Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: So Long Darnell McDonald

Ortiz's 400th Home Run on an Otherwise Depressing Red Sox Weekend

OAKLAND — The Yankees have claimed outfielder Darnell McDonald off waivers from the Red Sox and will have him in uniform for Friday's game at Fenway Park. McDonald was designated for assignment on Saturday. He hit .214/.309/.369 in 38 games this season.

FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, WE'RE FREE AT LAST!

Darnell, it was a blast infuriating, I'll always thank you for those couple of walk-offs you hit in April three seasons ago, but you milked more than your share of 15 minutes off of those two hits and it was time for you to go. I am not saddened by your departure, but hopeful. Hopeful that you take that amazing .678 OPS to a corner outfield spot in Yankee Stadium and bless the Yankee faithful with all the weak pop outs to left and K's with runners on they could ever want. God Bless, Darnell.

And any day that your biggest rival signs the guy who was LITERALLY the worst player on your roster for about 3 years running, it should be a good day....But Nope. These are the 2012 Red Sox, folks. The most Jekyll & Hide team I can ever remember.  I all but abandoned these Pulse Checks because every time I wrote about them turning it around they played impossibly bad, every time I ripped them for sucking, they rolled off 5 straight wins...it was maddening.

Take last Thursday/Friday for example...I look up the standings, see that the Sox are a half game back of Baltimore for the wild card and second place in the AL East. Things are rolling, right? I'm going to write a Pulse check this week talking about how all the doubting early in the season was premature, things are fitting into place, how they've endured despite playing with basically the least known group of castoffs $189 million dollars in payroll could buy due to injuries and various stupid contracts...and what do they do?

They lose 5 of 7 to the lowly Mariners and Oakland A's. Daisuke hits the DL, there are concerns about Heart-throb Will Middlebrooks balky hamstring, and I'm so mad I can't even celebrate Papi's 400th homerun by whipping up a batch of his new Mango Salsa (wooooo) because I'm afraid I'll commit atrocious crimes with my pairing knife.

That's the 2012 Sox in a nutshell...2 steps forward, 1.5 steps back. They're making progress, but even slower than that proverbial snails pace.


And I'm fully aware they're about to win 7 in a row because of me writing this. Just doing my part.

This 9 Year Old Beer Pong Champ Thinks His Shit Don't Stink

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Screw you kid, anyone can set up trick shots and try an unlimited amount of time/have a dad that's really good at home movie CGI shit...that don't make you a champ.

How about you make a video when you sink the last cup after 8 straight games playing with actual alcohol? Put aside the Harry Potter trick shot shit and step up and join the big boys...you're Australian, I assume by about your 10th birthday you can legally drink?

 Also, as a general rule of thumb, I refuse to play beer pong with anyone that doesn't drink during the game. I have a feeling this is one of those kids who puts a side cup on the table and just fills it up as his opponents hit their shots, says something like "I'm really full, I'll drink it right after the game," and then 30 minutes later when you're looking for a water cup to wash off the rogue pube stuck to the ball you notice a 20 oz. cup of room temperature beer that panzy left behind...don't be that guy, kid.


PS: You know how I know this video is fake? The cup never wobbles, not once. Doesn't slide, doesn't move at all, actually. Just complete bullshit.

Jessica Simpson is STILL Pregnant

GOOO...my bad. She's just huge. Seriously though, I'm not even sure how a baby fit in there. Like you know on Thanksgiving where it's just impossible to eat one more slice of Turkey, or you just have that delicious piece of glazed ham just mocking you from your 4th plate but you just can't do it unless you suddenly burp/fart/shit clear some space? That's what I feel like looking at this. I feel like Jess has expanded as much as her human skin will possibly let her...that in order to have fit an 8-10 lbs baby in there she must have been drowning herself in exo-lax morning, noon, and night to achieve the necessary space for a baby to survive in there.