It's Official, I'm Giddy About The Majestic Beast that is Bryce Harper

I don't even know what to like more here, that a 19 year old kid got his first hit while some asshole (literally) was mooning the pitcher, or the fact that he went for the aerodynamically sound helmet flip to help him leg out the double, or that beautiful mane of flowing hair he's got under their mo-hawk style...a flo-hawk, if you will...I loved it all. Safe to say I can't wait for this kids first jack, that bat flip is going to be one for the ages.

I loved it so much, that while patiently waiting for Sportscenter to air the kid's highlight yesterday, I realized my bowels weren't going to make it...what did I do? I positioned a full length mirror at just the correct angle for me to be able to see the tv, turned up the volume, and caught the whole thing from the shitter (and frankly, that was a revolutionary move that I see plenty more of in my future). Yes I could have just re-watched it on the internet again, but something that majestic had to be seen on the big screen.

 I Need more of this kid. Looks like I'll be watching a lot of TBS this year, they still run every Braves game on loop, right? Braves-Nats play 19 or so times this year, I hope my DVR can hold all of that.

Bonus Material: H/T to @mazz33 for this one:

"so much eye black that you're telling glare you won't stand for it." - @BattingStanceG

Home Plate Umpire Tackles Orioles Fan on the Field

That right there is what you call a form tackle, this guy must have been crushing NFL draft coverage this weekend. Mel Kiper Jr's probably breaking down tape right now, got him on the big board and everything. 

PS: How badly did this guy just cuckold the actual stadium cops? These guys chase bad guys for a living and routinely end up on blooper videos as drunks from the stands run circles around them...Mean while Jeff Kellogg over here simply acquired his target and took him out. Rendered the kid helpless all on his own before a team of 4-5 cops showed up to take care of Kellogg's sloppy seconds.

Winning the Breakup: Ex Girlfriend/Dentist Pulls Out all of Ex's Teeth

HuffPo - Breaking up is never easy -- having 32 teeth ripped out is even worse. A scorned dentist is facing jail time after surgically removing all of her ex-boyfriend's teeth after he dumped her, authorities in London said. Marek Olszewski, 45, made the mistake of scheduling an appointment this week with his ex -- 34-year-old Anna Mackowiak -- for a toothache, according to the Daily Mail. So Mackowiak allegedly did what any burned beau with a set of pliers and some anesthetic would do: she doped him up, pulled out all his teeth, and wrapped his head with bandages so he wouldn't notice until he left her office. "I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions," she told the news site. "But when I saw him lying there I just thought, 'What a b-----d.'"...Worse, Olszewski's new girlfriend dumped him because, well, she couldn't date a man without any teeth, the Daily Telegraph reported.

"Game, Set, What aisle do you keep your denture cream in?"

Talk about winning a break up, lady didn't even have to break a sweat either. No planning, no stakeouts, hell she didn't even have to take time off from work, the guy just came to her...she probably billed his insurance too! When you profit off your revenge (at least initially, I have a gut feeling she'll be paying him back plus interest) you know you're doing something right.

And as for this guy...what the fuck bro? What are you doing? Find another dentist, it's not that hard...or just don't go to the dentist for a while. You're English, right? I assume skipping a 6 month check up once in a while is no big deal to you...maybe just wait until things cool down with your scorned lover/dental practitioner. 

PS...I have a hankering his current girlfriend didn't just break up with him because he had no teeth, that's just temporary...Guessing it had more to do with the fact that this guy was dumb enough to go back to an ex for medical/dental work.

The Boston Celtics Game 1: One Bad Call, One Bad Rondo Reaction

Please, Pleassseee David Stern, use your better judgement for the first time in in the last half decade or so and realize this was an accident. Or have it in your heart to take into account just how fucking awful of a call that was by the ref. Was it a hotheaded reaction from Rondo? Absolutely. Did he mean to make contact? I don't think so, he clearly tangled feet with him. Would any of this have happened if this jackoff of a ref had just called this a jump ball like it's been called the millions of times prior to this?

I've been saying for years that they need to control scrums on the floor...there is a foul or five every single time there is a loose ball on the floor but it's never called. Never. Drives me insane. So excuse me if the Celts were a bit pissed off and a bit shocked when this guy decided to call a foul on the floor for the first time in history. They must not have gotten the memo about the rule change before the game. 

So again, please Mr. Commissioner, don't let one god awful call, and one stupid reaction to that call determine this series. It already swung the fate of one game, don't let it swing two. 

Groveling, over. 

On the Celtics home front, I can't help but notice that none of this would have happened if anyone but Rondo could buy a bucket. I mean, god love Pierce, he kept chucking all night long, didnt matter that he was 5-19 and should probably be focusing on driving and getting to the line. Took KG 2 and a half quarters to get in the game, pretty sure Brandon Bass not only didn't show up, but something called an "Ivan Johnson" ate his lunch too...(side note, the box score only credits Ivan with 5 rebs total, I was watching, that's bogus. Guy had at least 5 offensive rebounds in the second half alone). On the surface its hard to get on Bradley, he absolutely dogged Teague and Hinrich in the one man full court press, and that's worth something I guess, but he was completely lost in the half court...on offense and defense. The picture I'm trying to paint here was it was Rondos game to win or lose...and he lost it right when the C's were gaining some momentum...but we would have never been in that position if he had any help at all. 

Oh, I forgot to mention, Doc played nine guys...in the first half...because anytime you can have Keyon Dooling and Sasha Pavlovic on the court at the same time in the middle of a playoff game, you gotta do it. 

Ok, rant over, I'll let this all go...Part of me just hopes that Pierce, KG, and Doc all collectively thought this was the last regular season game and they were just on auto drive mode like they'd been for the last week and a half. Lets hope they wake up for game two.