Alt-Tabs

  

Medieval Times Weren't Miserable, Huh? -  Medieval England was not only far more prosperous than previously believed, it also actually boasted an average income that would be more than double the average per capita income of the world's poorest nations today, according to new research..."By the late Middle Ages, the English people were in a position to afford a varied diet including meat, dairy produce and ale, as well as the less highly processed grain products that comprised the bulk of the bare bones subsistence diet," he added...Even on the eve of the Black Death plague, which first struck in 1348/49, the researchers found per capita incomes in England of more than $800.

I'm going to call bullshit here.  Obviously the people in Medieval Times had a decent amount of cash, they all lived in enormous castles according to everything I've ever learned.  The people of this study need to realize money doesn't equate to happiness. 

In all the tv shows, movies, and illustrated books I've seen clearly prove the Medieval times were a time without sun, just grey and dreary, 90% chance of rain.  Men not having enough money to buy a proper pair of pants and having to resort to tights , kings and queens running around beheading each other and everyone else, people solving any and all disputes with over-sized swords and on top of that they had to live in constant fear of a disease simply known as "Black Death".  Yea sounds like its was a real frigen hoot back then. 

Normal People Ignore Celebrities on Twitter, They Start Freaking Out - Celebrities were so frustrated with the time it took to raise $1 million for Keep a Child Alive's "Digital Death" campaign, they persuaded a wealthy savior to give them $500,000 so they could get back on Twitter...The boldfaces agreed to "kill" themselves on social media until they raised a $1 million for the charity, which helps fund HIV/AIDS relief in Africa and India. But it took longer than expected, and insiders say the celebs became frustrated.

Hysterical, you know why no one cared? Because some of the so-called celebrities were the Kardashians,  Alicia Keys, something called Swizz Beats, Lady Gaga and Ryan Seacrest.  First off, I don't have to follow Seacrest on Twitter if I want to know what he's up to, the guy is literally on every television and radio show, no need to keep me posted.  For the rest of you? I can only imagine the only people who cared about your tweets are in high school.  And last I checked high schoolers tend to have a hard time coming up with $1 million in change.

Which reminds me, you can follow CW @thealttab (or by clicking the black bird in the right column).

 Rebel Buddhist Monk Being Evicted - He’s New York’s crudest Buddhist.  Instead of emptying his mind, Xiao Dan Wu has been emptying his bladder into a washbasin used by his fellow monks at a Canal Street temple, according to a new lawsuit. The nervy Nirvana-seeker, who was living without permission at the China Buddhist Association, then intimidated a female monk by leaving cat feces on her prayer cushion, the group alleges in court papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court. 

I think these other monks have to take a good hard look inward and think about if this is happening to them because of bad Karma.  This isn't any everyday annoying monk, the kind that maybe meditated too loud or something.  This guy is a clear rogue sent to them as a message.  They'd be wise to heed that message, who knows what Karma will give to them next if they evict its offering.

 

Whats Wrong With This Teen?

Fox News - A New Hampshire couple has pulled their son out of his local high school after the teen was assigned a book that refers to Jesus Christ as a "wine-guzzling vagrant and precocious socialist."..."He started making some comments about the book and I said, ‘Well, just read it. You know you have to read it for school,'" Taylor told FoxNews.com. "But finally he came home one day and said ‘I'm not reading this book, I'm done reading this book, I am not reading any more of this book,' and he slammed it down and said, ‘This is junk!'"

Those damn non-rebellious teens, always not starting controversy by sticking to their overly conservative values.  

Whats with this kid? He better be seriously considering running for President on the Tea Parties national ticket in a few years if he's taking stands like this in high school.  The book may be a bit too much for impressionable teens, and the teacher is no doubt a looney-liberal stoner, but this is not the response a healthy American teenager should have.  

Teenagers have 3 responses to high school material; 1) Ignore it and focus on sleeping, 2) Latch on to your teachers thoughts and blindly follow their ideals, 3) Play devils advocate in class but parrot teachers ideals on tests so you don't fail (if there is anything high school teachers hate its students with an enlightened and educated view that opposes theirs). 

If I were the parents of this kid I'd be seriously worried about how tightly wound he is. Pretty sure even Jeffrey Dahmer was more easy going than this kid in high school.

