Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: They're Done

I wouldn't be showing my face either

Fuck this team. I don't know how it took me this long to get to this point, but fuck em.  They're absolutely maddening. Go on a run, get a few games above .500, 1 game out of the wild card, lose 4 straight, including getting absolutely blown out the past two games. Right back in the cellar, right back under .500.

Yes they've had more than their fair share of injuries, granted, but I'd be more willing to take that argument if they team has just been wallowing miserably 10 games under .500 or so for the season...that hasn't happened. This team battled back from an ATROCIOUS start, fought themselves into contention a week or so before the all-star game, only to just throw away their last series before the break. Then we see them play the same game of yo-yo these past two weeks, taking 3 of 4 from the Chi-Sox, and then dumping the games right back. It's infuriating.

And the other thing with the injury argument...the grand majority of the injuries on this team, have been on the offensive side of the baseball, you know, the side that is, as of this morning, 2 runs behind the Rangers for the most runs scored in all of baseball. It just doesn't hold water. For the majority of the season these may not have been the guys the Sox had planned on in Spring Training, but they sure as hell produced like them.

So if the offense isn't the problem then I'd say it's safe to circle back to the pitching. IT'S THE PITCHING. They absolutely suck. Between Lester and Becket's season long dueling banjo's of suck routine, Buchholz' abysmal start, Daniel Bard pitching like Steve Nebraska in The Scout, they brought Daisuke back, the guy they traded for to be our new closer HAS NEVER PITCHED A GAME, Melancon might have set a few records earlier this year for must runs allowed in less than an inning, oh yea, and at one point the front office was so desperate that THEY BROUGHT DAISUKE BACK! Did I mention that already?  The only thing they haven't tried is trotting out that fat fuck John Lackey.

So yes, fuck this team. The 2012 Red Sox are a wrap for this guy.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: So Long Darnell McDonald

Ortiz's 400th Home Run on an Otherwise Depressing Red Sox Weekend

OAKLAND — The Yankees have claimed outfielder Darnell McDonald off waivers from the Red Sox and will have him in uniform for Friday's game at Fenway Park. McDonald was designated for assignment on Saturday. He hit .214/.309/.369 in 38 games this season.

FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, WE'RE FREE AT LAST!

Darnell, it was a blast infuriating, I'll always thank you for those couple of walk-offs you hit in April three seasons ago, but you milked more than your share of 15 minutes off of those two hits and it was time for you to go. I am not saddened by your departure, but hopeful. Hopeful that you take that amazing .678 OPS to a corner outfield spot in Yankee Stadium and bless the Yankee faithful with all the weak pop outs to left and K's with runners on they could ever want. God Bless, Darnell.

And any day that your biggest rival signs the guy who was LITERALLY the worst player on your roster for about 3 years running, it should be a good day....But Nope. These are the 2012 Red Sox, folks. The most Jekyll & Hide team I can ever remember.  I all but abandoned these Pulse Checks because every time I wrote about them turning it around they played impossibly bad, every time I ripped them for sucking, they rolled off 5 straight wins...it was maddening.

Take last Thursday/Friday for example...I look up the standings, see that the Sox are a half game back of Baltimore for the wild card and second place in the AL East. Things are rolling, right? I'm going to write a Pulse check this week talking about how all the doubting early in the season was premature, things are fitting into place, how they've endured despite playing with basically the least known group of castoffs $189 million dollars in payroll could buy due to injuries and various stupid contracts...and what do they do?

They lose 5 of 7 to the lowly Mariners and Oakland A's. Daisuke hits the DL, there are concerns about Heart-throb Will Middlebrooks balky hamstring, and I'm so mad I can't even celebrate Papi's 400th homerun by whipping up a batch of his new Mango Salsa (wooooo) because I'm afraid I'll commit atrocious crimes with my pairing knife.

That's the 2012 Sox in a nutshell...2 steps forward, 1.5 steps back. They're making progress, but even slower than that proverbial snails pace.


And I'm fully aware they're about to win 7 in a row because of me writing this. Just doing my part.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Daniel Bard Ruins My Blog

Not Exactly the "mowing down the competition we had in mind, Daniel."

TORONTO — It got to a point on Sunday where Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine had little choice but to take Daniel Bard out before he seriously injured one of the Toronto Blue Jays...TORONTO — It got to a point on Sunday where Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine had little choice but to take Daniel Bard out before he seriously injured one of the Toronto Blue Jays.. For the first time since he became a starter in spring training after spending three seasons as one of the best set-up relievers in the game, Bard admitted he’s not the same pitcher. “I allowed something to happen when I switched roles,” he said. “I think it’s just maybe that we just tried to turn me into a starter rather than just take the same pitcher I was out of the pen and move that guy to the rotation, which is probably what should have been done. “It’s partially my fault — it’s all my fault. Maybe it’s a matter of getting back to what I had success doing in the past.”

Damnit Bard, today wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to be sitting here dissecting your emo-angst ridden pity party in the globe. I was supposed to be talking about this: Sox Climb Out of Last Place . Today's pulse check was going to be all positive. Would've been two games back, two games clear of last place, singing "Oh Happy Day" while typing out the blog. 

