80 Year Old Man Busted For Printing Child Porn at a Computer Shop...GEEK SQUAD TO THE RESCUE!

An 80-year-old Ketchikan city councilman, the city's former mayor, has been arrested on charges of possessing child pornography, police say. A Ketchikan computer shop called police on Friday to report that a worker discovered the images when John W. "Jack" Shay brought in his laptop for repair. Shay had been having trouble printing, said Deputy Police Chief Josh Dossett. "When they hooked it up and started it all up, the printer began printing items that had already been queued in the printer ... it turned out to be child porn," Dossett said. Shay has been charged with 10 counts of possessing child pornography. Prosecutors may add charges as police review evidence found Friday in his Ketchikan home, Dossett said. "We found additional printed-off material of young children performing sexual acts," Dossett said.

You have to believe this guy just wanted to get caught, right? Like I'm glad another perv is off the streets, but there's no way this was a mistake. No one prints stuff anymore unless they're at work, especially not pictures from online, do you know how much ink that takes? That shit is expensive. I can't even imagine the costs if it was in color.

I'm pretty sure the last time I printed a graphic at home was like 10th grade doing some kind of science project, I'd print out all these graphics from PowerPoint, thinking they'd look so slick, when in reality every other student was printing the same exact pictures because Windows Images only came with like 30 .gif's back then. I'd hit print, wait for the paper to come out, basically hang it on a clothesline to wait for all that ink to dry and then tack it up on those tri-fold poster boards. It was a ridiculous process.  

Luckily right around that time adults began realizing computers were the way of the future and from then on out I didn't really need to print anything, just slap my presentations on a thumb drive and project them in class, that was really the end of the printing era. 

So if my high school teachers could figure out a suitable alternative to having me waste gallons of ink to print some hokey cartoon image that came standard with Windows 98, I'm fairly certain this 80 year old, who was savvy enough to figure out how to use a Laptop (fairly certain my grandfather would end up using it as a paper weight or lap desk before he figured out how to get the thing running), I don't think its going out on a ledge to assume he knew he didn't have go to printing out pictures, could just bookmark and saved things whenever he wanted. 

But, like I said, at the end of the day, one less diddler roaming free up in Alaska, so kudos to the Geek Squad, another crime solved.

15 Weirdest Excuse for Calling Out Sick, Decoded by CW

This is the exact method I use when calling out "sick." I get in the mental state of being sick, and call in and say I'm sick. Nothing over the top, just a simple, Oscar worthy, performance.

The Work Buzz - In our annual survey, one-third of employers reported that workers call in sick more often during the winter holidays than any other time of the year. While cold and flu season has much to do with the abundance of absences, some people are using up those sick days to spend more time with their families, get in some last-minute shopping or just relax in bed when the weather outside looks too bleak to even deal with.

This is a gigantic pet peeve of mine, I've never understood why people try to be so creative with their hooky excuses, it makes no sense whatsoever. It's like I'm the only one that learned that the simplest lie is always the best one. If I want to bang out of work, I just call in and say I'm sick...unless my boss is going to call me out and insinuate that I'm a liar, that's all that needs to be done. Yet I still see others around the office who'll go to extreme measures to cover their tracks when playing hooky, I've seen people ham it up all week long with "cold symptoms" (after admitting they're acting) just to get an extra Friday off, I've seen or heard just about every excuse imaginable as a middle manager and gossiper with fellow middle managers, and guess what, they're all horse shit. HORSE SHIT. I know it, you know it, lets stop playing games. You're lying, your boss knows you're probably lying, it's going to be awkward when you come back in tomorrow no matter what you say on the phone, you might as well just say something simple and have less to explain...and that's another thing, don't explain yourself the next day.

