Frank McCourt is Literally "LMAO'ing" At Everyone Buying Lottery Tix After He Sold the Dodgers for $2 Billion

So I woke up today to a couple of MIND BLOWING financial figures. The first, Mega-Millions has reached a mind boggling $476 million dollar jackpot, and if you don't think I'm taking the next two days off from work and just hopping in my car and buying quick picks along every exit of I-95, state to state, you're out of your mind. I'm pretty sure I could literally heat my house by burning $100 bills and not have a care in the world with that kind of money, its pretty insane. 

That does NOT look like a $300 a day hair cut

But secondly, Frank McCourt, the disgraced owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers, sold the team for a sports franchise record $2 BILLION last night. 2 BILLION! This guy just went from over $500 million in debt, to a certified billionaire over night. This gigantic asshole who used to pay $300 a day for haircuts, who ran a very proud franchise into the ground and had to borrow money just to stay afloat, is once again a VERY Rich man...Mind you he bought the team for just over $430 million eight years ago, meaning the team grossed him a return of roughly 465%! That's gotta be some kind of business deal record, no? Can we get Darren Rovell to drop whatever he's doing (presumably tweeting facts about sports jersey sales) and research this? And more importantly, can we get Frank McCourt to sign some kind of clause that says he can't be an asshole with his money this time around?

For some reason it just absolutely kills me to know that this guy, who was SO bad at owning and running his franchise, has somehow been rewarded with a financial windfall that makes this record breaking lottery jackpot seem like loose change under the sofa. I'm hardly a 99%er as my blogging history would easily demonstrate, but that just doesn't seem right. This is a guy who essentially did nothing right since 2004 and is some how walking away filthy rich. Just like I said at the outset, I've got nothing else to say except its mind boggling.

8 Year Old Captures House Burglar Using Ipad, Thinks He's Real Life Kevin McCallister Now

HuffPo - A burglar allegedly responsible for multiple break-ins was outsmarted last week by an 8-year-old boy. Third-grader Landon Crabtree used a tracking device application he'd downloaded to find an iPad and other possessions recently stolen from his family's home in Manchester, Tenn. He activated the app from a computer in his house and it revealed that the pilfered iPad was at a nearby motel, the Tennessean reported. "You don't mess with our family," said Landon, who wants to be an FBI agent when he grows up, according to WTVF. 

Fricken kids these days, everything is just handed to them, everything's so simple. Here this kid is thinking he's some kind of crime fighting wunderkind all because he flicked a toggle switch and activated some app on his Ipad...pfffft. Yea, congrats on getting your family's stuff back kid, but slow ya roll with that "You don't mess with our family," stuff. You're no Kevin McCallister. 

Kevin handle his shit like a man, he didn't have google and modern tablet technology, he didn't run to the cops, and he certainly didn't have mom and dad help him out. None of that stopped him from building the most elaborate and diabolical booby traps this side of Mouse Trap and taking down the Sticky (formerly known as Wet) bandits, not once, but twice.  

That's a bit more of an accomplishment than some kid taking a five minute break from Angry Birds and geo-tracking some idiot robber from the comfort of his couch. I mean, what did that take you, all of 4 minutes? Probably had it neatly wrapped up during a Sponge Bob commercial break.

PS: I will say this though, this kids Facebook creeping skills are going to be off the charts.

Breaking News: Jessica Simpson "Wants to Get Back In Shape."

Hey Jess- You want to get back in shape? You could start by delivering what is surely by now a toddler aged baby you've got squatting in your womb, that should help shed some serious L-B's right there.

But in all seriousness Jess, for the sake of the blogosphere, you've gotta have that baby, and you've gotta have that now. Not a day goes by that I don't open twitter, facebook, or browse one of my daily blogs where someone isn't making a joke about your outhouse sized stature. This is my 3rd blog about it. THIRD! (here, here) And it's  not because I want to, its that I physically and mentally cannot move on until this circus side show you've got going on is over. 

So I'm begging you, for the productivity of this blog, my twitter feed, and everyone else's sanity, either give birth or take some pepto-bismol and digest those two Christmas Hams you've been hanging on to for the last year.  The speculation is literally killing us.