Instead Bard went out there and did his best Rick Ankiel on the mound impression, walking the entire city of Toronto and even plunking one or two for good measure. Great, just great. So fantastic that it's got the various talking heads in the media hoping for a Daisuke comeback...You know, the same Daisuke that all those same media folks openly thanked for choosing Tommy John last year as it likely spelled the end of his professional career with the Red Sox. That's who we're looking forward to here.

So you see Danny, the bar isn't high. I don't know what all that jibber-jabber about allowing yourself to change or any of that shit was about, but cut it out. Whatever worked for you last year, go out there and do it again, except for 5 innings at a time.  No one asked you to be Greg Maddux lobbing up 92-93 mph mediocre fastballs and trying to paint the corners. That's not your game. Just throw some gas and see what happens. It is your fault, you're right about that, now go out there (if you get another chance) and do something about it. I'd rather see you go down with an elbow injury tossing heat than walk off the mound with a puss on your face looking like a depressed high school kid after getting embarrased for two innings ever again.

Other than that...everything's been great in Red Sox land. Seriously. I had no other complaints until yesterday happened. Sure watching Gonzalez trot around in the outfield still makes no sense whatsoever to me, but hey, its worked out ok so far. And yea, Nick Punto still maintaining status as a major league baseball player is a little befuddling, and I'd love to know where Daniel Nava got the horseshoe that's firmly lodged in his ass (maybe he's just good, but I don't think that's the case)...but you know what? As long as they're winning more than they're losing, I don't care. And that's the true nature of a Sox fan.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: More Injuries, More Wins

See Ya!...No really, see ya. Cody Ross hit the DL yesterday for 6-8 weeks with a broken bone in his foot. So R.I.P the Cody Ross bat flip. We loved it, even if you didn't.

"I'm not trying to show anybody up. It's just a reaction," he reportedly said of his trademark bat flip. "I actually don't like it. I wish I could get rid of my bat a different way, maybe like Lance Berkman, hitting it and setting it on the plate. It just happens."

I love the idea of a guy getting so jacked up after a home run that he basically blacks out for a couple seconds and acts like a complete boss. Makes my day. And frankly, I'm amazed his trip to the DL is completely unrelated to some pitcher finally plunking him. 

In other news, the sox are winners of three in a row and and 9 of 11...so they're on fire. The bats are producing, the starting pitching has righted the ship (Buchholz withstanding), and the bullpen is lights out. How long they can keep it up with five outfielders on the DL, I have no idea. It's to the point now where I'm seriously debating sending a couple of my company softball highlight reels down to Yawkey to see if I can get a spot. I can track flies with the best of them, might be a little light with the bat but my UZR is off the charts. Even if I don't make the big club they could at least stash me in Pawtucket for depth purposes.

And finally, it wouldn't be the Red Sox if there wasn't some manufactured controversy to talk about. Though this time it appears the media and ownership had nothing to do with starting it. David Ortiz took it upon himself to lace into the media yesterday over supposed questions regarding his leadership. 

Listen, maybe we don't know the whole story, maybe someone really offended D.O, or maybe it was a language barrier thing, I don't know. And honestly, I don't care. Has Ortiz gotten an un-fair shake in the past? Yea, maybe. For a guy that should be nothing short of revered around here, he may have a point. Should he act like a whiny brat, throwing temper tantrums? You know what? If that's what he wants to do, while he's batting like this and the team is winning the way they are, then sure. Throw hissy fits all you want, lash out at perceived slights (reality and non-reality alike). He's crushing the ball like 04-05 Ortiz, I'll take it however I can get it. I can dig it. Pedro pulled the same routine for years, constantly making up boogey men who were supposedly disrespecting him, even though he was widely regarded as one of the best pitchers of all time. 

If that does it, then shit, all players should go around playing the respect card, most notably Clay Buchholz...someone pass on this message to him. Hey Clay, you've really sucked lately and I don't respect you. 

That should do it.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Break Up the Sox!

Bat Flips and Hand Gestures to God, That's What Cody Ross Does

Honestly, I've been hesitant to write this in the past week. It seems like every time I strike and opinion one way or the other and hit publish the team decides to swing wildly back the other way. I write they suck, they start winning, I write they're cruising right along, they start going down in flames, I write how their pitching staff sucks, their starting pitchers rip off 5 straight wins and 6 of their last 7. It's like I'm the key to this whole crazy thing (don't believe me? click the tag below for Red Sox Fans Pulse check and check the published date against the sox schedule and results on espn, its been uncanny). 

And part of me just wanted to keep my mouth shut this time, but I couldn't. I'm your leader. You guys depend on me. It's not like there's an over abundance of Red Sox related analysis and opinions out there on the internet, its basically me and a bunch of other hacks, so here we go...

The pitching is back, baby! Over a 5 game span Buch (a minor miracle), Doubront, Bard, Lester, and Beckett  all picked up W's.  And none of them have been cheap either, Lester and Beckett combining for 16 innings of one run ball at one point. All the while the bullpen has been its usual dependable self (honestly, two weeks into the season, who would have imagined that sentence making any sense at all?) 

It's squelched the ridiculous Aaron Freaking Cook talks, and it's kept the Daisuke buzz at a manageable level (for the few out there asking about him...you remember how much he sucked, right? the 120 pitch 5 inning starts? The silly 6 walks, 3 hits lines he threw out there? Lets not let revisionist history prevail here). 

