tossing, Catch A Crackhead Dash, and everyone's favorite, the Ghetto Hurdles (this is where you simulate a police chase and race through back yards separated by chain link fences).  I think these are events I would have really had a chance of excelling at.