We Get It Japan, You're Morally Superior to us, Now Would You Loot A Safe So I Can Feel Better About Myself?

OFUNATO, Japan – There are no cars inside the parking garage at Ofunato police headquarters. Instead, hundreds of dented metal safes, swept out of homes and businesses by last month's tsunami, crowd the long rectangular building. Any one could hold someone's life savings. Safes are washing up along the tsunami-battered coast, and police are trying to find their owners — a unique problem in a country where many people, especially the elderly, still stash their cash at home. By one estimate, some $350 billion worth of yen doesn't circulate. There's even a term for this hidden money in Japanese: "tansu yokin." Or literally, "wardrobe savings." So the massive post-tsunami cleanup under way along hundreds of miles (kilometers) of Japan's ravaged northeastern coast involves the delicate business of separating junk from valuables. As workers and residents pick through the wreckage, they are increasingly stumbling upon cash and locked safes. One month after the March 11 tsunami devastated Ofunato and other nearby cities, police departments already stretched thin now face the growing task of managing lost wealth.


All right, all right. We get it, you're better than everyone else on Earth.  Now if you'd like us to keep donating can you throw us a bone and loot a store or crack open a safe that doesn't belong to you?


I don't mind donating to a good cause, but youv'e got to try and help yourself here.  Your family just lost everything, you're accepting financial aid from all over the world, the least you could do to help that situation is crack the safe that may or may not belong to you and use the money to buy your family some food or a night's stay in a hotel room.  No one is going to judge you, we swear, we just want to feel a little better about ourselves.


Of course in America we wouldn't have this issue with the safes.  American's don't have a life savings.  We have credit cards.  Who needs to save money when you can just run up debt, right?

Costco to Sell High End Engagement Rings, Guys, This is Still a Bad Idea

Daily Mail - It's not the first place that comes to mind when shopping for engagement rings, but warehouse retailer Costco is fast establishing itself as a one-stop shop for brides and grooms. Weeks after unveiling a line of wedding gowns, the retail giant is now selling a single 6.77-carat diamond solitaire ring for $1million. But for those balking at the seven-figure sum, it's still a bargain, as the the D colour, Internally Flawless diamond has been valued at $1.6million by the International Gemological Institute.

 Something tells me that no matter what you say, or how much you tell your ex-girlfriend that ring cost, if she finds out it's from Costco she's going to say no and leave your ass. 

 I don't know much about the whole engagement ring arena, but I do know it's supposed to be a statement of love and class.  And no one has ever had love or class on their mind when shopping for rings with 48 rolls of toilet paper, a life sized jumbo bag of popcorn, and a big enough box of Frosted Flakes to feed an entire dorm for a year.

Plus she's just going to nag you because you got it at a discount price.  Like "oh, so you can pay 1 million for this cheap wholesale diamond but you couldn't spring for full MSRP at a real store? Cheap bastard."

Woman Reporter Complains About not Being Allowed in Masters Lockerroom, Maybe Guys Just Want Privacy When They're Taking A Dump?

(CNN) -- A female sports reporter blasted the all-male Augusta National Golf Club on Monday, a day after a security guard wouldn't let her in to interview one of the stars of the recent Masters tournament..."This is not an issue of sensitivity. This is just an issue of doing my job," Sullivan said Monday. "I'm a credentialed reporter. I should have been allowed in."..."It should not have happened," said Steve Ethun, Augusta National's communications director, noting that the guard was not aware of the club's policies. "We will work as hard as we can to make sure it does not happen again." The security guard, who was also female, "was very apologetic" in denying her access to the locker room in the clubhouse, according to Sullivan..."(The guard) said it's sort of this open bathroom area," the reporter said. "I said, 'Yeah, like every professional locker room I go into.' "

Everyone realizes this was a female security guard, right? Not like Hootie the ultimate bigot sticking it to women one more time before he croaks.

