I Hear The Boston Greenway is Looking for a Good Carousel Guy

Boston Herald - The beleaguered Rose Kennedy Greenway, already under siege for six-figure salaries and hefty bonuses, plans to ditch a proven moneymaker merry-go-round, asking taxpayers to chip in for a new $2.9 million customized carousel — even as a top state official yesterday demanded the private nonprofit begin weaning itself off public funds. The new carousel would replace a New Hampshire contractor’s revenue-producing operation and would require the Greenway to hire staff or a contractor to run it, according to Jesse Brackenbury, the Greenway’s business operations director. Brackenbury argues the new carousel will eventually turn a profit, but added the Greenway is focused more on “fun” than the bottom line. The current carousel, set up during tourist season near Faneuil Hall, has brought in $187,400 for the Greenway over the past three years without any capital outlay, Executive Director Nancy Brennan acknowledged. New Hampshire-based Fanelli Amusements Inc.’s carousel operation pays the Greenway $1,000 a month plus 25 percent of ticket sales.

Putting aside the ludicrous notion that the Greenway has some how decided that scrapping a FREE carousel that brings in hundreds of thousands of dollars for a brand new multi-million dollar carousel that will undoubtedly never turn a profit, at the expense of the tax payers, is a good idea for a second...Let's just focus on this $2.9 million price tag.

Who sold them on this? Hey guys, you could give me $1 Million and I'll get you a brand new, never used carousel, and I'll have it there in like one week, dead serious, I've got a carousel guy.

Literally 1/3rd the cost of whatever carnie-folk swindler you're working with right now. I don't know where he's getting his carousel, but my carousel guy is the best. Decent price, great customer feedback rating, plus the carousel would come with eBay buyer protection.  Yea, I'd be making a hefty profit, 139K Buy It Now Price, probably another $25 grand to get it shipped, but just consider the $800k or so that I pocket a consultants fee...Shit, you're already paying a glorified Gardner upwards of 200k a year, is shelling out 800k to a consultant who saved you an additional $2 Million really that big of a deal? You know what, just to sweeten the deal, I'll do the conservancy job for free for a year, just fire that over paid flower water'er, I'll hire some migrant workers real cheap, get the Greenway spruced up in no time, and under budget. 

I'm very serious about this offer, so contact me if our interests are mutual.

FearFactor Issues Gag Order For Twins Who Drank Donkey Semen on Show

Fox News - Twins Brynne and Claire Odioso went on the current season of NBC’s popular stunt/dare game show “Fear Factor” and drank a big glass of donkey semen. But it’s not the act itself that the ladies are spewing about. It’s the fact that on Monday night the network pulled the episode – titled “Hee Haw! Hee Haw!” – and replaced it with a rerun after news of the jaw-dropping episode leaked and freaked people out. “We are disappointed because we wanted to share the experience with our friends and family,” Brynne Odioso told Gawker.com, after calling into Tampa-based radio program The Cowhead Show and elaborating that it was the “hardest 15 minutes of (their) life. “If you vomited you would have to start over, I ended up just vomiting in my glass and drank that. The camera men were vomiting,” one of the twins said. “It smells. It’s so bitter, and it has a little hint of hay.” But not only did the Odioso girls gag, it seems they have now been gag-ordered by NBC to keep their lips sealed about the incident. The twins told reporters that the network scolded them for “revealing too much” and reminded them they are bound by confidentiality agreements. 

If they're not going to air the episode it kinda makes you wonder if chugging Donkey cum was worth it, no? I mean it's one thing to guzzle a gallon of equine jizz when you have the promise of moderate riches (max prize is only $50k, right?  Does that even cover the stomach pumping procedure?), and the fame of debuting on a poorly rated "reality" game show. But when you get nothing out of it? Man, that really kicks rocks.

