Lent Begins Today, And All the Wacky Christian Traditions That Come With It

Corning, IA (KCCI) - Forty days of beer might sound like the ultimate frat party. But for one man, it's a religious experience. The editor of the Adams County Free Press in Corning, Iowa, J.Wilson, is going all out: beer and water only...It's a special, carb-filled recipe. "I'll come to work and have my pint of breakfast," he says. But before you ask 'what kind of mockery is he making of faith,' listen. "It's not a cavalier silly stunt thing," Wilson says. "I'm genuinely curious about the monks and that kind of thing." Getting drunk is not on the agenda..."I want to educate beer people about God and I want to educate God people about beer," he says.

And the Season of Lent enters with a bang.  Normally I hear about all these seasonally religious people giving up things like drinking, or cheese, or shaving. Never heard of anyone going the complete opposite direction and promising to only drink, and to that I tip my cap.  And I love how he's using the religious season to bring people together, for far too long beer people and God people have looked down on eachother spitefully. There's no reason to believe we can't all just get along.

I'll be honest I've never really been on board with Lent to this point, just seems so contrived. Like "oh look at me, I'm being pious for Jesus, but only for 40 days because my priest told me to." You're either pious year round or you're a heathen. You can't make up for it by not watching porn for 40 days or abstaining from chew tobacco, I honestly don't think Baby Jesus was to concerned with your oral hygeine. 

And don't even get me started on the whole "no meat on Fridays" thing.  First of all fish is a meat, and I know this because vegans and vegetarians don't eat fish, otherwise they wouldn't be vegans and vegetarians. So let's just clear that up right now. If I'm aloud to fry some fish then I'm going to assume it's ok to enjoy a few tender veal cutlets as well.  People were always offering up baby cow sacrifices in the Bible, I figure eating one as a delicious meal is just me doing my part to honor the word of the Lord. 

And secondly, I'm just going to step out on a ledge and assume God has a few more things to worry about than what kind of toppings I want on my pizza tonight. I think flooding, genocide, and diseases take precedent, I'm not positive, but it seems that would be the case, plus  now he's got his handsful with that whole mess going on in Japan today, I think I can sneak it by him.

Overheard in the Office: Science vs Religion, Japan and the Tsunami's

This edition of "Overheard in the Office" comes from an old friend and fellow co-worker via Facebook.  Because apparently when friends of mine hear funny tidbits in the office, Facebook status updates are the first thing they think, not "Oh I should probably e-mail this to my buddy who runs a humorous, somewhat work related blog." Come on people.

In discussing the end of the world in 2012 in relation to this mornings earthquake in Japan and subsequent tsunamis across the Pacific:

"I don't go by the science, I go by the sign of God"

Where do I start?  I guess by pointing out that any discussion on the end of the world involving the Mayan Calendar ending in 2012 shouldn't be confused with science, which is what I think is going on here.  Voodoo, religion, astrology, I could understand it being thrown into those categories, science, not so much.  And to anyone who actually believes in the whole 2012 thing, you've got serious issues, psychological shit that needs to get worked out.  Putting faith in a bunch of dead Mexicans that dissapeared like 1,000 years ago isn't a thing sane people do.  How smart could the Mayans have been? They went extinct just like the dinosaurs...just saying.

Back to the original quote, I've never understood the Bible gripping population's distrust for science.  If we weren't supposed to be down here figuring shit out on our own using our abilities of logic and reason, wouldn't he just have made us dumber as a whole?  Isn't that a catch in the whole argument God over science argument?

So are you saying God screwed up with his design of man? Just a couple of oversights from a supposedly "omnipotent" being? I'm not so sure the big guy in the sky is going to like you accusing him of anything less than perfection, I'd start repenting now if you're one of those creationist loons.  I hear this God character can be kind of vengeful for people who cross him, smoting people left and right back in Biblical days.  Keep that in mind next time you take a shot at the great forward thinkers of our generation, the Al Gores, Bill Nye The Science Guys, and Al Kaprelian's of the world.

Student Survives Jump From Golden Gate Bridge

MSNBC - A field trip that included a walk along the Golden Gate Bridge ended with a student jumping off the bridge Thursday morning. The unnamed student survived and was taken to San Francisco General Hospital, where he was reportedly being treated for injuries. Windsor High School superintendent Bill McDermott said the boy did not suffer any life threatening injuries. The boy's only complaint to paramedics on the scene was soreness and some bruising.  The student did not jump from the center of the bridge which is 250 feet. He went over the edge from an area between Fort Point and the South tower, which is about 220-feet above the water. He had to climb over a four foot railing to get to the water's edge...There were about 45 students and two teachers from Windsor High School in Sonoma County taking part in a field trip. At least two of the students tweeted about the jump while they were still on the field trip.  The school said counselors were on hand to assist anyone on the trip that may have been traumatized by the incident, according to a press release from the school.