She wasn't doing it for some sexist reason, she was simply saving this reporter from walking into an open bathroom with dudes dropping steamers left and right.  Have you ever golfed before?  18 holes takes a solid 5 hours when it is not televised, the Masters takes a solid 6-7 hours.  By the time these guys reach the clubhouse those two hot dogs and bag of funions they pounded at the turn are just wreaking havoc on their bowels.  The last thing they need is a woman walking around while they're trying to do work on the shitter.  Is it too much to ask to be able to unleash one male dominated un-inhibitted shit? 

Plus it's not like there is ever men in the locker room for woman's sports...Yea I know it's largely because woman's sports aren't newsworthy and why would any self respecting male reporter cover them, but I'm still pretty sure even if one ever tried he'd be disallowed.  

So can everyone agree to do us all a favor, when this same thing happens next year (and it does every year, can we just ignore it like the non-issue that it is.  

Betty White Comes off as Jealous Old Hag with Penis Envy after Ripping Lindsay Lohan for her Whorish Ways

My Fox - So when Betty White made some unflattering comments about Lindsay Lohan, no one was more shocked than Lohan herself. In an interview with The Daily Mail about her long-lasting career in Hollywood, White commented about how today's young actors and actresses party, drink too much and seem to be ungrateful. "I cannot stand the people who get wonderful starts in show business, and who abuse it. Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen, for example, although there are plenty of others, too. They are the most blessed people in the world and they don't appreciate it," the 89-year-old actress told The Daily Mail.

I'm so tired of everyone kissing this old broad's ass.  Yea she was fairly funny on that Snickers commercial, and presenting on whatever that awards show was a couple years ago, but enough is enough.

Go suck an egg Betty.  There I said it.  You're just a jealous old hag, upset because you're dried up and crusty and can no longer slut it up no matter how famous you are.  Your dick crushing days are over and you're miserable because of it, I get it, but no need to pick on others who are still enjoying their fame.

Your time is over, we get it, you were one of the Golden Girls, la ti fricken da.  You were old as shit even back then, people just laughed because they thought it was cute that a little old lady could see far enough to read her cue cards.

So don't blame Lindsay for honing her acting career when she was young enough to take advantage of her fame and party her tits off.  Maybe if you'd become a hit before you got your first AARP card you'd have had some time to enjoy being a celebrity for more things than playing shuffle board with Larry King while sipping Tom Collins'.  So do me a favor and pipe down you old bag.

PS: It is pretty funny that if you search Lindsay Lohan, Betty, the first results are Betty Ford clinics.

Are the Winklevii Twins the Biggest Douche Bags on Earth?

(Mashable) -- Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss must accept their $65 million settlement from Facebook and move on...The suit stems from the Winklevosses' claim that Facebook co-founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg stole their idea for the social-networking site. Zuckerberg and Facebook deny the allegations, but agreed to settle in 2008. Since then, the Winklevoss twins have attempted to secure a higher settlement by claiming that Facebook is guilty of securities fraud. "The Winklevosses are not the first parties bested by a competitor who then seek to gain through litigation what they were unable to achieve in the marketplace," Chief Judge Alex Kozinski wrote in today's ruling. "And the courts might have obliged, had the Winklevosses not settled their dispute and signed a release of all claims against Facebook."..."For whatever reason, they (the Winklevosses) now want to back out. Like the district court, we see no basis for allowing them to do so," Kozinski wrote. "At some point, litigation must come to an end. That point has now been reached."

When one gigantic douche isn't enough, there's always the Winkvii twins.  These two were just bred to speak with a stiff upper lip and jutting chin, you can almost hear them calling for their driver, presumably  named Crowley, just by looking at the picture above.

Not content enough with a $65 million settlement they never earned in the first place, these two semi-homo erotic looking douche bags decided to appeal the decision in hopes for more cash...the frigen nerve.  Ever advantage on earth and they've decided they'd rather just sue other people for money, because 65 is only 32.5 when you have to share it with your equally repugnant twin.

