Security Guard Fires Kill Shot to the Head at Attempted Robbery at an Apple Store

NBC - An armed security guard, hired by Apple to protect one of its San Diego stores, confronted and killed a smash and grab suspect in a gun battle early Monday. The Apple store manager was working inside when just before 7 a.m. the guard confronted two men and a woman. The suspects had smashed into the store's front doors, sending shattered glass out onto the sidewalk. The guard told police a gun battle started when one suspect produced a handgun. More than a dozen yellow evidence markers were on the ground just outside the store's front door. Investigators said the three suspects got into a silver Acura and crashed into a light pole and a post before stopping on the curb outside Banana Republic. The passenger side door was left open with what appeared to be a body still inside. Police confirm the unidentified man was shot and killed by the security guard. The second man and woman ran from the mall heading east, police said.

 I take back everything I ever said about Apple, those guys are straight gangster.  Frigen security guards packing live heaters, "deading" would be thieves...sheeaaaattttt.  

And they aint even firing warning shots, just straight kill shots to the head.  There is an IPad2 shortage crisis going on people, this is for real. Can't have hooligans looting an already short supply, you've got to take the necessary actions to safeguard your supply.  The second you let your guard down the thieves steal your shit and set up shop right down the opposite corner, peddling their stolen goods to users non the wiser.  Pure profit.  That's how you get run right out of the consumer tech game. 

Wouldn't surprise me in the least if the Shoot to Kill mandate came straight from Steve Jobs himself.  Just a cold calculating Godfather figure, straight to the core.

Bacon Fat in Sewers Causes Backup in an Entire Canadian Neighborhood

CBC - Halifax Water is warning residents to be careful about what they pour down the kitchen sink after an accumulation of bacon fat clogged sewage pipes in the Ridgevale Drive subdivision in Bedford.  Some basements were damaged when raw sewage built up during a two-week break in February and spewed into homes. Dan Legge said it's not the first time the basement of his Ridgevale Drive home has flooded this way.

"Almost the entire level here was impacted," he said Friday."It would have come in through the toilet, through the shower and, of course, all over the floor.

So was it Canadian or Good Old American Bacon? 

I'll be honest, I struggle with what to do with the grease every time I cook, constant battle between just dumping it down the sink, out the window, or adding to the growing collection of lard sitting in jars under our sink.  What are other people doing?  Are you guys just storing dozens of glass jars of bacon fat and grease under the sink like I am?  It's starting to gross me out but I literally have no idea what I'm supposed to do with it.  I'm always tempted to just dump it down the sink and run some hot water with it but I'm petrified of coming home for lunch one day and finding my apartment awash in my own feces because the toilet backed up on some bacon fat.

Can you just throw this shit in the garbage? Seems like a sure fired way to attract rabid raccoons and Possums to my dumpster.  Plus I'm not so sure jars of lard are something we should be just dumping at the landfill. That shit has to be bad for the environment, and yes I see the irony in me worrying what the fat does to the environment and not my own arteries. 

Can someone please just let me know what they're doing with their fat and grease so I can put this question to bed once and for all?

PS: "Tim Outhit, who lives in the neighbourhood, knows about these floods — sewage flooded his basement a few years ago. But he doesn't know why people in the area appear to be eating so much bacon. "I always thought it was a pretty healthy neighbourhood. We're always out walking and shovelling and bicycling. But apparently someone along here likes their fried food," he said."

My thoughts exactly Tim. Exactly how much bacon are these hosers eating up there? I can't even imagine the amount of bacon fat necessary to back up and entire subdivision of houses.  That's frigen disgusting.

Now This is My Kind of Flood

When life gives you lemons, right fellas?

Don't mind the raw sewage or potential dead people and animals floating around you.  If God is going to give you your very own lazy river right infront of your stoop you might as well take advantage of it.  

And really, what else are you going to do?  Not like you can dry out your apartment at this point, you certainly don't want to go driving your truck around through entire rivers like that idiot.  Just relax and enjoy a few days of the simple life like these two gentelmen.  Save the worrying and panic for when the water dries up and you find out your house has been condemned for mold and grandma floated away earlier that week.  For now just pop the top on a cold brew and let the soothing sounds of the flowing river take you to a better place.

Tweet Mirrors, Coming to a Mall Dressing Room Near You, Perverts Everywhere Rejoice...

Yes your butt looks big, but the good news is now strangers on Twitter and Facebook can let you know!

Daily Mail - No time for reflection? 'Tweet Mirror' captures your look in shop changing room and asks friends for online feedback...For those who like to go clothes shopping alone it may prove an invaluable addition to the changing room.The 'Tweet Mirror' uses a high-definition camera to take images of shoppers trying on outfits. They can then study the photos themselves or tweet or post on Facebook for friends to offer a second opinion. The hi-tech device was unveiled today in Westfield shopping centre in west London.' It came about after one of our engineers was getting married,' said Kevin Trafford from Nedap, the Dutch firm behind the gadget.

Oh yea, this seems like a great idea, nothing could possibly go wrong here...

Let me just get this straight, so we're all clear.  People are all up in arms about the TSA snapping a few high powered x-ray photos of you as you walk through a public hallway and everyone throws a collective shit fit. Right so far? Ok, now some company comes out with a peeping Tom's dream device, a high def camera built into a changing room mirror that has the ability to broadcast directly to the internet, and this is seen as a revolutionary device in consumer shopping?  