Things are kind of rolling right along right now, its pretty nice actually. I'm just deathly afraid of rocking the boat and causing yet another turn around with one of my blogs, so a few things I'm concerned about:

The pitching staff, still.  Yes they've been great as of late, but it's going to take a few more turns through the rotation before I buy into it. Seeing Lester step up like an Ace was fantastic. Watching Beckett bounce back and throw the defiant game that I was looking for (albeit a start to late to salvage his reputation) was excellent...but it's got to continue. It starts with those two guys, if you're getting consistent efforts from them, everyone else falls into line. You can eat a bad start here or there from the young guys at the back of the rotation, and if Buch continues to falter, you can take him out back and shoot him. It'll be ok. 

The lineup worries me long term. Yes they're second or third in the league in runs...they've been fantastic so far. No knocks there. My only concern is how long the smoke and mirrors show can go on. Look at that lineup...Outside the catcher, which was going to be a platoon anyway, out of the remaining 8, there are three guys that you would have penciled in as starters at the end of last year. Pedroia, Gonzalez, and Papi. That's it. Yes, Aviles is a regular, but he won his job in the middle of spring training, if you want to count him, go ahead, but its on a technicality. 

That means you have 4-5 guys playing significant time due to injuries, who otherwise wouldn't have seen much time, or in some cases, wouldn't have even been in the majors. That's concerning long term. How long can these guys keep producing above expectations? How long can they do a reasonable job replacing Youk, Crawford, and Ellsbury? Right now, things look great...but I'm still knocking on wood and crossing my fingers and toes that they can keep this up. 

It's still very much a team of question marks until some of injured guys get back into the swing of the lineup. When you look at it that way, two games under .500 isn't so bad. Or at least that's what I tell myself, they're just treading water till these guys come back, so far, they haven't drowned.

Sox Fans Pleas Answered: Darnell McDonald to the DL

Boston -  The Red Sox made a roster move before the game, calling up Pawtucket first baseman Mauro Gomez and placing Darnell McDonald (right oblique strain) on the 15-day disabled list. Gomez hit .294 in 34 games with the PawSox, leading the team with 10 home runs, 33 RBI and 83 total bases.

Oh Happy Day...Sorry Darnell, I'll always remember those couple of walk-off's you had two seasons ago, and that time you pitched in a losing effort in the 17th in what was undoubtedly one of the low points in recent Red Sox History...beyond that, I don't really hope to see ya in a Sox uni ever again.

Maybe you'll catch on somewhere else, or maybe you'll make a career as a sort of Mickey Mantle of AAA, who knows, but your time in Boston should be done. I mean, your main usefulness the past two years has been pinch running for Big Papi, and frankly, now that he's more like Svelte Papi, you're not that much faster than he. And you've got nothing on Svelte Papi's bat. 

So, so long Darnell. I'd say we hardly knew ye, if I didn't feel like we'd gotten to know you way too much as of late. 

 

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Our Pets Heads are Falling Off

Welp, Bobby V is a liar, Josh Beckett is a douche bag, and the team's official problem is it's starting pitching...if you're charting at home that's actually an improvement from a week ago when I wasn't sure exactly what the problem with this team was.

But when your "top 3 pitchers" can't out perform your 4 and 5 guys, a guy who just cracked the big leagues full time this season and another guy who'd been a reliever and hadn't started a game since Single A...that's a recipe for a sucky team.

And not only are they not outperforming these guys...They're not outperforming anyone in the league. I don't have it in me to look it up right now but we have to have the highest Starting Pitcher ERA in baseball, it can't really be close. They suck. Buchholz needs to go away. Make up an injury, send him to the DL with dead arm, bad back, sucky pitcher, whatever flies with the commish's office and get him the fuck out of here.

Beckett...What the fuck dude? When did you decide you just didn't give a shit about anything? "my off day is my off day." Go fly a fucking kite. It wasn't an off day...You were skipped in the rotation, and not just to save you a start, but because there was pain and injury concerns. Go do whatever the hell you want, it's your right, but don't expect anyone to like it, and don't expect the fans to respect you...Nice job turning it around last night too, it'd be one thing if you were all defiant after tossing out 7 innings of 2 run ball or something...its another thing entirely when you goat-the fuck out and can't make it 3 innings. You're the worst. The absolute worst. I can't remember seeing someone who so clearly didn't give a shit about anything in a very long time.

And Bobby V...brought in there to be no-nonsense, break up the buddy-buddy relationship Tito had with the players and you come out with this absolute gem of a lie last night:

"I don't think there's any concern about him making his next start or even if he could have with the extra day, made this start," Valentine said at the time. "It would have been a situation we would have had to watch carefully, so there's no need."..."Again," Valentine said, "I didn't think he was injured. You know, he was skipped."

Umm, no Bobby, that's a lie, know how I know this? Because just last week you said the EXACT OPPOSITE.

