My Only Real Goal in Life

A candid inside look at Barstool Sports headquarters...and my ultimate goal in life.

I have to be one of the few people on earth that can look a desk littered with junk and a grown man eating a loaf of bread while surfing the internet who thinks "I want that," who actually make a moderate attempt at it, but just can't make it happen.

This picture literally ruined my afternoon yesterday because I realized the chances of me ever being that old man, eating a baguette in a sea of filth, coffee, and the far reaches of the internet, is the slimmest of slim.

Just destined to a life of fluorescent lights and overhearing annoying co-worker chatter from my depressing cube.

And my day is shot once again. 

Isiah Thomas Comments On the Dream Team Documentary

Isiah's middle name would be "Lord." That explains so, so much about him. And I was going to go ahead and react to this in my usual, thee paragraph style, but after browsing the comments below this post I found the perfect four words (also there are some gems if you feel like wasting time):

Sugar coated as fuck indeed.

MBTA Concerned Ridership May Overwhelm the System...WHAT?!?

Boston - By the end of the decade, Boston’s subways could grow so packed that trains would roll past waiting commuters, unable to accommodate more riders, a new report from a leading land-use think tank warns...But authors of the study from the Boston branch of the institute, a national nonprofit, issue this warning: Riders who think it is crowded now should be prepared for 20 percent more company by the end of the decade...But without investment in more subway cars, better power and signal systems, and other tools to relieve MBTA crowding, scattered congestion will become widespread, with riders at “hot spots’’ unable to board because cars are too full, and with backups and bottlenecks causing delays systemwide, according to the “Hub and Spoke’’ report.

If this doesn't define how poorly run the MBTA is, I don't know what does. On one hand you've got the T crying poor, asking for bailouts, and ridiculously, cutting service. And then almost simultaneously you've got them complaining about TOO MANY CUSTOMERS!

This is fake life shit. Too many customers should never be a problem. Never. Yes it can cause growing pains, but this isn't some start up learning how to expand, this is an established public transportation business. You want more customers. It's how you make money. It's how you dig yourself out of debt.

It's the MBTA in a nutshell.  Imagine some kid, right out of college, working some 20 hour a week retail job making barely more than minimum wage, complaining about not being able to pay his bills, all the while just ignoring a job offer from a real office, 40 hours a week and competitive pay. That's what's happening here.  It's just batshit crazy.

These people on the T "thinktank" (overpaid bureaucrats) might as well just come out and admit that they are in no way qualified to come up with a fiscally responsible way to handle the increased ridership and are afraid that whatever decision they make will be the wrong decision...which is true. Which is why everyone would be better off if the T system was sold off and privatized. Because I'll tell you this much, no private company has ever complained about too much business. That's just unheard of.

Bud Light Continues to Read My Mind

Kappys better have these in 30 packs.

Who Ya Got? More Improbably Alive: Magic Johnson or Alonzo Mourning?

Who Ya Got? Seeing Zo the other night in his misery surrounded by a sea of blue honky's made me remember something, Zo is still alive. 

Which shocked me, because at various times I could have sworn he was going to die within 12 months due to some rare kidney disease, I think he retired a couple of times, came back, retired, said he was really sick (that's not me doubting him, fyi), got a kidney transplant, came back for a few years, and now he's fine? Just traveling around with the Heat like a grown man mascot? 

On the other hand you have Magic who, through laughs, smiles, and a shit ton of money, might as well be patient zero as far as beating HIV/AIDS goes. 

For me, I'm going to go with the upset and say it's more improbably that 'Zo is still alive. Magic might have been one of the first to live through HIV but its become more common since. They found the right cocktail of pills and he was on his way.  Zo needed a kidney transplant to live. There are very few people on earth I'd give my kidney to. Alonzo, no offense, isn't on that list. Not only did he need to find someone willing to give him AN ORGAN, he needed to find someone willing to give him an organ that was a genetic match. Those odds are nowhere near in your favor. 

Of course there could be a really simple explanation as to how both of these men are still alive: Pat Riley is some kind of Silver Fox Grand Wizard. 

A modern day witch doctor or disease whisperer for African American basketball players. Lebron, Wade, Bosh, they didn't choose South Beach because of the weather and the abundance of ass on the beaches, they chose it because they'll never die of a communicable or genetic disease as long as Pat Riley is at the helm...Hell, right now the Heat have Ronny Turiaf and Eddie Curry on their roster, two guys, playing in the NBA, with congenital heart issues. That's the Pat Riley effect.