The Incredible Things Politicians Say...John Mccain and Roy McDonald

"Senator Roy McDonald. “You get to the point where you evolve in your life where everything isn’t black and white, good and bad, and you try to do the right thing,” McDonald, 64, told reporters. “You might not like that. You might be very cynical about that. Well, fuck it, I don’t care what you think. I’m trying to do the right thing. “I’m tired of Republican-Democrat politics. They can take the job and shove it. I come from a blue-collar background. I’m trying to do the right thing, and that’s where I’m going with this.”

CNN - "There is substantial evidence that some of these fires have been caused by people who have crossed our border illegally," McCain, R-Arizona, said Saturday at a press conference. "The answer to that part of the problem is to get a secure border."

The Arizona senator, however, did not say what the evidence is, prompting a swift rebuke from Latino civil rights advocates.

One incredible quote from a republican, followed directly by another incredible quote from a republican. These two quotes pretty accurately sum up all that I find wrong with politics.  

One the one hand you have a relative no-body, at least to the common person, saying exactly what every American should want their representatives to say.  This guy’s tired of the everyday propaganda, mainstream media preening government bullshit. Fuck the loud fringe minorities on each side, screw pandering to their party’s media base, let’s just get some god damn work done….Now let’s go get a god damn snack.

Only the last part of that could be construed as a joke. The rest is pretty spot on to the heart of what he’s saying here.  This guy was elected to do a job, and now he’d like to do it. Amen. The country needs more people like you.

On the other hand you’ve got John McCain, a well known Republican beloved by the media. Sticks to party lines, trumps up mainstream issues , tosses flaming bouquets at the other side of the aisle, has his wife puree him some food so he can eat through a straw, changes his diaper and goes to bed at 6pm. Pretty much sums up his work day. And this guy is one of the more successful and well known pols in his party. Blaming wildfires, which come around seasonally by the way, on illegal immigrants.

I’m all in favor of figuring out this illegal immigrant problem, in favor of punishing those who skirt the law and rewarding those who went about things the proper way. But blaming wildfires on immigration is just dicked up. It’s not helping the issue, it’s not doing anything to contain the fires, it’s no doing anything constructive to solve the issue of immigration…it’s just one more quote for his file so that when the small but loud and rich republican far right question his conservativeness he can throw one extra news clipping at them.

Couple of Fat Teenagers Lose Pickup Basketball to a 7 and 13 yr Old, Pomptly Pull Guns on them.

Oliver Miller, is that you? Running game against children now?

Macomb Daily - Police are seeking tips after they say two overweight older teens threatened two boys with a gun when they beat the older players during a pickup basketball game at a Ferndale park. The younger players, 7 and 13, told police the older teens weigh about 300 pounds each and they beat them in a game which ended about 5:20 p.m. Monday when an argument broke out. Police said the younger boys were walking along the street near Harding Park when the assailants pulled up in a light blue car, possibly a 2003 Mercury Gran Marquis. “The passenger held out a black and silver handgun and said, ‘What do you think now?’ ” Wilson said. “The vehicle then took off on Wolcott and turned on Woodward Heights.” The boys, both Ferndale residents, called police from a cell phone after the car drove off. The assailants are described as black, about 18 years old, with each about 6 feet tall and 300 pounds. Both had very short dark hair.

No one to blame but themselves. Rule number 1 of playground hoops, never, and I mean never pick a game with kids who look like they can beat you.  I was undefeated during my youth years following that basic principal.

Couple of baller looking dudes, or worse brothers come down and ask if you want to run 2’s? Nah, we’re just shooting around.  Couple of squares with golf tans on their arms, game on bitch.  That’s how you become a local hoop legend.

Didn’t hurt that I ran most of my game on younger players later in my years…wasn’t my fault, that’s the only competition my neighborhood presented.  I was the only 4’10 8^th grader manning the low post in history, backing down 4^th and 5^th graders like a mini Shaqtus.

Which is why I’m puzzled as to what went on here. Were these child prodigy’s?  Sounds to me like these two heffers were straight landmonsters. 300 lbs teenagers? Get a clue guys hold the ball high up in the air, have your bro saunter his fat ass to the post and throw it in.  This shit is chess it aint checkers.

New Jersey Professor Ran Ridiculously Successful Internet Prostituion Website as a Hobby

Does this look like the face of the biggest internet pimp in NJ?

Fox News - A longtime New Jersey physics professor who dabbled in scuba diving and harbored dreams of working in the theater had another hobby, New Mexico police say: operating a sophisticated prostitution website that may have catered to as many as 200 prostitutes and 1,200 clients. David Flory, 68, was arrested Sunday at a Starbucks in Albuquerque on 40 counts of promoting prostitution. The professor, who has taught at Farleigh Dickinson University since 1969, has a vacation home in New Mexico. A specialist in elementary particle theory, Flory also spent a decade in the school administration, where he said he spent time working on human resource database systems and measuring academic productivity -- skills that were evident from the three-tiered system police say he created for rating the privileges of johns who used the prostitution service. The alleged prostitution site apparently didn't make a lot of money. "He said he was not in this for the money," Roseman told the AP. "He flat-out told us his thing was he wanted to create a safe place for prostitutes and johns to get together. He called it a hobby." Roseman said Flory "had dates set up" with the prostitutes when he came to New Mexico but couldn't say for sure what happened during those encounters. "In order to get off probation you had to sleep with one of the prostitutes on the website and she in turn would tell the moderator (Flory) what acts occurred, how much they paid and any comments," he said. "That opened you up to verified status. Once you got into verified status that opened you up to different girls available. Then, some would e-mail the moderator, `This is the act, this is how much he paid, these are my comments about it."'