The thing is, Beckett had been dealing with the stiffness even before his 126-pitch outing last Sunday against the White Sox, and manager Bobby Valentine knew nothing of it. That fact disappointed the first year Red Sox manager, Valentine told reporters.“We have a system set up to have information flow. It just seemed like there was a little snag there,” Valentine said. “It’s not up to him to come into the manager’s office, but you talk to the pitching coach all the time and the trainers all the time. That information usually flows up. In retrospect, it would’ve been nice to know that.”

So that's good.  You're just blatantly lying about something you readily admitted just one week ago. 

What a joke, an absolute joke. The team is out of control top to bottom, no one is publicly stepping up and taking responsibility and meanwhile the fans are just being shit on, basically on a nightly basis. Ladies and Gentelmen, Your 2012 Red Sox.

Did Josh Beckett Go Golfing After Asking to Skip a Start Due to a Minor Injury?

CBS - “Beckett said he had a little thing going on [pain-wise] before his start that Sunday [in Chicago] and that probably got aggravated at one point during the 126 pitches,” Hardy said. “At one point he said, which I found surprising, that it was a surprise to him when Bobby Valentine came to him and said he was shutting him down and he was not going to make his next start on Saturday. Believe that if you want to. Whether that is the case or not, is it a good idea to go out and play golf? It’s not the most taxing of pursuits, I’ll be the first to admit that, but you know what? You use your shoulders and you use your back. There are a lot of guys who can’t play because they have bad shoulders and bad backs.” 

This can't be true, right? I mean he can't be this dumb...After everything that happened down during the stretch last year, he can't have possibly went and just pulled this could he? 

By and large I gave Josh the benefit of the doubt coming into this season. Last season happened, who knows how much of it was true, and how much it affected things, but it happened. I wanted to believe he'd come into this season ready to kick ass...NOT ready to call out of work to go golfing with a few friends...That's a bullshit move. 

Look, everyone fakes it and calls out sick from work once in a while, it happens. Should it happen when you're being paid millions of dollars to throw a ball? Maybe not, but I can let it slide, I'm not perfect in that arena...But you've got to know the rules. Like when I call out sick, I'm not hitting up the popular lunch spots around the office or going out for drinks at Happy Hour with all my co-workers that just filled in for me for the day. I'm sitting my ass at home, watching horrible television involving Wendy Williams and her two Christmas Hams-for-thighs, maybe catching a Gilligans Island repeat, and napping. I know the rules. I can't get caught doing something fun on a day where I checked out for mental health purposes. 

Same goes for a pitcher. If you were faking it or exaggerrating a nagging injury, you gotta just rest, you cant go out there and hack a round of 18 and expect no one to notice and be upset...and if you aren't faking it? Well that's even worse.

Bottom line, Beckett's going to catch A TON of shit for this, and all of it is deserved. Every word. That's an insulting, punk move.

 

Just Me, Or is Will Middlebrooks Brining Back Memories of #5?

Boston - Three swings, three extra-base hits and five RBIs. A day after their longest game in six years, the Red Sox needed some energy and the 23-year-old Middlebrooks provided it in an 11-5 victory against the Royals...He swung the bat great,’’ Pedroia said. “Those are professional at-bats and at that age, it’s huge for our team. Very impressive.’’ Middlebrooks has at least one extra-base hit in four straight games to start his career, one of four players to accomplish that since 1918. Oakland’s Yoenis Cespedes did it earlier this season. Enos Slaughter (1938) and Coco Laboy (1969) are the others. Middlebrooks is 8 for 21 (.381) with three doubles, three home runs, and nine RBIs since being called up last Wednesday when Kevin Youkilis went on the disabled list.

I'll say this, I'd give anything to be a 10-12 year old Sox fan right now. Sure the team is just so-so, is coming off a disaster of a year, and the leadership is a mess. Doesn't matter. 

They've got Will Middlebrooks, and it's beginning to feel a lot like 1996-97 all over again. 

That might seem ridiculous, and it's really early, maybe I'll look back in a week, a month, a year, and realize what a jackass I made out of myself, comparing Middlebrooks, a kid with one week of big league activity, to Nomar, one of the most beloved Sox of all time.  Or maybe I'm just grasping at straws, aside from the day to day drama and wondering if this team will ever get above .500 there's been very little in the compelling storylines department this season. But I don't think that's it. 

I see a young, homegrown kid, hitting lasers all over the place. I see a manager with a very uncomfortable decision forthcoming if he keeps it up, and I see myself as a 12 year old, absolutely enthralled with this new all-star in the making, begging my parents to get me his jersey. 

The home grown star, the MVP candidate you've followed since his big league debut, they don't come around often. It's different than a guy you traded for or signed one off-season, no matter how great they may be...they don't really belong to you. They belong to the fan base they just left behind. You take them in as your own, but you weren't there since the beginning...No matter how many great things you witness them do, there's always that missing chapter. You didn't see them realize and learn to harness their potential. It's a ready made product. 

That was part of what was so special about Nomar. He was ours. We watched him come up, suddenly there was this slick fielding shortstop hitting everything in sight, and no one else had a claim on him. He was truly Boston's. Kids learned his pre-batters box routine, his stance, and his sidearm throws from short and mimicked them at little league. 

With any luck we're witnessing the start of the same thing right now. 5th, 6th, 7th graders watching his every move, taking in his game, buying his jerseys (wait til next year kids, he'll have a permanent number then), and copying everything he does. You'll look back in 15 years in realize how fun that was, and how lucky you were to be that age when that type of player came up. 