What the hell planet am I living on!?  We'd rather Tweet our privates while at the mall than board a bomb free airplane?   I've now given up on the human race as a species.

One side note, if this does catch on, which I'm assuming it will as humans are increasingly getting dumber, I'm praying it stays in up scale stores and lingerie boutiques...good looking ladies only please.  The world isn't ready for Betty-Jean TrailerPark to broadcast herself trying on bras in the Ladies Unmentionables section at K-Mart.  

Australian Politics Are Hilarious

The Week -  It’s no surprise that the ruling Australian Labor Party just received its worst drubbing ever in state elections in New South Wales, said Heath Aston. The party in that one Australian state is responsible for all of this country’s most outrageous political scandals. In 2006, Aboriginal Affairs Minister Milton Orkopoulos was arrested on child-sex charges; he was eventually sent to prison for molesting teenage boys after plying them with heroin and pot. Then came the “infamous underpants dance” of Police Minister Matt Brown, who resigned in 2008 after admitting to taking off everything but his boxers at a wild party in his office. And last year we saw Transport Minister David Campbell, a married father of two, caught on surveillance video “slinking away” from a gay sauna. Peppering politics throughout this time were the “claims of domestic violence and adultery” that lawmakers hurled at one another. Given these shenanigans, “smaller outrages such as Angela D’Amore’s corruption charges, Kerry Hickey’s hidden love child, and Cherie Burton’s drink-driving hardly raised an eyebrow.” The party has consistently “made news for virtually everything—except good governance.”

It's reasons like this why Australia is my plan 1A if I'm ever kicked out of Massachusetts (yea Mass, not the country, just the state. You think I'm going to live in squalor in some second rate cesspool like Rhode Island or New Jersey? Please).  

I shy away from celebrating the guy that went to jail for diddling kids, that's just henious in any culture.  But the rest of the shennagins above is exactly what I'm looking for.  Just honest to goodness regular guys who decided they wanted to run their country and have a good time while doing it, and won't let a few minor transgressions get in the way.  They're like Canada but fun, and without the hint of pretentiousness.  

Just an enlightened understanding that everyone's had a few minor transgressions in their past. We're human. Let's not make a big deal out of what someone did or said when they were getting plastered with their friends, chances are you'll be making the same mistake next Saturday.

Like the guy that pulled the classic underpants dance.  Do that in America and we're having full scale congressional hearings on what brand of briefs the congressman was wearing.  Australia? Sure the guy resigned but they probably threw him a kegger on the way out.  That's the country I want to live in. 

I only wish my fellow American's would take note.  This fun loving attitude is what is capable when you stop caring about the the global politics scene and sticking your nose into every goddamn conflict that erupts around the earth.  Once you stop caring you can start focusing on having a good time at home.  That's a win-win situation for everyone.

The Big Royal Wedding Question, Will there be a Prenup?

LONDON –  British divorce lawyers have words of warning for Prince William: Not all fairy tales have happy endings...Britain's royal family has been plagued by a string of failed marriages. Three of Queen Elizabeth II's four children have been divorced, and William's uncle on his mother's side, Charles Spencer, has two ex-wives...One need look no further than the very ugly — and public — split between William's parents, Princess Diana and Prince Charles. The prince's former financial adviser, Geoffrey Bignell, told Britain's Sunday Telegraph newspaper in 2004 that Diana "took him to the cleaners," and claimed that Charles handed over his entire personal fortune — widely reported to be more than 17 million pounds ($27 million today) — when their marriage ended after 15 years in 1996.

You bet your ass she's signing a prenup. And that prenup should read as follows: "You, Kate Middleton get shit under the following conditions:" followed by a highly detailed list of possible transgressions.  

I know you don't want to appear crass leading up to your wedding, it should be a beautful time, but the facts are facts and the stats are the stats here.  You're British bro.  Sooner or later Kate is going to notice this and realize you're boring as shit and genetically pale.  She'll probably move on to some interesting foreigner, maybe start dating an Arab sheik.  Then you're going to have to take care of the issue, stage some elaborate accident and make it look like a drunk driving accident to help the Royal family save face.  That's just a messy road I'm sure you don't want to go down.

Give her the prenup papers and spare yourself the trouble.  She's not even royalty for Christ sakes.  She's walking into a winning lottery ticket, she should be thrilled as it is, signing a couple of legal papers is the least she could do here.

Easily the Scariest Car Accident You'll See Today, And The Driver Caught it On Their Cell Phone

Who the hell is behind the god damn wheel of this car? Cool Hand Freaking Luke?

I'm not kidding you, a little bit of poop turtle headed itself right out of my anus when I first watched this video. Just absolutely horrifying.

But then you've got this driver, doesn't even frigen swerve when breaking, keeps the camera rolling, doesn't let out a fucking peep. I yelled so loud just watching the video that I'm sure the neighbors called the cops thinking I've just been murdered.  This guy calmly stops the cars and throws it in park.  Wouldn't surprise me in the least if he just pullled the board out of his windshield and went on his way...probably just waited until he got to his destination and called 1-800-54-Giant like it was your every day pebble, no big deal.


PS: No shit, I just read the accompanying story to this video, apparently the driver was a woman!  Kind of makes you think, no? Maybe all the stereotyping of woman drivers has been wrong all along? My world is rocked right now....rocked.