This is news?  I fail to see what the big deal here is, I mean you read that he didn't jumped from 220 feet up instead of the maximum 250, right?  I fail to how people can be shocked that a well executed pencil dive would be perfectly harmless here.  Some mild soreness and brusing is all that should be expected.

I've got a couple of cousins that used to live by a bridge up in Maine, we used to plunge off that thing multiple times a day, you didn't see every one in uproar and us making the national 6 pm news.  Sure it wasn't as famous as the Golden Gate Bridge, but a bridge is a bridge, right?

And what's with the counselors? Who do they think is traumatized by this? How many high schoolers do you think know someone as cool as this Bridge Jumper?  Kids just tweeting the shit out of it, live blogging the action while it goes down.  Yea, sounds like they need counseling.  All the kids on the bridge now have one hell of an awesome story when they go off to college freshmen year.  That's their "in" to any circle you want.  "Hey remember that kid a few years back that took a header off the Golden Gate Bridge and just walked it off? We ate lunch together in high school."

Fan Catches Bad, Saves Countless Fans, and Doesn't Drop His Beer.

 

Seattle Times - One, photographer David Goldman got this shot. Think about it: Goldman's lens was most likely focused on the playing field, not on the stands to his back. He had to swing his camera to where the bat might land, get it in focus and get the correct exposure. Luckily the bat landed in the same sunny spot as the playing field, so he didn't need to change the exposure. Two, Goldman got the guy's name. He left his photo position on the field to ask the fan his name, how to spell it and where he's from. Three, the fan, Mitch Davie, caught the bat with one hand. And he didn't spill his Red Stripe.

I don't want to be the one that has to point out the obvious, but could anyone other than a black man pull this move off? Sheer athleticism and confidence in his abilities.

  I mean just look at the picture, white people all around ducking for cover, turning and running, one guy's got his foot up in the air in some kind of childish defense system, this is as embarrassing as it gets.  And then you got this Denzel type action hero, facial expression hard as hell, embracing the moment for all its worth.  

This 10 second span is about as good as it gets for a fan.  Dude is walking away with a souvenier bat, got his name in the paper, saved the lives of roughly 10 people, all while not spilling a drop of his $8 beer.  Just a phenomenal showing that deserves nothing short of an ESPY.

PS: Message to my fellow white people, stop tucking in your polo shirts to your shorts when you're out in casual situations....actually stop tucking in your shirts to your shorts in any situation. Shorts are casual, they aren't meant for tucking. You want to tuck you throw on a pair of slacks.  That situation is out of control, it's like an epidemic of country club snoots walking around this country right now.

Man Holds Roommates At Knifepoint over American Idol

JACKSONVILLE, Fla.  — A hotel guest held two co-workers he was staying with at knifepoint when they refused to change the TV channel to "American Idol," Neptune Beach police said. Barran Prakash, 47, of Brooklyn, N.Y., was talking to his wife on the phone while he was preparing a meal when his wife told him the show was on TV, according to police. Prakash then told his co-workers he wanted to change the channel, but they refused, which incited a heated argument, police said. Police said when they arrived, they found Prakash in the hallway outside the room the three men were staying in, and they ordered him to the ground, but he refused. The officer said he performed a leg sweep to take Prakash down and place him into custody.

The guy obviously hasn't been keeping up with this season, if he had been he wouldn't have been so upset these guys refused to change the chanel. To say the New American Idol has sucked would be a gigantic understatment.

Without Simon you've got a trio of judges who are apparently afraid to voice any criticism at all, and it's a shame because the contestants have been horrendous for the most part. Simon would be eating this up, just lashing out in British tones, making these panzies cry left and right.  If I'm a former Idol cast member I'd be pissed as hell right now.  Going through Hollywood with Simon was like going through military bootcamp.  Crumudgeon old drill instructor pushing you for your best while torturing you mentally.  These new judges are clearly from the "everyone's a winner" school of thought.

You've got Steven Tyler, who is apparently the easiest person to impress in the world, rooting on every contestant like some drunk floozy cheerleader.  J-Lo being "moved to tears" any time any of the singers open their mouths. And poor Randy on the end clearly uneasy in his new role as the only one who ever has anythign remotely constructive to say when judging.  I want the Randy of old who left the hard work to Simon and was free to say things like "dawg" and "a little pitchy."  I don't want the new Randy who looks about as comfortable as Lebron James does playing the villain role (and is about as good at it as he is as well).

