Introducing JumpGenre

Gonna take a second out of my usual non-sense and shenanigans to try and spread some awareness about that little fella up there. What is it? Well, it's a teal panda with yellow eyes, I mean, that parts kinda obvious.

But more than that, it's the logo for a brand new project a cousin of mine, far more creative and talented than I am, recently launched called JumpGenre, and ya'll need to check out and needed to check it out yesterday. A fresh, visually stunning (in my opinion) site dedicated to featuring the musical talents of bands and artists, established stars and hopeful up and comers alike, covering songs outside of their originally performed genre. It's a simply brilliant idea covering a gap in the music market that I'm simply shocked hadn't been tapped before.  

Still not sure what I'm talking about, and for some reason just didn't click on their link above? It's simple, it's a site where you can see pop and rap songs performed in a country style, where you can see Coldplay cover Rihanna,  where Pop turns Punk, Rap Turns Accoustic, and if you're into A Cappella, they've got that too.  Basically if you love a wide range of music, or want to be exposed to new sounds and new songs you wouldn't have otherwise have listened to, this is the place to go. 

It's fantastic site, a better idea, and it deserves all the attention I have a feeling its going to get...Kudos Craw, Kudos.

If you like what you see and hear (and you're really going to like what you see, its so well designed that it's inspired me to start overhauling this place), you can follow JumpGenre on Twitter and "Like" their page on Facebook.

New Dakota Fanning Ad Too Sexy? Am I Looking at the Same Ad?

LONDON (NEWSCORE) - Dakota Fanning's pose in a Marc Jacobs' perfume ad was ruled too sexy for the UK and has been banned by the Advertising Standards Authority, E! News reported Wednesday. In the photo, the 17-year-old actress holds a large bottle of Jacobs' "Oh Lola!" perfume between her legs as she stares seductively at the camera. "The length of her dress, her leg and position of the perfume bottle drew attention to her sexuality. Because of that, along with her appearance, we considered the ad could be seen to sexualize a child," the advertising watchdog said in a statement.

Are we even talking about the same picture? Can't be right, like there's got to be other pictures besides the one above? Because the one above is a photo of a 17 year shot in bad lighting who looks washed out and is holding some kinda of vase/flower combo for no apparent reason...In other words its the complete opposite of sexy. 

See, this is the problem with artsy-fartsy types, they'll read into something whatever they want to read into it and then all of a sudden every one buys into it because the artsy-fartsy people said so.  In no way whatsoever is the above photo sexy. None. The length of her dress? I'd classify that as completely normal. Her legs? Yes people have legs. The position of the vase thingy? If you're reading anything into that you're a complete perv. Like where else is she going to hold it? Straight out towards the camera like a goober? In front of her like shes show casing it on the Price is Right? 

No. What you have here is a perfectly bland picture of a 17 year old who used to be a child star, and a bunch of adults having trouble coming to grips with the fact that someone who used to be cute when she was like 8 and in movies speaking better than most full grown adults, is now a little more grown up. If your first thought about that photo is "I'm uncomfortable" or "damn she looks sexy," then there is something inherently wrong with you. My first thought was, "sheesh that's an ugly photo." 

And just to play to the internet audience, here is an actual sexy ad, I think you'll see the difference between the two:

Road Rage Street Fight Ends in Gentelmens Handshake...Didn't See that Coming

Wow...Lot of action. First of all, rare is the case that the bystander in a road rage street fight is a bigger douche bag than the two guys fighting, but that's exactly what you have here. Camera guy calling the fighters a "pussy" at the end because they shook hands, seconds after telling his friends to "shh, shh" because he didn't want the guys to see him filming, and then yelling "harrrrddd niiggggaaaa" after they drove away...PUSSY. Also, I'm white, so I'm not positive on the rules, but I don't hink arabs are allowed to use the N-word either. 