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Something is Seriously Wrong

The Lone Bright Spot for the Sox in the past week, Will Middlebrooks, Professional Boss.

You guys, I don't even know where to start. The team just wrapped up such a pathetic week, that I'm honestly almost indifferent, like a victim of a crime who just goes into a catatonic state rather than dealing with the realities of what just happened. I spent 45 minutes yesterday rocking back and forth while sitting in my shower, trying to wrap my head around what the hell was going on. I mean, they're 4-10 at home this year, they've lost 5 in a row again, and have now lost 8 of 10 to the Baltimore Orioles dating back to last year...So clearly there are a number of things going wrong to go over.

I guess I'll start here:

Boston - Yesterday was probably the worst game of Gonzalez's career, an epic 0-8 afternoon with a pair of strikeouts in Boston's 9-6, 17-inning loss to the surprising Baltimore Orioles. After the game, the stand-up Gonzalez defended his performance by slinking away, refusing to answer any questions from reporters, just what you want from a $154 million franchise cornerstone, and supposed leader.

For the second time in a week, Gonzalez's failure to come through in the clutch spoke volumes about the man's charisma. Think about it. Gonzalez struck out against Orioles DH Chris Davis on three pitches.

And that's really not all that harsh. It could be a lot worse. By any measurement Adrian has been a disaster this season. Now, I'm not a believer in the whole, he sucked last year, he can't hit in the clutch, yada, yada, yada...the numbers just don't back that up. Nor am I blind to the fact that it's only been one month this season, it's hardly statistically relevant...but relevant or not the guy has flat out SUCKED. Striking out on 3 pitches to the other team's DH was just the icing on the cake yesterday...the man was 0-8...was that God's plan for you yesterday? To go 0-8? What the fuck man.

Of course, that wasn't the last out of the game, no, that belonged to Darnell McDonald...you know Darnell, hitting A Buck-Eighty Four on the season...Batting cleanup for half the game because pinch running for the best hitter in the American League with the worst hitter in all of professional baseball (I'm including the minor leagues too) is a brilliant fucking idea. HOW IS THIS GUY ON THE TEAM STILL? He had a nice April two seasons ago. He's building a career off of two walk off's back in April 2010. He hit .236 last year and barely cracked .300 OBP...Pick a stat, any stat, and I'll guarantee he sucks in it. He should've had his bags packed and shipped out to Worcester to join whatever barnstorming team Jose Canseco just joined by now. There's just nothing that he does on the field that justifies his spot in the big leagues. Nothing. And it certainly doesn't make sense for him to be pinch running for David Ortiz...Ortiz could be crawling from first to third and I'd still leave him in over Darnell... I'm completely serious. I commend you for taking the mount yesterday and taking one for the team, but good god man I hope that's the last I see of you.

And then there's Buchholz. Oh MY DEAR GOD. What the hell happened to this guy? He went from an up and coming ace in the making, to an injury plagued year, to the living embodiment of John Lackey's 2011 spirit. Jesus H, kid. I mean he's on a record breaking start, right? Has anyone ever given up 5 runs per start over the course of an entire season?  I don't see how they have a choice not to send him back to the minors for a while, this clearly isn't working out. His effectiveness is at a 0 right now.

On the positives, the bullpen has actually been phenomenal for the better part of a week now, and frankly, they had to be...pretty sure they've pitched more innings than the starters over the last week.

Also, there's Will Middlebrooks just mashing grand slams like a boss. Might give my Bryce Harper man-crush a run for its money.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Mark Prior in the House

Deadspin - It's hard to believe that despite all the comeback attempts from former Cubs pitcher Mark Prior, he hasn't actually pitched in the Major Leagues since the summer of 2006. Since then, he's tried to latch on with the Padres, Yankees, and Rangers, never once making it to The Show. Now the Red Sox are the 31-year-old's next stop on the comeback trail.

Wicked Pissah...You thought fans were fucking psyched for Aaron Freaking Cook, just wait till Mark Prior tosses out a 2 inning, 4k's, 0 hit performance against a bunch of 20 year olds for the Lowell Spinners in a few weeks.  There might be a million man march down Landsdowne to bring this guy up. 

I can hear the radio calls now: "Whatta you's guys think about moving Bahd back to the bullpen, and giving Mahk Priah a shot? This kid has talent. I'm gonna hang up and let you's discuss."

Can't wait. 

In all seriousness, hope it works out, the guy deserves a break. Maybe the Sox can call up Dr. Frankenstein or whoever kept patching up Ramon Martinez and Brett Saberhagen for their annual July-September push year after year. Worked miracles for them.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Break Up the Sox!

Another game, another win folks. 7-1 in their last eight games, up to .500 to close out April, and well on their way to helping Clay Buchholz fullfill his quest to be MLB's first 20 game winner with a 5.00 ERA or higher (3-1 on the year, 8.69 and rising!). 

It's frankly astounding. Day to day the outfield is made up of: Ryan Sweeney, who's flat out raking and is currently my main squeeze on the team, Cody Ross, absolutely winning my heart one bat flip at a time, and Darnell McDonald, who I don't really like...No offense Darnell, it's just that you can't hit the ball. 

