Sox Fans Pulse Check: The 2012 Red Sox Ship is Sinking Fast

Ive said it once I'll say it again, my MS Paint skills are unparalelled  

TORONTO—Season-opening road trips don't seem to agree with the Boston Red Sox. A year after losing their first six games to start the season, the Red Sox finished a 1-5 trip with a 3-1 loss to the Toronto Blue Jays on Wednesday. "That's not the road trip we want," Boston manager Bobby Valentine said, "but we've got a homestand coming up and we'll try to see if we can't get things going in the right direction." Ricky Romero outdueled Jon Lester and Yunel Escobar drove in two runs for the Blue Jays, who took two of three games from Boston. "Obviously it's not the way we wanted to start," Lester added.

Good fucking grief guys...No shit this is not the start or the road trip we wanted. Thanks for the understatement. Did you honestly think anyone out there was looking for the 1-5 start, after the WORST COLLAPSE IN HISTORY, and Beer and Chicken Gate, the Francona Firing, Theo leaving for some Chris Carpenter doppelganger, and John Henry casually tossing out insults to his $142 million left fielder? We know this is a bad start. How about some words of encouragement. How about a fiery clubhouse speech? Give us something!

It's the 100th anniversary of Fenway Park next Saturday, and at this rate, no one is going to give a shit (ok that's lie, many people give a shit, myself included, but I'm using hyperbole here) if the team is DOA. 

Bobby - Stop dicking around with the lineup. Can we go back to back games with the same guys, same slots, just once? Try out continuity just for shits and giggles? And I don't know if you're just one of those guys that doesn't like labels or what, but can you sort out the order in the bullpen so they have some semblance of an idea as to when they might be pitching? And while you're at it, shorten up the rotation, we don't need 5 guys for the first month. Who the hell does that?

Beckett, you slightly fat fuck, I'm begging you, show us that you're still kind of a grown man and a leader. Pitch the shit out of this next game or everyone on that slightly capisized boat you see above is going down. 

PS: Who'd have thunk the voice of reason here would be the Maestro? 

Dwayne Wade Crying Like A little Girl About Not Getting Paid to Play in the Olympics

Dwayne, you serious bro?

MIAMI -- Count two-time Olympian and Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade among those who believe NBA players should be paid for playing with Team USA in the London Olympics.

"It's a lot of things you do for the Olympics -- a lot of jerseys you sell," Wade said after the Heat's practice on Wednesday in advance of Thursday's game against Chicago. "We play the whole summer. I do think guys should be compensated. Just like I think college players should be compensated as well. Unfortunately, it's not there. But I think it should be something, you know, there for it.".."I love representing my country, man," James said. "I've done it since 2004 and I'm looking forward to doing it in London. As far as [pay], I don't know, man. It doesn't matter. I'm happy to be a part of the team, to be selected again."

First off, yes, I am ignoring the fact that my very own Ray Allen said basically the same thing first. I'm choosing to believe he meant he'd like to get paid so he could donate the money to charity or an art gallery or something classy. He's just a classy guy so I refuse to believe he'd profit from playing for his country.

Back to D-Wade...Is it at all possible that he saw how much villain-swag Lebron and Dwight Howard have put on this year that he wanted to join in on the action? That's gotta be it, right? No one could be this big of an asshole, right? It's not like he's making something like 17 or 18 million a year from the NBA and countless more in endorsements, and all in all living a fantasy life in Miami, that giving up one summer every four years to represent his country is too much to ask, is it? I mean, is he seriously comparing himself to college players at this point, while under a max contract in the NBA. He knows the difference, right?

Even Lebron James is saying the right things here, do you know how insane this makes you look Dwayne? Lebron James, who probably hasn't played a free game of basketball since his sophomore year in high school is coming out and saying he doesn't care if he gets paid...The same Lebron James who set up a television special just to announce what team he'd be signing with doesn't care about getting paid!

The only thing that can really explain this is that he knew if he didn't say it, Lebron would, and as a good teammate he knew Lebron couldn't really take anymore criticism this year, there's only so many fingernails the man's got. With the playoffs around the corner Wade chose to per-emptively strike to keep this one away from Lebron, set him up to look like the good guy. That's gotta be it.

Mickael Pietrus Begging for Twitter Followers

All I got was Follow Me on Twitter.

Umm, sorry Mickael, it doesn't really work that way. I ask people to follow me all the time, even have that handy little button over there on the right, still doesn't matter...Maybe talking like a still very concussed man on video helps though?

PS: Your name is a pain in the ass to spell, all the double vowels and what not.