Get Me This Zombie House

Before

I need this zombie safe house, and I need it now. Like in years past I'd have probably just laughed off anyone who was preparing for zombie's as complete loon's and fringe society members, but lately I'm not so sure. I mean, the CDC issued safety instructions in case of a zombie apocalypse, and when the CDC speaks, I listen.  

After

Not to mention the increasing frequency of natural disasters and Armageddon predictions, or the fact that 2012 is right around the corner. Now more than ever we've got to be concerned that zombies really might come and eat our brains for sustenance. You guys can stay here if you want to, I'm going to move to this sweet little plot of land on the country side and just ride this shit out in the safety of my rubiks cube shaped home. I'll be the last one laughing when you're all twitching and gangrenous, wishing you'd bought a zombie proof house when I warned you.

Blogging from Home Last Week was Like a Dream Come True

Ahhhh, the home office, such a sweet, sweet memory.  Right now Instead of lounging between my bed or my unnecessarily comfy office chair, I'm baking under fluorescent lights, with nagging co-workers, and a chair from 1998. 

I took two days off last week with no real plans whatsoever (we can't rollover days, and I get so many that I literally can't figure out what to do with them), so I took the opportunity to live out a sort of fantasy camp for myself, the home blogger...And it lived up to my wildest dreams.

 Just so you can get a mental image of what was going down, I pretty much stayed in bed all day, didn't get dressed, just put on sweats and a robe, didn't leave the house, ordered Chinese for lunch (the walk from my room to the door to get the food was the furthest I journeyed from my little lair), I was set up with my wireless keyboard and mouse, hanging on my bed, blogging and monitoring twitter and my e-mail chains on my ginormous 23 inch monitor, and watching the hilarity and hijinks of Michael Scott and the gang on demand, pretty much for two days straight. That's it, that's all I did. I browsed the internet, made some jokes over e-mail, posted a ton of blogs, and watched tv all day. It was everything I've ever wanted. 

Like look at that setup I've got going...anyone that ever tells you that blogging from home is still work is just straight up lying to you. 100%, they're just being a dick. I took a nap with my mouse in one hand and my remote in the other at one point.

When's the last time you did that at work? Never. Exactly. I loved the whole experience so much that I've been racking my brain all weekend to try and figure out how people make real money doing this, like what do I have to do? Do I have to start pimping lorna-doones and snuggies for your feet? Will that work? Is that the key to blogging from home successfully? Taking a break from snarky commentary and fairly obvious observations once in a while to pimp cookies and stuff that you can buy and Bed Bath and Beyond? Because I'll sell my soul for a chance to do this full time at home, I have no problem with it. Seriously, someone help me out here, I need this. I'm not cut out for the real world, I don't like bosses, fluorescent lights, words like "right sizing" and "foster" , and corporate wide e-mails announcing the promotions and title changes for a bunch of secret handshake executives. I do like robes, beds, random internet videos, writing, and advertising money.  Someone help me make this work. Please. 

Sincerely, 

Sobbing gently in my cube today.

I Agree with Dan Shaughnessy? I Can't Imagine Why Anyone Would Want to Coach the Red Sox

Not one offer? Really Guys

Boston - Yesterday it was Gene Lamont, a 64-year-old man who has been in professional baseball for 47 years. On Friday it was Torey Lovullo, a veteran of nine seasons managing in the minors. Last Wednesday, it was Sandy Alomar Jr., a nice former player with no managerial experience. Before that, it was 60-year-old bench coach Pete Mackanin with his nifty handkerchief, great hair, and iPad. We’ve also seen Brewers hitting coach Dale Sveum, the man who made us all forget Wendell “Send ’Em In’’ Kim. No-Names On Parade. This is the theme of the Red Sox managerial search in November 2011. Why are the Sox going low-profile in the search for their next skipper? Maybe the Globe’s Nick Cafardo gave us the answer last Sunday when he wrote about the Red Sox’ insistence on an “organizational approach’’ for their next manager. Nick explained that the Sox reject the old-school notion of “one voice,’’ and prefer managers “who take a lot of input from the front office.’’