And despite this Quad-A lineup they're throwing out there night after night, they're first in the MLB in runs. First! Papi is one of the two or three most feared batters in the AL again, Pedroia is doing his damn thing like always, and Mike Aviles? He's doing a poor-man's Nomar in '99 impression. They're flat out rolling. Remember, they scored 2 runs combined those last two games in Chicago, and they still maintained the league lead in runs scored. This is a team that's going to mash all season long.

So that brings us to pitching, which has pleasantly seemed to turn the corner this week (Buchholz excluded, though some of that blame goes to Bobby V...Really Bobby? You couldn't take him out after 6 last night and give the kid a confidence boost?). 

Felix Doubront has been a mini-revelation. Leading starters in k/9 and second in ERA to...Daniel Bard, who despite not having started since Single A ball has shown real promise in his starts this season and is leading the staff in ERA...but yea, why get 6-7 innings a start out of him when we could pitching one inning at a time maybe 3 games a week? Get real folks. This kid's got the stuff to be a starter and that's where he belongs until he fails his way out of the rotation. 

Even the bullpen looks...well they look better, which albeit wasn't difficult given their start, but still, it's a step in the right direction. Most importantly Aceves seems to have righted his ship in the past week...I mean, he's cut his ERA from 24.00 to 10.29, so that's something to be proud about. 

All in all it's been a positive week to be a Sox fan. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to call into WEEI about this Harpah kid down Washington...Tryin-a see if maybe the sox could trade crawford and lackey and cash for the kid.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Carl Crawford - MotherF*cker!

ESPN - The Boston Red Sox announced Thursday night that Carl Crawford has a sprained ulnar collateral ligament in his left (throwing) elbow, the injury that often results in Tommy John elbow reconstruction surgery. But rather than opt for surgery, the team said the outfielder will follow a protocol of more conservative treatment. "It is what it is what it is," Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine said Thursday night after Boston's 10-3 over the White Sox in Chicago. "We'll just let Mother Nature take the time to heal him up and get him back. I don't know how to explain it or put it into my thought. I wish he was 100 percent. Not playing for awhile is going to kill him more than it's killing me." A major league source told ESPN's Pedro Gomez that Crawford is expected to miss three months, a timetable that Crawford challenged in a text message to John Tomase of the Boston Herald. "I don't know where they got three months from," Crawford texted, adding he doesn't expect to be out that long..."I'm good," he texted. "It's just one of those things you can't control. I'm still looking forward to coming back strong." The Red Sox said in their statement that Dr. James Andrews, who examined Crawford Thursday, confirmed the diagnosis made by the team's medical staff.

Goddamnit. Carl, you're driving us freaking insane...I'm sorry, I know it's not your fault, I'm trying really hard here not to be a dick to you, but the circumstances...FUCK...I just need to be upset at someone and unfortunately, you're an easy target. 

Here the Sox are, 4 game winning streak, bats are alive, Felix Doubront is the blossoming ace of the staff (albeit with a 4.09 ERA, but still, ace of the staff), Bobby V hasn't said anything dumb in a couple of weeks, and then this. 

Please excuse me if I believe Pedro Gomez' time table over your own, too. At this point he has much more credibility with me than you do. Guy literally had his nose up and around Barry Bonds butthole for years, pretty sure he's more than capable of snooping your expected time table for return. So three months it is, I won't believe it'll be a day less until I see you take the field. Again, I know this isn't really your fault, injuries happen, but shit, you're kinda like the Official Ruiner of the Boston Red Sox right now...like that should be your title: 2012 Ruiner. 

PS: I know everyone swears by James Andrews, and he may really be a miracle worker, but goddamn do I freaking hate that guy...Let's be honest, that guy has never given an ounce of good news to any athlete, anywhere, ever.  He's like the Grim Reaper of sports medicine...Yea, he's probably saving some of these guys careers, but as a fan the second I hear his name associated with someone from one of my teams, I immediately head to Kappys for a six-pack. Nothing good ever comes from visiting James Andrews. Just once I'd like to hear a story saying, "he visited James Andrews today, turns out he's fine."  Nope, for some reason flying down to his clinic in Alabama is like the Bermuda Triangle for tendons and ligaments...no one has ever come back in tact.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: A Bit Suspicious, But Coming Around

That says about everything you need to say. You got the teams backup catcher quoting lines from Major League II, and despite this being a team with a $175 million payroll, and that being a movie about a bunch of castoff misfits, it kinda fits.

I mean it, the collapse last year, all the shit that went down in the off season, topped off with this years flat start? There's not much in the department of expectations around here right now. I'll take baby steps right now, I'll take being happy over three game winning streaks (even if it means watching our closer teeter totter on the brink of disaster every 9th inning like he did last night). Maybe Bobby V was right a couple of days ago, maybe they finally hit rock bottom during that Yankee comeback, and we'll all have something to root for instead of jeer as we watch them scrap their way to respectability...Maybe (but as the title suggests, I'm suspicious at this point). 

H/T to @mazz33 for the tweet tip.  PS: If anyone else wants an H/T (stands for had tip) feel free to send along interesting bits of tid, funny anecdotes, things from the internet, or just about anything else you'd like.  You can reach me on Twitter or via e-mail at TheAltTab@gmail.com.

