5 Guys Burgers and Fries, First Impressions

Yep, swallowed my pride, admitted defeat, and recognized the fact that there is literally an open and functioning 5 Guys Burgers and Fries about 1 mile down the road, after being called out literally 73 times after my previous post. 

So my first impressions? Pretty good, I liked it, and I'll definitely go back.  Am I going to run down the street and tell every innocent bystander I see that they have to try it while orgasaming? No, probably not. I kinda feel reaffirmed in that regard.

It's not that the burger wasn't good, I sit here fully satisfied, it's just that, it's not that much better than a Double Quarter Pounder with Mac Sauce, despite costing $2 more. You're either delusional or have never had the afforementioned double qp with mac if you believe otherwise, no way around it.

On the plus side, the fries are fire. Legit magic on the taste buds, it's like they got some unhappy Mick out back peeling the potato as you order. Phenomenal.  And they go out of their way to give you extra bag fries, its not just the cup of fries overflowing with a few extra straggling behind, they just legit blanket the bag with fries. Everyone knows bag-fries are the best kind, something about eating straight out of a greasy brown bag just makes things taste better....not a bad idea for a future, terrifically  unhealthy food joint.

Overall impressions: Very good, certainly not worth the wait, but it's definitely been added to my regular rotation of quick stop food joints....oh, and it's no Fuddruckers, just saying.

Procurement Manager In Trouble after Procuring Mail Order Bride for Co-Worker

Michael understood, sometimes you just have to give your staff women of loose morals.

Houston Chronicle - The Houston Independent School District's procurement manager was soliciting a mail-order bride for a co-worker and committing another office prank while old inventory was piling up under his watch, according to HISD documents. Pottinger confirmed he signed up the employee on an Internet dating site for Russian women without the employee's consent. Emails in the HISD report show that Pottinger forwarded responses from women during normal business hours. Pottinger, who used a personal email address, said he didn't remember the times he sent the messages. He said he had a friendship with the employee outside of work. "He had mentioned that he wanted to get back into dating," Pottinger said of the employee. "We have a long-standing joke that when he starts talking, a lot of people start falling asleep. So I said, 'Maybe you should start dating someone who doesn't speak any English. They can just nod and smile.' "It was a joke that kind of went too far," Pottinger continued, "and I deeply and sincerely regret it." Pottinger confirmed he also had a supervisor bring an empty box to the same employee's office, suggesting he was being fired.

Has James Spader officially inked his contract to take over for Michael Scott? Because it sounds like we have a natural fit here, guy could pop in and not miss a beat.

Since when is having fun and messing with co-workers in the office frowned upon? I thought everyone did this shit, a way for everyone to cope and have a little fun, rather than focusing on their boring, pathetic jobs and lives all day.  

And correct me if I'm wrong, but he's the procurement manager, finding mail order brides for his employees is borderline in his job description, hell the guy practically begged him for help anyway.  If you're a dude and you utter the words "I think I'm going to get back into dating," to one of your guy friends, you're basically inviting a stream of pranks involving mail order brides, prostitutes, and fake online dating profiles.

It's a complete chic saying, guys don't say that. Guys say things like "I can't even remember the last time I got laid" , or "lets go to (insert new trendy bar here), I hear there's a shit ton of talent there." Guys do not sit around and share inner feelings and compare schedules of their menstrual cycle, when they do its your god given responsibility as a friend to mess with them. Simple as that, doesn't matter if your in the office, at school, or just hanging out as adults in your parents basement.

PS: The bringing an empty box to an employee and pretending they're fired is an all time classic.  I can't even count the amount of times that's happened in our office. We wouldn't even have a staff if someone got in trouble every time they played that prank.

Strippers Win $195k Settlement in Illegal Strip Search Case

Sun Sentinel - Four exotic dancers and and two female bartenders won a $195,000 settlement from Daytona Beach Shores after a judge ruled the cops shouldn't have strip-searched the strippers during a drug raid at Biggins Gentlelman's Club, reports the Orlando Sentinel. The female employees were strip-searched in a room in front of 20 male officers and the city's public safety director. The patrons were only given pat downs. According to their attorney, the strippers and bartenders will receive $5,000 each. Most of the settlement will go to pay attorney fees.

Love the mention of how the patrons were only given a pat down, like that's out of the ordinary...umm last I checked patrons at a strip club weren't likely to be hiding contraband in their orifice's.  To the strippers complaining, hey, if the shoe fits. Come on ladies, don't act like you've never stashed something up there. 

To the cops, wouldn't it have been a bit easier to pay the Champagne room fee? I mean 195K in tax payers money for a cheap thrill, and it still wasn't legal?  Fairly certain a two drink minimum and the girls hourly rate would have came out a bit lower than that...just saying.

Worlds Fattest Mom Gets Fed By Her Daughter, Is Rich off the Internet...I'm Depressed

An ST is a Stone, she weighs 62 Stones or 868 Pounds...She's fat.