Yikes, am I a horrible Red Sox fan? For the first time in like, ever, I'm finding myself agreeing with a Dan Shaughnessy column? I mean sure I got a chuckle out of the fact that he called "Wave 'em in" Wendell Kim, "Wendell "Send 'Em In" Kim" (not quite the same ring Dan), but other than that I found myself nodding in agreement an awful lot to this column. What does that mean? Do I have to turn in my Sox Nation membership card?

No, I'll be keeping that, I think it probably just means the Sox are in a bad enough place right now, that for the first time in like a decade, Dan's voice doesn't seem so off base...Don't get me wrong, I still find him a whining, muck raking, malcontent, its just that the circumstances fit a little better than usual right now.

Like I can't for the life of me imagine why no, experienced, good managers want, to interview for this job, who wouldn't want a handful of meddling bosses up and around your butt hole while you try to make day to day decisions for your team? Or a group of bosses that have their own personal slander media department (the Globe sports section) to discreetly rip you anytime you disagree with them, yet leaving them with complete deniability. Or a front office situation that is in such disarray that their perennial all-star closer just left town without even receiving a contract offer from the home team? You mean to tell me none of that is appealing to you as an established and well respected major league baseball coaching candidate? That's odd.

So yea, I kind of agree with Dan Shaughnessy here, the Sox leadership is a complete mess right now, and they really need to figure this out, now. Like its free agency time, teams are making offers left and right, and Ben Cherrington is still working with interior decorators to make over his office as far as I can tell. Come on guys, time to get your shit together.

Sincerely,

Sox Fan in a decidedly Pre-2004 state of mind.

Does A Good Night's Sleep Actually Make Me More Productive?

Most Days, This is Me by about 11 AM

You’re not going to believe this, but  I got a good nights sleep for once last Monday, and it really did help my productivity. Like I was kind of amazed that all those studies about 8 solid hours of sleep were actually true. Maybe scientists have a useful role in our society after all.

Generally I just assume coffee will help me out, but this was like me on coffee, on steroids, with someone shooting me with HGH just to top it off. Couldn’t believe it, it’s been so long since I’ve gotten a nights sleep like that, that I forgot what its about. I've hit a weird point in my life where sleeping in means Saturday or Sunday morning when I’m hungover…for the most part other than that I’m up and spry at 8 AM ready to go, no matter what day of the week, no matter what I have to do that day. Its like an old man alarm clock….which would be fine if I had an old man bed time, but I don’t. Ever since I realized I could watch The Office re-runs from 11:30-1AM, I do just that. 

Like I’m plain exhausted but forcing myself to stay awake. And it’s not that I haven’t seen them before or can’t whenever I want, I have all the DVD’s, I just feel oddly compelled to watch the entire episode, like I’m cheating on Michael Scott in some kind of odd-non-homo-erotic kind of way if I fall asleep while he’s on screen…I give him more respect than I did some college professors in that regard, and they held the keys to my future, all Michael Scott determines is whether I’ll be cranky the next day or not. 

I'm borderline debating if I have to break up with late night The Office, like I should have my girlfriend lock TBS for my own health and well-being. Just a cold-turkey break up from Michael Scott, I really feel that's my only way to quit this and become a functioning full-time member of society, like I was last Tuesday.

Biggest Overreaction to a Women's Volleyball Game You'll See Today

Women's Volleyball Game Ends In Insanity - Watch MoreFunny Videos

Guys, its just women's athletics, relax, nothing to take serious, I'm sure its just like when I played sports at the YMCA as a youngster, everyones getting a trophy, there'll probably be a nice jamboree party too. I could see rioting if this was something important, like men's volleyball, or even girls beach volleyball, but this just looked like your run of the mill, awkward women's sporting event. No need to turn it into downtown Bosnia.

PS: Someone tell that guy with the camera that the local newspaper will not be giving out pulitzer for his coverage of fireworks at the local gymnasium, get the hell out of there before you get a second degree burn bro.

This I could See Rioting Over