Parent Promising New Macbook Pro to Gay Son To Act "Not Gay" Is A Goldmine

For those of you who can't read microscopic print:

"I don't want to get a ton of messages from you guys saying that I am spoiling my son and turning him into an entitled monster. There is a back story that you aren't aware of.  My son was committing homosexual acts and got caught in the act. We made a deal that if he chose to be straight, we would buy him more nice things. So don't message me saying that I am a bad parent for spoiling him. It's quite the opposite, I am a good parent and I'm working with him to correct his problem."

All right, so this came out yesterday and was found out to be a joke/hoax, some had a good chuckle, some were presumably offended, some probably assumed Rick Santorum was the one posting this...but I didn't see anyone point out that if you're a brat 10-18 year old kid, this is an absolute GOLD MINE.

I do guess it depends on how gullible and backwards thinking your parents are, first off they have to believe that homosexualness (definitely not a word) is a choice, secondly, you have to convince them that either:

A) you're experimenting with gayball stuff, but can transition back to straight if they spoil you, or...

B) You really are gay but have a sit down with your parents to convince them that for the price of a new smartphone and all the Xbox games you want, you think you can get into girls.

Plus, I think there's a pretty easy way to convince them of your new found lifestyle, without crossing any icky thresholds one way or the other.  If you're straight, maybe you bookmark a few gay porn sites on the family PC, if you're gay, you do the opposite, start slapping up some girl on girl links in your bookmarks.

You get new stuff, your family can run to the local Pastor and tell them about your miracle results, and Apples stock goes up as its found to be a miracle homosexual healer. Win, Win, Win.

Drake and Chris Brown Sissy Fight Leaves Me With One Question: Is Rihanna That Good?

The Sun - The two musicians have had a long-running feud over Drake’s dalliance with Chris’s ex Rihanna. But when they met at WIP club last night, Chris is thought to have sent a bottle of champagne to Drake's table as a peace offering. Unconfirmed reports say the bottle was returned with a note referring to Rihanna which read: “I'm f****** the love of your life, deal with it."

Honest to God question, is Rihanna the modern day Helen of Troy? Instead having a face to launch an army of 1,000 ships, she has the nookie to launch a gang of bottle wielding thugs fighting over her "cake." Shit has to be wild, only way to explain this, because there's no way she's worth all the drama that comes with her otherwise.

That's a BIG TIME power move by Drake, by the way, didn't think he had it in him. Not just because he's always whining and depressed like a bitch in EVERY song, but also because he's from Canada. Canadians are supposed to be neighborly, no? Certainly not supposed to be cuckolding American thugs, but there Drake is, breaking down barriers. Good for him. He's like the Jackie Robinson of Canadian Gangster Thugs.

I See You Subway, $5 Footlong My Ass

Not good Subway, not good. First you sully Michael Phelps' good name, having him hawk green paste under the name of guacamole, now you're ripping off the common man with your alleged "footlong" subs.

Make it right guys. $5 per foot comes out to $.42 per inch...Get this man a refund.

Romanian Criminals Play Fast and the Furious in Real Life

Autoblog - In the grainy video you'll see a group of Romanians in an SUV approach a cargo truck from behind under cover of night. Two of the men climb out of the sunroof, with one of them sliding down on the hood and the other hanging back to make sure the first doesn't fall. The man on the hood then manages to open the truck's cargo doors, get a good look inside and, apparently discovering the contents aren't worth the trouble, closes the doors and climbs back in the SUV.

Dammmmnn. Romanians do not give a fuck, huh? The balls on this guy slithering out his sunroof, on the highway, in the dark, friend holding his life in the balance by his ankles, and then he decides, "meh, nothing worth stealing here." Shit is gangsta as it gets. Serious Fast and the Furious stuff.

My only real question is, what would they have done had they decided there was something worth stealing in there? You attempt throwing it back to your buddy standing out the sunroof? No way that shit works. You can't play a game of hot potato between vehicles with an HDTV while rolling down the highway without horrible results. Is there a hatch in the truck that leads to the driver so he can stick him up? I'd actually really like to go on a ride along with these hombres just to see what they were thinking here.

Boston Parks and Rec Copying TV Parks and Rec With Smallest Park in America

Boston - The two parking spaces closest to the South End’s Wholy Grain cafe are just like thousands of others in Boston: patches of public asphalt hard against the curb, designated for vehicles. By this time next year, they could be a park...City planners are refining a pilot program to turn parking spaces here and in three other neighborhoods into “parklets’’ - petite, three-season patios, with benches and planters atop platforms built flush with the sidewalk. The city will pay to design and install the first parklets, estimated to cost $12,000 each, while asking businesses, nonprofits, and civic associations to sponsor maintenance of plantings and furniture.

While I actually love the idea, can we not pretend this is some official initiative from some Big Government Parks Think Tank...they stole this straight from Leslie Knope...Except Leslie Knope was going to do it on basically no budget from what I remember...12K? Really? We couldn't find anyone to donate time, top soil, grass, and a bench? How about you pay me $6K, I provide the materials and have this done in a weekend? Deal?