Red Sox Fans Pulse Check: Full Fledged Panic

It's time, no more cutesy "don't worry guys, they'll pull out of it," bologna. This team is in serious trouble. Yes their schedule has been tough, yes it gets easier for the next month or so, but none of that changes the fact the Sox could name me the 8th inning reliever and there wouldn't be much of a drop off at all as far as bullpen performance goes. Hell, you could argue the pen would be a little better in the short term, there'd be no scouting reports available on my stuff so it'd take a few outings for the league to catch up to me. I lit up the speed gun at a Sea Dogs game a couple seasons ago, 69 mph of pure gas, put me in coach.

None of that is an exaggeration...the bullpen is seriously bad, and that's not Bobby V's fault. As much as I want to shit on him, as much as I'd like to think it's all his fault and if he weren't here we'd be cruising right along, it's just not true.  All the negativity towards Bobby V this season has been misplaced (with the exception of the Youkilis thing). It's a reaction to the ownership and their handling of Francona. It really hasn't been Bobby's fault, every single person he's turned to out in that pen has failed him at some point or another this season. Every single one. Look at this:

Apologies to Bowden and Atchison who apparently had a good inning or two while I was taking a piss or something, because other than that, every time Bobby's called on the bullpen, I've had to seriously debate turning the game off instead of further torturing myself. It's just gross. (And yes, Bard isn't in the bullpen, honestly, I spent 5 minutes cropping that thing together and realized my mistake and couldn't be bothered to fix it. My logic? He's going to be in the bullpen soon anyway, see below). 

This has led to widespread hysteria on the radios. Debating whether Bard should move back to the bullpen (sure to be a season long story line), as if he'd be able to pitch innings 6-9 every day, news flash people, one man isn't going to fix this smorgasbord of shit the sox have assembled...And that's not even the worst of it. For some unfathomable reason I decided to listen to the Baseball Show on Saturday morning, do you want to know what they discussed for a solid 10 minutes? Aaron Freaking Cook. Panicking because they only have until May 1st to decide whether to bring him to the bigs or cut him. HE'S AARON FREAKING COOK! Listen, I'm sure he's having a great spring against the minor leaguers, but if we're sitting here thinking that Aaron Freaking Cook is going to be a real help to this team, then we badly need a coming to reality moment where we just accept this team is going to more or less suck for the 2012 season, end of story. 

It's a shame too, because the offense can hit. The job they've done while missing 3/3rds of what was supposed to be their starting outfield has been remarkable (not that Bobby will get any credit for that), but the pitching staff might as well bring out the "L" shaped screen if they're going to keep tossing out batting practice every day.

PS: I forgot to touch on the starting pitching, they've sucked too, if you were wondering. Not Doubront though, he's been a revelation.

Sox Fans Pulse Check: Abandon All Hope

Someone should tell Bobby the Rangers got 14 more runs to go.

For Chrissakes guys, pull your shit together huh? When I decided to do Sox Fans Pulse Checks this season I figured I'd have one, maybe two per week to write, not an every day emotional roller coaster...I mean, what the hell was that last night? 18-3? What are we the fucking Kansas City Royals? Shit.

Was Jon Lester serious last night? You're the ace, you were staked a 2-0 lead in the first inning, come on man! And don't even get me started on Melancon...Christ that guy sucks, he doesn't even belong in AAA, nevermind the bigs....Check out this stat line from last night:

0 Innings Pitched Folks...Melancon officially pitched as many innings as myself and all my readers combined last night, the difference? All six batters he faced ended up scoring. This guy has been the definition of terrible thus far. Bobby V, if you're taking notes, this is the guy you should be thrashing in the media. The guy that doesn't look like he's given two shits about how his performances pan out whatsoever since getting here, the guy flat out sucks.

I don't know what to make of this team now, they start out 1-5, rip off 3 straight against the D-Rays, and now drop two in a row. There's absolutely no continuity here and it's weighing heavily on my blood pressure.

Not that the Celtics and Rondo were helping me out in the coronary department last night either:

In some bizarre twist of irony I shit my pants at the exact moment I thought I was watchign the Celts season go down the shitter. Doc, please just sit Rondo these next few games, seeding be damned. Rondo going out with any kind of lingering back pains is worst case scenario for this team.

So yea, great night for the Boston sports scene.

Sox Fans Pulse Check: What to Make of the Bobby V - Kevin Youkilis Feud

Come on guys, can't we all get on the same page, you're making me look ridiculous. See, here is the peril in how I operate this blog. I search for all my stories right before I go to bed each night, wake up, take one last frantic look around the internet, and then proceed to type my ass off for the next hour in order to get my day's posts ready. On occasion I end up look like an idiot by posting something like this, right as new information is about to emerge that I probably should have taken into account, something like, I don't know, this:

Jesus, Bobby, how about a little heads up for the struggling bloggers out there. Christ, not 30 mins after I wrote yesterday's post lauding you, I see you pull this shit. Ruined my day.