I'm gonna level with ya, I've almost puked 4 times just looking at that frothy pitcher and the donkey behind it...I'm probably skipping breakfast today as a result. Dead serious, and I never skip breakfast, in fact Friday is egg sandwich day, but I just don't think I can do it. And I read further into the article above, apparently the girls had a choice between donkey urine and donkey baby-batter...How the fuck do you pick the semen there? 

Yea, donkey piss wouldn't have been a walk in the park, but at least it would have went down like liquid, drink it, hold back puke for a couple of minutes, and then go throw up like a bulemic girl on Thanksgiving. But the semen? BLEHH. You know why it was the hardest 15 minutes of your life? Because it took 15 minutes for that gooey shit to come out of the pitcher. Like what are you thinking? The consistency alone would have swayed me towards the piss, nevermind the producers telling me what it actually is. I just can't, I'm actually going to go vomit.

Patriots Day and the Super Bowl at the Office Brings Out My Worst Superstitions

Patriot's day at the office, again. CW wearing the exact same outfit he's worn the past two times, again. And frankly, I'm scared. See, I'm not really superstitious, but in another way, I'm totally superstitious...if that makes any sense.

I'm not one that has some weirdo traditions that I have to do, convinced that some oddball ritual I have in some way affects the universe, I don't believe that holding me pee or not holding my pee has ever changed the outcome of a game, and I'm not huge on the whole jinxing thing...If I predict a victory or a loss in game, chances are it's not going to make it back to Belichick, I just don't have that kind of klout. 

But in another way, I'm as completely superstitious as you can get. I'll subconsciously get in the habit of wearing the same clothing or sitting in the same position (not just seat, position. Like, if my arms were crossed and my leg was at a 95 degree angle, it has to be the same...if my leg is at a 93 degree angle, we'll lose), and if I notice some kind of nervous tick is working, like if shaking my leg at a certain pace or rythym seems to have sparked a rally I'll keep that up all night.  

But the problem is, as soon as I become aware of these superstitions I start freaking out. Like this morning I didn't subconsciously pick out this outfit, I made the active decision to pick the exact same clothes I've worn the past two Patriots Fridays, and now I'm nervous. If there's one thing I know it's that when I become aware of my own superstitions, they stop working. So now I'm all worried that my choice of socks this morning may have some affect on Gronkowski's ankle, or maybe the undershirt I'm wearing will end up being an omen for Brady's shoulder...I know, it's fucking nuts. 

Like obviously the apparel of some middle manager in Boston will have no bearing on the outcome of a football game in Indianapolis played by a bunch of men who've never even heard of me, but at the same time...it will, won't it? 

I watched the Baltimore game at home on my couch, wrapped up in a blanket over the top my head for most of the second half out of anxiety, this week we're going to a friends house for the game...Do I bring the blanket? I kind of have to, I think. Sure a grown man showing up to a Super Bowl get-together (I don't do parties when the home team is involved) with a blanky may lose whatever minimal street cred he has left, but at the same time if they lose I'll spend all off season blaming myself for the loss.

And I just hate it...In all other aspects of life I'm a fairly rational person, except when it comes to sports. Sports turn me into an anxiety riddled fool who'd willingly buy into the Mayan Calendar or the Hale Bop comet cult if you caught me at the right time (say, late in the second half of a Super Bowl with my team losing but on the comeback trail, just looking for one karmic push from a middle manager/blogger who has no real relation to the team).

New Gingrich's Wife Looks Exactly Like Conan O'brien

Somehow this may be a bit more offensive for Conan than Calista Gingrich. I mean yea, of course Newt's wife is going to have a strong chiseled jaw, he's Newt Gingrich, he's doing the best he can, he's probably made peace with the fact that he's not marrying all winners a long time ago...But I don't know what it says about Conan that he has the identical physical characteristics of a handsome woman who also happens to be the former speaker of the house's 3rd wife...If you're going to display femininity don't you want to just do it all the way? I have no experience here, but I'd think you'd want to be compared to some beautiful woman, not a slightly demonic looking woman (below anyway) who has to sleep with Newt Gingrich...jeesh.