I'd Choose to Be Rufio over Peter Pan 100x out of 100

Re-watched Hook recently, and I gotta say, I think I’d 100 % rather be Rufio than Peter Pan, outside the whole dying at the end thing obviously. The thing about Pan is, he grew up, he had to go back, he had those INSUFFERABLE kids who just wanted attention while Dad was out trying to make baller money, that nagging wife from Britain who probably busted his balls every single day about not living in Britain anymore, and on top of it all, he had to live with the fact that he couldn't fly anymore. 

I mean that’s it, you’ve been to the zenith, you know for a fact that your life is not getting better, your best is behind you. The only thing that keeps me personally going some days is A) the hope that maybe people start to like this blog on a legitimate level, and B) I could perhaps win the lottery…But Pan? Big whoop if he hits the lottery, he USED TO FLY. He had daily sword fights with pirates! His best friend was a smoking hot fying fairy thing. No amount of lottery winnings is going to give you pixie dust so you can fly again.

I mean I’m sure he’s glad that he turned out successful and has a healthy family and all, but the thing is, he probably didn’t want that, just didn't have a choice. You really think Peter Pan came back to the real world and wanted to be some Mergers and Acquisition laywer? Hell no. But he probably figured out real quick that running around in tights with a sword doesn’t bring home the bacon in the real world. You’re not landing Wendy Darling by going out on street corners and begging for tips while you do peter pan stunts.  Being Peter Pan just isn't a money making position. If I were Peter Pan I'd probably still have this awful middle manager job. I'd have to. A Pan's gotta eat.

No I definitely wouldn't want to be Peter Pan, Rufio had it figured out, had the adoration of the other lost boys, wore half shirts like AC slater, had that awesome ride thing up in the trees, wore pink highlights in his hair, because who gives a shit, you’re Rufio. That’s the life I’d choose.

Can We All Agree to Stop Cleaning Up When Visitors Are Coming?

Let's be honest, we all live in some level of filth when outsiders aren't visiting. Please, I'm begging you, the next time I come to visit, DO NOT clean up on my accord. I'm not the Queen of England, I'm not going to be offended if I see a couple shoes strewn in the corner, or dishes in the sink. And the reason I say this is, then I won't have to clean up the next time you come over, kind of a pay it forward type situation, for slobs. Let's just all admit to eachother, "hey, my place, it's not a model home from HGTV."

I'm not saying don't maintain a level of cleanliness, you've got to do a bare minimum, if you've got vermin or some kind of other infestation, or your shit smells funny, you're probably doing too little. But no more squeaky clean, all the dishes out of the sink, coffee table looks like it just got a new coat of lacquer, living room looks like no one's ever lived there and its ready for a Good Housekeeping photo shoot. Seriously. You live in your house, I know it gets messy. Know how I know? Because my place gets messy. And it drives me crazy that we have to pretend otherwise anytime someone is coming over. The same people that I would have had over like 3-4 years ago fresh out of college when there were pizza boxes strewn all over the place, now can't come over unless a fresh bottle of mop-n-glo has been applied to the floor. It's nuts.

So I'm calling for a moratorium on all visitor related cleaning. Leave that jacket on the back of the chair, the dishes in the sink, the shoes by the door, the stuff cluttering the counter. Leave the throw blanket all balled up in the corner of the couch, its ok, I know you were just wrapped up in that thing in your underwear 30 minutes ago, its cool. Leave anything and everything that isn't going to give me a viral or respiratory disease. Please, I'm begging you. All I need is enough room to sit down. That's it.

Also, I'm just really lazy.

Jennifer Aniston, Hottest Woman of All Time.

Fox News -  Men’s Health magazine recently crowned America’s sweetheart Jennifer Aniston the hottest woman of all time. “Funny is sexy, and Jennifer Aniston is funny – she was invited to join ‘Saturday Night Live’ before her big break with ‘Friends,” the magazine wrote of their choice.

I mean, I'm not going to disagree, she's 42...look at her and let that sink in. And the thing about this pick, it's easily the safest pick you can make and get universal agreement, and the reason is, because men have no reservations about talking about how hot she is in front of their significant others, because girls absolutely love Jennifer Aniston (the sane ones anyway). 

For some reason they're just not threatened or offended in anyway when a guy drools over her, there's just nothing threatening about her to the female species, its the weirdest phenomenon I've ever encountered. Sure there are girls from time to time that men and women agree on, but there has never been anything like this. A solid 10-15 year run where Jennifer has led to complete peace and harmony amongst the sexes as far as opinions go. It's almost as if girls don't realize how hot she is, because as soon as they do, the jig is up.

Town Names Mispelled on Haverhill Highway Signs...People Still Can't Pronounce Haverhill

HAVERHILL (AP) - State transportation officials are apologizing for putting up street signs in Haverhill that misspell the names of nearby communities. The signs drop the letter "i'' from Plaistow" N.H. on Route 125, and add a "k'' to Merrimac, Mass. on Route 110. State highway officials believe the signs were recently installed and that spelling errors were made during their manufacture. A department spokesman tells The Eagle-Tribune tape has been used to blank out the "k'' in Merrimack, while the word "Plastow" has been covered entirely until correctly spelled signs can be installed.

Hey Haverhill, you guys kidding with this? A lot of balls for a city that I've legitimately never heard pronounced correctly from anyone outside the area.

 
Further, who's brilliant idea was it to just blank out the signs? In the time between now and when they're replaced, do you really think its better to have a blank sign so no one knows where they're going, over a sign spelled wrong? I'm fairly certain that while I'm bombing down 110, I'll be able to figure out that a sign that says "Plastow" means Plaistow, I'm not exactly going to pull over to the side of the road to consult Tom-Tom on that one, shoot I'm not even sure I'd notice, going 50+ mph down the road, a missing letter or misspelled word isn't exactly going to draw attention.

Shit Girls Say

Of course they could make a "Shit guys Say," and it would probably just include a bunch of grunts, farts, burps, yelling at the tv during sports games, guys holding entire conversations almost directly made up of quotes from popular tv shows and movies, and it would be hilarious...But not one single scene would top this one where the girl is just rifling through her purse.

Ladies...your purses have gotten out of control, have been for a while in fact. Weren't these things invented in the spirit of convenience? Carry a few essentials with you for your day in a bag so that you can wear jeans that make your butts look good? I mean, that was the original deal.  The original deal didn't include taking 5 minutes out of every hour of your day to rifle through that thing like its the junk drawer in my kitchen, breezing past coupons expired from 2 years ago, 4 different chapsticks, a few various trinkets that you bought because they were "so cute," and God knows what else you've got in there, just so you can find your keys or license. The shit has gotten out of control, to the point where I'm shocked that A&E hasn't come up with a new original series, "Purse Hoarders" (TM), and its spinoff, "Purse Animal Hoarders" (I'd TM this too, but I don't think anyone's stealing it anytime soon) for those of you who keep miniature dogs in there too.