Massachusetts Wants Online Retailers to Charge State Sales Tax

BOSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - The days of shopping online, tax-free may be coming to an end. A new bill on Beacon Hill could force e-commerce sites like Amazon, Overstock and Zappos to charge Massachusetts shoppers sales tax. Local retailers say the Web sites have an unfair advantage. In the Commonwealth, the sales tax loss in 2012 is projected to be $335 million.

Local retailers may want to spend more time worrying about me hauling my ass over the border to Salem, NH for all my shopping needs and less time worrying about whats going on in cyberspace.  No joke, just last weekend I drove 35 minutes to Salem to pick up the new motorolla xoom, tax free. Total tax savings, $37.  Was it worth the 60  mile round trip? Hell yes, exorbitant gas prices included.

Instead of crying like a bunch of bitches how about just build a website and sell your shit tax free too?  I’ve never understood physical businesses failure to adapt to e-commerce.  Put your store online, tell your customers and ship that shit to them. You think CW always ranted and raved on the interwebs? Until about 6 months ago you had to see me in person to have access to my genius dementia.  Then came this blog, and shortly after

Twitter, and sooner or later I'm going to have to figure out what this Tumblr thing is all about.  My point is you have to roll with the times. 

The internet isn’t your problem here, the brick and mortar stores right up the road selling stuff tax free is.  Don’t kid yourself and think I’d drive 15 minutes to  your store if they were taxing me for shopping online, I’d still just drive another 15 minutes North and buy my stuff duty free.

Dr. Jack: Did you know (insert hot chick from TV show) was in Scream 4?

During one of my many daily trips to IMDB I happened to stumble across the cast list for "Scream 4". Now I wasn't thinking much of it at the time as I expected to see the regulars from the first few and maybe a few new ladies for Ghostface to off in the opening scene. However, I was shocked to see just how many actresses from TV shows would be making an appearance in the film. It was almost like they cast the movie specifically so I could write this blog!

Without further ado, I'd like to run through all the hot snatch that will be in hopefully the last "Scream". And hey, since baseball season has just started, how about I sort the ladies into a lineup? No chance this squad starts out 0-6 unless it's in a "Not Giving Dudes a Boner" contest. (I'm so upset about the Red Sox that is literally the best I can come up with right now)

1. Alison Brie
TV Credits: "Mad Men", "Community"
I'd hit her down further in the order, but I think my love for the shows she's on clouds my judgement. Still I'm expecting a spark at the top of my lineup and Brie can certainly provide that. I'm interested to see her role in "S4" because I don't think she'd look believable as a high school student compared to the rest of the cast. Wait a minute, possible sexy librarian? I can not wait for this movie!

2. Lucy Hale
TV Credits: "Pretty Little Liars"
I want my #2 hitter to be shorter so she has a smaller strike zone and can get on base easier. I also feel like this blog is starting to make me seem like a serial killer.

3. Kristen Bell
TV Credits: "Veronica Mars", "Gossip Girl", "Heroes"
The highest profile member of the lineup is Bell. Am I a huge Bell fan? No, I am not. However, her appearance will put butts in the seats and she was great in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". Also, for some reason people loved "Veronica Mars" so we'll have that freaky group of weirdos supporting us.

4. Hayden Panettiere
TV Credits: "Heroes"
My cleanup hitter is the only girl who actually looks like she might have played sports at least one day in her life. Sure her TV career isn't that great, but at least she's got sports movie experience from "Remember the Titans" and "Ice Princess". Also, is there any doubt at all that she's getting killed in "S4"? Where are the BoDog odds for that because I'd bet my house.

5. Anna Paquin
TV Credits: "True Blood"
I didn't think of positions for everyone, but I'd definitely put Paquin at catcher because Sookie on "True Blood" can read people's minds. She'll know what the hitters are expecting and then she can call for something different. Sometimes when I come up with an idea as good as this I really scare myself. I just got chills.

6. Aimee Teegarden
TV Credits: "Friday Night Lights"
Hey look, she's in a baseball uniform! How convenient! As upset as I am about the Red Sox start, I'm even more upset about "FNL" going off the air. Luckily, I don't have DirectTV so I still have yet to see the last scenes of Teegarden as Julie Taylor. Now subtle changes in the spelling of a normal name tends to make girls seem hotter, but I can't help but feel like Aimee's parents tried a bit too hard.

7. Neve Campbell
TV Credits: "Party of Five"
The wily veteran. She's knows what's coming, she's just not fast enough to always catch up to it. Still her knowledge and leadership skills make her one of the more valuable members of the team. And if you're wondering if I'm kissing Neve's ass because I'm legitimately disappointed for how her career turned out, then you're right.

8. Shenae Grimes
TV Credits: "90210"
This chick's got a tattoo on her side which is one of the most painful places you can get one. So we know she's crazy. We want crazy on the team, but we don't put crazy in the top of the order. We want crazy at the bottom with sac bunts and hit and runs all over the place.

