Cape Cod Man Found Dead in Labrynth of Tunnels He had Dug in Woods

BARNSTABLE - The body of a missing Yarmouth man authorities said built a network of underground trenches in the woods has been found. Cape & Island District Attorney Michael O'Keefe announced Tuesday that the body of Jason Bryant was recovered in a wooded area in Barnstable where the 29-year dug the series of tunnels. Police believe one of the tunnels collapsed and buried the him. Police had searched a conservation area near the Barnstable Airport after Bryant's truck was found in a nearby neighborhood. While police were at the site Monday, a man told them he had seen the owner of the truck digging in the area several times recently. Police also found a backpack and sweat shirt outside the hole.

So many, so, so many questions.  What was he digging for, was it a hobby or did he know something we didn’t? Did he have help? What kind of tunnels are we talking about here? Just under the surface or legit drug smuggeling quality.  Did he currently or did he plan to live there? Were there personal belongings in the tunnels.  Did other people go there with him.  Was he the insane hole digging guy from Seinfeld? How long’s he been at this, how vast is the tunnel system?  Hadn’t anyone raised serious questions about the guy digging tunnels in the woods before? The list could go on and on.

But most importantly, shouldn’t an experienced digger such as himself, have been able to dig himself out? Seems like a challenge someone digging tunnels all over the woods would be up for. 

Me? I’d probably just accept my fate.  Buried alive seems like one of those things where you either have it in to fight your way out or you don’t.  I definitely don’t.  I’d just accept it and wait it out. No sense in struggling and getting all tired and sweaty and shit.  Dirt sticks to sweat like a mother.  Sweaty and dirty is not the way I wanna go out.

Father brings gun to kids party after child don't get no cake

Ya'll better save some cake for Darnell, or there aint goin be no misunderstandin

Knox News - Police arrested a man in South Memphis on Saturday after he allegedly threatened the host of a child’s birthday party with a gun because his children didn’t get any cake or ice cream. Joseph Hayes, 48, was arrested in the 1300 block of Clementine late Saturday night and was charged with aggravated assault. According to a police affidavit, Hayes became upset and began yelling at the victim because “Y’all didn’t save my kids no damn ice cream and cake.” Hayes then left the party and went to his apartment. According to the affidavit, he returned with a small black handgun tucked into the back of his pants, approached the host, lifted up his shirt and said, “I ain’t scared to go to jail, just take care of my kids." The host then called police and said she was in fear of her life. After being arrested, Hayes told police at 201 Poplar that he did not bring a gun to the party, just an object that looked like one when tucked in his pants, the affidavit says. Hayes’ bond is set at $30,000 and is scheduled to appear in court Monday.

Umm, so what's the problem here? Just your average Papa bear doing what he gots to do to look out for his cubs.  What? You've never carried your burner to a kids birthday party? Never felt like the host was sticking it to your kid just a little bit and wished you had your gat on you to rectify the situation? Sounds to me like Joseph Hayes is just a little more prepared than your average parent, that's all. 

PS: How come black people lift up their shirts whenever they talk about going to prison?  Is that like, a thing?  I only ask because this seems to happen quite a bit in movies.  Is there some racial meaning to this or can white people do it too?  Does it apply to other situations? Like next time I fuck something up at work and have to go see the boss can I just untuck my button down shirt and pull it up while yelling "I aint afraid of apologizing to the client, I aint afraid of getting fired!"  What about when the waiter at a fancy restaurant tells me that they don't cook their meats medium rare, "I ain't afraid of no e-coli," with my pastel polo pulled high above my chest.  That would get the point across, no?

Old Man Refuses Wifes Protests to Stop For Directions, Gets Lost and Drives from Houston to Florida

An elderly Houston couple reported missing on Sunday were found safe in Florida, officials said. A spokeswoman with the Harris County Sheriff's Office offered no more information Monday night about how Lorenza Gasca, 73, and her husband, Salomon Gasca, 78, were located. Television station KHOU reported today that the couple took a wrong turn, then drove 524 miles before they were found at a gas station in Pensacola, Fla. An officer who checked on the couple's license plates discovered a Silver Alert had been issued for them. Police then checked the Gascas into a motel, and a daughter was en route to Florida to get the couple, KHOU said. Family members said both of the Gascas take blood pressure medication, and that Lorenza Gasca has Alzheimer's disease. The couple went missing about 1 p.m. Sunday in the 21000 block of Oak Ridge Park in Houston after leaving a family get-together. They were supposed to drive to another relative's home about a mile away but never arrived.