Enough about that though, lets give this fight the break down it deserves, I mean this is the street-road rage fight of the decade as far as I'm concerned:

1) Strong start, slamming the door back shut and punching your opponent through the window should always be the go to move  in a road rage fight. Its just tough to fight while you're still strapped in to your seat belt and you have a mad man punching you in the head. Shit will ruin your day real fast...I give the first round to the insane white guy. 

2) White guy is just crushing it right now...The old take your opponents shoe and fire it back in the window at him move, timeless. Second round again goes to the white guy.  Sadly though, this guy counts his opponent out a bit to early, as we're about to see.

3) Whoa...Didn't see that coming, I thought Indians (or Pakistani's) were Pacifists...If I had to wager at this exact moment, I'd be all in on the white guy...just assumed this bro was in for the beating of his life.

4. Uh-oh...May have gotten ahead of myself proclaiming the white guy the champ...this is his beginning of the end. We, as white people, can't jump, rap, dance, or kung-fu kick. Pulling out the kung-fu kick in the middle of a fight as white person is just throwing up a white flag and announcing that you have no idea what you're doing, I have a feeling things aren't going to go well for him from here on out.

Round Three: Dude from somewhere around India

5. WOW...I didn't see that coming, take down, bows, and blows to the face...Someone watches their MMA. Round 4: Dude from somewhere around India.

6. Are they gonna call the fight!?!? Dude from Somewhere Around India (DFSAI) is absolutely killing this guy. Right before this he even pulled the "time out, time out, psyche!," move and punched him square in the face...this is getting ugly. Round 5: DFSAI

7. The camera man - Even your parents think you're a douchebag.While all this is going on DFSAI is still running shit. White guy throws in the towel.

8. The post fight hand shake. 100% did not see this coming . Lot of credit to the white dude who just had his ass pummeled. Good show of respect, know when you've been bested and move on...Also, great job to both of them as I'm pretty sure the fight didn't even cause a traffic jam, they got the whole thing in, start to finish, during the course of one traffic light cycle.  Pretty amazing.

Russian Ron Burgundy? Anchorman Caught With His Hand Under the Desk at In Opportune Time

Vid from the Shortlist

Nice try buddy, we know what was going on...Every 14 year old boy anywhere knows that "I'm going to make a super serious "deer in the headlights" face and just jump into a story as fast as I can so you completely forget about what you may or may not have saw" routine. You're not fooling us.

PS: They're allowed to do some wild stuff on the news over there in Mother Russia, huh? Like every time any of the local Boston stations do a story on strip clubs the camera usually just focuses in on a lonely cocktail and then stairs at people's feet (classic example) the rest of the story. Apparently it's a little different in Russia.

Double PS: This story is for all those random russian websites that are linking back to me...I still can't figure out if I'm about to get hacked, my apartments going to be ransacked, or if you're just huge fans of the Alt-Tab, but I'm hoping this goofy video appeases you.

The Age Old Question: If You Could Have One Super Power, Which Would You Choose?

There are a lot of deep, philosophically complex questions we as human beings like to ask ourselves over the course of our lifetimes: what is our purpose here on earth, how do we solve current world problems, why does Ben Stiller only star in shitty movies ever since Meet the Parents. These are the questions that are pondered again and again, but no suitable answer ever emerges. However, there is one (in this bloggers opinion) issue that should be put to rest once and for all. We have all seen the myriad of Marvel movies over the past decade, so I put the tantalizing inquiry out there: Which super power would you most like to have? I’ll put forth some of the main options and debate pros/cons of each one. I’m not going to do ridiculously obscure or fucked up powers, like the ability to alter the fabric of reality or create alternate dimensions. It’s too trippy for this blog and frankly, the old standbys are the old standbys for a reason: everyone likes them. Im also limiting it strictly to super powers, not magical abilities, because I already know for a fact every person alive would be a wizard/witch like in Harry Potter in 2 seconds flat.

