Roger Cossack Easily Has the Best Job Ever, Weighing in on the Penn St Scandal

Click here for the vid because ESPN is weird about embedding their videos.

Does this guy have the best job in the world, or what? Like anytime something in the sports world has anything remotely to do with the legal system he gets all suited up and just waits by his phone for ESPN to call him to come on air.  Free money, just for espousing his "expert legal opinion" on seemingly anything and everything.  

Nevermind the fact that there's no way he can possibly be an expert on all areas of the law that he's asked to speak about, think about the range of cases this guy has been asked to analyze: Clemens (perjury), Duke Lacrosse (gang rape/general douche baggery), Plaxico Burress (self inflicted gun wound laws?), OJ Simpson (double homicide), Barry Bonds (perjury, tax evasion, and generally being a miserable human being), Kobe Bryant (anal rape and the ensuing bribe that he almost definitely paid), Michael Vick (dog fighting), Ben Roethlisberger (rape again, ok so maybe he's a rape expert), Brett Favre (sexting/cock shots), the Mets/Madoff law suit (ponzi schemes), and he even took time last year to apparently offer up opinions on John Edwards and whatever was going on with his wife...And those are just the major cases that I can think of off the top of my head, I'm sure he's been asked his opinion on the NFL and NBA lockouts as well, Pete Rose, and Marv Albert. 

What's my point? I'm a jealous son of a bitch. I mean even if he has a law degree (I'm sure he does, I'm not insinuating that he doesn't...I don't need this over litigious bastard coming after me with a libel suit, hence this explanation), there is just no way it encompasses everything in that last paragraph...this is just a dude getting paid to go on TV, look like he could be the star of a Jim Sokolove commercial, and espouse his opinion however he sees fit.  It's my dream job. Who wouldn't want it...Do a little research, go on tv, and talk out your ass.  It's fantastic.  I'm imminently jealous of you, Roger.

Receiver in Lingerie Football League Gets Pantsed, Picks Up Serious YAC

Ladies and gentelmen, that's Jessica Hopkins, star receiver/safety (that's right a throwback, two way player) for the Seattle Mist of the LFL, and judging by this highlight, I need to start taking the LFL much more seriously.

Like I'm borderline thinking I should be actively looking for tickets to the closest game, because these ladies are legit. Like if this play happened in the NFL there would be an emergency safety hearing directly after the game and a brand new "no pantsing" rule ala the horse collar, defenseless receiver, and don't touch the quarterback under any circumstances rules. 

Did Jessica care that her bare ass was on display for like 5,000 people? Hell no, she wanted to pick up that extra yard.  Did the LFL and Sean Salisbury care that Jessica fake mooned the fans after the play ala Randy Moss with Joe Buck crucifying him? Shit no. Sean Salisbury loved it....Hell that's another thing to love about the LFL, Sean Salisbury is all in on it...I'll take Sean over a tighty-whitey wearer like Joe Buck 7 days a week and twice on Sunday. 

The Lingerie Football League, I'm all in.

PS: One gripe, censored highlights? What the hell is that? I mean, I'm here for the football, I just love the game, but my suspicion is that there are some fans who are just here for the girls, you gotta know your audience.

Daily Occupy Boston Critique: Harvard Students Walking Out of Class in Support Of Tent People

(FOX25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - The Occupy movement has found its way into a Harvard University economics class. Around 70 students from a class of 700 walked out of a Harvard professor’s economic class this week in part to show solidarity with the Occupy Wall Street movement. The students claim Professor Greg Mankiw teachings have driven the inequalities in today’s society.

I've got a question, how the hell did these clowns get into Harvard? I figured Ivy League schools screened for this level of stupidity, no? Guys, you're in, you've made it. You don't walk out, once you're in. Do you think anyone with half a brain (a stretch but there's got to be a few) camped out on the Greenway would pass up a chance to switch places with you in a second? Hell No. They're mainly upset because they're not you. Lesson number one in life, you don't pass up a chance at the 1% to join the 99%, that's just a dickhead move.

If you're just going to waste your in-equal opportunity you've been granted you could at least give up your spot at Harvard to someone a bit more selfish and likely to embrace their role as a future titan of industry, like me.  If I had the chance to attend Harvard, things would be a little different around here, I can guarantee you that. For one thing, I wouldn't be a piddling middle manager, for another, this site would probably be like an even better Facebook, instead of just another blog that attracts random hits from search results such as "uta pippig poop", "aww yeah face" , and "golden corral chocolate fountain."

PS: I can't help but notice that inspite of your anti-capitalism message, you still put an advertisement at the start of your video...maybe there's hope for you after all.