Bravo to this old geezer, bravo.  Stubborn as a fucking mule.  Brightens my day just a little bit knowing that I have a chance at being the same old awesomely stubborn bastard in my golden years as well.

Make no mistake about it, Salomon Gasca's nagging wife definitely jawed his ear off the entire trip from Houston to Florida.  Probably every 10 minutes, " we should stop and get directions," "you're so stubborn," "my mother was right, I should have married a man with a better sense of direction," and on, and on.  Did that stop him from driving clear cross half the country until he hit the coast of Florida? Nope.  Probably would have just gassed up and turned back the other way too if the cops hadn't intervened.  I can picture his response to his wife now, "relax woman, I told you gas was cheaper on this side of the country."

And how pissed was he when his daughter showed up to bring him home? You don't got a man at home hunny?  This guy just ignored his loving wife of 50+ years for 524 miles, what makes you think he's going to take your directions home?

German Police Can't Arrest Female Flashers Because They Don't Have Boners...Seriously

Metro UK - Female flasher escaping arrest as police can't tell if she's aroused or not.  Voyeuristic Berlin flasher Annette Kaiser, who comes and goes in the blink of an eye, is flaunting a loophole in the law which says she can't be prosecuted for her 'crime' unless she gets turned on in the act. Police are at a loss as to how they can prosecute 34-year-old Kaiser because, in Germany, simply flashing some flesh isn't a crime - authorities must prove the perpetrator is sexually aroused. Officers say that catching men is easy because its pretty obvious if they're excited. Women, though, are different, the German police cleverly observed. 'If a man drops his trousers, it is easy to see he is excited, but with a woman that is not possible,' a spokesman explained. Naughty Miss Kaiser says she'll continue to swan around in the nude because she likes the feeling of freedom. 'I like to show off my body. I give men an eyeful and then I’m quickly gone,' she added.

Yea, who's buying this?  These German cops know exactly what they're doing...the woman said she likes the feeling and likes to show off her body. She's obviously getting off on all this.

I don't want to throw Annette Keiser under the bus for doing a public service here, but I think its pretty clear whats going on.  Annette is obviously quite the looker and the police force is simply choosing to ignore her flashes as a way of giving back to the community. A sign of restraint and good will from German authorities, that quite frankly, you don't usually associate with Germans.

Would Have Been Father's Anti-Abortion Billboard a Lock for the 2011 Break Up Hall of Fame

ALAMOGORDO, N.M. (AP) -- A New Mexico man's decision to lash out with a billboard ad saying his ex-girlfriend had an abortion against his wishes has touched off a legal debate over free speech and privacy rights. The sign on Alamogordo's main thoroughfare shows 35-year-old Greg Fultz holding the outline of an infant. The text reads, "This Would Have Been A Picture Of My 2-Month Old Baby If The Mother Had Decided To Not KILL Our Child!"  Fultz's ex-girlfriend has taken him to court for harassment and violation of privacy. A domestic court official has recommended the billboard be removed. But Fultz's attorney argues the order violates his client's free speech rights. "As distasteful and offensive as the sign may be to some, for over 200 years in this country the First Amendment protects distasteful and offensive speech," Todd Holmes said.

Anti-Abortion Zealots 1, Pro-Choicers 0. Well played sir.

To be fair here, it doesn't say the girls name on the billboard, is it his fault if he's just a popular guy and everyone in town knew exactly who he was referring to?  

Is it hysterically distasteful? Absolutely. Should it be protected by the courts? Yep. If you're allowing those Westborough Church rejects to go around protesting at the funerals of our soldiers under free speech laws then you have to allow this dad to vent about his aborted fetus.  It's just logical. 

Whoa...I literally just found a picture of the billboard...the Dad - woof.  I take it all back, take the billboard down.  With genes like that the kid is probably better off, he was in for a life time of being the outcast kid.

Wake Up With: Man With No Arms Trashing Hotel Lobby

He's so limber, yet so strong at the same time! You see that move at 1:05? How the hell did he not only get his leg up there, but then use it to leverage himself on the countertop?  What the hell is this guy doing being a bum? Should be in the circus, or at least making appearances on Leno or something. 

Guy just wants to get his shit, doesn't give a damn about the damage, "Bill Me Mother Fucker."

And how about the balls, not only not backing down from a fight with a 2 armed human, but straight up instigating it.  That concierge dude backed up when he charged him...Hey bro, what the hell is he doing to do? Lean on you? What are you scared of?  Everybody knows you just have to get no armed people stuck on their back and they cant get up, they're like turtles in that regard.