Rich White Woman Showers Poor Mexicans With Clothing from the Dollar Store

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OCEANSIDE —  A bizarre scene unfolded inside a discount store in Oceanside Wednesday afternoon as a 66-year-old white woman, intent on buying things for “poor Mexican women” paid for $5,000 worth of clothing purchased by about 50 women.  The night before, Claudia Smith, who lives in the neighborhood, had walked into the same store, and bought $2,200 worth of clothing for a handful of customers.... The question was why. The answer, very confusing. At times Wednesday, Smith screamed out “Aye, Aye Aye Aye, Ayeeeeee!” while standing in the store...“You’d better laugh when I’m around!” she yelled. She loudly proclaimed her love for Mexican women. She used profanities directed at men in a steady stream, then moments later held a toddler in her arms.  Smith said she has been “drinking and drugging” since she was 15. She said she was not under the influence Wednesday, but admitted she suffered through a five-month long alcohol and drug blackout not long ago and had entertained suicidal thoughts. Store manager Paola Garcia said Smith walked into the store Tuesday night and told the handful of customers inside to buy whatever they wanted. There were just a few people there, and they bought everything they could get their hands on. Nothing in the store sells for more than $9.99. At one point Smith screamed at one woman, “Get out, Get out,” apparently because she wasn’t from Mexico. Almost the next moment she was holding a small child telling the girl how much she loved her.

This might be my favorite story I've ever read, just hysterical nugget after hysterical nugget.  But there is almost too much going on to even blog about it.  I mean you got this woman buying up the store at some Dollar Mart or something like that and giving all the shit to exclusively Mexican women, calling out non-mexicans, screaming out "undelay undelay, arrrrreeeeebaaa like Speedy Fucking Gonzalez, and telling small children she loves them for good measure. 

I guess the one question I'm left with is, is she serious or is she making fun of these Federali Motel Maids?  I don't particularly care either way, its just two different types of comedy depending on the answer. 

If she's dead serious then the jokes about her and how absolutely bat shit crazy she is, rolling up in her Lexus and making it rain cheap fabric garments on these Migrant Worker Wives.

If she's making fun of them, well this might be the most philanthropic dark joke of all time.  

PS: How did a $7K spending spree not wipe out this store? Like how much inventory of cheap shit clothing can you possibly keep in stock? 

 
That's all folks, have a great weekend, I'm off celebrating my birthday in style in Newport...See yaaaa.

One Armed Man Robs Bank in Albany...And Apparently Gets Away?

ALBANY -- City police on Tuesday were searching for a man who single-handedly robbed SEFCU at 16 New Scotland Ave. Police say that a 5' 9'' white male walked into the credit union branch just after noon Tuesday and demanded money. The man did not show any weapon, nor imply that he had one, police said. A teller gave him an undisclosed amount of money, which the suspect placed in a black plastic bag, according to police. No one was injured in the incident. Police described the suspect as missing his left arm from the elbow down, wearing a white baseball cap, oversized white T-shirt and denim shorts.

Huge week for less than two armed hellions, huh?

This couldn't have been too hard to solve though, obviously an inside job.  How do I know this? Because how could a one armed robber simultaneously slip a note to the teller and hold him up with a gun at the same time? Answer, he couldn't. It's one or the other for this dude.  Teller had to be on it.  Like if I roll into TD Bank tomorrow with a post it note asking for money and nothing but a smile on my face I don't think I'm walking out with the loot.

Curious question though, what was the get away plan here? I mean you can't just hop on a bus or the subway with a sack of money with a huge ass $ sign on it, dead give away.  And as far as I know one armed perps can't drive cars, and the article mentions no driver accomplices. So what was his end game here? To make off on foot?

PS: Ok, so now I'm more confused, actually read the article this time through, the guy is still on the lamb? How is this possible? How did he get away? And how don't they know his name yet? How many one armed bank robbers are there in Albany? Like are they cross checking tips people are calling in against known one armed people databases.  This shouldn't be this difficult. Again, the guy has one arm!

Alabama Now Has Toughest Immigration Laws in the US...Not that Anyone Immigrated there anyway.