God damnit, this guy is straight up humiliating me. Just dabbling in his free time running a three tiered secure prostitution network/blog. How does one find the time?  No one dabbles with running websites. It's not a hobby, its a borderline full time job.

Here I am waking up at the ass crack of dawn, trolling the internet for ironic or interesting news stories and coming up with pithy commentary, and this guy is just casually running an internet prostitution ring in his spare time, beloved by all his prostitutes and a hero to his johns? And he's doing it all for basically free (well so am I at this point, but that's not by choice)?

Can you imagine how wildly successful this guy would have been if he dedicated himself full time to this venture? He'd probably have invented like, the google or facebook fo prostitution.  Just pimps, hoes and johns "liking" each other, tagging hook-up photos, etc...And if anyone profits from that idea I just threw out there I want a cut of the profits, I don't care how illegal the income may be.

Putin Looks at Obama's Re-Election Campaign and Laughs

MOSCOW – Russia's President Dmitry Medvedev says he wants a second term, but won't stand against Vladimir Putin. Medvedev said in an interview with the Financial Times broadcast Monday by Russian television stations that he and Putin wouldn't face one another in the election next March because their rivalry would hurt the country. Both men have said repeatedly that they will decide later which of them will run for president in the vote. Putin, who shifted into prime minister's seat in 2008 after serving the constitutional limit of two consecutive terms, is seen as more powerful and is widely expected to reclaim the job.

Yea, ok buddy. You can pretend you have a choice here, pretend its for the good of the country all you want.  Bottom line is you're scared as hell that you'll end up poisoned, disfigured, and humiliated if you square off against the supreme ruler that is Putin.

Putin is putting on a display of bullying that bullies will talk about for years to come.  Not since FDR reclaimed the US throne for a third and final time has politics seen such an un-flinching force. 

Obama's gotta be so jealous right now.  Here we are, lining up dozens of candidates to face off against him in 2012, after just 1 term, meanwhile Putin's been running Russia for over a decade and political rivals are either bowing out willingly or locked up in the gulag.  You don't think Obama wishes he could poison Mitt? You don't think he'd like to take it to the streets against Perry, bring out his black side? Of course he does, but it takes a man with the spine of a rhino to brazenly flaunt the norms and rules of society. A born leader like Putin.

Drunk Bro Almost Dies, Breaks Bathroom Stall after Locking Himself in at the Club (Video)

This near tragedy 100% didn't need to happen.  How many times must I rant, and how many time must drunk assholes nearly die in a tragic toilet collapse accidents before the makers of bathroom stalls begin to treat us like normal human beings? We need solid walls, from floor to ceiling, door knobs that exist in other walks of life (none of this latch turning shit), and two ply toilet paper to avoid irritation!

Do we not deserve all the respect and dignity that our peers are accorded, simply because every now and then we need to pinch one off in public? Do we not deserve a clean, splatter free toilet seat to dump in private? Are we any less citizens because of the timing of our bowel movements? No!

The time for change has come.  No longer shall you be looked down upon for the gastrous sounds that we emit in public stalls, no longer will you be humiliated as your co-workers identify you by your shoes...No longer shall you be traumatized, locked into the bathroom stall when you couldn't figure out the door, forced to risk life and limb to escape the foul smell you've just left behind.

My folks, we'll march on Washington until every boy and every girl has a bathroom stall complete with solid, full length walls, and doors that make sense. We'll sing and we'll chant until each and every bathroom is stocked with Charmin TP, and we'll publicly shame those who lack complete aim and control and would leave piss all over the seat!

We Shall over cooommmmeeee, We shall over come!

No longer will we be tormented by bathroom stalls!

Quirky Asian Man Making Finding Nemo Jokes After Car Crashes Into his Pet Store and Kills his Fish

See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.

Quirky Asians, gotta love em.

A car crashing through this guys shop is the absolute best thing that could have happened to this guy.  I mean he couldn't have been making much of a living peddling goldfish and aquarium rocks, but he looks to have a fantastic future in the stand-up comedy business, selling Finding Nemo and shellfish related jokes all day long. 

Hell, ABC's probably figuring a way to get this guy a prime time sitcom right now.  Probably something like Mr. Wong's Wonder Aquarium.  He'll hire all the local teenagers (the cast) and dispense Confucius bits of wisdom one second like a sage Mr. Miyagi, and corny jokes the next.  No one will know what to think of him, it'll be hilarious! Is he a wise old man or the neighborhood kook? Find out this week on Mr. Wong's Wonder Aquarium!

Boom, sold. I wonder if Dr. Jack has any connections.