And to add to that, the contestants are boring as fuck. Not one interesting character amongst them. A few of the usual sob stories, "I'm homeless", "My grandma is dying" but not one genuinely unique and interesting personality.  Don't even get me started on that Barry Manilow impressionist they got on there.  You're not fooling anyone bro. They had some talented asshole who always wore ridiculous glasses and all in all seemed like a pompous prick. What did they do? Vote him off.  I hated that kids guts but at least you had someone that illicted a response from me.  You're left with a bunch of shadows and ghosts now.

Now if the dude from the original link was stabbing his roommates out of anger for how bad this season has been, that'd be something I could understand.

Military Rifle Performance Fail

At first I was going to commend this guy for maintaining his composure.  I know I sure as shit would have been pissed.  No way I could have kept up with the whole "walking like I have a stick up my ass" routine once the performance went off track.  That was impressive.  Anyone can walk and turn like that on script, it takes talent to improvise the way he did.  Like, does anyone think the marines are out there practicing official marine ways to bend down and pick up rifles when they drop them? I doubt it.

But his steely stoicism aside, two things just didn't sit right with me.  Why the hell would the commanding officer be the one that has to go fetch the gun after one of his pee-ons fucked up his whole shining moment?  If you're in charge don't you just order that runt to scramble and pick up the gun?  If I've learned anything in my time as a middle manager it's that supervising is all about delegation, how else do you think I have all this free time to work on the blog? This guy appears to be the classic work hoarder, just trying to do everything on his own.  Probably be the first one to charge out of fox whole before the order is even given.

Secondly, when he picked the gun up he had to have noticed it was broken in half, right?  Frigen thing was like a wet piece of spaghetti, what the hell did he think was going to happen.  Pass that gun off and save face.  No need to embarrass us anymore.  Shit, if anything else went wrong we'd have to start splicing in scenes from famous military movies the way China did with Top Gun just to make it look like our military isn't tearing apart at the seams.

Wisconsin Bus Drivers Are Rolling In Cash

Who knew Otto was a self made millionaire.

Human Events - Can we stop acting as if people who work for the government are the heroes of working people? MSNBC is covering the fight in Wisconsin as if it's the 9/11 attack -- and the Republicans are al-Qaida. Its entire prime-time schedule is dedicated to portraying self- interested government employees as if they're Marines taking on the Taliban. The network's Ed Schultz bellows that it is "morally wrong" to oppose the demands of government employees.  Public sector workers are pursuing their own narrow financial interests to the detriment of everyone else in their states. That's fine, but can we stop pretending it's virtuous? Because of the insane union contracts in Wisconsin, one Madison bus driver, John E. Nelson, was able to make $159,000 in 2009 -- about $100,000 of which in overtime pay. Jackie Gleason didn't make that much playing bus driver Ralph Kramden on "The Honeymooners." Seven bus drivers took home more than $100,000 that year.

Wait, what?! Here I am holding down a full time corporate gig and blogging my ass off for about $2.00 a day, all the while I could be striking it rich by driving buses around all day? Good thing I got that college education I guess, right?

Usually I despise Ann Coulter with every bone in my body, but when you're right, you're right.  What the hell is a bus driver doing making $159,000 a year? I understand it may be a somewhat stressful job but all in all you're sitting your ass in a seat all day, listening to sports radio and opening and closing a door at the push of a button.  100k in over time? What the hell constitutes overtime in Wisconsin? More than 20 hours? How does that happen, the guy isn't a cop.

Kind of makes me take a different stance on all this hooplah going on up there in the Cheese State right now.  Like I thought I was supporting the rights of a few blue collar Americans working hard to make ends meet. Didn't realize this whole thing was over a few government fat cats that want to keep their bus driving millions.

What other government hack jobs are racking in more cash than I can even dream about right now?  I already learned earlier this year that the avg NY City garbage man rolls 75k, now I find out Wisconsin bus drivers are using my pay checks to blow their fucking noses.

So when people in Wisconsin are taking Sunday drives through the rich neighborhoods to look at all the mansions are parents telling their children "this is all old bus driving money," for get about becoming a doctor little Susie and Johnnie, just pass your eye exam and keep a clean driving record and you'll be on easy street.

I'm legit embarrassed for myself right now.  Like if I had any idea that all making it rich meant was passing my licensing test back when I was 16 I'd probably have taken up bus driving right on the spot.  I'd be rich and retired to the Vineyard right now. Damn it, education screwed me again.

Creepy Fan Makes National TV Debut (vid inside)

Way to choke bro.  This was your big shot, Your whole village is probably crowded around the communal 13 inch tube tv expecting to see one of their own was going to make it big today.  Nope. 

A bigger choke job this blogger has never seen.   Come on guy, do something, BLINK for Godsakes!  I see that mustache starting to twitch, smile  or something. I guess some people just can't handle the fame.