9. Brittany Robertson
TV Credits: "Life Unexpected"
Ok here's the deal, we needed to fill out the lineup. I'm not saying she's not attractive. She's cute, but cute as in she looks like she's fifteen. She actually will turn 20 in a few weeks so I'm not totally creepy for including her. However, I guess I am a little creepy for looking up her birthday but what makes you so fucking perfect anyway?

Pitcher. Courtney Cox
TV Credits: "Friends", "Dirt", "Cougar Town"
Probably the best TV resume on the team and we've seen from her recent bikini pics, she still has her fastball. I can't trust any of these young ladies to not pull a Lohan at any second and leave me without someone to throw the ball. I need my ace to be an actress I've known for years and have faith in. Someone who's been in a Hall of Fame show and not someone whose one hit show was only good for one season and now makes Lifetime movies. And dates a giant Russian boxer. And whose name rhymes with Smaden Bennetear.


And there's the squad. Now if you're about to write a comment saying Emma Roberts is in the movie too and she was on Nickelodeon then I want you to take a good long look at yourself and your life choices to this point so far.

Enjoy the movie everybody!

-Dr. Jack

Judge Holds Potential Juror In Contempt Indefinitely For Allegedly Rascist Remarks

Fox News - A federal judge in New York reportedly sentenced a Brooklyn woman to indefinite jury duty after she made racist remarks toward minorities.  The unidentified juror -- an Asian woman in her 20s who said she works in the garment industry -- was being screened for jury duty on Tuesday in the death penalty trial of Bonanno crime boss Vincent "Vinny Gorgeous" Basciano. Asked to name three people she least admired, the woman wrote on her questionnaire: "African-Americans, Hispanics and Haitians." When Garaufis asked why she answered the question that way, the woman replied, "You always hear about them in the news doing something." The woman also claimed that cops are all lazy, accusing them of sounding their sirens to bypass traffic jams, the Daily News reports. Assistant U.S. Attorney Taryn Merkl requested that the woman be disqualified from the Basciano case because of her "inappropriate" comments. The motion was granted. Garaufis then instructed the court that the woman would be seeing a lot of Brooklyn Federal Court in coming days. "She's coming back [today], Thursday and Friday -- and until the future, when I am ready to dismiss her," he said.


So the whole hold you in contempt thing is real huh? That’s not just a law & order svu myth?  Like how doesn’t this happen all the time? Last time I got called for jury duty I legit told the judge that I couldn’t be impartial because of my previous schooling as a political science major.  Did he give me a discerning look? Obviously. Is it probably the worst excuse he heard that day? Definitely.  Judges probably hear everything in the book, and they probably use the best ones themselves when they get called for jury duty.


So I fail to see what made this one particular excuse stand out from the rest and worthy of jail time.  If you ask me she was just bluntly honest.  Sorry but if I’m watching the evening local news chances are it’s going to be filled with police blotter involving minorities.  It doesn’t make me or this asian broad racist for noticing this, maybe the tv stations are racists but that’s not for me to decide. I’m just going with what I’m being fed here.  And yea 100% cops use their sirens to dodge the occasional light or traffic jam, they wouldn’t be cops if they didn’t. 


The last I checked this was still America, and I’m assuming this woman was an American citizen.  I thought we were only allowed to lock up camel jockeys in gitmo indefinitely with no trial.  I don’t know what kind of high horse this judge is riding on, but it’s complete bull shit.  So this woman didn’t want to do jury duty ? Who the hell does? Lying your way out of jury duty is as American as Apple Pie.

Tweeting For Beers at Mariners Games Actually Seems Like An Awesome Idea

Hey Bro, Tweet me that Beer.

SEATTLE (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - Beer drinkers are about to take over Twitter. Starting Friday at the Seattle Mariner's home opener, fans can tweet vendor Kevin Zelko the location of their seat and he'll stop by with a cold one.  Zelko says he still make the usual rounds through the aisles. But now he'll check his phone more often and hopes to grow a following and develop relationships with his customers.

As of 9:15 a.m., Zelco - @msbeervendor has 573 followers. 

Of course for this to get enacted in Boston I'm sure we'd have to have some state house congressional hearings and figure out a way for Menino and the rest of his hacks to rake a profit before this happens.  Similar to this brouhaha about mix drinks at Fenway that's been going on.  I'm pretty sure Murph and Sully and the rest of the bleacher creatures aren't going to be anymore manic by the 7th inning just because they can now order goose and juice for $14 or whatever the hell they end up charging for that crap.  

Anyway, back on point.  Big week for the Twitter, first with the tweet mirror, and now with tweeting for beer at the ball park.  Phenomenal development, you just can't stop technology.  Just last week I thought it was awesome that you could order a burrito at Chipotle on your smartphone.  This trumps that hands down. Amazing.

And while I thought the Tweet mirror was a disastrous idea, I actually think this is brilliant, convenient and safe.  No more trying to run between innings for a beer but always ending up missing a two run homer because of the mile long line, or waiting 4 innings for the beer vendor to come back around.  It's all at your finger tips.  And safe because, have you ever tried to tweet while you're drunk? You'll be fat fingering that touch screen through extra innings trying to order a Bud Light.  Simple rule, you can't ask for a beer in proper English, you don't get a beer.  

