A Brief Run Down of the Most Unhealthy Weekend Ever

Let me state by saying that the results of this weekend are no surprise, for years now the first week of March Madness coupled with St. Patty's day has been a beacon of un-health for me.  There's just something about the Spring time air, the sunshine, and the general fantastic weather after a grey and dreary winter that make me want to spend anywhere between 36-48 straight hours in dark pubs or basement bars, drinking as much as I can and staring at 24 hour coverage of college basketball...It's a magical time of the year. 

But this year took it to a whole 'nother level, a level that I'm sincerely hoping will never be topped. What follows below is a run down of my diet from Friday morning through Sunday morning. It will shock, disgust, and amaze you. Hell, it forced me to actually pack my bag for the gym tonight, an incredibly rare event. Looking back you'd assume I was in some state of depression the entire weekend, but honestly, it couldn't have been more fun. With the highlight being this, probably my proudest moment of the year:

Yes, I'm bragging, no I'm not humble, so please don't call it a humblebrag. It's the opposite of a humblebrag, its an arrogant brag. 

Anyway, back on topic, below is a run down of my 48 hour diet (strictly food consumption, but for informational purposes I began drinking at 11:15 Friday morning, and aside from sleeping for 8 hours into Saturday, there wasn't much of a break elsewhere).

 Friday:

10:30 AM - Sausage Egg and Cheese on a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel

3:00 PM - Loaded Nachos

7:00 PM - Loaded Nachos with chicken (for health purposes, obviously)

9:00 PM - Wendy's Spicy Chix Sandwich and a Large Fry

Saturday:

10:00 - Sausage Egg and Cheese on a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel (sensing a trend). 

3:00 PM - Half of a Stuffed Pepper (by far the oddest thing on this list)

8:30 PM - Two McD's Cheeseburgers, Large Fry, Bucket of Orange flavored Hi-C

11:30 PM - 4 Slices of Regina's Cheese Pizza that improbably showed up at my apartment. 

Sunday Morning:

11:30 AM - Supreme Omelet with Home Fries (A supreme consists of 3 eggs, cheese, bacon, sausage, and Ham). 

I ate healthy the rest of the day, which is probably the only reason I was able to stave off what was sure to be a massive coronary. 

Tebow to the Patriots? The Media Is Even More Full Of Shit Than We Thought

Boston.Com - Will there be Tebowing across New England? According to a radio report by ESPN's John Clayton over the weekend, if the Denver Broncos close the deal with quarterback Peyton Manning, the rumor circulating is that the Broncos may then trade quarterback Tim Tebow to the Patriots. "Here's an interesting proposition, just a rumor. Let's say you have Manning going to Denver," Clayton said on ESPN Radio over the weekend according to ESPNBoston.com. "Tim Tebow is probably going to be traded. He's not going to Jacksonville, they've already got Chad Henne. New England. You trade him to New England and groom him to be kind of a role player, and then you trade Ryan Mallett in some way. It's just a rumor."

So Clayton, explain something to me, is it a rumor, or did you just make it up yourself, right there on the spot? Because it sounds like you just made it up. Lets examine:

 "Here's an interesting proposition, just a rumor"

Well that's pretty confusing.Doesn't really clear anything up. I mean you start out by saying its a proposition, meaning it's an original idea, not something you've heard from any reliable sources, but then you say it's a rumor...

Let's say you have Manning going to Denver," Clayton said on ESPN Radio over the weekend according to ESPNBoston.com. "Tim Tebow is probably going to be traded. He's not going to Jacksonville, they've already got Chad Henne.

 Ok, this is a bit more clear...the phrase "let's say..." is the give away. You're making this stuff up, its fine, its all well and fun for discussion, but don't say it's a rumor.  Calling something a rumor gives a story a sense of credence, that maybe you heard it from someone in the know. You didn't. You made this up. But because you used the word "rumor," I had to deal with clueless co-workers and even more clueless radio hosts taking up my time yesterday perpetuating this "rumor" that was really just a "proposition." 

Oh, and by the way, having Chad Henne on a teams roster should never preclude a team for looking for another quarterback. The guy sucks...the Dolphins just let him go, you remember that, right? The same Dolphins who haven't had a decent QB in a decade didn't want the guy. I hardly think his signing precludes a Tim Tebow signing, but that's just a proposition, just a rumor...(I kid).

Lets  go a little further, because this is where it really gets ridiculous:

 New England. You trade him to New England and groom him to be kind of a role player, and then you trade Ryan Mallett in some way. It's just a rumor."

HAHAHAHA, Oh Jon, you make me laugh.You're paid as an analyst, right? Like, by the world leader in sports? Yes, the Patriots will trade away their future insurance policy for a glorified full back just so they can groom him to be a "kind of role player." Just what kind of role player would that be, exactly? Keeping in mind that the team has basically decided that they don't want to pay BJGE, a proven, 1,000 yard, double digit TD running back, to return. But for Tebow? Oh yea, they'll roll out the checkbook for this guy. In between goal line snaps as the decoy fullback he could lead the team in sideline prayer and organize all of the teams charitable events. Is that what you mean?

Jon, you work for ESPN. You're supposed to be better than that. You're supposed to have real sources...The local radio stations rely on guys like Frank from Gloucester and Joe in a Car, you're supposed to be an actual insider. Not just another crazy guy making shit up as you please.  Hell, at a bare minimum you should be able to understand that if you're precluding a team that owns Chad Henne from going after Tim Tebow, then you should probably preclude the team that has TOM BRADY. Its just bizarro stuff.

Look, I get that the Patriots are a popular rumored destination for EVERYONE. Seemingly every player available each offseason is somehow "rumored" to be going to New England. It makes sense, we live in a crazy sports market (I mean literally crazy, have you heard some of these callers) that can generate interest in just about any sports related story, year round. I was shocked, frankly, that we didn't hear a peep about Peyton Manning. I'm serious, I was shocked. Not one knuckle head (that I heard) called into EEI or the Sports Hub to make the case that the Pats should sign Manning. It was borderline miraculous. And maybe that's why I'm a little caught off guard here.  I thought for one second this sports market had a moment of clarity, Wrong. Guess I'll just have to tune out the talking heads for another week...

What Did Randy Jackson Wear?

First off, my bad to everyone for being so late with this, I completely forgot that I'd started doing this until I caught the end of the results show yesterday. And now on to the judging.

Continuing with this years trend of "The Plural Tone" outfits, we have hear the Mr. Rogers meets Dots Candy. Amazing. Frankly, he had the plural tone theme pulled off with just that garrish shirt on its own. He's basically just showing off with that outlandishly bold cardigan. 

This is from the results show, and I'm not gonna lie, Randy, this is the first time you've let me down this season.  Yea you've still got the tri-tone going, but the spirit is missing. There's nothing bold here, there's nothing show-offy. It's just a middle aged man who appears to have stolen Justin Biebers jeans and stole a homeless clowns jacket. No effort to be original and ground breaking whatsoever. 

Look, I don't want to discriminate like this, but there's no way around it. Skinny Jeans aren't for candidates who've had lap-band surgery. They're just not. They look ridiculous on skinny emo-asians with bad hair cuts, they look REALLY ridiculous on middle age black men who vaguely remind me of tyrannosaurus-rex (I can't explain it, he just does. Just one of those things where you look at someone and immediately associate like, a frog or a horse or some kinda creature with them).

I'm expecting A LOT better tonight Randy, don't let me, or my following down...it's really not a tall order.