State Deciding if Water Balls Are Unsafe

Boston.com - The commissioner of the state Department of Public Safety says he would like to ban water balls, a new mall attraction where people climb in a large plastic ball in the water and seal themselves in, then walk along the surface of the water.  But Tom Gatzunis, who has the power to oversee other amusement rides, said he doesn't have the power to ban water balls. “They narrowly fall outside my scope," he said. He said he was asking the state Legislature and the governor to give him the authority.  Gatzunis said the balls are "inherently unsafe,” adding there’s no way to monitor the amount of oxygen in balls.

I'm not going to delve into the whole safety issue here, of course they're unsafe, its a sealed plastic ball with a person inside of it floating in the middle of a body of water. It's pretty obvious.  That said I'll drive to the nearest water ball location as soon as possible if I find out its not frowned upon for adults to partake in the fun. I hardly come off as an adult in person but I still may raise the pederass sensors of some parents if I'm the only one over 12 splashing around in the shallow end.  

No, instead I'm going to focus on poor Tom Gatzunis, head of the Department of Public Safety.  Guy can't even make a ruling on mall attractions? How bad does his job suck.  Hey buddy you might want to check on the whole "power to oversee amusement rides" jurisdiction because I'm pretty sure if the state doesn't trust you enough to handle shutting down a kiddie pool with a couple of beach balls floating around in it, they're not going to trust you with the safety of roller coasters, log flumes, and water slides.  Just doesn't add up.  Sounds to me like a certain someone is embellishing their resume.

Douglas Allen Awesome Watches "Chuck"?

Boston.com - Douglas Allen Smith Jr. says he changed his name to Captain Awesome last month because he was inspired by the nickname of a character on the NBC television show "Chuck" -- Dr. Devon "Captain Awesome" Woodcomb.  The unemployed Eugene cabinet installer says he found it funny Woodcomb's father gave him that nickname because a "poor nickname builds good character."The former Mr. Smith says he faced a Lane County judge who questioned his seriousness. The judge that granted the request made him swear he wasn't changing his name for fraudulent reasons.Awesome says that judge also allowed him to sign his name as a right arrow, a smiley face and a left arrow. He says his bank, however, has refused to accept the signature because it could be forged too easily.

 I scanned this article last night and had this whole frigen blog ready to go, all about how insecure this guy must be, because anyone that changes their last name to Awesome is obviously attempting to make up for some God given short comings.  But that was all before I caught that last part about the dudes signature. 

Awesome says that judge also allowed him to sign his name as a right arrow, a smiley face and a left arrow

To my knowledge Prince was the only man prior to use a symbol as a signature, and as cool as that flamboyant purple doodle was for its time, it has nothing on Douglas Allen Awesome's John Hancock. 

And really its just pure brilliance.  The name change alone would have made him seem like an arrogant douche-lord. But with a signature to match? I don't think there has ever been a better ice breaker in history. 

How quickly do you think Doug ran to the nearest kinko's to get a new batch of business cards made up after that was allowed?  Immediately right?  Whip that baby out in any situation, socially, at a bar impressing chicks, introducing yourself to the in-laws, or at a business meeting and you've instantly won a captivated audience as soon as they ask you how your last name is pronounced.  Just roll right into your little story and you're in. Just pure gold.  

PS: He got this idea from "Chuck"? Up until now I've known precisely one "Chuck" viewer, just one of those shows that I'm always shocked to find out is still on air.  Does this change things? Should I be watching this horrendous looking television program?  If we can get Dougie A. Awesome to e-mail the Alt-Tab himself, signature included I'll pick up season 1 this weekend (luckily my readership is small and this won't happen, thus saving myself from hours of tv misery).  

Rudolph Impaled During Parade

And for the presumably hundreds of kids in the crowd, the spirit of Christmas has been ruined forever. Unless someone just started water boarding Santa mid parade I can't think of anything more traumatic to kids than seeing their cute, fury, beloved Rudolph impaled through the head by the directional light.  Just listen to the guy at the 1:27 mark, NOOOO!  Absolutely devastated, and he's clearly a grown man.  I actually teared up a bit seeing that deflated nose falling slowly to the ground.  Just an unnecessary tragedy.  

No one thought to just take a slight detour around the light post? Would two seconds of marching on the side walk produce mass chaos or something? This wasn't the Macy's Day Parade or anything, there was like 1,000 people tops, I'm sure they could have moved for a second. 

Also, its been a long time since I've been to a parade, but the marchers are riding Segways now?  Is this common place, or was this some sort of snooty, rich town parade?