Man Drives 100 MPH With Wife Clinging To Hood for 35 Miles

True Crime Report  - Things weren't going particularly well for 36-year-old Christopher Michael Carroll. Last week, police got a call from witnesses who said he'd climbed into a trash bin and was threatening to drown himself in five inches of water that had collected at the bottom... Not only was it the most chickenshit suicide attempt recorded in the history of chickenshit suicide attempts, but police also say our hero was higher than a kite on an unknown controlled substance.  He was busted for being under the influence and released the next day.  This couldn't have made his unnamed wife happy.  So over the weekend, they got into an argument at their Manteca, California home. Carroll decided he would bolt the scene in the family's trusty minivan. That's when Mrs. Carroll thought it would be a good idea to attach herself to the hood to keep her husband from leaving.  She never thought he would take off with his wife clinging to the wiper blades. But that's exactly what he did. In fact, Carroll got onto the freeway, where he decided to gun it up to 100 mph, driving 35 miles to Pleasanton. Witnesses saw the desperate woman clinging to the hood and called 911.

I'm sorry, is Mrs. Carroll out of her fucking mind? You have a derranged husband that just threatened to kill himself in 5 inches of garbage can water and you thought jumping on the hood of his moving vehicle was a good idea?  I'm not so sure Chris Carroll is the problem here anymore. 

The guy is just doing what any dysfunctional couple should do, trying to cool it off and get away for a few hours.  But would Mrs. Carroll let this happen? Nooooo.  Far be it for any woman to let her husband walk away in the middle of a heated fight. And that's what I think ladies should take note of. 

I'm not in anyway condoning what this guy does, or what any dude who beats his wife/trailer park girlfriend does.  But at a certain point females need to own up to their instigation.  If your man is trying to get away to cool off and your bitchy ass keeps getting in his face sooner or later he's going to snap and driving 100 mph down the highway with you on the hood.  He's only human.  Like I'm sure the cops didn't arrest this crazy bitch for reckless endangerment or being a CWF (crazy white female).  And that's not justice in the CW's mind.

Low Level Warlock Threatens to Bind Charlie Sheen for Vatican Warlock Remarks

Daily Telegraph - After Sheen declared himself a "Vatican assassin warlock" during a radio interview last week, the warlock community has been in outrage. A practicing warlock from Salem's Coven of the Raven Moon in Salem - the town of witch persecution fame - Massachusettes, told TMZ that he's "fuming" over the statement saying it's a "blatant offense against our ways." The offended warlock - Christian Day (pictured above) - told the entertainment website that he plans to take action against the actor. No, not legal action, but magical action. "I am going to magically bind Mr. Sheen, not to harm him, but to simply prevent him from using this word in such a negative manner in the future."

Who does Christian Day think he is? No name guy running around playing the role of a witch in his spare time. You can't claim to be a Warlock and at the same time blatantly disregard the magic world's ranking system.  The whole thing falls apart with this kind of blatant mutiny.

Charlie Sheen is a Vatican Appointed Warlock of the Assasins creed bro.  You're a dude who likes to wear eye liner and capes, while hanging out in downtown Salem during Halloween.  Just because you've played dungeons and dragons and war of the world craft a few times doesn't mean you have the authority to challenge someone as highly ranked as Sheen.  The guy's Warlock status was blessed with a Papal seal from the Pope!  You probably got your title in an online chatroom or message board for dorks.  Anyone can pick an avatar and a screen name online Christian, unless you've got signed papers from a religious leader I think it best you shut your mouth and know your role. 

And if you have a problem with that maybe you can use your non-existant warlock powers to take this blog down. Amatuer.

Couple Has Audacity to Stow Away Kid In Overhead Apartment, and Asks for Free Flight

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Virgin Blue Airlines has fired a male flight attendant and offered an angry mother free flights after her toddler was put in an overhead locker. Natalie Williamson says the flight attendant picked up her son, placed him in the locker, and closed the latch when they were on a flight from Fiji to Sydney. Virgin has admitted the incident, but claims the attendant was just joining in on a game Williamson's husband was playing with the boy.