1.) Flight

As every chick Superman ever rescued knows, one of the quickest ways to get a girl ready hop in the sack is having the ability to fly. Going on a date to the movies? Hoist your girl up by the waist and soar the skies to the cinema. 100 bucks says she’s flinging her bra off before you even touch down in the parking lot. This would also be one of the most pragmatic abilities you could possibly have. No need for a car, insurance, increasingly expensive oil. That would leave a whole lot more cheddar in your bank account for more important things, like beer…and more beer. Then again, flying could get mighty chilly at those high altitudes and competing with those giant metal contraptions called planes could lead to some substantial injuries. Flying definitely has the WOW factor, but the novelty would wear off quickly as far as I’m concerned.

2.) Other-Worldly Speed

I’m not talking Usain Bolt speed (even though that would be freeking awesome, because he’s a straight human blur) This is like the little kid from The Incredibles type speed, like you can move so far that you can run across bodies of water and shit. You could be the worlds best thief ever. The second you laid your greedy little eyes on whatever tickled your fancy (money, clothes, illicit drugs) you would be in and out before your adversary even had time to blink. Even if you are some sort of moral paragon (AKA: sadly misguided asshat,) you could go anywhere the hell you wanted and it wouldn’t take any time at all. Just pack your shit and book it. Then again, if you ever hit any type of obstruction going at these top speeds, that would hurt like an absolute mother fucker. Like a newspaper stand or something in the city? What an awful way that would be to go out of life on. Even with the tantalizing cleptomania with damn near complete impunity from the law that this power would allow you, I’ll have to pass based on massive risk potential.

3.) Super-Human Strength

Essentially you become the Incredible Hulk, only without the whole “turning green, ripping your current outfit to shreds, and developing a severe anger problem” thing. This is a pretty tantalizing prospect, primarily because I’ve never been particularly big and the desire to hit people bigger than me has reached breaking point levels on numerous occasions. But even besides the obvious advantage you would have in any barfight/physical altercation, imagine the massive headaches you could avoid with a Herculean physique. Oh, the car battery died on you, forcing you onto the side of the highway in the dead of night? Fuck waiting two hours for Triple A to show up (P.S. This is my sidenote to vent and emphatically state Triple A waiting times are complete bullshit, take whatever time they give you on the phone and multiply by three. Great customer service, dickheads) You could just hoist that pile of shit Honda Civic you never should have bought and haul it right on home without breaking a sweat. However, this ability might lead to awkward questions during leisure time activities, like if you are playing an innocent game of catch with someone and all of a sudden you put the baseball right through your friends sternum. No amount of super human strength is saving you from that emergency room visit. This guy passes on the strength, though with some difficulty.

4.) Invisibility

For me, this is an absolute no doubter. Becoming invisible is the absolute best power you could possibly have. I mean, besides the power of “being a ridiculously amazingly super awesome blog writer,” but seeing as I already have that power, I need to choose a different one for the sake of avoiding redundancy. As if Harry Potter didn’t visibly demonstrate this in the first 7 books/ movies, as long as you don’t fuck up royally (like making a shit load of noise like he did) you can go anywhere and do ANYTHING you want. Basically like having the perks of super speed without the occupational hazard. Shoplifting? Easy as pie. Sneaking into a celebrities dressing room to see who they are nailing that night? Piece of cake (BOOM, two baked good references in one paragraph, didn’t think it possible, did you reader?) I think one of my favorite tasks with this power would be to sneak into my friends apartments/houses the night they happen to be watching a scary movie, and immediately after a shocking moment in the film, just wildly knock shit over in another room while making demonic noises. This practical joke is funny just by itself, but if you were invisible, absolutely no way in hell your friends get any sleep that night, as well as you just made them believe in paranormal bullshit that doesn’t exist for the rest of their pathetic lives. That’s what super powers are about to me. Not this saving the world stuff, that’s too much work. Super powers are about making life incredibly easy or having unlimited ability to fuck with people. For my money, it’s got to be going having invisibility.