(Reuters) - Republican Governor Robert Bentley on Thursday signed into law a crackdown on illegal immigration in Alabama that both supporters and critics consider the toughest in the nation. "We have a real problem with illegal immigration in this country," Bentley said after signing the law. "I campaigned for the toughest immigration laws, and I'm proud of the Legislature for working tirelessly to create the strongest immigration bill in the country."

Umm, yea the country has an immigration problem, but Alabama doesn't...What is this preventing? Cubans from crossing the border from Florida into Alabama? I don't get it, what am I missing?

Look at that map. You have virtually no coast line, no foreign borders, no real economy to speak of, and no attractions that make your state worth traveling to outside of maybe college football, but I don't think illegal immigrants are big into the Iron Bowl.

I guess my point is, you're Alabama.  You should be welcoming diversity any way you can get it, legal or otherwise.  Hell a few illegal immigrant peso's every now and then might actually help your state.

New York Teen Pulls a Costanza! Takes GF and her Parents on Weekend Trip to a Mansion He Doesn't Own

South Bristol, N.Y. --- Along Canandaigua’s lakefront neighbors don’t see much crime; then again, this is a crime that isn’t seen much anywhere.  New York State Police have arrested Todd Blauvelt, 18, and charged him with 2nd Degree Burglary after they found him living in a multi-million dollar home that wasn’t his. Investigator Mark Eifert tells 13WHAM News that Blauvelt convinced his girlfriend and her parents that he had inherited this home from a deceased grandfather who but that his father refused to give him the house key.  Other witnesses have informed police that this story was used with them while Blauvelt searched near the home for a hidden house key.Once Blauvelt found the key to this 6,000 square-foot mansion he made copies of it and within a couple hours entered the home with his girlfriend, her parents, and a sibling of hers according to Investigator Eifert.  A short time later the owner of this seasonal home showed up to find this family in his living room and according to state police Blauvelt stuck to his inheritance story and signed a written statement describing it. "There are a lot of strange people in this world who are pretty creative I guess on their stories,” Crofton said upon learning of the alleged details.  “I guess they feel they can get away with it."

Question, was there a horse named Prickly Pete and two solariums involved?  This kid obviously thinks he's George Costanza, right? 

Hell he might have out Costanza'd, Costanza.  I'm not sure even George woudl have signed a sworn affadavit with the real owners in the living room and police and shit.  That's just wild.  

What the hell could they have possibly talked about while waiting for the cops to show up? Did he offer them a drink or some cheese and crackers from their own fridge or something?  I would have killed to be a member of this party, killed.  Imagine seeing the Dad of this dumb ass daughter smugly smiling as the police fill out the report.  Pure comedy gold, I'm giggling just thinking about it. 

Shooting Camels From A Helicopter About to Come Legal in Australia

Fox News - Kill a camel to stop pollution? That's what Australia is considering.  The Land Down Under is considering killing feral camels to help tackle climate change, according to a report by news service AFP. The suggestion came in a paper from the country's Department of Climate Change and Energy Efficiency. A camel produces methane equivalent to one ton of of carbon dioxide a year, making the animal one of the country's biggest greenhouse gasses emitters, it noted. A commercial company, Northwest Carbon, has proposed culling more than one million camels in the Australian Outback to eliminate that gas emissions, according to AFP. In the proposed plan, the company would shoot the camels from a helicopter or round them up and send them to a slaughterhouse. "We're a nation of innovators and we find innovative solutions to our challenges -- this is just a classic example," Northwest Carbon managing director Tim Moore told Australian Associated Press.

Before I just go ahead and say this, let it be known that I think camels are the shit.  The absolute shit.  Just the chillest looking dudes in the animal kingdom.  Always look like they're packing a lip and just completely unimpressed by everything that's going on around them. I'd love to hang out with a camel on a bromance type level.

That said, I'm 1000% down with shooting the green house gas polluting motherfuckers from a helicopter.  It's nothing against the camel, that just sounds like an awesome time for real.  Riding around in a helicopter is boss enough as it is, add in firing at camels with an assault rifle? Well that's just epic.  

Looks like Australia just pulled back in the lead for my favored country of adoption...your move New Zealand.