Everyone does it, feel like they have to come up with some rich back story for their day off, like they spent the whole day brainstorming ideas for things they could add on to their initial excuse the day prior, stop, it's not necessary, you got your day off, it's over. I don't need to hear about fake sickness conditions, catalytic converters, etc... You needed a day on the couch, its cool, I do the same thing from time to time. Lets not make this more complicated than it needs to be...Like look at this list of the 15 Weirdest Excuses, followed by my comments decoding the excuse:

1. Employee’s 12-year-old daughter stole his car and he had no other way to work. Employee didn’t want to report it to the police. - You're hungover
2. Employee said bats got in her hair. - You're hungover
3. Employee said a refrigerator fell on him. - You just want to watch junk tv in your underwear.
4. Employee was in line at a coffee shop when a truck carrying flour backed up and dumped the flour into her convertible. - A truck dumped flour into your convertible (come on, that's impossible to make up, plus it would be in the news).
5. Employee said a deer bit him during hunting season. - You're sleeping in.
6. Employee ate too much at a party. - You're hungover
7. Employee fell out of bed and broke his nose. - You're hungover, and did something stupid the night before, like got in a fight.
8. Employee got a cold from a puppy. - Eww...
9. Employee’s child stuck a mint up his nose and had to go to the ER to remove it. - Your kid is at school, you're catching up on the DVR for the day, good for you.
10. Employee hurt his back chasing a beaver. - You're hungover
11. Employee got his toe caught in a vent cover. - You're a fucking idiot
12. Employee had a headache after going to too many garage sales. - You were up way too late playing Call of Duty and want to sleep in.
13. Employee’s brother-in-law was kidnapped by a drug cartel while in Mexico. - You had a bit too much Tequilla and missed your flight...and you're hungover.
14. Employee drank anti-freeze by mistake and had to go to the hospital. - Bull Shit...No one has ever drank anti-freeze, ever. You're hungover
15. Employee was at a bowling alley and a bucket filled with water (due to a leak) crashed through the ceiling and hit her on the head. - Come on...why would that cause you to miss work, just admit it, you're sleeping in.

As you can see, like 90% of the time, your boss knows, you're just hungover or want to sleep in...It's cool, your boss has been there. Just come out simple and say, "hey, I'm sick today."  That's all, don't over abuse it, don't get to clever, just keep it simple. You get one bang out per quarter in my opinion, no need to go all over the top with tales of Mexican Drug Cartels and Bowling Alley buckets of water.

When Does Two Girls Messing Around in Public Count as "Lascivious?" When They Look Like This

Two women accused of an "unnatural and lascivious act" involving exposed breasts got busted following an incident outside a Jensen Beach lounge. A Martin County Sheriff's sergeant on foot patrol in the Rock Star Lounge parking lot about 12:45 a.m. Nov. 3 saw two women exit the establishment, according to recently released records. The ladies talked loudly, used profanity and got the attention of several men in the parking lot of the business in the 2200 block of Northeast Dixie Highway. "This is my (expletive)," one of the women is quoted as saying. One of the men approached the women and appeared to be taking photos. A group of onlookers began forming. "As I approached the subjects I observed the two females engaged in an unnatural and lascivious act in public view," a report states. One woman, later identified as Christianne Taylor, 27, was engaged in a particularly close form of contact with the right exposed breast of 33-year-old Regina Shiner.

Lets clear one thing up, right now, these two Fuggo's of the month up here were arrested for one thing, and one thing only, being Fuggo in public.  Because never, in the history of male police enforcement has boob licking been considered unnatural or lascivious.  You might get a public indecency arrest once in a while, but that's just for the police officers to save face, you never slap on the lascivious charge unless the perps looks like the biological spawn of sloth. I can say with 100 percent certainty that if this happens on a college campus, or some place where the people are non-hideous goblins (say South Beach) the crowd is dispersed, the cops collect some of the pictures for "evidence" reasons, and everyone goes home with some great stories.

How Big of a (Rhymes with Bunt) is this Lady? Prius Owner Goes Batshit Crazy on Truck Owner

Did this lady ride up on a high horse? Oh, nope, just a Prius.

Cunt, she's a cunt. Maybe the biggest one in the world, never before have I felt so consumed with one word about one person, but there's no getting around it on this one. Like as soon as her shrill mouth opens up about this guy using the parking lot for parking of all things, I just want to lose it...How this guy maintained his cool is beyond me, because you can bet your ass if I was this guy I would have; A) Called her a cunt, right off, it would have just blurted out, and B) Told her to just enjoy my exhaust and maybe go suck my tailpipe, save her one cigarette this hour and just inhale my poisonous gas instead.