CNN- I cringe every time I see a patient for a breast lift who is a smoker. I’m deathly afraid that despite my warnings, she will smoke before or after surgery and cause her nipples to turn black and fall off.Yes. Smokers who undergo breast lifts are at great risk of losing their nipples. I’ve seen it before.
It has boggled my mind for years now why people still smoke, yes I understand that it's addictive, but exactly how week willed are you people? Cancer, smelling fucking gross, looking gross, emphysema, probably gout, grossest teeth imaginable, heart disease, wasting money, standing outside in the rain and cold weather, and now, blackened and detached nipples. How is it worth it? How is sucking on a piece of paper with some burnt leaves worth it? You guys are retarded. Sorry to be blunt, but you're retarded. If nipples falling off doesn't get you to be like "whoa, this might not be the best thing for me, I should quit," then you should probably just be removed from society, because frankly, you're holding us a species back.
It's to the point where I'd be better off moving my desk to the shitter, ala Dwight.
It's like all the guys in my office's bowel movements have synched up the way women's menstrual cycles do in dorms and when they live together, its just bizarro stuff. We're talking packed, every stall taken, people just leaning on the walls waiting (which I've never understood, there's like 5 bathrooms per floor, but you'll choose to stand there and waft the fresh smell of turd over walking 2 minutes down the hall) for an opening.
And the thing is, it's not like I even have to take a shit most days, I just happen to schedule one of my blogs to post at 11 AM each day, I'm really only there to post it on twitter and make sure everything got up ok. Can't a guy blog and tweet on the shitter at work in peace? Is that too much to ask?
And yes, I could easily just change the schedule, maybe post at 11:30 instead, but then I'd be going to the shitter twice in the span of an hour, because I always go for a quick 12:15 break to the handicap stall to check up on Barstool, and see if anyone tweeted at me to increase my Klout score and check the Facebook feed. So you can see the dilemma from my end. A fixed amount of bathroom trips necessary to run the blog, and a pack of synched up bowels all dumping out and fixed points in time during the day.
PS: Yes, I posted this at 11 AM. I'm a stubborn creature of habit.
Fox News - The U.S. Postal Service, having lost 29 percent of its first-class mail volume in the last decade, will slow its delivery service beginning next spring -- the first time in 40 years -- in an effort to eliminate nearly $3 billion in costs for the cash-strapped agency. "We have to do this in order for the Postal Service to become financially viable," said David E. Williams, vice president of network operations for USPS, who noted Monday that the organization expects to have a $14 billion debt this year.
Hey, why stop there? Why not sell the fleet of ridiculous looking trucks and go out and purchase a pony for every delivery man, really get back to your roots.
This has to be the most ass-backward business plan I've ever heard. The first time anyone has ever, with a straight face, proposed to make their business WORSE, in hopes of making it more fiscally solvent.
It's almost as if they put no thought whatsoever into this plan. Do they honestly think the few remaining people using the mail for things like, bills, and waste of money holiday cards, are going to continue using the mail service now that it's going to take a fortnight for grandmas card and her $20 bill to reach its destination? Hell no, Grandma, get on Paypal, send those funds electronically. By the same token, no one is going to be sitting there with a calendar and an abacus trying to figure out how early they have to send out this months car payment so it reaches them on time, the last remaining bills will be switched to on-line bill pay.
Why can't we just call a spade a spade? The Post Office is a miserably failing business with wayyyy too much overhead. The fact that a company could lose $14 BILLION in one year, all while simply delivering pieces of paper door to door, is astounding. Guys, as a 10-15 year old kid, I had a paper route, 45 houses every day, all it cost me was a new tire for my Huffy every 6 months or so. I don't have some ridiculous pension, didn't have benefits, nor should I have. I was going door to door putting things into peoples mail boxes, it's not exactly the kind of gig you'd think should be union and pension worthy. Just cancel the post office, save us all a lot of money in taxes, and let neighborhood kids deliver the mail. It's pretty simple.
This is the best, worst idea I've ever heard of. Ever.
Best, because as a kid I would have absolutely demanded a 4-piece battalion set of Nerf Guns and me and my friends would have staged an absolute guerrilla war in my basement the likes of which people haven't seen since 'Nam. It finally would have been as fun as those commercials always make it out to be. Everyone has a gun with like 20 rounds of ammunition, none of that fire 4 darts and then have to go scour under the couch to pick it up shit. Just pure crossfire at its best.
The worst idea because I'd 100% be shipping things back broken or missing pieces. You're talking about kids, the most destructive force known to Earth. I don't think I had a toy from childhood that wasn't Jerry-rigged together with rubber bands and tape after a few weeks. We, as children, are just a violent breed, plain and simple.
Second reason its the worst idea? Be prepared for your kids to absolutely HATE you for a couple of weeks after you ship their new favorite toy back to the internet. I can't think of a more traumatizing thing as a child. Like "Hey Johnny, glad you've enjoyed playing with this Thomas the Tank Engine set, but the people of the World Wide Web need it back. Don't worry though, they're sending Percy next." Percy sucks. All green, not cute like Thomas. I would throw a two week temper-tantrum if that ever happened to me. You don't mess with a kid and his toys. I once ordered a set of 3-D sun glasses from a cereal box, saved up my 3 UPC's, mailed them in, and never got the glasses. I held a grudge against that mailman all summer long. Setting boobie traps along the side walk, leaving gross shit in the mailbox for him to stick his hand into, and straight up mean mugging him from my stoop. Like I said, you do not mess with a kids toys.