I'm sorry, does that count as one of their two carry on items? Personal safety be damned, if you're going to have your child stowed in the overhead compartment that should be counted as an item just like everyone else, other wise I'm going to throw one hell of a shit fit next time they tell me I have to check one of my bags at the check in counter.  I mean these people already found a loophole for not having to purchase a ticket for their kid, now we're letting them get away with extra baggage too?  Bull shit. Screw giving them a free flight, they should be reimbursing the airline for one extra carry on and one additional passenger ticket.  Not to mention apologizing to their fellow flyers for their greedy hogging of the overhead compartment. Nothing I hate worse than the asshole that hogs overhead space that is no where near their seats. Absolute scum of the earth.

Frog Porn Found on Judges Laptop

A MAGISTRATE has narrowly avoided jail after being caught with a collection of extreme pornography — including images of women having sex with a gerbil and a FROG.  Michael Hall, 46 — who is also a school governor and worked on a council panel to protect children — downloaded the disgusting images on to his laptop computer. When police raided his home they found 230 photos and 150 videos showing women engaging in sex acts with horses, a donkey, dogs, a gerbil, a frog and a live snake. Police acted on a tip-off after learning the magistrate, from Rotherham, South Yorks, had an account on a file-sharing website which was raising concerns.

I'm not so sure what the big deal is here? I mean yea, I find this absolutely repugnant, but to each his own I guess? I mean if you're going to arrest anyone how about arresting the chicks in these films fornicating with just about any animal she can find at her local SPCA?

If you ask me this is just a case of a guy who's just a little bit too big of a believer in childrens fairy tales.  I mean we all remember the story of the princess kissing the toad when we were kids.  Goldilocks found a talking toad one day, kissed it, and magically it transformed into a human prince.  If we're going to keep pushing fairy tales of beastality on little kids in kindegarten we're going to have to accept when one or two of those kids turns out to be a total whack job when they grow up, into crazy pond animal fetishes.  There's just no avoiding it, and frankly it's hypocritial to arrest this guy when kindegarten teachers nationwide are free to spread that filth in their classrooms.

Delaying Buying New Shoes for Work? Here's the Most Important Reason You Should Wait No Longer

Good luck identifying the new kicks fellas.

Bought some new shoes this weekend.  I'm no scrub, a decent dresser, not flasy, but not homely, but I do have one penny pincher tendency with my wardrobe and that is to squeeze out every possible day from my work shoes.  Doesn't matter that I've been walking around in shoes that make me look like I collect bottles for a living for the past couple of weeks, I just can't be bothered to buy a new pair until the old ones are on life support.

Well the time finally came this past week.  My feet got wet walking in through the rain, that pretty much did it.  The point when the soles are no longer water resistant is usually the key indicator for me telling me it's time to trade them in (appalling, I know). 

So I dutifully made my trip to DSW to pick out another non-descript pair of brown shoes.  Didn't think much about it until just this morning when I took a trip to the men's room.   As I walked past the first couple of stalls I noted the shoes to see if I recognized them as anyone I know around the office, a humiliating practice that I'm sure others have done knowing that I was in the stall, sharing my intimate bowel movements with 5 other guys because public bathroom designers are too cheap to extend the walls from floor to ceiling.  And you're only lying to yourself if you say you don't check out the shoes to try and identify your fellow stall mates. 

It then dawned on me what the best part of buying a new pair of shoes is...you can no longer be identified when dropping a deuce at work.  For a couple of days anyway, I can go to the bathroom with peace of mind, who's going to know its me?  No more meandering down a couple of floors to ensure no one I work with is in the surrounding stalls, no more patiently waiting out the guy taking a piss or washing his hands to I don't have to shamefully walk out of the stall to my audience.  Complete freedom for a couple of days in the office bathroom, that's what new shoes are really all about.  And if I'd thought of that earlier I probably wouldn't have worn my old shoes until they looked like my non-existent dog had attacked them as a snack. 

Grandparents Rapping Baby Got Back (Vid)

Finally.  Just when I was giving up hope on finding a meaningful way for senior citizens to contribute to modern day society this rapping set of grandparents falls in my lap. 