Kid Who Faked His Way into Harvard Just Can't Help Himself, In Jail for Probation Violation

WOBURN (AP) - A Delaware man convicted of fraud for faking his way into Harvard was ordered held without bail Wednesday after admitting he violated his probation by citing the university on a job resume. Adam Wheeler, 25, was sentenced last year to 2½ years in jail and 10 years on probation for identity fraud and other charges. The sentence was mostly suspended; Wheeler served just one month in jail while awaiting trial. Prosecutors said he got into Harvard by falsely claiming that he had attended the exclusive Phillips Academy prep school in Andover and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Wheeler, originally from Milton, Del., was kicked out of Harvard in 2009 after he tried to get the school's endorsement for Rhodes and Fulbright scholarships. Authorities said his application for the scholarships contained a string of lies, including a list of books he said he had co-authored, courses he said he had taught and lectures he said he had given. Under the terms of his probation, Wheeler was barred from representing himself as a Harvard student or graduate. Wheeler's lawyer, Steven Sussman, acknowledged that Wheeler had violated that provision by saying on his resume and in a cover letter for a job application that he had attended Harvard.

I'm gonna be honest, I don't quite see what this kid did wrong here this time around? He did go to Harvard for a while, right? Take the classes, pass the exams, etc...?  What do the courts want him to do, just outright pretend he didn't attend college, do you know how bad a 3-4 year hole looks on your resume these days? It's a death sentence as far as your career prospects go. Seems to be the definition of "cruel and unusual" if you ask me...when was the last time someone was forced to remove a legitimate credential from their resume. This is his life we're talking about, how can the judge be so obtuse?

Plus I'd argue that getting into Harvard by gaming the system is way harder than getting in through proper legal channels. Sure they may be super selective, but at the end of the day a little over 2,000 new students are admitted every year, you know how many of them got in by cheating the system and fooling some of the brightest administrative minds in the country? One. Adam Wheeler. That's pretty impressive. 

And finally, if you're Harvard, wouldn't you take 100 Adam Wheelers, dying to get in to your institution and make something of himself, over 100's of mostly silver spoon brats protesting the very economy  they'll be driving in a few years?

This Blind Guy Who Sees With His Tongue Spiderman?

Camden, Maine (CNN) -- Follow Daniel Kish out onto a dock and ask him about the view.

"There's this pylon here and there's an object about 20 feet away -- here -- and another one, about 50 feet away," says Kish, overlooking a bay in coastal Maine during the recent PopTech conference, where he was a featured speaker. "I guess those are boats. I can't tell from this distance, really, but they're solid and we're on the water -- so it stands to reason." Kish is completely blind -- he lost sight in both eyes by age 13 months. He says he's trained his brain to turn these sounds into an image of sorts -- an auditory map he follows with the help of a cane. "When you send out a sonar call ... you're interrogating the environment," he said. "You're asking, 'Where are you?' and 'What are you?' And the environment answers back." If you saw Kish walking down the street you'd hear him make repeated clicking sounds with his tongue -- click! click! click! -- as he weaves through traffic or ducks to miss tree branches. The clicks usually aren't terribly loud, but they come at a continuous clip.

First thought, guys full of shit. But that can't be, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume CNN did their homework on this one. All ya gotta do is try to slap him in the face during the interview, that should take care of it. So...

Second thought, "Dear god this guy scares the shit out of me." I mean, he's Spiderman, or real life Batman, right? Is there even a question. The guy sees using sonar ability. Thats fucking nuts. Like this isn't just a normal thing, I get that he's been practicing this for years, but I just closed my eyes and tried to click myself across my bedroom, walked smack into my bureau...my foot is killing me right now. So don't try and sell me that normal human beings can spot things the size of a softball by flicking your tongue...you've got super powers and I know it. You may not wear a mask and cape, or shoot spider webs out of your wrists (that we know of) but you're a plain as day a non-conventional Super Hero, like Quailman or something.