PS: Epic fail if the rest of the vendors don't pick up on this.  These guys get paid on how much merchandise they move, right?  Is there a male aged 21-30 that's not going to tweet this guy? Even if I wasn't on the Twitter yet (we totally are @TheAltTab) I'd be signing up before the first ball game I attend that year.  Plus you can always tweet the guy some random's seat and watch the hilarity during slow games.

Man Arrested Walking Around Target in See Through Underwear, but there is More...

KINGSTON (FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - A Level 3 sex offender took off his pants and walked around a store in the Independence Mall wearing only a shirt and see-through underwear, police said...Kingston police were called to Target just before 9:30 p.m. yesterday after several female store employees reported that the 57-year-old John G. Coppinger was walking around the store in revealing skin-tight underpants. Coppinger allegedly walked up to a woman working at the store service desk and asked if it was alright for him to wear shorts in the store, then took off his pants...Mall security guards walked Coppinger out of the store and to his car in the parking lot and told him to put his pants on. Kingston police met them there. Inside his car, police found rope, binoculars, candy, sex toys and naked pictures of himself, including one that was framed.

Are we sure this happened in Target? Not Walmart? I'll take your word for it I guess but I just want to double check.  

Guy this is just not how you do it.  Target isn't some trashy anything goes establishment.  Target is a no shirt, no shoes, no pants, no service establishment.  You've got the shoes part down, but you've sadly failed the pants portion of the exam.  And don't try calling those shorts.  I know a translucent banana hammock when I see one.  Even by the loosest Euro trash standards, those aren't shorts.  

You know how you can tell this guy is really crazy though, not just your average run of the mill pervert?  You might be surprised, it's not the skin tight latex underwear, the binoculars, sex toys, candy, and rope he's got in the back seat of his car.  Sure all of those things are crazy when put in the same sentence, but none of them are really the smoking gun showing this guy is full tilt off his rocker.  If you guys are anything like me your car looks like a part time homeless shelter for a family of five.  I'm sure there's 5 or 6 items you could put together right now that make me look like some kind of deviant.  

No, what clearly defines his level of insanity is the framed nude photo of himself.  I can understand carrying around maybe a little 2x3 in your wallet, you know, just in case anyone asks, but a framed photo? And in your car, not like on the wall in your bathroom where I keep mine?  Dude that's really screwed up. That's like Buffalo Bill messed up. 

Father Who Shamed His Kid into Liking the Sox Over Yankees May Be Starting to Feel Bad After Sox Fall to 0-5

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Yea this video is a couple of days old, get over it.

Probably a lot easier to convince the kid if he hadn't been busy watching the Red Sox go 0-5 over the past few days, huh buddy?  Kids are as fair weather as they get, they just don't know any better.

As a father of a son this has to be your worst fear right? Like how do you strike that delicate balance between imposing your will on your child, brainwashing them to share your interests, while not coming across as to forceful or pushy to the point where they rebel against you and choose the team you hate the most?

I think this guy has nailed a pretty good plan (0-5 start aside).  Set out your disappointment in the kid early and turn the rest of the family against him.  Instead of shoving the team down his throat at a young age, you make it their only real choice for love and acceptance. You want stuff like the affection and approval of your father, and maybe dinner once in a while? You know which team to root for.  

Definitely the approach I'm going to take in the future.  Leave that child pining for attention and acceptance, not the other way around...and yea you probably won't win any father of the year awards using this method.  But at least you won't come home to your son wearing a Robinson Cano t-shirt jersey with Jim Kay on in the background. 

Free Running Mario Brothers Parkour Seems Awesome (even if they're playing on easy).

Umm yea, anyone can beat Mario on easy when the bad guys are all but non-existent.  I didn't see one of those mean mugging mushroom head guys, no green turtles either, and nevermind that evil bastard Bowser.  I mean have you guys ever even played Mario? 

Ok, all jokes aside, this is easily the coolest gym I've ever seen.  Like some kind of social experiment where they just took kids off the playground 20 years ago and stuck them in this ultimate fun zone for life.  No reading or learning, just endless recess with a sprinkling of snack packs and Chewy brand granola bars mixed in for nutrition.

And I legit want to know why I wasn't picked for this. CW ages 6-10 might have been the greatest "Can't Touch the Ground" champ in local elementary school history.  Play grounds have legitimately been (or should have been if it wasn't for the politics involved) named after me.  Just a wild jumping and climbing monkey boy, flying between various apparatuses (apparati?) in fear of the make believe "lava" ground (I was 6, allright? The playground had a red rubbery ground, lava just made sense).  I wish i knew that keeping up with that senseless game would have actually led to a career path, or at the very least a mildly popular, well edited Youtube video.  

Frigen teachers, always encouraging me to focus on reading, math and science.  Lot of good that ever did me.