Ever Wanted to Punch A Slow Walker in the Back of the Head? Here's Some Good News.

Boston - Turns out, your walking speed may predict how long you'll live. That's according to a new study published Tuesday in the Journal of the American Medical Association. The University of Pittsburgh researchers looked at data from nine studies involving nearly 35,000 seniors and found that only 19 percent of the slowest walking 75-year-old men lived for 10 more years compared to 87 percent of the fastest walking ones. Only 35 percent of the slowest walking 75-year-old women made it to their 85th birthday compared to 91 percent of the fastest walkers. "This paper is a monumental effort in data analysis to come up with exact numbers and predictors in terms of the relationship between gait speed and survival," says Dr. Farzaneh Sorond, a stroke neurologist at Brigham and Women’s hospital who studies gait speed in the elderly but wasn't involved in this study. "If they fall into the fast super-performer group, I can tell them they have a pretty good chance of outliving their peers," she says. On the flip side, those who walk the slowest might need more aggressive interventions to treat underlying medical conditions that cause gait to slacken through the years.

Great news for anyone who’s ever wanted to punch a slow walker in the back of the head for slowing you down, there’s now a silver lining to your impatientness, despite the increased blood pressure you feel on a daily basis, you’ll probably outlive all the slow pokes, fat asses, and geriatrics who infuriate you on a daily basis.

This is especially good news for me as I fit the stereotype about to a T. I absolutely abhor walking behind people. Can’t stand it. I have no idea why, I don’t know if it’s a clinical phobia or what, but I’m absolutely on a mission in life never to trail someone for more than 5 steps. Anything more than that and I literally begin fantasizing about different objects I could bash your slow walking head in with. And for god sakes, if you feel me beating down your back, just move the hell out of the way…don’t pretend you don’t know I’m there, don’t make me to the awkward try to swoop out to the left and pass before the next person walking towards us collides with me, just get the fuck out of the way, for the health of both of us it’s the right thing to do.

PS: the other plus to this condition of mine, I’ve basically developed the crowd walking skill equivalent of Barry Sanders. I break more ankles per crowd than anyone in history, I once made it from the right field grandstand at Fenway to the Kenmore T-station in under 9 minutes. True, I rode that train alone, everyone else I was with was left in the dust, but its easily one of my top 3 achievements in life. And I’m not even depressed about that, like it’s a legit achievement that I dare anyone to challenge. You can’t do it, you can’t do it quicker than that. Plus, I'm going to live longer than everyone else, so there's that.

A Minor Miracle: Boston Fans Almost Unanimously Agree It Was time For Albert Haynesworth to Go

Ladies and Gentelmen, Alberts 2011 Patriots Highlights: That one time he was on the field.

Boston - The Grand Experiment is over, having lasted 102 days. That’s 30 days longer than the Kim Kardashian-Kris Humphries marriage, for those of you scoring at home. Coach Bill may or may not be familiar with the Kardashian clan, but he is familiar with the National Football League, and what he did by trying to extract Albert Haynesworth’s legendary raw talent on behalf of the New England Patriots was a reasonable gamble. Coach Bill gave the Washington Redskins a fifth-round draft pick, and he did not take on a great deal of salary. If it worked out, great, the Patriots had stolen one. And if it didn’t, it was pretty much going to be no harm, no foul. The option was always there to dump Mr. Haynesworth if things did not work out. And so they have.

3 Total Tackles, 0 Sacks, 0 Impact.

As a defensive lineman you can almost just fall forward 3 or 4 times a game and get credited with an assist on a tackle, that's how damning Fat Albert's season stat line is.

Sick career Albert, time to call it a wrap though, because you’ve just pulled off the impossible, you just got every single Pats fan on the same page, a feat that in all my time, has never happened before for Boston sports fans of any of our beloved teams.

Simply put, we like to argue, and we’ll argue about anything and everything sports related. You don’t support not one, but two of the top sports radio stations in the country without an irrationally argumentative fan base, however the decision to cut your fat ass yesterday put all that to rest, because I didn’t hear a single person lament the decision, not one upset about Belichick giving up a 5th round pick, not even the bloviating hosts of the radio stations who are paid to stir the muck could get an argument going. I couldn't get simple banter in the office, everyone I talked to had the same "yea it was about time" feeling. Even my legendary e-mail chain partners had nothing to add, we relayed the news and then moved on...that's never happened in the history of the e-mail chain.

For once, it was peaceful in the Boston sports world. That’s your legacy Albert. A man who sucked so bad, and was so useless, that you got everyone to band together and say, "meh, its probably a good thing, he wasn’t that good." Sick career Albert, and thanks for the memories.