Daily Mail - She holds the dubious honour of being the Guinness Book Of Records' fattest woman ever to give birth, requiringa team of 30 medics to deliver her daughter during a high-risk Caesarean birth. And after splitting from long-term partner and feeder Philippe Gouamba, the 50st mother is relying on her four year-old daughter Jacqueline to bring her food to help her reach her goal...The single mother-of-two, who eats over 15,000 calories a day to sustain her weight gain, struggles to get around and enlists the help of Jacqueline to buy and prepare food..'Anyone who says I'm setting a bad example should shut their mouth - they don't know how much I love her.''I've taught her to accept all sizes. If she wasn't around to feed me, I'd have given up on my supersize dream.'Donna says she is looking for a new feeder to take the pressure off her young daughter. 'He must be handsome, slim, and at least 10 years younger than me,' she says. Any takers needn't worry about funding the food bills these days. Donna pays for her £500 weekly shopping bill with profits from a website she has set up for 'fat admirers' who pay to look at photographs of her eating. She has 7,000 fans and makes £60,000 a year. Donna has always been plus sized .When she was 19 she met her first husband, who worked as a chef at a steak restaurant.He worked night shifts and would come home at 2 or 3am and bring the leftovers with him,' she said.We'd stay up and eat huge piles of steak, mashed potatoes, and gravy with butter.

Ahh, a real romantic huh? Can't imagine how those two split up, sharing the same passion for mountains of steak and potatoes at 2-3am is the stuff Disney Fairytales are made off...if the fairy weighed  800lbs and her wings gave up even trying to fly a long, long time ago.

I don't even know what the most boggling part of this story is,  but you can bet your ass the part that gets me most up set is this broad is making more money off her blog than I do with this blog and my full time job combined. 60k Pounds? Whats that like 80K per year. God damnit.

Can someone explain to me how she even knew she was pregnant? Wouldn't you just have really bad gas and a bloated feeling at all times? Like was it a complete shock when she went to take a shit and passed a baby? Like "oh, no wonder I was even hungrier than normal lately," and then went right back to her Fried Turkey leg?  You have to love the irony of her telling her critics to "shut their mouth" when that's the exact advice most people are probably giving her.

Good luck to whoever this new feeder/lover ends up being, just an odd job description, half the responsibilities of a zoo-keeper, and half the responsibilities of a chubby-chaser.

CBS Superimposes 4th Of July Fireworks over Boston's Famous Landmarks...Apparently this Upsets People?

Boston Globe - Those who watched Boston’s revered Fourth of July celebration Monday night on CBS were treated to spectacular views of fireworks exploding behind the State House, Quincy Market, and home plate at Fenway Park, among other places - great views, until you consider that they were physically impossible. As viewers began to point out yesterday, it would not have been geographically possible to see the fireworks above and behind the landmarks in question, since the display was launched from a barge in the Charles River and in directions away from those places.  “According to CBS, you can see the fireworks from the right side of Quincy Market, even though Beacon Hill is in the way,’’ wrote “Kaz,’’ whose real name is Karl Clodfelter, a commenter on the Boston blog UniversalHub.com. “Also, they come up behind the State House when you’re standing across the road . . . which means the barge must have been parked on the Zakim this year,’’ wrote Clodfelter, a research scientist from Brighton. “Absolutely, we’re proud to show scenes from our city,’’ Mugar said. “It’s often only shown in film or in sporting matches. We were able to highlight great places in Boston, historical places with direct ties to the Fourth. So we think it was a good thing.’’ The footage of the landmarks was shot several weeks ago. “It’s one of the biggest times of year here,’’ an animated Jeffers said. “Man, it’s huge. The fireworks, the crowds. It takes you back to your childhood. . . . But I’m shocked they changed stuff on TV, because they didn’t need to. The fireworks don’t need dressing up. They’re fireworks.’’

CBS should probably tell all these whiners complaining about the superimposed fireworks to go pound sand. What the hell are they complaining about, who watches fireworks on tv, there's nothing patriotic about that.  Hate to break it to all the malcontents out there, but the second you decide "eh, going outside with lawn chair is too much work this year, I'll just flip on the boob-tube," is the second the fireworks lose their patriotism.

Like the guy complaining how it didn't bring him back to childhood. That's probably because of instead of smelling like bug spray and hanging out in the back of a pick up truck or playing in some parking lot with sparklers and a bunch of other kids, you were chilling in your living room with a bowl of nachos.  You want the real experience, get out there and see if for yourself.  Whether its superimposed or not, any fireworks on tv are fake.  You can have a 100 inch projection tv with the best sound system known to man, you're still watching a produced show at that point, nothing real about it.

Dude Just Going About His Business Getting Some Gas

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People are probably giving this guy shit for not helping out, but no joke, I'd have probably reacted the same way.  Car accidents are the biggest pain in the ass and cause me more irrational anger and road rage than anything else.  Like I know I'm a complete asshole for saying this, but I'm legit pissed at all parties involved when I pass a crash that just held me up on the highway. I slow down, mean mug them, and sometimes flip them off if the cops havent arrived and it looks like a completely avoidable fender bender.  Learn how to fucking drive, I didn't schedule in 45 frigen minutes this morning just in case some moron fiddling with his presets rear ended the guy in front of him. God damnit, I'm angry just thinking about it.

And frankly, for a rollover that's as un-violent of a crash as you're going to see. Kinda just softly turned over like an old man easing his way into a bath. Nothing alarming.  To his credit he popped back out for a second but soon as he saw signs of life he knew everything was cool.

That second guy can get fucked too, giving him shit for driving off, he's just a innocent bystander bro. I don't see you running over there to lend a hand.