Get a fucking grip guys, you can basically live off the interest alone. Go sail a boat or whatever the hell douchy sport you two participate in (which I assume you picked because the lack of interest ensured your success, no need to take up a challenge in a real sport that actually counts for something), and wait until mummy and daddy pass, I'm sure there's a pay day there for you.

MBTA Bus Driver Crashes After Being Attacked By Kids Smoking on the Bus

BOSTON - An MBTA bus crashed into a Roxbury barber shop on 370 Dudley Street yesterday.

T officials and witnesses that spoke to FOX 25 say that the driver was being assaulted by passengers on board when he lost control of the bus, crashing it. The fight allegedly started when the bus driver asked a passenger to put out a cigarette.  When the driver got back to his seat, witnesses say a group of people started kicking and punching him, forcing him to lose control. One person was caught between the bus and the building after the crash for nearly 40 minutes. The Boston Fire Dept. removed the person using a hydraulic lift.  According to witnesses, that person may possibly be a suspect in the assault.

If the world were a Just place all of this kid's miscreant, drains on society, future welfare recipient and wards of the state friends would have been trapped under the bus with him.  I don't wish death on anyone, but I'm not above hoping you get maimed by a bus pancaking your ass for shit like this.

 Driving a bus for a living flat out sucks.  I know this because riding a bus sucks.  I ride the bus in only the most extreme or desperate situations.  And even when that happens I feel like I automatically stoop like 3 class levels lower in society.  Legit, last time I rode the bus was a day when the T was down (shocking), I was hungover as shit and at one point had to get off to throw up like 2 feet away from the front tire, and reboard the bus.  No one even shrugged or batted an eye when I reboarded, I was officially just another bus person that day.  The city bus is pretty much the only place where the norms of society cease to exist. 

And that's a normal frigen day, happens all the time.  So imagine being the guy who has to drive that bus all day everyday.  All this guy wanted was for these illegitimate bastard kids (yea I'm making the bold assumption that they don't come from a two parent house hold, real stretch, I know), would heed the non-smoking rule, you know for the rest of the non-brain dead society who realized smoking is horrible for your health. 

But no, not only do they crash the bus like a bunch of fucking morons, but they also ruined everyone's day that was trying to get there hair did in the barbershop.  Not cool guys, not cool.

Mall in England Offers Girls Cash to Shop In Sexy Underwear, Looks Like a Smashing Success

NY Daily News - Here's one way to get people to go shopping - offer women money if they show up at a mall in sexy underwear. That's exactly what happened at Lakeside Shopping Center in Essex, England, on Sunday. The first 100 women to arrive in nothing but bras, panties and high heels were given £100 ($163) gift vouchers, which were good in many of the mall's stores. It is unclear how many turned out, but several young women were onhand to engage in some revealing shopping. "We loved seeing all our luscious ladies looking gorgeous in their underwear and heels," said Kylie Minor, a spokeswoman for the shopping center. "I'm sure they all enjoyed choosing an outfit from our wide range of new spring fashion in the stores afterward." The promotional gimmick was engineered to promote the new spring fashions available at the mall.

 How come whenever something like this happens in the states you invariably end up with this (totally not ok to click if you're at work).  Heffers and land monsters left and right, broads that look like they've never even seen a razor, or a tub for that matter.

What is so different in the UK? Don't they come from the same puritanical background that we do? Shouldn't they be littered with ugly feminists all to willing to show off their perishables (because you can't call them goods...HEEYYYYOOO), and cute girls smart enough to realize that they don't have to give it away for free?  

I feel like we're getting the raw end of the deal here.  Like we won the Revolutionary War, and freedom is great an all, we don't have to pay taxes on tea anymore which I suppose is a good thing. But something tells me the Brits are over there snickering at us as instead of just paying a few cents extra for a bag of earl grey, they've now been deporting generation upon generation of ugly and prudish broads as punishment.  

Guess it's just one of those proverbial, won the battle, lost the war cases.