Alt-Tabs

 

Woman Hides Stolen Goods Under Her Fat - (Dec. 1) -- Plenty of people keep cash in their billfolds. But police in Oklahoma say two women tried to steal $2,600 worth of valuables under their skin folds. Cops in Edmond arrested Ailene Brown, 28, and Shmeco Thomas, 37, on suspicion of shoplifting after the pair allegedly stuffed $2,600 worth of footwear, denim and accessories under rolls of fat on their stomachs and beneath their breasts.

Do you think the cops thought about just letting her go on this one? I'm sorry I'm not diggin under some obese womans FUPA and pancake tits. Thats gross. So yea, if I was a cop fatties would get away with whatever they wanted to, as long as they could hide it inside of a roll or fat crease, it would be like the wild, wild west for porkers.

White Supremacist Builds Snowman - HAYDEN, Idaho -- A white separatist drew complaints from neighbors and a visit from law enforcement officers after erecting a snowman shaped like a member of the Ku Klux Klan on his front lawn. Kootenai County sheriff's deputies told Markus Eliseuson Wednesday that he could be charged with a crime because the snowman was holding what appeared to be a noose. Deputies were called by neighbors who were appalled by the pointy-headed snowman with two dark eyes.

Look, I'm not condoning racism, the Klan, or anything like it.  But in this guys defense, its Hayden Idaho, how was he supposed to know someone would be offended by offering Frosty the Snowman temporary Klan status?  Aside from migrant workers during potato season are there really any non-white citizens in Idaho?

Aliens Among us? - Alien life has been among us all along, according to new biological findings announced by NASA Thursday.

No shit, they could have just taken a trip down to the DMV or post office to figure this one out.



Multimillion Dollar Drug Group Busted - A Dorchester drug lord dripping with diamonds employed family, lovers and neighbors during the 20 years he ran a multimillion-dollar coke and crack ring — but now faces spending the rest of his days in a no-frills cell, authorities said yesterday.Michael “Muscle Mike” Williams, 43 — a father of six described by a law-enforcement source as one of Boston’s “original gangsters” — topped a chart of 20 men and women charged by the feds yesterday with distributing massive amounts of crack manufactured in Dorchester tenements. “We’re talking about millions and millions of dollars,” U.S. Attorney Carmen M. Ortiz said of Operation Magic Wand.

I always wonder how someone can be savvy and smart enough to run a multi million dollar drug ring (and for decades in this case) yet not realize that parking luxury autmobiles right outside the triple decker slum of an apartment you live in is a dead give away.  You realize you can move to a nicer neighborhood and just keep an office on the old block right? 

Living in Buffalo Must Suck

(CNN) -- More lake-effect snow could blanket parts of upstate New York Friday, forecasters said, as residents continue digging out from a storm that shut down a major highway and left up to six-foot-high drifts in its wake...Several spots got hit hard by this week's storm, and consistently. National Weather Service spotters reported more than 32 inches in communities east and south by Thursday evening. Plus, temperatures just below freezing made for wet snow that forecasters cautioned "will bring down some tree limbs and produce scattered power outages."


Its the freaking snowpocalypse in Buffalo right now, only if the apocalypse was something that came around a few times a year.  Remind me again why anyone chooses to live in that God forsaken area?

Routinely hit Biblical "lake effect" snow storms that have nothing to do with normal weather patterns, proximity to Canada without the benefits of universal healthcare or cheap college tuition, and a football team that elects to play some of its home games in Canada despite the fact that Canadians don't even know the rules to real football. 

These people are aware they're allowed to move, right?  The job market can't possibly be worth living through this hell, people stranded on the highway freezing their asses off for 20 hours! I'd like to know what job is worth that kind of rush hour traffic.

And has anyone even considered filling in whatever lake is causing all this snow?  Clearly a demonically possessed lake.  Normal lakes don't do shit like this, they're happy places that people can, people jetski, swim, tube ride, etc...none of this "the lake is actively trying to kill people" bull shit.  Someone needs to perform an exorcism, stat.

Lebron Steamers City of Cleveland (Cleveland Steamer reference)

 

Hysterical pic, a shame that the Cav's owners didn't get a ton of Lebron Urinal Cakes made up before last night.  Bigger shame is how the Cavs responded at game time.  Terrible. 

To the people of Cleveland, glad you had your fun or cathartic moment or whatever that was but its time to start moving on and addressing the horrible state of your team is step one.  About 2 minutes into the 3rd quarter the boos should have started raining down whenever your own team had the ball.  I haven't seen a more pathetic showing since...well since Cleveland quit in the playoffs last year.  Oh, never mind then I guess that's just par for the course for the city of Cleveland.  Just a bunch of pathetic losers, content with rooting for pathetic loser, carry on.

Also, not that I'm a fan in any way of Lebrons, but I respect the hell out of him for having a monster game last night.  That's the kind of killer instinct most just assumed he turned his back on when he decided he'd rather play recess basketball every day rather than reach for greatness. 

The Second Coming Is Near?

Is this guy serious? Does he really think I'm buying his jewlery shit if the 2nd coming is right around the corner? I'll just wait til the riot starts and loot the place, right now I need to stock up on non-perishables and shotguns.

Look, I'm sure the second coming is supposed to be some joyous celebration, but that's just not realistic.  Have you seen how humans behave these days?  If Jesus is coming back and expecting parades and shit he better bring an entourage of body guards and a bullet proof car, shit is out of control on earth right now.  People have straight up forgotten how to celebrate and have a good time, we all just move straight to rioting as a reflex reaction to any kind of news now.  

I think I speak for the few of us sane humans left when I beg that the come back be put off just a while longer.  We're just not as a place where we can handle it right now.  

PS:  If the you knew the Apocalypse was coming would you run out and open as many credit cards as possible?  Its the first thing I'd do. I'd live large for however long earth had left.