Another Attempt, Another Failed Robbery This Time In Lynn (vid inside)

It started out so promising, the guy just rolled in all nonchalantly and started in on his routine, perfect start. I don't know why I expected it to end any other way than it did, in abject failure. I've chronicled it many times before, but today's robbers just don't have it in them.


Dude, its a chic with an aluminum pole. Just take the thing from her and go on with your business.  No need to back up and runaway like a panzy.  You either want the cash or you don't, you can't half ass it in this game, its like the rappers always say, "there aint no such thang as half way crooks." CW is about 30 seconds away from hopping over his cube wall and marching down to the Gulf Station just to prove a point.


PS: If the fate Gods had any sense of humor they'd have given us a matchup between this store owner broad and the robber to attempted to stick up a convenience store with an entire birch tree.

Has Everyone Heard of Turtle Calls?

And the internet continues to amaze and entertain.  TurtleCalls.  Just some guy pretending to be a turtle (or occasionally Don Cheadle?) calling up your friends for a charge of anywhere between $2-$20, it's so simple, its beautiful.

And maddening, because here I am rising early every frigen day trying to come up with thoughts and snarky comments on a variety of news stories and I haven't made two cents.  Meanwhile this guy figured out a way to A)Make money off prank phone calls without releasing a cassette tape a la the Jerky Boys, and B)Some how people aren't pissed they're being pranked.  I listened to about 15 calls, not one person was aggravated or upset.  What gives?

Are turtles just that loveable, or does this guy just have the gift of a loveable voice? I feel like if I called someone they'd be pissed at me even if it wasn't a prank.  Just be totally irritated about having to hear my voice.  Would go something like:

CW: "Oh hey Maestro, just calling to say hi. What's going on with you these days?

Maestro: Is this about me not writing a blog lately? Because if it is, I'm working on it.

CW: No, no just a friendly call to catch up.

Maestro: Well then why are you using that tone of voice with me? I can't tell if you're angry

CW: This is just my normal voice.

Maestro: Oh, my bad, well do you need something or can I go now?

And that would pretty much be it. 

MBTA Apologizes for 4 Hour Trip from Boston to Worcester

Boston Globe - Commuter rail officials today apologized and admitted they had made a mistake after trains traveling Monday on the Boston-Worcester line experienced major delays. They also said they would reimburse people for their cost of travel and provide free rides on two trains this evening...
Train 523 left South Station at 5 p.m. Monday and was supposed to arrive at Worcester at 6:20 p.m. Due to an engine failure, it arrived at 9:04 p.m., said Scott Farmelant, an MBCR spokesman.

Yea, I don't think an "I'm sorry" and a $4 refund is going to cut it here. 4 frigen hours? You can drive to Worcester in 45 minutes.  I mean, at some point weren't people just considering hopping off and finding a bus schedule or a cab? At what point does the misery outweight the additional cost?  I get aggravated if the orange line takes more than 10 minutes to pick me up, nevermind 4 frigen hours stuck on a train with the kinds of people that have to ride trains (and please, if you're arguing convenience right now just kick your own ass, how is a 4 hour commute convenient? Hell, how is the normal 1:20 convenient, again you can drive from South Station to Worcester faster than that). 

Kind of makes me rethink my original stance on Obama's crazy "Highspeed Rail" ideas.  At first I just laughed it off like, Oh there is a great idea, we'll improve the economy by dedicating more funding to building out a mode of transportation that was popular in the 1800's.  But at the point where a 44 mile commute takes 4 hours I suppose you should consider just about anything.  Hell, if we're dredging up ideas from centuries past, how about a lane on the highway for horseback riders? Or oxen driven wagons? Because somewhere around the 3 hour mark those start becoming relatively efficient, not to mention they'd break our dependance on foreign oil. 

Seattle News Reporter Jumps Into Street Fight On-Air

Video from The Daily Weekly

Look, Shomari Stone (the reporter) deserves his props for having the stones to run over and jump in to try and break this up, he does. We should all do our part as citizens to make our neighborhoods cleaner.  That said, I can't help but think that we'd probably be better off from a comedic stand point if he'd just stayed out of this and told the camera to keep rolling. 

These guys are bum, bro. Conducting low level pot deals at the waterfront at 6 AM! Who gives a shit if he hurts his face.  Plus you tackled the wrong guy.  Other dude is trying to rob him. If their aint honor amongst homeless junkies and dope fiends than what hope does the rest of society have. This guy deserved to have his ass beat. 

The 1:10 minute mark is what I'm talking about, guy just rolls up, steals the dudes keys and clubs him in the head with a retractable stick.  Hysterical! So nonchalant, and then just walks away.  That's what you robbed us, the viewers, of Shomari.  Instead of 10 seconds of brilliance we could have seen 3-4 minutes of breathtaking bum fighting.

PS: How outrageous is it that this was all over weed? I would have bet my life this was a bunch of heroine fiends fighting over the last fix.  Am I the only one that assumed that if guys are up at 6 AM in a public park they're probably conducting deals for something a bit more serious than pot? 

Columbian Soccer Player Kicks Owls, Everyone Freaks Out (vid inside)

CNN - A professional soccer player in Colombia faces up to three months in jail for kicking an opposing team's lucky owl, which had been been hit by a ball after landing on the field Sunday. The owl died Tuesday. The owl was considered a good luck charm for the Atlético Junior squad in Barranquilla and lived in its Metropolitan Stadium...The referee stops play, and Moreno trots over and kicks the bird off the field, a distance of about three yards. The incident was aired on national television and prompted widespread outrage, and not just from Junior fans. Environmental groups urged sanctions against Moreno and called for protests at the National Soccer building in Bogota. Moreno apologized, saying it was not his intention to harm the bird. "I did it to see if the owl could fly," the Daily Mail quoted him as saying.

Everyone can calm the hell down here. Spare me the hyperbole of  saying he "kicked" the bird or calling him a "murderer."  People just love a good chance to show how politically correct they can be and its frigen nauseating. And to the environmental groups urging sanctions on Moreno, the guy isn't Libya. He's a person not a country. Who is going to sanction him? The local hot dog vendor isn't going to serve him when he rolls up hungry after the game. What a joke. Not to mention that this is Columbia we're talking about. Maybe they have more important things to be worried about? Like not scoring in your own goal and getting killed after the game? I'm sure animal safety is the last thing on their minds.

Moreno has nothing to apologize for, watch the video. He doesn't kick or boot the bird, he puts his foot under it and tries to get it to fly. That's it people. Nothing malicious here, guys not the Mike Vick of executing owls.  The thing was DOA, dead on arrival.  The poor bird has no one to blame but itself either, landing in the middle of the field of play and not having the wherewithal to get the hell out of the way when the ball was flying at its head.  But no one wants to mention that part. 

Blaming Moreno here is like blaming the public works crews that come along and scrape up the dead squirrel and skunk carcasses after they've been flattened by cars during the morning commute.  They're just clearing the road doing their job and Moreno was just clearing the field so the game could go on.  What should he have done called the team stretcher out? Hook the dumb bird up to a ventillator? It's an Owl people.  They'll have a new one trained and ready for the games next week.