First, a confession.  I never knew the lyrics were "LA Face, with an Oakland booty" until just now.  I know just about every other lyric in the song, but I always just mumbled my way through or skipped it when acting out my gangsta rap aspirations on my morning commute down the highway.  True I could have looked it up, but honestly, I don't need that in my search history. My Google cred would plummet, the search engine would probably just laugh "haha this honky doesn't know the lyrics to one of the most popular rap songs in the past 20 years." No one wants that.

But with rapping grandparents?  They say the lyrics so slowly that just about anyone, no matter how white, can pick up on the correct words.  And because they're old, they don't have to care about their google cred.  They can look up rap lyrics all they want, shit that would make them cooler than the average OG (old grandpa).  

These two should have their own youtube channel, just banging out the lyrics to all of the hardest songs in the past 20 years (perhaps a daunting task given the obvious time constraints they're facing, but everyone needs a goal to aim for).  

My personal suggestion for their next performance, Snow's Informer.  No matter how many times I hear that song I still have no frigen clue what he's saying.


Grandparents Rap "Baby Got Back" - Watch more Funny Videos

Does Your Office Building Have Security Guards?

Chances are if your office has a station full of security guards there's at least one overly zealous fanatic for their job.  Well I'm here to tell you that my office has the security woman to end all security woman, to the point that everyone just calls her the ID Nazi (no she's not off committing mass genocides in her spare time, it's hyperbole people). 

While other security guards are more attuned to their place in life and the status that comes with their jobs, this woman is at the office every day protecting me and my fellow co-workers from elaborate un-authorized food delivery attacks and prospective job seekers without an appointment.

The thing I love is that she isn't fazed in the least by her co-workers, who'd rather play minesweeper, browse the internet, or watch movies on their Android powered smart phones. They couldn't care less and I don't think anyone blames them.  Meanwhile this woman sits perched up on her stool making sure everyone has a valid ID, less you have to sign in at the desk as a guest...as if signing in on a sheet of paper is going to stop the mad man with a dynamite strapped vest and a couple of handguns in his pockets, I don't think one vigilant lady in a pantsuit and loafers is going to slow him down, even if the overweight and lethargic guys chip in...but I digress.

Her vigilance goes beyond ID's too.  This woman takes every lunch break to walk around our parking lot leaving fake parking tickets on cars without badges or cars that dare park in visitor assigned parking (god forbid the people that actually work here every day get a few spots close to the building).  Never mind the fact that the tickets have no legal standing and you're under no obligation to pay them (furthermore she'd probably be in a heap of trouble if the authorities knew she was out there writing fraudulent tickets).  Doesn't matter to her.  The second she lets her guard down is the second our parking lot would be over run with undesirables and riff-raff parking their Fast and the Furious Rice Rockets in our lot and drinking 40's with their homies...at least that's what I figure she pictures. 

In a way though, I'm jealous.  I'm jealous that she has something she cares so much about.  Sure it's just a step or two up from being a mall cop, but still, at least when she wakes up on a Monday morning the first thing she thinks isn't "how long has it been since I called out?"  She just throws on that pantsuit, snaps on her bow tie, and heads to work, knowing shes going to make my office just a bit safer that day and loving every minute of it....which is more than I can say. 

Waking Up with Little John's Super Goldman (video)

Just in case you didn't catch the lyrics:

I'm Super Gold Man, The fairest in the land. I'm taking you to, Little John's! Broke or Used or Smashed, He pays you cash. So bring it in, And get your cash today! He wants to buy all your owned jewelry. Gold, silver, platinum... Even ruby! Gold's trading in at... Fourteen-hundred an ounce!! So bring it in, And get your cash today!!

Is that Stevie Wonder? If not they found a dead ringer for him, right down to the sunglasses.  Dude you don't have to do these ridiculous Super Goldman outfits with those hysterical gold go-go boots. Guy could be raking in  hundreds being a Stevie impersonator.  Just sit down at a piano and wiggle your head a little.