So what to make of it. I honestly don't know. Radio land in Boston was pretty torn yesterday. Some supporting Bobby V saying good for him for lighting a fire under his players asses, others (probably the slight majority) calling him a buffoon for not keeping this kinda stuff in the clubhouse. Here's the thing, this is what we knew we were getting with Bobby. His mouth is an open speaker hole pretty much at all times. So it's not shocking, but that doesn't necessarily make it right. 

Here's where I fall on Bobby V...I think it's great that he's an open book, I really do. It's entertaining, it's going to give me plenty of material, and it's just nice to have insider insight for once...after years of Francona and The Hooded One babbling on about nothing it's been kind of interesting to see a man who's so willing to tell you anything and everything, states secrets included. That said, I'd rather he do it for another team. 

As interesting as it is, if it effects the players off the field, then I have a hard time seeing how it's not detrimental to the team. Bobby V has to know better than this. That wasn't some throwaway comment, I don't think he's stupid enough to think that wouldn't get noticed, and I don't think he doesn't know Youk enough to know that would piss him off. Youk is one of the last guys who needs additional motivation, if anything Youk needs a calming influence, he's an absolute hothead. What Bobby's motivations behind saying this were, I don't know...I just find it hard to believe someone that's coached for so long and is so familiar with the media didn't know what he was doing or saying here...this wasn't verbal diahrrea, this was presumably calculated. 

Was it calculated in order to get the team to rally around their teammates the way Pedroia did? Maybe. Was it calculated to alienate Youk, maybe Bobby V just doens't like him? Maybe. Did he really just misjudge the reaction Youk would have to this? Probably. 

What'll be really interesting from here on out is to see how often this comes up again, or if Valentine learned his lesson. It's fine to be an open book, its fine to take the attention away from your team, but calling out specific players publicly isn't going to fly. You can't go to battle with 25 guys who hate your guts for gossiping publicly about their psyche and internal clubhouse stuff, you just can't. If he wants to make broad, carpet statements about the team, all for it. Calling out individual players through the media? Amateur hour. 

Sox Fan Pulse Check: The 2012 Red Sox Season is Saved!

Bobby V Doing His Damn Thang

BOSTON—One of Bobby Valentine's first acts as Red Sox manager was to visit David Ortiz in the Dominican Republic and let him know how important it was to keep him on the team. Now everybody is seeing that. Ortiz, a free agent in the offseason, is off to one of the best starts of his career. On Sunday, the slugging designated hitter doubled in the go-ahead run for his seventh consecutive hit and Boston won its third straight game over the Tampa Bay Rays, 6-4.

Welp, folks, mea culpa. It won't be the last time I flip flop on my feelings about this team. And sure the pitching still sucks, but the bats are on fire. A lot of that has to do with being home, I'm sure, but still it was good to see Youk finally wake up, Papi partying like its 2004, and Mike Aviles making me say "Jacoby who?" (I kid, please hurry back Jacoby)  And hey, in a few hours this team could be a half game out, by the end of the day? First place. First place by Patriots day, its what every fan was dreaming of, right? So for today, I've got nothing to swear about, yes I could rag on Buchholz I suppose, but I'd rather focus on Beckett, who Friday proved for now that his expanded waste line does not impede him as a pitcher. So there's that. 

The 2012 Red Sox...baby steps. 

Sox Fans Pulse Check: The 2012 Red Sox Ship is Sinking Fast

Ive said it once I'll say it again, my MS Paint skills are unparalelled  

TORONTO—Season-opening road trips don't seem to agree with the Boston Red Sox. A year after losing their first six games to start the season, the Red Sox finished a 1-5 trip with a 3-1 loss to the Toronto Blue Jays on Wednesday. "That's not the road trip we want," Boston manager Bobby Valentine said, "but we've got a homestand coming up and we'll try to see if we can't get things going in the right direction." Ricky Romero outdueled Jon Lester and Yunel Escobar drove in two runs for the Blue Jays, who took two of three games from Boston. "Obviously it's not the way we wanted to start," Lester added.

Good fucking grief guys...No shit this is not the start or the road trip we wanted. Thanks for the understatement. Did you honestly think anyone out there was looking for the 1-5 start, after the WORST COLLAPSE IN HISTORY, and Beer and Chicken Gate, the Francona Firing, Theo leaving for some Chris Carpenter doppelganger, and John Henry casually tossing out insults to his $142 million left fielder? We know this is a bad start. How about some words of encouragement. How about a fiery clubhouse speech? Give us something!

It's the 100th anniversary of Fenway Park next Saturday, and at this rate, no one is going to give a shit (ok that's lie, many people give a shit, myself included, but I'm using hyperbole here) if the team is DOA. 

Bobby - Stop dicking around with the lineup. Can we go back to back games with the same guys, same slots, just once? Try out continuity just for shits and giggles? And I don't know if you're just one of those guys that doesn't like labels or what, but can you sort out the order in the bullpen so they have some semblance of an idea as to when they might be pitching? And while you're at it, shorten up the rotation, we don't need 5 guys for the first month. Who the hell does that?

Beckett, you slightly fat fuck, I'm begging you, show us that you're still kind of a grown man and a leader. Pitch the shit out of this next game or everyone on that slightly capisized boat you see above is going down. 

PS: Who'd have thunk the voice of reason here would be the Maestro?