CW's Trip To Vermont: Firing His First Gun

Yep, that's right, CW took yet another trip to the great green north this weekend, and I've got to say, it's warming to me, just a little bit.  The whole, drinking around a campfire and roasting burgers, dogs, and s'mores while pounding beers is something I could get used too.  Sure, locals probably don't roast s'mores on the reg, but I don't see why not. I mean if you're going to snack you might as well snack over an open flame. And sure I still can't quite get my head around why it took a 40 minute trip (which basically felt like we'd driven halfway home) to find a Dunks and get a simple ice coffee, and getting used to driving 60 mph on country roads at night with Moose just hanging out by the side of the road is still a little un-nerving, and I'm fairly certain I had an allergic reaction to well water, but all that aside, its not that bad.

Plus, I got to fire my first gun! Yea I know, shocking that a liberal, corporate middle manager, and internet blogger like myself has somehow made it 27 years without feeling compelled to pack heat. Weird, right? Well it was true, until Saturday. 

The weapon of choice was a .45 mm Springfield, the location, an abandoned sand pit. Not exactly Vermont weaponry, but we made do. We set up 4 cans and went to town, and I'll be honest, I lost all respect for bad guys in movies. No respect left. It's just  not that hard.  I'm not saying I was an ace sharpshooter or anything, but I pinged the cans a few times, and even when I missed, I would have still been able to hit a human being if I'd needed too. And this is my first time shooting, extrapolate that to like a 5 year career as a movie bad guy, and I'm pretty sure I'm capping asses on the reg.

I mean what gives guys? I was just watching National Treasure and Nicholas Cage is like 20 feet from the bad guy firing off rounds at him and he missed like 8 times! Shit, you give me 3 shots and I'd have put down that dude, just make sure the round are pure silver, apparently he's a vampire or some shit. 

Is John Lackey Serious? Blaming the Media for How Much He Sucks?

NEW YORK -- Boston pitcher John Lackey was highly emotional after Sunday night's dramatic 7-4, 14-inning Red Sox win, but his agitated state had little to do with the outcome of the game. Lackey's hostility was apparent from the first question, when he took exception to a questioner describing a three-run first inning as "rocky." "There was one hard-hit ball in that rocky first inning," said Lackey, who has been widely maligned for his pitching during a season in which his 6.41 ERA is the highest ever for a Red Sox starter who has thrown more than 150 innings. "A ground ball that went by somebody. Let's be honest, one time. Whatever." But when asked by Michael Silverman of the Boston Herald, "How do you think you pitched," Lackey veered off topic in a big way. "Let me tell you the truth," Lackey said. "Thirty minutes before the game I got a text message on my cell phone from one of you, somebody in the media, talking about personal stuff. I shouldn't even have to be standing up here dealing with it. "I'm sitting here, listening to music. I don't know who got my phone number, but that's over the line.

Are you frigen kidding me John?  Did you get personal text messages from the media before your other 27 starts this year? Because I'd characterize all but about 2 of them as "rocky" as well...Fairly certain text messages aren't causing you to throw meatballs bigger than the ones you apparently stuff you fat face with in the North End every other night, out there each and every start.

And hey, way to throw your teammates under the bus....again. It's bad enough you've got the biggest fucking sourpuss in baseball out there, tossing your hands up, swearing in disgust anytime a base hit gets through, or god forbid someone commits an error, but now you're actively blaming them to the media? If there is any justice in baseball you'll get a beating on the team flight once you're asleep equal to the one Private Pile caught in Full Metal Jacket.  What a freaking asshole.  Have you once heard any of your teammates complain publicly about your ERA of 10 for the month of September? Or the fact that they have to average 7-8 runs per game on days you start? Hell, I'd complain that I have you see your ugly fucking face sitting next to me in the locker room every day, never mind the fact that you might be having the single worst season by a pitcher in modern day baseball. 

You're a clown, a joke, an extremely overpaid, under performing asshole.  Say what you want about Carl Crawford and the season he's had, at least he apologized to the fans for his play and was honest about his struggles, he's not hiding behind mistakes his teammates may or may not have made and blaming all his woes on a mysterious text message from some ghost writer. This isn't high school John, grow up and take some responsibility...and don't give me this shit about personal issues going on...ask out of the rotation if you've got too much shit going on, it could only help the team.

Hey, At Least Boston Sports Are Going Well...

The ball didn't have a # next to it, so Ocho wasn't interested (for those over the age of 35, its a twitter joke)

I mean hey, it may be Monday, I may be starting another week of the same repetitive shit for the 5th year in a row today (yep celebrating 5 years, probably get a piece of paper on my desk congratulating me today, I'll put that one in my special blue recycling filing bin), but at least I live in title town, there's always something distracting to read about in sports, right? Wrong, because I'm probably going to do everything I can to avoid ESPN and sports sections of news papers everywhere today.

Despite that 14th inning, improbable in a game Lackey (more on that asshat later) started, win last night, I have ZERO interest in reading about that team and their on going quest to erase the '78  Sox from the record books as biggest collapse and greatest choke artists in team history. It's like they're actively sticking it to me...its the last week of September, if you asked me a month ago what I'd be reading at work this specific Monday, I'd have probably mentioned figuring out how the sox could get their starting rotation in order for the playoffs...not dodging ESPN and trying to avoid the plethora of Dan Shaughnessy columns sure to come out of all this.

I'd also have probably said reading the recap of the Pats blowout victory over the Bills...which would have been accurate if the game stopped midway through the 2nd quarter, which coincidentally, is where most of the Patriot players assumed the game ended. 

What a painful game to watch, a Defense who couldn't stop the local flag football team from driving on them, and an offense that operated more like Tavaris Jackson was leading the charge than current league MVP and all-world human being Tom Brady.  I mean, it's the Buffalo Bills guys, I'm not going to relive the horrifying details, but safe to say, you know it's not going well when the Buffalo Bills lead a 95 yard drive on your defense, and the only two pressures your D gets on the quarterback all day lead to roughing the passer calls, which is a whole other rant for a whole other day altogether (lets put it this way, I have a feeling Belichick just tells the troops not to rush the passer in fear of penalties at this point). 

So what am I going to read about on a day like today? That's for the Random Article button on Wikipedia to decide.

You Know You're In New Hampshire When...

...Your waitress offers you coffee with cream, sugar, and a side of Glock. 

Nothing says New Hampshire better. Some people prefer to read the newspaper, or one of those real estate pamphlets with breakfast at the diner, not these guys, just a brief ad for discounted guns and ammo please.